28. Summer #2
A long exhale escapes me as I clutch my stomach.
“He was my emotional rock throughout my formative years. And it hurt when he didn’t pick me, but at the same time, no one has ever made me feel as seen or supported as he did when we were friends.
That’s what made me fall for him so easily.
And then I convinced myself that he wasn’t dependable so I could get over that hurt.
He got divorced, he jumped from job to job, probably even hopped from bed to bed.
I basically told myself any lie I could so I could move on or I wouldn’t have survived it.
When he showed up at the beach house, it was a mindfuck because I knew I couldn’t maintain those lies anymore.
And then he kept showing up for me, for my kids, in ways Todd never did.
In every way I needed. Long before the kissing ever started. ”
Raven lifts her hand as if to tell me not to finish that thought and I chuckle.
“At first the thought of you finding out was my biggest fear, but the more I thought about it, I knew you would understand and accept it. You love and support both of us. But then I was worried about what would happen if things ended. We’re so wound up in each other’s lives that it could get really messy. ”
“That would never happen.”
“How do you know?”
“He’s been in love with you since middle school.” Her tone is flat.
When I’m a raging sea of emotions, Raven has always been the rational one. She’s been able to calm me with her steadiness and no-nonsense demeanor. But I’ve never felt this out of control of my emotions before, and I’m suddenly insecure at her lack of a response.
She looks out at the driveway, and I can’t tell how she’s feeling about all this and it’s killing me. “Are you mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
“I lied to you. I stayed at your house for an extra week when you could have rented it out to someone else and made money. I humped?—”
“Do not finish that sentence.”
“Sorry.”
“I’m not mad. I don’t need the money. And I’m not selling the house,” she says in rapid succession.
A deep sigh escapes me, as though a weight has been lifted. I sit in the silence, waiting for her to share more.
“There’s another property I’m thinking about flipping, though.”
“Oh? Wait, what do you mean you don’t need the money?” RJ mentioned she owned several properties she never told me about, but that’s it.
“I got more than just a few houses after Kristopher died. There’s a reason we got married that I’ve never told anyone except RJ.
The only way he could inherit his family fortune was to get married and have kids.
His homophobic grandmother put that clause in there, hoping it would turn him straight. ”
“Wait. Kristopher was…”
“Yup.”
“So you two never…”
“Nope. We had two kids together, but we went to a fertility clinic to conceive them since he wasn’t into making them the other way. And frankly, neither was I. He was one of my best friends, and I miss him every day, but it was a business arrangement that turned into friendship.”
“But you looked like a couple. I had no idea.”
“Only RJ knew.” Her eyes are watery, but she blinks rapidly, pushing it away. The only time I’ve ever seen Raven cry was after Kris passed. “I’ve never been in a romantic relationship before.” Her voice is soft, but her admission is huge.
“But you’ve been with a man before, right?”
“I’ve had hookups over the years. But nothing that’s ever made me feel as love-drunk as you two look when you stare at each other.”
I reach for her hand. “Can I?”
She nods, and I squeeze her hand in support.
“I didn’t want to come between the two of you. It’s obvious you both still liked each other after all these years, and I figured you’d either get it out of your system or realize that you’re perfect for each other, so I made it happen. The Summer plan.”
“I thought your plan was just to get me to sell your house.”
“That’s what I wanted you to think. The Summer plans were always the real reason I lured you there.” She lets go of my hand and turns to face me. “If I’m being honest, the two of you were driving me insane.”
A smirk turns up one side of her face and I can’t help but laugh at her words. “How so?”
“RJ asked about you nonstop once he moved back. For a whole fucking year. And I know you think you were being subtle, but you did the same thing with me and the girls. Anytime the guys went out on a call, you’d ask if RJ was okay.
If anyone mentioned the fire station, you’d perk up like you were suddenly interested.
And a few months back, I found your list.”
“What list?”
“I swear I didn’t mean to snoop. I was dropping your kids off after a playdate, and I got a call with a tip about a story for the newspaper, and I needed a pen and paper to make notes. When I went through your junk drawer in the kitchen, I saw the firefighter calendar.”
Dropping my head in my hands, I groan. “Oh my God.”
“When I flipped to Mr. July, a slip of paper fell out, so I jotted my notes on it. Later that night, when I was typing up my story, I read what was on the other side. It was a list of all the qualities you wanted in a partner. I figured you made it after we’d teased Lucy to make her list.”
“This is humiliating.”
“Why?”
I look at her like she’s grown two heads, but she continues.
Raven doesn’t always pick up on the clues I’m dropping.
“I’m sorry if I invaded your privacy. But when I looked over your list, I knew what I had to do.
You wanted someone who listened, who made you laugh, made you think, and challenged you.
A man who was smart yet kind. Dependable.
RJ is all those things. Hell, you practically described all his physical attributes on there too. Skinny, blond, glasses?—”
“I believe it said slutty little glasses.”
Raven dry heaves. “Please don’t ever use the words slutty to describe my brother again.”
“Sorry.”
“Your list described RJ, and it was tucked into his calendar spread. And after everything you went through with Todd, I didn’t want to see you get hurt again. And I knew RJ was still crazy about you, so I double-booked you on purpose.”
I break out into a fit of laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
“It’s just… that’s so something you would do. And I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out sooner.”
“Well, I am really clever.”
“Between this plan, Kristopher’s sexuality, and all the secret houses, I feel like I barely know you. What else are you hiding from me?”
“Kristopher’s sexuality wasn’t my story to tell.
As for the houses, they were his family’s.
I never thought he would pass away and leave everything to me.
And you know me, I’m a very private person, and money changes things.
People treat you differently, and I didn’t want that.
Sure, it let me pursue some hobbies I’d always wanted to, but I didn’t want my life to change.
I wanted to keep working. I like writing for the paper.
Plus, I needed the distraction and routine.
While we may not have been in love , I deeply loved Kris. ”
“I know you did. That much was obvious.” I offer her a warm smile.
“But even though I’ve never been in love, I recognize it when I see it. And you, Lucy, and Bella talk about it enough with all those romance books you read.” She bumps her shoulder against mine. “I knew you and RJ loved each other. I’d never want to stand in the way of that.”
“This feels like a hug kind of moment.” I open my arms. She leans in slightly and I close the distance, giving her a quick squeeze.
Then she narrows her eyes. “Please tell me he didn’t give you some stupid nickname.”
“Darlin’,” I say with a smile.
“Seriously, how did all my friends end up with idiots that don’t understand the concept of a nickname being shorter than your name?”
“I love the way your brain works.”
She quirks a brow.
“Nicknames don’t have to be shorter. It can be a term of endearment, or a word that reminds you of that person.
I had a dog as a kid that had like eight names.
Nicknames can be anything, but I appreciate that your brain thinks of them that way and I hope you find someone that shortens your name for you. ”
A soft huff escapes her as she rolls her eyes. “I’m not looking for anyone any time soon. There’s way too much going on in my life to ever consider juggling anything else.”
“The right person will be a blessing to you, not a burden.”
Lines crease her forehead as if my words don’t set her at ease the way I intended for them to.
“Can we go inside? My ass hurts sitting on this concrete porch,” Raven groans as she stands.
“Sure, I’m hungry anyway.” I follow her, popping a piece of gum into my mouth.
I’ll never get over these views. The kitchen is open-concept with granite countertops and custom cabinetry. This place probably cost Kris’s family millions.
“I’m going to change real quick,” I call over my shoulder. When I reemerge in a set of loose-fitting pajamas, Raven eyes me suspiciously.
“When are you moving in?”
“He asked me to, but I can’t uproot the kids like that.”
She gestures at my outfit then around the room. “Do you need me to point out everything in this room that belongs to you? Hell, it even smells like you in here.”
“I brought a few things from my place. It’s just temporary until the kids get back.”
Chuckling, she grabs a cup from the cupboard and fills it with water. “Keep telling yourself that.”
I roll my eyes, blowing a bubble with my gum.
“Are you… chewing watermelon bubble gum?”
The bubble pops. “Yeah, you want some?”
Her eyes go wide. “Does he know?”
“Does who know? What are you talking about?”
“Does RJ know you’re pregnant?”
My mouth drops open, and my gum falls out onto the countertop. Raven reaches over and picks it up, tossing it in a trash can behind her, then washes her hands.
“How… how did you…”