13. Chapter Thirteen
A fter almost a week of waking each morning to Jonas in the kitchen preparing breakfast or sitting in the living room enjoying coffee with a book on his lap, it was almost eerie to wake to a silent house. Yesterday, we ran into Michael while we were at the market. He invited Jonas to fill in with his golf group. Their regular fourth was on vacation. At first, Jonas declined, using the excuse he hadn’t packed his clubs. But I reminded him that he kept an old set in the garage. Sure, it wasn’t the fancy, custom set he had back in San Francisco, but they had been a favorite for years. The way he whispered, ‘Are you sure?’ against my ear told me he’d really declined because he wanted to keep his promise to me that his focus would be on us this summer.
A little time apart this morning would be good for us. Once I knew their tee time, I called Mer and arranged to head to her place for some much-needed girl chat. She said it was perfect timing because she wanted to dye her hair and needed help. Why she doesn’t go to a salon is beyond me, but I told her I would help the best I could. I didn’t have much experience with at-home color because I’d never used it. I’d considered it over the last few years as the gray was coming in heavier, but I wasn’t sure what to do. Getting older wasn’t for the faint of heart. Each time I looked in the mirror, I noticed a few more lines around my eyes or lips, or another hair under my chin. It’s still completely unfair that men look distinguished or handsome as they age. I just look old.
Once I threw a few things into my purse, I headed to the kitchen to make coffee and grab a quick breakfast before heading out. A note was waiting for me on the counter next to a travel mug.
Good morning, Sweetheart
Enjoy your time with Meredith. I’m sure I’ll beat you home. Don’t rush. Spend as much time as you want. I made breakfast before heading to the course. There’s a yogurt parfait waiting for you in the fridge and coffee in the French press. I’ll see you later this afternoon. I’m thinking homemade pizza while we do some of the conversation card exercises and then a movie as our date tonight. Or text me something else, and we can do that. I don’t care what we do as long as I get time with you.
Love,
Jonas
After pulling my breakfast from the fridge and pouring coffee into the travel mug, I sent Jonas a text.
Your plans for our evening sound perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
I took my breakfast to go, and by the time I pulled into Mer’s driveway, I had a response.
When I get home from the course, I’ll set up the living room for date night. BTW I really like referring to the summer house as home. I’m unsure how to make that possible year-round right away, but I mean it when I say it IS my long-term goal. Trust me, sweetheart. I’m going to figure out how to make this work.
See you this afternoon. Enjoy your time on the course.
I left everything I wanted to say about the promise to make Seaside our home unspoken because it wouldn’t do any good right now. If there was a way for us to finally start our retirement together here, the way we’d talked about it, and for Jonas to continue his roles with his family’s businesses, I would have thought of it. I’d been through countless scenarios during the therapy sessions he hadn’t shown up for. Plus endless more while I paced across the bedroom floor on sleepless nights. There wasn’t an option that didn’t require me to sacrifice the retirement life I’d worked hard for and planned so many years ago. Maybe I was selfish, but I didn’t want our life in San Francisco anymore. I wanted something I’d only ever had in Seaside—my husband’s undivided attention, and to be his priority. For thirty-five years, I’d shared him with the fans and his family’s obligations for ten or eleven months each year. It was my turn now. I had waited long enough.
Sometimes, I wondered if Jonas remembered that buying the house was his idea. He wanted us to have our own space for our little family each summer. He sold me on the idea when he added, ‘Then when we retire, we’ll move here and live in the house filled with memories of our kids each summer. When they visit, they won’t be coming to a place that’s never been theirs. Instead, it will be like coming to their second home.’ It was likely time for me to remind him of that, but not tonight. Things have been falling into place so nicely for us. I wanted another night of peace before rocking the boat. I knew avoiding tough conversations wasn’t healthy, but I wasn’t pushing them into a box in the back of the closet. I was simply waiting for one day. We could have that tough conversation tomorrow.
I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat along with my coffee mug and yogurt, then headed into the house. I didn’t bother knocking because this place had been my second home during the summers growing up. As soon as I opened the door, I kicked off my sandals and called, “Mer Bear, I’m here.”
“I’m in the kitchen. I just pulled banana bread out of the oven.”
I dropped my bag onto the sofa before rounding the corner into the kitchen. My eyes immediately fell to the kitchen table covered in hair dye, gloves, combs, and plastic bottles. “Mer, what is all of that?” I asked as I plopped onto the barstool. I took a sip of my coffee before removing the lid from my bowl. “Hope you don’t mind. I’m eating breakfast while you tell me what’s going on. This looks like enough color for multiple people.”
“Or one person who wants rainbow hair,” she said as she took off her sleep bonnet to reveal blonde hair that almost matched mine. Minus the gray.
“When did you go blonde?”
My best friend threw her head back in laughter. “You really don’t know anything about hair color, do you?”
“I warned you.”
She quickly sliced the warm bread and set a piece on a small plate for each of us before taking the spot on the stool next to me. “I didn’t dye my hair blonde. I stripped it so I can go extreme with the color.”
Meredith has had some wild ideas in the past, but at-home rainbow hair dye with me as her assistant is definitely close to the top of the list for the most outrageous. I took a huge bite of my yogurt because I was too stunned to say anything.
“Cat got your tongue, Anne?”
My head bobbed up and down. “This feels like a lot of work. Are you sure you don’t want to go to the salon?”
“No. I’ve done this before without help. It’s just so much easier to apply color to the back and rinse when someone else is around. I promise this isn’t the first time I’ve done multiple colors. I know what I’m doing.” She slid the banana bread plate toward me. “Plus, this gives us plenty of time for you to tell me all about your daily dates with your husband. How are things going?”
I broke the bread into four even pieces. “It’s like that first summer. When we spent every minute possible together, and each moment apart felt like an eternity.”
“You’re falling in love with him again.”
I finished my bite before responding. “I’ve always loved him. That’s never been our issue. It changed over time, and in the last few years, it was difficult to love him. But I think it’s become easier to love him. Less forced.”
She peered at me over her mug. The chamomile and honey were strong enough that I could smell it. Mer rarely drank coffee. “And since you have the house to yourself without the risk of either of your kids showing up, you’re probably going at it non-stop in every room.”
I shook my head. “Nope. We’re still in separate rooms. He’s in PJ’s and I’m in Amber’s. It started as my request for five days. Then, when we were ready, we could move into the primary bedroom and wait for the other. Neither of us has moved.”
Her hand clamped over my wrist. “Are you kidding me? You have been alone in that house with your husband for a week and you haven’t had sex?”
“We committed to taking our time and really focusing on fixing the parts of our relationship that are broken. Sex has never been our issue. Communication and prioritizing our relationship has. The morning make-out sessions, dancing in the kitchen or on the patio that then leads to more kissing, and goodnight kisses against the bedroom door leave me aching for more. I want to pull him into the bedroom and climb on top of him. But something’s stopping me.” My eyes dropped to my empty coffee mug as my teeth scraped along my lower lip. “I can’t have sex with him until I know his plan for the end of the summer. Maybe it’s silly or even stupid, but I want the first time we have sex this summer to be when we’ve recommitted to our marriage. And if that doesn’t happen, then I’d rather not have the memory of a final roll in the hay or a goodbye fuck. Whatever you want to call it.”
Meredith turned her head to the side, looking away from me, and hid behind her hand. “Yeah, don’t do the friends-with-benefits thing with your ex or soon-to-be ex. That’s my advice and something I wish someone had told me.”
I grabbed my bowl, mug, and empty plate and took them to the sink. “That sounds like a much more interesting conversation. How did I not know about this?”
“One last fuck turned into a ‘Netflix and chill’ situation, and then it got messy because we let it go on for months. Then, we each decided we needed to move on and decided to try online dating. We matched with each other on two dating sites. It’s a nightmare.”
I couldn’t contain the laughter. Online dating sounded like a nightmare. Amber had shared her horror stories over the years, and that was enough for me to know that I never wanted to go through them. Meredith and Michael’s matching actually didn’t surprise me because, on paper, they were perfect. Like me and Jonas. But sometimes that wasn’t enough.