18. Crista
F ear? Anger? Temper tantrums and accusations? Humming with emotions that seemed more in control of her than anything else?
Crista Merritt, what is wrong with you?
Even for her, the reaction to the “anonymous informant” news was over the top. Was she afraid of the truth? Worried it would get her in trouble with her mother? Cause a setback for Nolie? Somehow break up her marriage or family or her relationship with Eli or Vivien?
Deeply frustrated and out of sorts, Crista closed the door to her bedroom and dropped on the bed, giving in to a full-body sob that made no sense to her. She’d been doing so well at controlling her emotions until…until that day Mama had told her the truth about Artie turning Dad in to the authorities.
Maybe before that. Maybe when her mother had broken the news that they owned this house. That’s about when the “wilder than usual” emotional reactions had started. It was like a switch flipped that day and she’d been hanging by a thread for weeks and weeks now.
She fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying so hard to understand and control this personal rollercoaster. Maybe she needed medication.
No, no. Maybe it was the stress of Nolie possibly having to repeat second grade. Or that feeling that every flaw in her life was magnified by her mother’s judgmental eye. Even the distance from Anthony that they’d tried to fix with, what? One date night a while ago.
Who could blame him for being distant? She was unstable .
But now this revelation about Dad. She closed her eyes and moaned, the very thought of her father in jail making her feel literally sick. She’d only been a child when he was arrested, and it had scared the daylights out of her. She hadn’t understood what was happening and, goodness, her mother certainly hadn’t bothered to enlighten her.
Everyone thought Crista was “too young” to know what was going on. The next thing she knew, Mama was crying at the dining room table and told her that Daddy had died in jail from a broken heart.
It didn’t take a shrink to know it was that day that Crista Lawson became a stressed-out perfectionist and drama queen. If only she could be “perfect”—her life, her home, her hair, her everything—then maybe she wouldn’t lose both parents.
Those days, those years, were scary and gloomy and the only thing she could cling to was…Maggie.
And now, years later, she had to wonder—what if Artie Wylie had kept his mouth shut?
Would Dad have been arrested? Could he have climbed out of the hole of debt and fraud he’d dug himself into without getting caught? Could he have confided in his brilliant wife, who might have thought of a way out? Maybe he could have turned himself in for a lighter sentence and been on probation at home when his heart stopped beating?
Would Crista’s whole life have been different?
She felt the sting of tears on her cheeks and tried to push up to get the packing started, knowing she’d painted herself into a corner and Anthony expected her home tomorrow. He’d given her a day’s reprieve, but…
Sighing, she closed her eyes, the weight of bone-deep fatigue pressing down on her. She felt that little wave of dizziness that sometimes happened right before she drifted off, and she just didn’t have the strength to stand or…move.
All she could do was escape in…sleep.
“Hey. Crista? Are you in there?”
The voice came from way in the distance, soft and familiar.
“Crista?”
She blinked, inhaling a sharp breath, yanked from a deep slumber. How long had she crashed?
Pushing up, she grabbed the phone on the bed next to her, her jaw dropping when she saw the time. An hour and a half!
“Can I come in, please? I have to tell you something.”
It was Tessa, she realized, shaking off the fog of an unwelcome afternoon nap. Mustering her energy, she pushed to the floor and walked to the door, opening it slowly, as if she didn’t know what would be waiting on the other side.
“I have to show you something.”
She stared at the other woman, something shifting in her heart. Tessa had tried with Nolie—her techniques were questionable, but she got an A for effort.
“You have to look at this.” Tessa held her iPad out.
Still a little confused, but awake now, she stepped back, silently inviting Tessa into the room. “What is it?”
“Are you okay?” Tessa frowned. “I mean, I know you’re upset but you look…”
“I fell asleep,” she said. “I just conked out for an hour. No clue why.”
“Stress,” Tessa said. “But this might help.” She held the iPad out again, showing a form that Crista didn’t recognize.
“What?” Crista frowned at it, trying to make sense of the words…
Georgia State Department of Education…Elementary School Placement Exam
She instantly recognized the name of the test from research she’d done earlier and shared with Tessa.
For Practice Only ~ Results Not Official
“Oh…” She looked up at Tessa. “She took it?”
“Twice. Both times the same result.” She pointed to the form, sliding her finger over the name Magnolia Merritt, the date, and the test type— Third Grade Readiness Evaluation.
“Oh, my.”
“Keep reading,” Tessa said, tapping the screen so it went to the next page.
Overall score: Pass
Pass? Crista closed her eyes, literally swaying.
“You okay?”
“I’m just a little…dizzy.”
Tessa giggled. “I know. I was, too. This happened twice, Crista. I have both scores. Look at these numbers!”
“I can’t…” She felt woozy again. “I just… Read them to me.” She took a few steps back to the bed, so overwhelmed by relief and emotion that she felt her entire body vibrating.
“Reading Comprehension,” Tessa said. “Eighty-one-beautiful-percent.”
“No!”
“They call that, ‘Meets Expectations,’” Tessa said. “I call it a massive victory! And get this! Math was even higher! Every single category, Crista—exceeds, meets, or approaching grade-level expectation. She passed with flying colors!”
Crista put her hand over her mouth, not even able to comprehend all the feelings ricocheting through her body.
“Does Nolie know?” Crista asked.
“I didn’t even tell her it was a test,” Tessa said. “I told her it was a game. A game she aced! Our girl is going to third grade!”
Our girl. Good heavens, this was a dear woman. A good, dear, kind woman who cared about Nolie.
She blinked at Tessa, fighting for calm with a few deep breaths. “I’m…I’m sorry, Tessa.”
Inching back, Tessa’s smile wavered as she searched Crista’s face. “Are you going to whack out on me again for something that happened thirty years ago and I had no control over?”
Tears burned Crista’s lids. Shame, regret, and another wave of utter lack of self-control. “No, I’m not. I’m literally apologizing. I’m sorry for…all that.”
Tessa’s shoulders dropped as she stepped closer. “It’s okay.”
“No, actually, it’s not,” Crista said. “I don’t know why I acted like that. You didn’t deserve it. You deserve my gratitude.”
On a long sigh, Tessa dropped onto the bed, placing the iPad between them. “I’m just really proud of Nolie.”
“You should be,” Crista said. “You’ve done something in a few weeks that we haven’t been able to do the whole school year. Not even close.”
“Because I’m dyslexic, too,” Tessa said gently. “Remember that, okay? It’s like I speak her language and you don’t.”
“You do speak her language,” Crista said. “I’ve honestly never seen her connect so easily with anyone outside of our family. I should be throwing my arms around you in appreciation and yet…” She put her hand on her stomach, dread making it roll.
Because when her mother found out it was Tessa Wylie who’d helped Nolie get into third grade, there would be hell to pay.
“Crista?” Tessa leaned in. “You okay? You look a little…green around the gills, if you know what I mean.”
“I’m fine. It’s the emotion. The revelations. The guilt.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I think that’s what’s really getting to me.”
“Let it go,” Tessa said. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. First of all, your mother is putting ridiculous parameters around your life. Around all of you. She gives you this house to keep or sell but it comes with a caveat that says, ‘Don’t breathe the same air as a Wylie’?”
Crista laughed. “That’s what Vivien has said from the beginning. Could this be an unconditional gift? Does Maggie Lawson know the meaning of that?” She cringed as she said the words. “Oh, listen to me. I never say anything bad about my mother. I always defend her.”
“You’re a good daughter, but you have to put your daughter first. Her needs, her education, and, well, her tutor, who happens to be a Wylie.” Tessa smiled. “Does it matter, if Nolie is thriving?”
Crista searched the beautiful face of the woman sitting next to her. “You were always a little nicer to me than any of the other ‘big kids’ at the house,” she said, as surprised as Tessa was at the unexpected change of subject. But she realized she’d wanted to say it for a while now.
“You might not remember,” she continued, “but when I had to be in a sleeping bag on the floor, I almost always woke up in your bed.”
“’Cause I was scared I’d walk on you when I sneaked in late from a night swim with some cute boy.”
“But you cared,” Crista said. “I think I knew that when I handed Nolie to you. You have a caring heart.”
Tessa rolled her eyes. “Don’t let that get out. It’ll ruin my hard-earned reputation as cold-hearted?—”
“No.” Crista put her hand on Tessa’s arm. “You’re not cold-hearted. You actually would have made a spectacular mother. Nolie is proof of that.”
Tessa’s soft expression slowly grew…harder. Cooler. Slightly distant. “Well, I wasn’t.” She picked up the iPad. “Now, do you want to tell Anth—” She froze. “What’s wrong, Crista?”
Crista stood, almost unable to talk as her throat thickened. “I think…I’m going to be sick.”
She didn’t wait for Tessa to react, but tore into the ensuite and flung the toilet seat up.
“Crista?”
She waved her off and leaned over, getting almost instant relief when her whole lunch came back up.
After a moment, she stood up and turned to the sink, flipping on the water to rinse her mouth. When she looked up into the mirror, she didn’t meet her own gaze but Tessa’s.
The other woman stood right behind her, quiet, with a very knowing look in her eyes.
“It’s like I can’t control anything,” Crista whispered. “Mood, food, tears…”
“When was your last period?”
Crista froze and blinked. “What?”
“Are you on birth control?”
“No, but I’m forty-three and Nolie took years to conceive and…”
“Exhaustion. Dizzy. Throwing up?” Tessa lifted a brow. “Didn’t you mention heartburn the other night? And let’s not forget those mood swings.”
“No. It’s not…” Well, there was that date night a month or so ago. It was possible.
Tessa raised a questioning brow, silent.
“Please,” Crista said, pressing a washcloth to her lips. “Keep this between us. I’ll have to…be sure.”
“Are you happy about it?” Tessa asked softly.
Crista just looked at her. “I’m…just stunned. It would be…wow. Yeah, impossible but…oh, my goodness.” Reeling, she reached out and hugged Tessa, aching to hold someone close at this most confusing, shocking, unbelievable moment.
She squeezed Tessa, who gave her a light hug back, and when they separated, she could have sworn the other woman had tears in her eyes, too.
How sweet she was to care.
“I was so wrong about you, Tessa,” Crista admitted gruffly.
Tessa mustered a smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Your secret’s safe with me,” she said. “Better call your husband and tell him the big news.”
“About Nolie or…” She touched her stomach.
“Both.”
No, not both, Crista thought as Tessa gave a wink and a wave and left her alone in the bathroom.
She’d just tell him about Nolie. And the other thing? She needed to take a test. She still simply couldn’t believe it.
* * *
“Passed? Like passed for real?” Anthony’s voice rose as he asked the question for the fourth time. “And you’re sure that it’s the same test?”
“Not exactly the same, but conceptually, yes. It was a third grade entrance exam for the state of Georgia and she passed!”
She heard Anthony sigh and then laugh and her whole being suddenly ached for him. This was the longest they’d ever been apart, and she could feel the absence down to her toes.
“I miss you, Anth,” she whispered into the phone, the temptation to tell him what just happened so strong. But she had to be sure—this could absolutely be some weird fluke and then he’d be disappointed.
Wouldn’t he? Or would this upset him? Another expense, another form of stress…
“Oh, Cris, honey,” he said, his voice soft and loving. “There are no words for how I miss you. Both of you. This house is so empty! I even miss that darn dog.”
She laughed, feeling lighthearted and lightheaded. “Pittypat’s a beach regular now. You wouldn’t believe how she wakes up and demands to go down that boardwalk.”
“The one where you’re having a fashion show?”
She stayed quiet for a beat, letting the question sink in. “I thought you said Nolie and I had to come home and she’d miss that.”
He let out a moan. “A moment of pure selfishness and stupidity. Of course she’s staying.”
“Oh, Anthony!” She bit her lip and, oh, yeah, here came the tears again. “Please come for the fashion show. Although…I have to warn you, Kate Wylie, her teenage kids, and her mother will be here, too.”
“Warn me? I’m not Maggie. I don’t have some imaginary issue with these people I’ve never even met. But will I have to dress up like I’m in a wedding?”
“Probably.” She smiled, tamping down the burn in her gut that she had every time she thought about telling Maggie how she and Nolie had spent this month.
“I can be there on Friday afternoon,” Anthony said, pulling her back into the conversation. “Would that be okay?”
“Yes! Of course. Nolie’s in our room, but we’ll get her an air mattress. She’ll be over the moon, Anthony. She’ll be so happy. I am.” She swiped a tear, just accepting that they flowed constantly now. “And we’ll keep working with her, of course! Tessa isn’t done, I’m sure, there’s more to?—”
“Crista,” he whispered, cutting her off.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
The words squeezed the air out of her lungs. So much that she couldn’t even respond.
“I really do, Cris. I’ve been hard on you and all you’ve done was care about her. I’ve been demanding and scared and…” His voice cracked. “I love you so much. You’re an amazing mother.”
She closed her eyes and held her breath, the only way she could keep from bursting out a way too premature announcement. She wasn’t even remotely sure how she felt about the possibility, so there was no way to balance his reaction.
“I love you, too,” she managed. “It’s been a really stressful time with Nolie and Maggie…”
“Yeah, Maggie. Too bad she’s so dead-set against keeping that house. You might be able to talk me into giving up the cash just so she’d have a second place to go. Or we would.”
She flinched. “You’ve had enough, huh?”
“No, no. I love her, and I know you two are close, it’s just that sometimes we need a break from having her…witness our life.”
He was so right. And if there was a baby? Oh, boy. A mess of stress.
“Well, if we end up keeping this house, it would be a nice place for us to escape as a family,” she said. “Nolie loves every grain of sand and every ray of sunshine.”
He chuckled. “That kid is too much, isn’t she? Passed! Look out, third grade, here she comes!”
His voice rose with joy, and it lifted every cell in her body. Once again, she had to fight the temptation to tell him her news, but she just closed her eyes.
“I can’t wait to see you, Anthony.”
“Oh, I’ll be there. And I’ll wear a tux for that thing. I’ll do it for Nolie. I’d do anything for that kid. And you.”
She squeezed the phone, wishing she could hold him. “I know. You’re a wonderful father and husband.”
“I’ll be better, Cris. I promise.”
“And I’ll be less emotional,” she countered. Just maybe not for…eight more months.
But she didn’t say a word, just promised that she and Nolie would FaceTime him tonight.
Would she tell him then? No. If she was pregnant, she’d tell him in person when he came down. She wanted to be with him when he found out.
It was only when she hung up that she realized how much she wanted that test to be positive.