10. Summer
SUMMER
N ot surprisingly, the bed is empty when my eyelids flutter open. I stretch out, excited to be able to starfish. RJ’s side of the bed feels cool, and I look over at the clock to see what time it is. Seven a.m. Why is he up so early on vacation?
Grabbing a fistful of the covers, I roll over and nuzzle into my pillow.
After several minutes of trying to get comfortable, it’s clear my bladder won’t let me rest, so I pad to the bathroom, closing the door to the toilet behind me.
The en suite is huge with double sinks, a jacuzzi tub, and separate glass-wall shower.
And I love how the toilet has its own little closet separate from the rest of the bathroom.
It’s a popular feature, and I make a mental note to take some pictures for the listing.
When I finish and stand to flush, I hear the shower turning on and pause my movements. Is that RJ?
I poke my head out right as RJ slips his athletic shorts down his trim hips, revealing his backside.
It’s impossible to look away as he opens the shower door and disappears inside.
And since it’s entirely glass, I get a full view of his body.
He has that skinny-fit physique—the kind that just appears slim until he takes his shirt off and uncovers all the muscles hidden underneath.
Even though I’ve seen his abs and chest a few times on this trip, I’m still stunned speechless each time.
It’s hard not to appreciate the work he must do to maintain that. My eyes travel lower, fixating on his butt. Dammit, even his ass is perfect. He turns toward me, and I slip back into the toilet closet to remain hidden.
I didn’t think this through. What am I going to do? Stay in here until he finishes his shower and leaves? Quietly, I lower the lid to the toilet and sit on it, determined to wait him out as I listen to the rhythmic pattering of water hitting the tiled shower floor.
I should take pics of the whole bathroom for the listing.
I should be sleeping.
I should thank him for reassuring my boys yesterday.
Their dad would have yelled at them and made them feel like shit. Should they have been horseplaying? No, but they’re kids and they’re still learning. And I know how quickly playfighting turns into stuff getting broken. That’s why I’m always prepared with extra supplies double-bagged in Ziplocs.
But RJ reassured them while also being firm. It’s getting harder to stay mad at him. To keep my distance from him.
“Ohhh, fuck,” RJ groans softly.
Is he…
“Mmm, that’s it,” he moans a little louder.
Oh, he definitely is. Curiosity gets the better of me. I poke my head out, but I’m not at all prepared for what I see. His lean body is in profile, head propped up on his forearm as his hand moves rapidly up and down.
This is wrong. I should give him some privacy. And then my eyes travel lower.
Holy shit. How does he fit that thing inside someone? It’s?—
“Summer, fuck,” RJ rasps interrupting my thoughts.
He just said my name. Why did he just say my name? My heart races in my chest, and a bead of sweat forms at my hairline.
“That’s it, darlin’. So good for me.”
Not the darlin’ . That’s my favorite pet name. What did I do to deserve this torture?
RJ’s mouth drops open, his head still resting on his forearm, as his hand pumps furiously. A low groan rumbles out of him as he jerks in his hand. Why is this so hot?
He stands there panting as his orgasm recedes, and I panic, suddenly realizing I’m trapped. Slowly, I lean back from the door and close it gently, praying he doesn’t hear me. The shower turns off, and I hear the door open.
I hold my breath and wait for him to walk by.
The bathroom door clicks open, and I let out a silent breath.
After I count to twenty in my head, I open the door.
RJ is standing there with his back to me, a white cotton towel slung low on his hips, as he puts toothpaste on his toothbrush.
Even his back looks good, and I let my eyes roam further down before a throat clearing startles me.
When I look up and make eye contact with him in the mirror, he’s smirking.
“Don’t forget to flush, sunshine.” He drops eye contact as he brushes his teeth.
I flush the toilet, wash my hands at the other sink, and then hightail it out of the bathroom. Determined to forget this awkward encounter as I climb back into the empty bed.
“I’d like to take the boys deep-sea fishing today,” RJ says minutes later as I lie there pretending to be asleep with my back to him.
Are we going to just pretend that I didn’t watch him masturbate in the shower?
He takes a seat on the edge of the bed and rests a hand on my hip. I squeeze my eyes tighter, pretending my body isn’t an inferno where he’s touching me.
“Is that okay with you? I figured the boys could get a do-over on the water. Lucas could help steer the boat, and Logan could see more of the creatures he’s been reading about.
Sophie’s not into fishing, but Lana can join us if she wants.
Of course you’re welcome too.” He pats my hip before removing his hand.
Do I want to spend more time with this man?
Every fiber of my being screams yes, but my heart.
I can’t be stuck on a boat with him again when being stuck in a house with him feels like too much.
And all the ways he keeps showing up for me and my kids?
It’s confusing. He ghosted me. My heart was broken.
He doesn’t stick with things, so why would he stick with me when he’s already left me once?
It’s taken everything in me to resist this man, but after watching him stroke himself in the shower, hearing him moan my name, I don’t think I have the willpower to walk away. “Okay.”
Once he leaves, I pull out my phone and open a new DM thread.
Me : Urgent! I need help!
Lucy : Why isn’t Raven on this group chat?
Me : Raven doesn’t need to hear about the things I want to do to her brother.
Lucy : Ohhh
Bella : SPILL!
Me : My heart aches when he’s around. Like physically hurts. I want to kiss him so bad. He’s the best kisser.
Bella : Brace face?
Me : Please don’t call him that.
Bella : Sorry
Lucy : You two had one kiss in high school that ended badly. How was that the best kiss?
Me : That wasn’t our only kiss.
Bella : WHAAAAA?
Me : Nobody knows this so please don’t tell Raven.
Bella :
Me : We sort of dated in secret for a little over a week. And when I say dated, I mean we snuck off every chance we got and made out like bunnies. We even got busy in the PTO closet once when a teacher gave me her key to retrieve something for her.
Lucy : I think everyone has made out in that closet at some point.
Bella : Hardy and I have!
Lucy : That doesn’t surprise me. Levi no! Don’t lick that. Sorry talk to text.
Me : Hahahahaha
Bella : #momlife.
Me : Anyway. I know our first kiss was a dare that ended in disaster when our braces got tangled.
But I haven’t felt like that when kissing anyone else since then.
Like everything in your body tingles. Like you can feel every individual hair stand on end.
Like you can physically feel the blood pumping in your heart and through your veins.
Lucy : Okay, I’m loving the way you’re describing this, but now all I picture is Ms. Frizzle and her magic school bus driving around your body while you make out with RJ.
Bella : OMG Lucy, now I am too!
Lucy : Sorry. Levi has been into science shows lately.
Bella : As long as it isn’t Calliou.
Lucy : Fuck that whiney ass kid!
Me : I hate Calliou!
The chat is quiet for several minutes, and I worry their kids have distracted them.
Me : Please don’t tell Raven that I started a chat without her. I wouldn’t want her to feel left out.
Bella : You know she’s the last person to ever feel left out.
Lucy : Bella’s right. But your secret is safe with us. Besides, Raven isn’t the insecure type, but I get that she might not want to know about you wanting to do dirty things to her little brother.
Me : I didn’t say I wanted to do dirty things to him. I just want to kiss him.
Lucy : What are you gonna do?
Bella : You know what Aunt Delilah would say!
Lucy : Bella, don’t. That won’t help in this situation.
Me : Your Aunt Delilah? The school principal?
Lucy : Yeah, that Delilah.
Me : I don’t know her that well, you all work with her, but I’ve only ever interacted with her at a handful of PTO meetings and like one after hours PTO meeting at the bar. She was fun though.
Lucy : Don’t say it.
Bella : I’m gonna say it.
Lucy : How will that help her? She’s in a house full of kids.
Bella : It’s great advice. It helped both of us.
Lucy : I’ll admit, it was funny and helped me a little, but this isn’t a book. There are real things at steak here.
Bella : Do you even realize how perfect your typo is?
Lucy : Typo?
Bella : Stake not
Bella : Raven’s not here to correct our grammar, but steak made me remember when we tried to get you back into the meat market and date people, Lucy.
Me : Yeah, I’m still sorry about Doug.
Lucy : You know, it’s actually okay. If it weren’t for that terrible date, I probably wouldn’t have ended up with the love of my life.
Bella : Exactly. And now we need to get Summer her cut of grade A man meat!
Me : Okay, enough you two. What’s the advice?
Bella : You need to go hump the hot firefighter.
Lucy :
Me : That’s not helping.
Lucy : Told you.
Bella : What? It’s great advice!
Me : I can’t just hump the man, his daughter is here, along with my merry band of heathens. You know I only get them for like one week every summer before they go off with their dad.
Bella : If this were an Ayana Cox book, how would this scenario play out?
Lucy : But it’s not a book.
Bella : But if it was?
Me : Well, we have one bed.
Bella : And a pair of exes who are both single and need a connection.
Lucy : Second chance romance!
Me : Is it second chance if our first “relationship” involved us sneaking off to make out in closets?
Lucy : Did you have feelings for him?
Bella : Did you want to call him your boyfriend?
Me : Well, of course, but I couldn’t. We couldn’t. He kept saying that we couldn’t tell Raven. I think he was scared of her back then. Kept saying something about her sitting on him. And I get it now, because my little girl will sit on her brothers to keep them in line.
Bella : Ooh, and it’s best friend’s brother! I don’t read enough of those.
Lucy : Yeah, it’s always brother’s best friend. Best friend’s brother is seriously underrated.
Me : But this isn’t a book. What if something happens and then Raven finds out and gets mad at me? Her friendship is so important to me. You’re all my besties, but she’s my person.
Bella : She won’t be mad at you. I don’t think?
Lucy : Yeah, maybe just grossed out, but not mad at you.
Me : What if she calls me an idiot?
Lucy : I think that’s just her nickname for her brother.
Bella : If you want to be with him, you need to talk to him. You two have some past hurt that you need to air out before the humping commences.
Lucy : I agree. Take it from me, it’s better to be up front about where you both stand.
Me : I’m not sure if I’m ready for that conversation. Being stuck in this house is making me feel things. It’ll be better once I get back home.
Lucy : So you can go back to pretending you don’t like him?
Bella : She doesn’t even pretend that hard. Any time someone mentions the word fire, her ears perk up and she brings up RJ.
Me : I do not!
Lucy : You totally do.
I know they’re right, but I’m not sure I’m ready to confront him about this hurt. Nothing has even happened yet, and already I’m afraid of what could happen.