35. Now
NOW
I was homeless when I moved to LA. The first time a guy tried something in the shelter, I punched him in the throat so hard he reported me.
I lied on job applications, shoplifted food, dated a club owner to get gigs, and slept with a producer to get a demo made.
I was ruthless and calculating, twenty-fours a day, and I felt absolutely nothing about it.
Something had hardened in me the day I walked out of the church and left Luke behind. It was the moment I gave up hoping I’d ever be good, or loved, or even happy. I decided to simply survive, nothing more. It made things easier.
Now, as I meet Luke’s bewildered gaze as we’re marched out of the ballroom in handcuffs, I know I need to find that thing again. I will hurt anyone I have to—even Donna, even Luke—in order to get him out of this.
Donna runs alongside me. “Juliet, what’s going on?”
In an ideal world, I’d tell her the whole, terrible truth before she hears Grady’s version, but I’m not sure mine sounds much better, and I’m scared she won’t do what I need to if she knows it.
“Luke didn’t do anything,” I whisper. “I know this looks bad, just believe me…Luke had nothing to do with it. You’ve got to get him out of this. Find Harrison. And get Drew to call her attorney.”
I’m not sure if she will. I wouldn’t, in her shoes.
Luke and I are taken in separate police cars.
I don’t utter a single word and I don’t cry.
I hold my shit together and try to decide who I’ll call when they book me.
My agent, someone at the label, my manager, Luke’s agent?
Who stands to lose the most money from our arrest?
Who’ll work hardest to fix this? I’m not sure.
None of them will work hard enough.
Everyone in the station turns to stare at me as I enter—I guess it’s not every day you witness the arrest of a celebrity in a floor-length satin dress—and I stare right back, looking for one person who can help me.
I’m photographed and fingerprinted, and all the while, the only thing I’m wondering is who I can fuck, threaten, or bribe into helping Luke out.
“We’d like to talk to you about the night Danny died,” the cop says.
“I want to make my call.”
“It’s just a few questions.”
I stare him down until he hands me the phone.
I call Ben, Drew’s attorney and my friend. I don’t think he practices criminal law but he’s smart as hell. Between him and Harrison, they’ll at least be able to get Luke released on bond until we can figure something out.
He answers on the first ring. “Juliet, say nothing,” he warns. “Drew already explained and I’m on my way. Your friend Harrison is probably there by now. We’ll fix this.”
Donna did what I asked. For the first time since this went down, tears threaten.
I swallow hard. “Don’t worry about me—”
“When I told you to say nothing, I meant say nothing ,” he growls. “Yes, I know who you’re worried about. We’re handling it. Just hang in there and keep your mouth shut.”
Ben sounds confident, but Ben always sounds confident. And he might just be trying to shut me up.
I’m deposited in a room with poor lighting and a two-way mirror. Metal chair, cheap wood table, just like they show on TV. I assume that any minute now, two detectives will walk in to play good cop, bad cop . One will offer me water while the other one throws chairs.
I wait and wait, but no one enters, and I finally rest my head on my folded arms and try to come up with a back-up plan in case Ben and Harrison fail.
I’ve got nothing, though. In the end I just think of Luke beside me, swaying in a hammock, telling me it’s all okay. And that’s when I finally start to cry.
I’m not sure when the tears give way to sleep, but I’m jolted awake by the sound of the door opening. I have no idea how much time has passed.
“You’re free to go,” says a guy in a uniform.
I stare at him, waiting for stipulations. Waiting for him to tell me Ben posted bail or that I’ve got to appear in court in an hour. “Just like that?”
He arches a brow. “Were you hoping to stay?”
I’m led to the processing desk, where they return my clutch and heels. Harrison is waiting at the end of the hall, still in his tux.
My mouth opens and he shakes his head, warning me not to say anything yet. It’s only when the door shuts and we start walking down the hall that he speaks. “Luke’s fine.”
“But is he out ?”
He shakes his head again. “Not yet, but I think he will be.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper. “If they had enough to arrest us, what could have changed?”
“Their evidence is entirely circumstantial. Luke’s leash around Danny’s ankle proves nothing. Grady told them about your affair with Luke and your fight with Danny on the night he died—that gave them motive, but they don’t have that anymore, either. Donna took care of it.”
I stop in place. “Donna?”
“She told the police that she spoke to Danny that evening and he said he was going to take the same jump Luke did.”
I was sitting right next to Danny when he spoke to Donna. There was no mention of the jump at all.
My brow furrows. “ What ? That’s not—”
He cuts me off with a warning glance and a hand on my arm. His smile, though, is gentle. “She loves you and Luke like you’re her own, Juliet.”
“She lied , ” is what he’s saying. She learned tonight that Luke and I were together, and that Danny jumped because of what we did, and she still lied to save us both.
But does it mean she’s forgiven us too? I can’t imagine anyone would be capable of it.
He leaves me at the entrance to the lobby, telling me he’s got to handle some stuff for Luke.
I walk out alone to find Donna waiting. She rises, holding out her arms, and I go straight to her like the child I still am, on the inside.
The scared fifteen-year-old who isn’t sure anyone has ever cared about her.
I have my answer at last. She cared. All along. Just like Luke did.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
She hugs me close. “I’d do anything for my children…
all of my children. I'm not stupid. I know there’s a lot going on I’m unaware of.
But the one thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that neither you nor Luke would ever have intentionally hurt my son.
This wasn’t your fault, Juliet. We weren’t fair to you. I realized that long ago.”
“But I—”
She shakes her head. “You needed us, and we used that to our advantage. I wanted a daughter, and Danny wanted an easy love story, something uncomplicated, but that’s something you can’t have with a complicated girl. We walked over you and you never said a word.”
“I had nothing to complain about. You saved me.”
She squeezes my hand as she blinks back tears.
“Oh, we hammered that one home, didn’t we?
We told you in a thousand ways how lucky you were, just so you’d stay in your place.
” She leads me to a chair and sits beside me.
“I suspected you and Luke had feelings for each other. If I’d been better and stronger, I’d have let you go, but I wanted what was best for me more than I wanted what was best for you.
You loved him right from the very start, didn’t you? ”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I loved Danny, too, but it was different.”
She wraps an arm around me and my head falls to her shoulder. “I know, honey,” she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. “Why do you think I asked you both to come back here to help me?”
We sit like that for a long time, and inside me, a window opens. There was never a single sermon the pastor gave that made me believe in something bigger than myself. But a love like Donna’s, forgiveness like Donna’s, is too huge, and too lovely, to have ever occurred by chance.
Maybe I still don’t believe in God, but I believe in her and Luke, and right now…that feels like enough.
* * *
It’s three in the morning when Libby walks in. I sit up straight, tense. She gives me an uncertain wave as Harrison ushers her into the bowels of the station.
I’m not sure what she’s doing here or what I’ll tell her if she wants to talk on the way out.
I’m sure Grady has given her a very different version of what happened that night, and maybe I should just let her think it.
She’s having his kid in a matter of months, after all—my warnings would come a bit too late.
She’s only in back for about a half hour when Harrison walks out with her.
“Your friend Ben’s still back there, but things look good,” he tells us. “Why don’t the two of you get some sleep? I think he’ll be released by morning.”
Donna looks from him to me. She knows just by the set of my jaw that I’m not going anywhere. “I think we’ll stay a bit longer,” she tells him.
We retake our seats, and Libby sinks into the chair beside mine. “So,” she begins. “Interesting night.”
My laugh is shaky. “Yeah, I guess it was.”
“I’m sorry,” she says, and her eyes fill with tears. “I told them the truth.”
I swallow. Fuck . Maybe this isn’t wrapping up the way I thought. “Which truth is that?”
“That night? When Danny died?” She stares at her hands. “It was Grady he was yelling at on the beach. I know everyone thought it was Luke, and I let them think it because it would’ve looked bad if it all came out.”
Donna and I glance at each other. “If what came out?” she asks.
“Grady was the one lobbying against you going to Nicaragua. I didn’t agree with him, but I knew he was doing it.
A lot of people knew. He held meetings, he organized a letter writing campaign, and Danny found out.
I really thought Grady just wanted the money to stay here, but now…
I don’t think that’s what it was.” She swallows.
“Grady told me last night that you’d been blackmailing him.
That you made up some story about catching him on the beach with Ryan in order to keep him quiet about you and Luke. It wasn’t made-up, though, was it?”