31. Matt
thirty-one
Matt
C asey rushed out of the lodge so quickly that he nearly knocked over a potted plant. My chest tightened with that specific brand of worry that had become all too familiar since falling for him–—a mixture of fear and protectiveness that made my feet move before my brain caught up. I glanced at Sutton, who was standing by the door, eyebrows raised.
"You didn't tell him yet?"
"Shit... I didn't..." I raked my hands through my hair. "No."
Sutton sighed. "Matty, you said he has anxiety, right? Like Ben. You know how this works. Don't let him overthink this. Go. Chase him."
I didn't need to be told twice. I burst through the lodge doors, my boots heavy on the wooden porch as I scanned the grounds for a glimpse of pink hair. The afternoon sun beat down on the camp, highlighting the familiar paths and buildings I'd known my entire life. Dozens of campers milled about, enjoying their last days of summer freedom before returning to the real world.
I jogged down the gravel path, the rocks crunching beneath my feet, raising little clouds of dust with each step. My eyes darted between activity buildings, searching for Casey's slim figure. He wasn't by the arts and crafts hut where he often spent his free time. Not at the communal fire pit or the cabin he shared with Oliver. Not even on the path toward my house.
A knot formed in my stomach. Where would Casey go when upset? I glanced towards the lake and frowned. There was someone at the end of the dock, but Casey had made his distaste for water activities abundantly clear since his first day at camp. Sure enough, as I approached the edge of the water I saw his telltale pastel hair. I couldn't help but laugh, the sound bubbling up from somewhere deep in my chest. Of all the places in camp, he'd chosen the one spot I would have thought he'd avoid at all costs.
I slowed my pace as I walked out onto the weathered planks, the wood warm beneath my feet after baking in the sun all day. Casey didn't turn, but his back stiffened, letting me know he was aware of my presence.
"You know," I said as I sat down beside him, leaving just enough space between us to be respectful of his mood, "if you wanted to throw me off your trail, you picked the perfect spot. Last place I'd expect to find you."
He made a soft huffing sound, his eyes fixed on the horizon where the lake met the tree line. In the distance, I could hear the happy shrieks of campers playing volleyball, the rhythmic thwack of someone practicing archery, the constant symphony of summer camp that had been the soundtrack to my life.
I nudged his shoulder with mine. "You realize you're only about three feet away from at least a dozen fish right now, right? They're probably looking up at your toes thinking they're worms."
Casey yelped and yanked his feet up from where they'd been dangling over the water. "What? I didn't even think about that!" He scrambled backward, only to lose his balance and tumble onto my lap.
I caught him easily, my arms wrapping around his waist as he squirmed against me. "Relax," I laughed. "I'm just messing with you. The fish here aren't piranhas. At worst, they might give your toes a curious nibble."
"That's not helping! I don’t want to be nibbled!" Casey protested, but he settled against me, his body gradually relaxing into mine. He fit perfectly there, as if the space between my arms had been designed specifically for him. We sat in comfortable silence for a moment, Casey nestled in my lap, both of us looking out over the lake. The water sparkled under the afternoon sun, tiny diamonds dancing across its surface.
"It's peaceful here," Casey admitted after a while. "I can see why you like it so much."
I rested my chin on his shoulder. "The dock is my thinking spot. Always has been, ever since I was a kid. Ben’s, too." I felt something wet drip onto my arm. Looking down, I realized Casey was crying, tears silently rolling down his cheeks to splatter against my skin.
"Hey," I said softly, turning him in my lap so I could see his face. "What's going on? What did you mean back there in the lodge?"
Casey shook his head, trying to turn away, but I gently cupped his face in my hands, using my thumbs to wipe away his tears. His skin was soft under my fingers, his eyes filling with fresh tears even as I wiped the old ones away.
"Talk to me," I whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.
He melted against me then, the dam breaking. "I'm such a fucking mess, Matt," he choked out between sobs. "This morning with Oliver... I nearly drove into a rock. A stationary rock. In an empty parking lot."
"Maybe driving’s not for you," I said, stroking his back. "That’s okay."
“I’m an adult! Adults drive. I just… panic.”
I chuckled softly, kissing the top of his head. “Your tendency to panic is an endearing quality, honestly. Gives me an excuse to cuddle you.”
"Whatever. You lie because you like sex with me.” He sniffled a little. “And it's not just that. Camp ends in three days. Three days! Then what? I go back to Oregon State, and you stay here, and we try to do the long-distance thing? I'll be four hours away. Six hours if there’s snow! And I can't even drive well enough to come see you."
My heart squeezed painfully in my chest. I'd been so consumed with planning our future that I hadn't realized Casey was worried, which made me feel like an idiot. Of course he was worried. Beneath his cocky confidence, Casey was always worried.
"And then," he hiccupped, "I overheard you and Sutton this morning. Talking about the camp's budget problems. The deficit. How things aren't sustainable." His face crumpled. "It's my fault, isn't it? The art programs I pushed for. The extra supplies. The renovations to make things more accessible. I came in here all righteous and demanding changes without considering the financial implications, and now Camp Eagle Ridge is in trouble because of me."
I stared at him, momentarily speechless. Casey had somehow twisted himself into knots, assuming responsibility for problems that had existed long before he arrived.
"Casey," I said, keeping my voice level despite the urgent need to correct his misconceptions. "Look at me."
He raised his tear-stained face to mine, those expressive dark eyes swimming with guilt and fear.
"None of this—absolutely none of it—is your fault." I held his gaze, willing him to believe me.
A fresh tear slid down his cheek. "But I heard Sutton say—"
"You heard part of a conversation without context," I interrupted gently. "The camp's financial issues have been building for years. We’ve been talking for a long time about how we need to make money in the off-season. The summer here is just too short. That's all that conversation was. Sutton wants to do it without the fundraising we usually rely on, and I'm worried about that."
"Oh god," he whispered, horror dawning in his eyes. "What if you sell the camp? What if you have to sell your family legacy because of the financial issues? Matt, I couldn't live with myself if—"
I pressed a finger to his lips, silencing the spiral before it could gain momentum. The time for my surprise had arrived a bit earlier than planned, but Casey needed reassurance now, not later.
"Casey," I said firmly. "I need you to take a deep breath and listen to me. I have something important to tell you."
He narrowed his eyes at me, but didn't say anything.
"Wow," I said, squeezing his fingers between mine, "I love how much you care about this place. About my family's legacy." I gestured toward the camp behind us, the familiar buildings that had shaped my childhood nestled among towering pines. "It means everything that you're worried about Camp Eagle Ridge. But there's nothing to fear."
Casey's eyebrows drew together, creating that little crease between them that appeared whenever he was skeptical. "But I heard Sutton say—"
"We have donors," I interrupted gently. "Big ones. People who believe in what we're doing here and want to help us continue. Sustaining a place like this takes money, that's true. But we've spent the last few months cultivating relationships with foundations and wealthy individuals who went to camps like this as kids and want to give back. And my stepmom makes a good income, so she helps where she can."
The tension in Casey's shoulders eased slightly.
"The meeting you overheard this morning? That was Sutton and I discussing a plan that could make the camp truly profitable, with winter programs.”
"Winter programs?" Casey repeated.
I nodded, unable to keep the excitement from my voice. "That's what we've been working on. We want to make camp programs accessible year-round. We just have to figure out how."
A flicker of understanding lit Casey's eyes. "So you're not just trying to keep the camp from sinking—you're trying to make it... better?"
"More sustainable," I confirmed. "The traditional summer camp model isn't always profitable, especially when you're committed to providing scholarships and keeping costs accessible for families. But we have this beautiful property sitting empty nine months of the year. It doesn't make sense."
Casey shifted in my lap, his expression thoughtful. "So what would you do during the off-season?"
"We have to run the numbers and figure out what’s profitable. That’s the tough work you heard us talking about. But there are so many options. Weekend retreats for LGBTQ+ youth groups. Corporate team building with companies that share our values. Arts workshops." I grinned at him. "Maybe even music programs led by a certain talented counselor when he's available."
A small smile tugged at Casey's lips. "That sounds amazing. And overwhelming."
"Yeah, overwhelming for sure. And I've been putting off coming up with a plan because I just feel overwhelmed, to be honest. But that's my news. I've enrolled in a business program," I said, watching his face carefully. "It's a master’s degree, designed specifically for business owners who need to take their ventures to the next level. Accelerated coursework, practical application, connections with mentors in the field. Exactly what I need to make Eagle Ridge everything it could be."
Casey nodded slowly. "That sounds perfect for you. When does it start?"
I held his gaze steadily. "Next month. In Corvallis."
The information took a moment to process. I saw the exact instant when understanding dawned in his eyes, his mouth dropping open in a perfect O of surprise.
"As in... Oregon Corvallis? As in, where I go to school Corvallis? Oregon State?"
"That's the one," I confirmed, unable to keep the smile from spreading across my face. "The program is on the OSU campus."
Casey stared at me, his expression cycling through disbelief, joy, and then, unexpectedly, concern. "But... what about the camp? What about your home? You love it here, Matt. I've seen how you connect with this place. It's part of who you are."
That's when I knew, with absolute certainty, that I loved this man—this beautiful, thoughtful person who worried more about my happiness than his own, even when receiving news that could solve one of his biggest anxieties.
I rolled my eyes affectionately and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "They have online courses, so the accelerated classroom portion is just for two semesters, Casey. While you finish school. And Oregon has plenty of beautiful natural areas. There's the Columbia River Gorge nearby. Mount Hood. The Oregon Coast. We’ll explore the outdoors together."
“Yippee,” he said, poking my arm. “My dream.”
I nipped at his ear. “Stop pretending you hate the outdoors, Mr. Sitting On the End of the Dock.”
"But will you be okay there? It's not the same as having the lake outside your door. The camp as your backyard."
I cupped his face in my hands. "No, it's not. But it has you. And being with you makes it worthwhile."
His eyes glistened with fresh tears, but these were different—wonder replacing worry. "You'd do that for me? Move away from Eagle Ridge?"
"For us," I corrected. "I'd do it for us. And for the camp, too. This is an investment in its future."
"What about all the things you do at camp in the off-season?"
"Sutton's on board. He's going to manage things here while I'm gone." I gave him a reassuring smile. "And Wade is going to stay on and work on maintenance and building renovations. They’ve both been looking for more responsibility anyway. It's perfect timing."
Casey looked dazed, like he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "So how would it work?"
I shook my head and stood up, gently pulling Casey to his feet. The dock swayed slightly beneath us as I wrapped my arms around his waist and drew him close. His body fit against mine perfectly, like we were two pieces of the same puzzle coming together.
I leaned down and kissed him deeply, trying to pour everything I felt into that single point of contact. His lips were soft, yielding, still tasting faintly of the peppermint candy he'd been sucking on earlier. When I pulled back, we were both breathless.
"Casey Kim," I said, my voice low and serious despite the blush I could feel warming my cheeks, "would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend? My official, exclusive, live-in boyfriend?"
His mouth fell open again. "Live-in?"
"I've found an apartment," I explained, the words tumbling out in my eagerness to share the full plan. "Close to OSU. Not huge, but it has two bedrooms—one for us and one we could use as a music studio and office. There's this little balcony with room for some potted plants, and the building has a rooftop garden where I can get my hands in some dirt when I need to. It's month-to-month, so we're not locked in if it doesn't work."
Casey looked stunned. "You've already found an apartment?" Then he slapped my arm. "Matt, what the fuck? You planned this all without telling me?"
"It wasn't set in stone until yesterday, when a space opened up in the grad program. And I've been researching housing options," I admitted. "Haven't signed anything yet. Wanted to make sure you were on board first."
"And after I graduate?"
"Hopefully we’ll come back here," I said simply. "Just in time for next summer's programs. You could teach music full time if you want, or find a position in Eagle Ridge at the schools. Or both? We could live in my tiny house, or build something new together on the property. Whatever we decide."
Casey stared at me, his dark eyes searching my face as if looking for any sign of doubt or hesitation. He wouldn't find any. I'd never been more certain of anything in my life.
"Is this real?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly. "Are you serious right now? Because if this is some kind of joke—"
"I've never been more serious," I assured him. "I love you, Casey. I want to be with you. And I believe we can make this work."
He shook his head slowly, not in denial but in disbelief. "I just... I can't believe you did all this planning. For us."
"Believe it," I said, pressing another kiss to his lips.
"But what if—"
"No what-ifs," I interrupted gently. "We'll figure out the details as we go. The important thing is that we're together."
Casey's hands trembled as they came up to frame my face. "You're really willing to leave all this," he gestured at the camp around us, "to move to Oregon with me?"
"I'm not leaving it," I corrected. "I'm taking some time for my education so I can expand its reach. Build its future. And yes, I'm doing that with you because I love you, and I want to see where this goes. I think it could be something extraordinary, Casey. Don't you?"
The smile that bloomed across his face then was like watching the sun break through clouds—radiant and full of promise. He nodded, blinking back tears.
"I love you," he whispered, the words landing soft and perfect between us. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," I said, pressing my forehead against his. "We've got this. Together."
For a long moment, we just stood there on the dock, holding each other, the gentle lapping of the lake against the wooden posts providing a soothing soundtrack to our embrace. In the distance, I could hear the familiar sounds of camp life continuing—shouts and laughter, the clang of the dinner bell being tested for later. But here, in our little bubble, time seemed to stand still.
Casey's hands fisted in my t-shirt, pulling me closer. His eyes, still rimmed with red from crying, now burned with a different intensity. He looked around quickly, confirming we were alone on the dock, then stood on his tiptoes to whisper in my ear.
"We need to go to the kayak shed," he said, his voice low and urgent. "Right fucking now. I need you to fuck me. Need you inside me."