19. RJ
RJ
I t’s mostly dark, the beginnings of dawn barely peeking through the blinds, when I wake the next morning. Summer is lying on her side, arms tucked under her pillow as her messy brown hair splays out around her. She looks breathtaking like this, and I take a moment to marvel at her beauty.
The way her eyelashes fan out across her face.
The way her perfect plump lips twitch every so often.
The way her freckles dot her nose and cheeks.
She’s so fucking beautiful, and I’d be the luckiest man alive to be able to wake up to this every morning.
A plan forms in my mind. There’s no way I’m giving this up, no way I’m letting her go this time.
Placing a hand on her hip, I lean in and press a kiss to her forehead. She lets out a throaty, sleepy moan and nuzzles her face against my chest and I hold her there, breathing in her warm floral scent.
——————
My eyelids flutter open. I blink quickly, trying to adjust to the bright light. Did I fall back asleep?
“You snore,” Summer says softly.
“I do?”
“Yup. It’s not loud. It’s kind of comforting.”
A huge smile lights up my face, and I love the way her eyes fixate on my dimple. “Good morning, sunshine.” I lean in to kiss her, and she rears back, putting a hand over her mouth.
“Nuh-uh. I need to brush my teeth.” She scoots back, sliding out of the bed. I grab her wrist before she can escape and pull her down, so she lands on top of me.
“I don’t give a fuck what your breath smells like. I’ve waited all week for a morning like this with you, to roll over and kiss you like you’re mine. A whole fucking lifetime. I don’t care how bad your breath is, I need this, need you.”
Cupping her cheeks, I press my lips to hers. Her hands slide up my chest and wrap around my neck, and even though she’s kissing me back, her lips are tight, so I pull back. “Fine, go brush your teeth, but then you’re getting right back into this bed.”
She nods, hugging me tightly before leaping out of the bed.
I follow her into the bathroom, slipping into the toilet closet to take care of business before washing my hands and joining her to brush my teeth.
The domesticity of the moment feels monumental, and I can’t stop staring at her in the mirror.
Then I follow her into the bedroom and track the sway of her hips and ass as she climbs back into bed.
I chuckle as I climb in after her, lying on my back. “Feel better?”
She nods as she slips her leg over my thigh and nuzzles my chest. “Yes. I was so exhausted last night I slept on the wrong side.”
“Before this goes any further, I want to talk to you about something you said the other night.”
She blinks up at me, and I can’t read the expression on her face. “What did I say?” Her voice is soft and sweet, but there’s a hint of nervousness there.
“It was on your birthday.”
She gives me a quizzical look. “What did I say on my birthday?”
“You might not remember, and I know you weren’t in control of your facilities, but it felt like it came from a place of truth.”
“Oh.” She gets quiet as the lapping waves fill the silence.
“It’s about what happened back in high school.”
She buries her face against my chest. “Do we have to?”
“If we want to move forward with whatever this is, then I think we need to.”
“I know you’re right, but I don’t want to ruin the mood.”
My fingers trace circles on her back as the warmth of her breath tickles my skin. “So these are mood-ruining feelings, huh?”
“Probably.”
She shifts against me trying to slide her leg off mine, but I lean over and grab it, shifting under her so we’re laying face-to-face as I hike her leg up to rest on my hip. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
“I don’t think it’s a secret that I had a crush on you back then.”
“Are we talking ‘doodling your first name with my last name on your notebooks’ kind of crush?”
“Maybe.”
I hook a finger under her chin and tilt her head, forcing her to look at me. “For what it’s worth, that week we spent after that disaster of a first kiss was the happiest I’ve ever been with anyone.”
Her nose scrunches. I’ve noticed it does that when she’s confused. “Then why did you dump me?”
“I didn’t dump you.”
“Umm, I was there. I remember it like it was yesterday. You told me that we shouldn’t do this anymore because it would upset Raven.”
“Right, but I didn’t dump you. I never asked you out, so I couldn’t end something that never technically started.”
The look she gives me cuts me to my core. Years worth of anger, hurt, and sadness. “Is that the hill you want to die on?”
When I open my mouth to speak, she cuts me off.
“I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over what you did. That was my first kiss, and I felt like I’ve been chasing the high from that kiss my entire life. You probably think I’m pathetic?—”
“I would never think that.”
“Something changed in me after that. I know it was just a week back in high school, but after it ended, nothing felt the same. Colors weren’t as vivid, food didn’t taste as good, and I’ve never had that rush of warmth flood my entire body when someone kissed me.
Not like I had with you. This probably sounds so stupid and melodramatic. ”
“It doesn’t.” I slide my palm up to cup her cheek. “I feel the exact same way.”
“What? That doesn’t make any sense. You picked Jessica.”
“I picked Raven. And while I love my sister, I regret what I did to you almost every day of my life. It gave me Sophie, and I’m so fucking grateful for that. But I regret not standing up to my sister. And I regret not picking you.”
“I don’t understand. Raven made you pick between me and her?”
“No, she’d never do that,” he says, threading a hand through his hair as he tugs on the strands. “I don’t know how much Raven told you about our birth parents.”
“Not much. Just that your mom died when she was little and you two were adopted. It’s why she was so supportive of my decision to adopt the twins. I remember her mentioning that your birth dad died in high school, but she said she wasn’t close to him.”
“Our mom died when I was four, and our dad couldn’t handle two kids on his own, so our mom’s great-aunt agreed to take us in and eventually adopted us.
But Raven practically raised me. She was all I had for most of my life.
And while I don’t think she’d ever make me choose between the two of you, I didn’t want to lose her. ”
“Oh, RJ.” Her hands slide up my chest, and I take comfort in her touch as she lays her head against me. It grounds me, calms my racing heart in a way nothing ever has.
“The week that we spent together sneaking off to make out was the same week we found out our father had died. We weren’t close to him, but it hit me that she and my great-aunt were the only family I had left that were important to me.
She seemed really annoyed with me that week, and I worried that she knew.
I didn’t want to come between the two of you, and I didn’t want to lose her.
But I know I didn’t handle it well. I was a stupid teenage boy, controlled by hormones and urges.
And when Jessica asked me out a few days later, I agreed. ”
She stills against me, head still pressed against my pec. I summon the courage to continue.
“It was never the same with Jessica. We didn’t have that same spark you and I have.
I think I stayed with her throughout high school and college because it was safe.
And when she told me she was pregnant, I was honestly more excited about having a kid than I was about building a life with her, but I proposed anyway. ”
“How was I supposed to know all that when you stopped talking to me? We were friends before that kiss, and after you and Jessica…” Her voice falters, clogged with emotion, “It broke my heart, and I lost one of my best friends.” She won’t look at me, and I hate it.
“There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you and wish I’d just been honest with you.”
Her head tips back, her eyes blinking rapidly, and relief floods me. “About what?”
“How fucking sorry I was. I’m so sorry for what I did to you.
I spent years loving you from a distance.
It was messy, complicated, and inconvenient, but loving you was the only constant in my life.
Even when I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, where I wanted to live, or how I was going to raise my daughter after divorce, I knew one thing with absolute certainty: I would never not want you, never not love you.
And I was resigned to do that from afar for the rest of my life.
I should have picked you. It was always you.
In my head. In my thoughts. In my dreams. No one can compare to you.
I fell in love with you when I was twelve, and I’ve never stopped.
It just keeps growing each day. Give me the week to prove it to you.
I’m not asking you to forgive me overnight, but I will do everything I can to show you that I can be the man you depend on.
I never want to live another day without you. I love you, Summer Sampson.”
“I love you too.” Her words are soft, her smile huge.
I lean in to kiss her, and because she’s still grinning, I awkwardly kiss part of her teeth when I’m aiming for her lips. She giggles, and the sound has me growing impossibly harder.
It takes a second for us to get ourselves under control. Foreheads pressing together as our noses graze each other’s. Her body melting against me as I tighten my grip on her. A shocked gasp falling from her lips when my hips thrust involuntarily against her, seeking her warmth.
Leaning in, I steal the moan from her mouth as I seal my lips over hers. Our kisses grow frantic. Sloppy. Her arms tighten around my neck as she rubs her pussy against me.
“I need you inside me,” she pleads, breaking the kiss.
“Take it out,” I growl as I roll onto my back.
Soft fingers dip into my waistband as she slowly pulls the fabric down. I’m so fucking hard, aching for relief when she gasps. “RJ, what is this?”