14. Elijah
14
Elijah
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
What just happened? Holy shit!
I practically ran back to my room, which was hard to do in these pants since Tobias's waist size was definitely bigger than mine.
Fuck, he’s bigger everywhere.
Fuck! I shouldn’t know that!
My heart was beating outside of my chest by the time I entered my room.
“Eli! I was wondering where you were.” Katelyn hopped off my bed and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Mmm, you smell good. Is that new cologne?” She asked, looking at my dresser.
No, that’s the scent of a hot and sexy man I’d rather not name.
I unwrapped her arms from around me and sat on the bed.
“We should go. Like, now.” I breathed. She looked at me, confused.
“We’re supposed to leave tomorrow morning.” She tilted her head.
“I know, but I want to go now. I’m done with this little home visit and want to go.” I hurried.
“Jeez. Okay, that’s fine.” She held up her hands in surrender. “Did something happen?” She asked, beginning to pack away the things in her suitcase.
My stomach dropped. I guess I just cheated on her, and she didn’t deserve that.
Maybe Tobias was right. Perhaps I’m not a nice person.
I clenched my teeth. I hate that his words are getting into my brain. He’s always getting so deep into my brain!
He thinks he knows me; he doesn’t. I’ll prove him wrong.
Then why am I running away?
I breathed out.
“I-um…I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
“Did I do something wrong?” She shook her head. My heart hurt.
“What? No. No, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I just think…If I’m being honest, I think we’re better off as friends. I think I was trying to prove something by having you come with me here, but that’s not fair to you.”
She pursed her lips. “And you waited until now to tell me that?”
I gulped. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m sorry. I should’ve done it way sooner.”
She nodded her head, looking away. “Wow, okay.” She bit her lip.
“Are you okay–”
“Let’s just fucking go, Elijah.” She snapped, throwing in the rest of her clothes.
***
“Woah, woah. Where are you going? I still have another night with you. We were going to watch movies and eat ramen in front of the TV.” Dad scrunched his eyebrows together, almost chasing me out the door.
“I know, but we just really need to get back,” I said, tossing my suitcase in the trunk of my car.
Gwen and Tobias were both standing by the doorframe. I tried to avert my eyes away from Tobias, but the darts he was throwing my way were hard to miss. He was pissed that I was leaving without talking; I could see it all over his face.
“I just don’t understand.” Dad rushed out to hold me in place. “Is this about Tobias? I heard you two fighting upstairs but thought I’d better leave you two to sort it out alone. Is it worse? Did I mess up? Should I have stepped in?” He looked at me so worried.
I dropped my shoulders. This wasn’t his fault. It was all mine. “No, dad. I just…I need some space to think about some things. About myself.”
Dad looked like he was scanning my face for a lie. He wasn’t going to find one. It was the truth. I needed a breath after this afternoon. Some space to figure out what the hell that all was. What type of person I truly am.
Katelyn shoved her suitcase past Gwen and Tobias and rounded my car, slamming her suitcase in the back to join mine and then slamming the car door behind her.
“Jeez, tell her I said bye,” Dad said. “Is that what this is about? Girl problems?”
I gave him a faint smile. “Sorta.” My eyes shifted behind him to connect with Tobias.
He was leaning on the doorframe, pick in between his teeth and arms folded across his chest. He looked positively pissed off. I turned my attention back to my dad. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I’ll call you when I reach.” I smiled.
“Okay, son. I love you.” Dad pulled me in for a kiss on the forehead. I waved behind him to Gwen, who gave me a sweet smile and a wave back. Tobias grabbed the toothpick from his mouth and turned around to head inside.
I looked down at my feet and then back at my dad. “I love you too,” I smiled, kissing him on the cheek and hugging him goodbye.
***
Back in my dorm room, I was feeling distraught.
I’ve been a total mess in my head for the past few weeks. Replaying the last conversation I had with Tobias over and over again.
Was I that awful back in high school to him?
When I honestly think about it, I wasn’t the warmest. Truthfully, I always felt he turned his back on me for “the cool kids” right when we got to high school. As though our friendship never even stood a chance.
I ran my hand through my hair and leaned back on my bed. I don’t know what to think. Was our feud one-sided? Did I make up half of this conflict in my mind? No, it can’t be.
I looked at my phone. I don’t know why it pisses me off that he hasn’t messaged me after that one afternoon. It’s not like it was supposed to be anything. I don’t know why part of me expects a message that will never come.
I rolled my eyes and groaned into my pillow.
I still can’t believe we did what we did. What even was that?
I needed to distract myself, so I took out my professional camera and started flipping through the memory. I told dad I’d edit the videos I took and post them for him, so I better get on it.
My eyebrows furrowed. I sat up and kept scrolling through.
I played a video of Tobias talking to a table. They laughed as he smiled, looking at the guests. The lighting was perfect in this one, illuminating his face like candlelight.
Next.
Tobias walked a platter of food out to the dining room. His hair was perfect in this picture—perfectly groomed back and just the right amount of hair falling in his eyes.
Next.
Tobias clapped his hands, singing Happy Birthday to a table with the other servers. He really has perfect teeth. His smile outshines everything in the room as he laughs and sings.
Ugh! I tossed my camera across the bed, rolling onto my stomach.
This is impossible. I am clearly obsessed with the man. And I had the audacity to say what I said about him. I groaned into my pillow.
I looked back at my camera. The screen still showed a picture of Tobias.
This one was a picture. He was looking down at the screen, punching in an order. The view was from below, looking up at him. His blue eyes pierced the view, and his jawline looked exquisite.
I picked up the camera and sat it closer to me.
I rolled onto my back and positioned the camera on my chest. From this view, it looked like he was looking down at me, just like back in the guest bedroom.
I squirmed, remembering how it felt to have him on top of me.
No. This can’t be happening.
I looked down at my pants and realized I was impossibly hard. Again.
I breathed out deeply, remembering the way he ground his hips on mine. I gripped my hard-on, and the touch felt terrific. But it was nothing compared to the way rubbing against him felt.
Just thinking about him being the one to touch me was sending me into a frenzy.
“Fuck.” I breathed, stuffing my hand down my pants.
"Shit," he had said. I remember his sweet, smooth voice and warm breath, panting over me.
And just like that, I was coming all over myself due to Tobias Voss. Again.