26. Summer
SUMMER
“ I s there anything else you want me to pack for you?” RJ moves around the room, throwing things in his suitcase.
I scoot down the bed. “It’s okay, I’ll do it tomorrow morning before we leave. I don’t have much. And I can do it myself.”
He stalks over, slowly crawling up the bed as he hovers over me. “You’re not moving from this spot.”
“I’m fine, I promise. My foot barely hurts anymore. You took good care of me.” I tug on his shirt and pull him down on top of me. His lips press against mine, and a rush of goosebumps erupt on my skin.
“I’ll always take care of you,” he says between kisses. When he looks in my eyes, I’m overwhelmed by the love I see there. “Stay with me.”
“But—”
He cuts me off. “We can figure things out once your kids get back. And my house is big enough that Sophie would have plenty of space when she’s there.
I know you said you need to think about it with the kids and you don’t want to uproot them again, but that doesn’t mean we have to be apart while they’re with their grandparents.
I can’t stand the thought of not curling up with you each night now that we’ve done this for two weeks. ”
“Maybe.”
His dimple pops, a huge grin on his face. I want to see this face every night when I go to bed, and every morning when I wake up. Raven will have to be fine with this. There’s no way I’m giving this up.
His hands tangle in my hair, and I fight the urge to bring up his sister. The light dims in his eyes each time I do. I know he loves her, but after what he told me about choosing her back then, I don’t want history repeating itself. But doubt slowly creeps in, and I break the kiss.
“What if she gets mad and kicks you out?”
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
“Do you think she’d do that?” I slide out from under him and sit up on the bed.
“I doubt it. Raven has always looked out for me. She hated me living so far away for all those years. I think she likes that she can take care of me now that I’m back in town.”
“She’s like that with our mom group too. If I’m the mom of the group, the nurturer, she’s the dad that loves to provide for everyone.”
“I can see that.” He reaches across the bed to grab our Kindles.
Once he hands me mine, I crawl under the covers and prop it up on my legs.
When I look over at RJ, he’s grabbing his glasses off the nightstand.
He brings the tip to his mouth, biting on it as he taps the screen.
I love the look of concentration on his face as his brow furrows while his eyes scan the screen.
We’ve done this every night before bed, him reading his book while I read mine.
The routine feels natural, like this is what we’ve been doing for years instead of days.
I sink into my pillow, pulling up my current romance read.
I’d left off at a particularly steamy scene, and I squirm under the sheets as I squeeze my thighs together to relieve the ache building there.
“What are you reading over there that has you blushing like that?”
I hug my Kindle to my chest. “Nothing.”
“Summer Sampson, are you reading a dirty book?”
My face feels hot. I don’t know why this is so embarrassing, so I opt for deflection. “What are you reading?”
“I asked you first. Wait, is that why you got so upset that first night when you thought I had your Kindle? Is yours full of naughty books?” He slides his glasses on as he looks over at me.
“They’re not naughty, they’re romantic .” I pause. “Okay, maybe they’re a bit of both, but they’re my book babies.”
“Book babies?”
“Yeah. When I really love a book, I get the e-book and paperback, but I’m running out of storage for books since my kindle is nearly full and I don’t have decent shelves at my place to properly display my physical book babies at home.
So they live in boxes. One day.” I sigh as I sink down under the covers.
“And you never told me what you’re reading, Mr. Slutty Little Glasses. ”
He drags the glasses down his nose and peers at me over the rim. “Slutty, huh?” Then he pushes them up his nose with his pointer finger.
I nod. “You know exactly what you’re doing with those.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to read my book.” He tries to peek at my Kindle, but I’m still gripping it tightly to my chest. “You gonna tell me what you’re reading?”
I shake my head. “Maybe one day.”
Leaning in close, his lips ghost along my ear.
“Just know that when you do tell me, I’ll act out every dirty little detail and make it come true.
” He captures my earlobe between his teeth, giving it a gentle tug that I can feel in every inch of my body.
When he leans back, just out of reach, I find myself leaning in, wanting to taste him when his words stop me.
“Seriously. Come stay with me. At least till your kids get home. We could do this every night.” He bends down, placing a kiss on my stomach as he peers up at me. “And I can trace all two hundred and thirty-seven of your freckles every morning.”
“And then what?”
“Then I woo your kids with technology and ski trips, and they’ll never want to leave. And then you marry me. And we live happily ever after.”
“You make it sound so easy. But you’re forgetting one little thing.”
“We’ll talk to her. When we’re ready. But for now, we keep living in this little cocoon. Just the two of us.”
“And Sophie.”
He smiles. “When she’s around. Hell, she’ll probably want to spend more time with you than her dorky dad.” He lies back, tugging me against him as he picks up his Kindle and begins reading again.
I snuggle into him, inhaling citrus, spice, and a hint of bergamot, clinging to him while he reads. Eventually curiosity gets the better of me. “Whatcha reading? You never said.”
“It’s a suspense novel, kind of a psychological thriller about this married couple that has trouble conceiving after multiple miscarriages, but they finally get pregnant, and then everything is not as it seems…”
My pulse quickens, and I hold my breath. This sounds eerily familiar. “Oh?”
I try to relax my body as he continues talking but my head is swimming, drowning.
Multiple positive tests. Getting my hopes up, only to be devastated when I lost another one.
Todd taking everything in stride while I died inside.
Crying in Raven’s arms each time I miscarried.
She was the only one there for me through it all. And this is how I repay her?
“What’s wrong?”
My eyes pinch shut as I try to figure out how honest to be with him and keep my emotions at bay. A heavy breath escapes me as his hands soothe along my spine.
“That happened to me.” My voice is a whisper, as if saying the words softly would make them any easier to admit.
The rise and fall of his chest soothes me as I wait for him to speak, unsure if he heard me. When I finally look up at him, all I see is love and understanding. Does he know? Did Raven tell him?
“What happened to you?”
“The miscarriages. I always wanted a lot of kids. So did Todd. And when I couldn’t give him that, I felt broken.
Each time I miscarried, he got more distant.
After the third loss, the doctor ran some tests, and I found out that I have a bicornuate uterus.
It’s shaped like a heart. I was born with it, and it can cause miscarriages and preterm labor.
It explained why my body couldn’t hold a pregnancy.
But it didn’t make it any easier knowing that my body couldn’t provide the one thing I wanted.
All my life, everyone’s told me what a big heart I have, how great a mom I’d be one day.
Who knew there was a heart-shaped organ preventing me from sharing that love with my future children? ”
He cups my cheek, tilting my head so he can kiss my forehead. His lips linger against my skin as he speaks. “There are no words to express how much your pain guts me. So I’m just going to hold you. I’m listening even if I don’t know how to respond.”
Tears spill down my cheeks and splash onto his chest as I give him a slight nod.
No man has ever done this for me, listened and supported me without trying to fix me.
Todd would tell me all the things I needed to do.
Change my diet. Exercise more. Take vitamins.
His suggestions felt like control, not love.
But RJ is listening intently, holding me, and it emboldens me to be honest.
Once I get a hold of my emotions, I continue. “I suggested adoption, and Raven supported me. And when I got pregnant when the twins were six months old, I didn’t tell Todd for weeks. Only Raven knew.”
“You were afraid of miscarrying again?”
I nod against his skin. “I didn’t think I could handle that look of disappointment from him.
Lucas was our miracle rainbow baby, but I was terrified of losing him the entire time.
I got pregnant once more after that, when the twins were seven.
But he gave me more than just a positive pregnancy test that time, and when I confronted him, he thought the test in my hand was his mistress’s.
He kept yelling, demanding to know how I got her test, and all I could think was.
Why would I have your girlfriend’s pregnancy test?
Apparently, she’d just found out she was pregnant too and had been threatening to tell me about them. ”
“Is that when that asshole gave you an STI?”
“How did you?—”
“The night you were drinking. You kept rambling about crabs.”
I bury my face in his chest. “Of course I did.”
“What happened after you confronted him?”
“He moved in with her. When I miscarried a few weeks later, I was relieved. Of course I wanted that baby, but I wanted to be free of him too. And I felt like such a jerk for feeling that way.”
“You’re not a jerk. It’s understandable, and you’re allowed to feel however you want about it.” His arms squeeze me tighter and I exhale a sharp breath.
“I’m sorry. It’s our last night here, and I’m just dumping all this on you and ruining the mood.”
He tilts my head up, refusing to let me hide.
“You’re doing no such thing. You had a reaction to something I said.
It reminded you of a traumatic time in your life, and you shared it with me.
And I want all of it. All of you. The good.
The bad. The embarrassing. Every piece that makes you who you are.
I’d rather hear every thought in your head no matter how terrible or unlovable you think it is than live in the absence of your warmth and words.
I went years without you, living in the dark without your sunshine to warm me.
I don’t ever want to go back to that. Not again.
There’s nothing you could say that would scare me off. Got it?”
Biting my lip, I smile and nod as he pulls me in for a soft kiss. It’s a gentle press against my lips, but it’s filled with so much passion, as if he’s pouring every ounce of love he feels for me into the kiss.
I don’t want to go back home tomorrow, but my soul feels whole again for the first time in years because of this man.
He’s spent the last two weeks proving that he’s someone I can count on.
It doesn’t undo all the years we spent apart, or the insecurities I have about not being enough, but it’s a start.
We’ll have to come clean to Raven eventually, but for the first time, I feel hopeful about our future together.