Chapter 14 12 Years Ago
CHAPTER 14
12 YEARS AGO
August
It was such a relief when Ms. Forest signed the amended divorce agreement a couple weeks later. Wes’s father had promised support for college, Ms. Forest had access to a subsidy for her medication, and all for the cost of Wes spending three weekends a year with his father. Selfishly, the thought of seeing Wes in Toronto made me giddy.
Meanwhile, we didn’t kiss again or talk about it for the rest of the summer. Whenever I tried to bring it up, Wes would change the topic.
Still, I stopped flirting with Jake. A new awareness filled the air when Wes and I were together. My eyes would catch on the dip of his collarbone and his hands would pause a moment too long on mine when he helped me up from the boat. But as the end of summer drew closer, I became more frustrated. We were stuck in limbo, even if Wes would be coming to the city this year.
“So, you two?” Jake asked me as we weeded a garden, while Wes mowed the backyard.
“No, we’re just friends,” I said, yanking furiously at some unruly ivy.
“Just friends, my ass,” Jake scoffed. “My sister will kill me for telling you this, but he’s an idiot.” He threw a pile of uprooted weeds into a garbage bag.
That didn’t sit right with me. “He’s probably the smartest person I know.”
Jake choked out a laugh, as the buzz of the lawnmower clipped off. “That’s exactly why he’s an idiot.”
Wes rolled the lawn mower towards us. “Who’s an idiot?”
“Me,” Jake said, resting his elbow on my shoulder. “Juma here was telling me to look her up next time we go down to Toronto. I should have been doing that all along.”
Wes stiffened. “Sure. Lia, Jake and I can finish up here if you wanted to go get the boat out? I’ll meet you there.”
I nodded as Wes restarted the lawn mower. He pushed it to the other side of the yard, brow furrowed tightly.
Jake winked at me.
“Why are you goading him?” I asked Jake. “Shouldn’t you be trying to help your sister?”
Jake’s laugh was tinged with bitterness. “Trust me, she doesn’t need any help.” He gave me a steady look. “Besides, if I can’t ask out the girl my best friend is obsessed with, the least I can do is help them get together.”
My heart lifted with hope that Jake’s meddling would help Wes see sense. “In another world, I would say yes to going out with you.”
Jake’s smile was wicked. “I know.”
The end of August came as swiftly as a thunderous summer shower. Like the year before, Wes invited Andrea, Jake, Mel and me over the night before we were set to head home. His mother suggested a barbecue this time around, but the sky had other ideas.
Wes was inside seasoning the vegetable skewers that Mel and I had brought over. The rest of us were clustered around a picnic table in the backyard. Ms. Forest wasn’t home; she’d taken an extra shift for some sweet overtime cash. Ever since starting her new meds Ms. Forest seemed back to her Energizer Bunny self.
I’d made it my new goal to get on decent terms with Andrea. No one could be all bad. Maybe my dislike was unfounded. She was Jake’s sister and Wes’s friend, after all. Except she seemed to have the opposite agenda.
“Should we have added more peppers to the skewers?” I asked.
“I’m not a fan of pepper,” Andrea said, crossing her arms.
“Well, we have some zucchini at home we could grill instead, I could go grab them?” I said.
“Ugh, I hate zucchini,” Andrea said.
Jake gave her a look. “Why did you insist on making zucchini noodles yesterday instead of pasta?”
“The calories,” Andrea said, letting out a spurt of light, catty laughter that instinctively made me recoil.
Mel stood up. “I’m going to go grab them. We might as well cook them.” Mel had confided that two weeks ago, she and Andrea had made out again in the staff lounge after closing and gotten to second base. But the next day, Andrea pretended nothing had happened.
“Well, I’m going to go take a deuce,” Jake said. I muffled my laughter as Jake turned towards his sister. “All those noodles from yesterday have really worked their way through my system.”
“RIP the Forests’ toilet,” I said, getting a smile from Jake. Andrea’s frown grew deeper.
This was my opportunity to clear the air, now that Mel and Jake were gone. Andrea kept trying to avoid my gaze, tapping her foot, but the time of cowering in the presence of the popular girls was over.
“What have I done to you to make you hate me so much?” I asked her frankly before she could escape.
“You’re not someone I need in my life.” She let out a heavy sigh and then turned her unforgiving jade eyes on me. “People like you come here, take advantage of my town and then leave.”
“I’m not here to take advantage. I’m Wes’s friend.”
“You’re distracting him from real life. You have him dreaming of going to the city and leaving us here.” She examined her manicured nails pointedly. From what Jake had said, their mother had fallen in love with a city boy, but he’d left her and the kids when opportunity called. This wasn’t the same thing.
“And isn’t that his choice if he wants to leave?”
“This is what I’m talking about.” She turned her piercing gaze on me, and I shrunk beneath it. “He doesn’t see how selfish you are. The way you’ve gotten his father involved again, forcing him to the city, making him want things that aren’t real.”
“I was just trying to help,” I said.
She shook her head brusquely. “All you’re doing is adding stress, and he doesn’t see it because you’re a summer novelty.”
“What does he need, then?” I asked. Doubt pricked the back of my neck.
Andrea rested her arms forward on the picnic table. “He needs someone who gets all the shit he has to deal with from his family. Someone who doesn’t add pressure. Someone who understands where he comes from and doesn’t encourage dreams that aren’t possible.”
“Someone like…you,” I said slowly, shifting on the wooden bench. She was such a hypocrite, toying with Mel while claiming a destiny with Wes.
“Well, yeah.” Andrea smiled, shaking her head as if her conclusion should be obvious.
Her self-righteousness fanned my fury. I gathered my courage, taking a deep breath to steady my voice. “Why are you messing around with my sister, then?” Andrea gaped at me, mouth opening and closing. I’d finally stunned her speechless. “Maybe you’re scared to dream of something impossible,” I continued.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she hissed, eyes narrowing.
The screen door jangled like someone was trying to open it from the inside. I jumped up to open the door. Wes was carrying a platter laden with burgers, buns and the vegetable skewers.
“Let me get that.” Andrea crept up behind me, taking the platter from his hand. “Jake and I brought coolers. Let’s drink them while we grill.”
The pointed look she gave me was clear. I bring the fun. You bring the vegetables.
Storm clouds were brewing by the time the others were a couple coolers in. Rain broke through the thick humidity and the awning only had room enough for Wes and the barbecue to stay dry.
“I don’t mind a little rain, I’ll stay with you,” Andrea said when Wes asked if everyone wanted to go inside. “Besides, I haven’t seen you much this summer.”
“You’ve been seeing a bunch of me,” Mel sniped.
Andrea ignored her, approaching Wes and curling her arm over his shoulder possessively. Wes didn’t move away, as if he was used to her touch.
My gut roiled. Sure, Wes and I had kissed but she’d kissed him too. Multiple times. I glanced at my sister meaningfully, but she didn’t notice. Instead she stared at where Andrea was touching Wes, jaw tight. “I’ll stay too,” she said.
Jake nudged me with his elbow. “Did you want to go inside?”
“Let’s go.” I couldn’t help but respond to his mischievous smile.
Andrea looked gratefully at her brother as I followed him indoors, but I could feel Wes’s gaze boring into my back.
The pitter-patter of the rain picked up as Jake and I sat at the kitchen table near the back door. “You look like you could use a drink,” Jake said, passing me a sweating cooler. The pink watermelon embossed on the label seemed harmless.
“Thanks,” I said. I didn’t know if I was thanking him for pulling my jealous gaze away from Andrea, for his company or for the fruity fizz with a warm bite that I was now gulping down. I could be fun too. Even if I’d already rationalized sneaking straight upstairs when I got home so that my mother wouldn’t be able to smell anything on my breath.
“Anytime,” Jake said, stretching back and draining his bottle. He grinned broadly, and for a moment, I appreciated his easy handsomeness and the lightness with which he approached life.
“Too bad I didn’t meet you first,” I joked.
His green eyes glittered. “We could always redo our first meeting.”
I angled my head, taking him in. An awareness passed between us, a sliver of what could have been tinted with the faint haze of alcohol.
The screen door opened, disturbing the charged air.
“Wes insisted we come inside because we’re soaked,” Mel complained. Andrea followed behind her, defeated. Her gaze dipped quickly towards Mel’s damp pink tank top before the screen door slammed shut.
Mel’s eyes zoomed in on me. “You’re drinking?”
“I thought I’d try it,” I said, taking a defiant swig.
Wes found us in his basement. He was holding a gigantic platter filled with burgers and skewers, and his hair was slick with rain. “I got everything cooked,” he said. “Ready to eat?”
After dinner, we all settled around the television. The girls won the movie pick again, choosing another rom-com. I purposely sat at the edge of the couch, Mel next to me and Wes next to her. In a brief intermission, Mel ran to use the washroom and Wes slid beside me. He’d changed out of his damp T-shirt, but his hair had dried in a funny way that made me want to smooth it down.
“I didn’t know you drank,” he whispered when Mel returned and turned the television back on.
I’d worked my way through a second cooler, this one labelled “orange burst.” My face grew hotter and my heart grew number the more I drank. I thought I liked the feeling.
“Doesn’t everyone?” I intended to laugh lightly, but it came out as a cackle that had the others side-eying me. But I was focused on Wes. His grin was soft in the movie lighting, but Andrea’s words kept echoing in my head. A novelty. I shook it off. She didn’t know anything.
Finally the movie moved on to the credits, and I called out to the room. “Should we play some sort of game? Maybe poker? Or cheat?”
Andrea let out a scornful laugh. “Cheat? It’s like you’re twelve.”
“Hey,” Jake said, fake wounded. “Cheat’s my favourite game.”
“What about Truth or Dare?” Mel sat up, eyes glittering.
“I’m easy,” I said with a nonchalant shrug, getting a burst of laughter from Jake and a frown from Wes.
“Maybe this isn’t the right crowd for Truth or Dare,” Andrea said. “It’s too many siblings. What about Never Have I Ever? Whoever has done the thing has to take a sip of this.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a mickey of Smirnoff. “I’ll start. Never have I ever spent an evening doing Kumon.”
Mel drank and reached over Wes to pass me the mickey. I took a tiny sip, coughing as the harsh liquid burned down my throat. Wes silently handed me his water. I’d never had hard alcohol before. It was vile and I hated it, but I plastered a smile on because that’s what fun Lia would do.
“It’s disgusting,” Wes whispered into my ear.
“It’s not so bad,” I lied and then looked at Andrea. “Never have I ever made out with a girl,” I said. Andrea’s eyebrows rose. I cocked mine back at her.
Everyone except me took a sip. Jake’s breath escaped him in a hiss and Wes tensed next to me as the mickey was passed around.
I tried to ignore the jab in my chest when I thought of Wes and Andrea together.
Wes tilted his head towards me. “Never have I ever drank the amoeba-filled lake water.”
None of us took a sip, and Andrea and Jake looked puzzled.
“Never have I ever been up the CN Tower,” Jake said.
Mel and Wes drank and passed it to me. I took the tiniest of sips and then, when Andrea gave me a look, another larger swallow. The game started to become a fuzzy spiral, in between gulps of vodka. We cracked open a second bottle when the first finished in dregs down my throat.
“Never have I ever smoked pot,” I said. Everyone but me drank.
“Never have I ever kissed a boy,” Jake said with a smirk. Andrea, Mel and I took burning swigs from the mickey.
I was starting to feel woozy and sleepy, leaning into the couch and Wes. My brain fizzled as the game continued around me.
“Never have I ever been in debate club,” Andrea said pointedly and tossed me the mickey. My fingers fumbled trying to open the lid.
“My mom’s going to get home soon,” Wes suddenly announced. I realized I was propped up against him, breathing in fresh pine. “You guys should probably get going.”
“Lia still owes us a drink,” Andrea said.
“Cut it out,” Mel said sharply. “Lia, can you get up?”
I dragged myself upright, stumbling upstairs. My head spun as Andrea and Jake got ready to go.
“I’m going to go home and make sure my parents are asleep and come back for Lia,” Mel said to Wes once Jake and Andrea had left. I slumped onto the floor, my head heavy.
Wes dropped onto his knees next to me, handing me a glass of water. “You okay? That was a lot of alcohol.”
“The rest of you drank more,” I said, draining the glass.
“We’ve drunk before,” Wes said. The only tell he’d had anything at all was the colour in his cheeks. I frowned and moved to stand up. Maybe if I drank more often, I’d be more fun.
“What are you talking about?” Wes asked. Apparently, I’d said that aloud.
“Oh.” I pondered, my brain firing on the one remaining cylinder that wasn’t soaked in vodka. “I gotta pee,” I said, surprised as all the liquid hit my bladder with the force of a firehose. I lurched as I stepped in the direction of the washroom, and Wes followed me, waiting outside the door.
“Are you alright in there?” he called.
One thing I decided I liked about vodka was that I didn’t feel self-conscious that Wes was probably hearing the stream hitting the toilet bowl in a gush.
“I’m fine,” I said as I flushed and washed my hands. My reflection looked different. My eyes were glazed and bewildered. I guessed this was what fun looked like. But now the numbness was wearing off and anxiety was creeping in. How was I going to get home? Did Wes think I couldn’t handle myself?
“At least you didn’t vomit,” Wes said, laughing, as I opened the door. He was leaning against the opposite wall, his grin open and relaxed in a way that made my ribs lock into a vise. Andrea was right. Wes needed someone easy and I wasn’t sure how to be that person. “Are you alright?” Wes asked when I stumbled forward. He caught me, his arm encircling my back. I let my head rest on his shoulder. “You haven’t seemed like yourself today.”
“I wanted you to see me as someone you could be with,” I said, honesty falling out of my liquored lips. “Sometimes I wish I was more. Better. The type of person who’d take your breath away like in the books.”
He swivelled me so I faced him, so close that when I met his eyes, it felt like diving into the bay.
“I like you the way you are,” he said, his arms firm, holding me upright.
My breath tight, I rose to my tiptoes, brushing my lips against his. Wes froze against me. “Do you, though?” I asked mournfully. “You don’t seem to like me the way I like you.”
He half laughed. “Lia, sometimes I feel like I like you enough for both of us.”
“I don’t believe you,” I challenged. His heartbeat thundered, matching the race under my ribs. I pushed in closer and then held still, his breath hot against my lips. “Prove it.”
Wes’s eyes darkened and he tipped forward, sealing my lips against his, breaking a dam. Our hands flowed everywhere in a drunken fever, mine under his shirt, the feeling of his smooth skin making them shake, his hands down low on my back, under the waistband of my shorts until there was no space separating us. The alcohol loosened a feeling of desperation in me, and it echoed in the firmness of his grasp on my hips, in his rough exhales. More , each kiss seemed to ask. More , the answer was passed back and forth in the press of our lips against each other. We would never have enough.
Suddenly Wes pulled away, cold air rushing in between us. I stared at him as he breathed harshly. “Your sister,” he whispered.
“Lia? Are you ready to go?” Mel called from the entryway to the house.
“Coming,” I replied, foggy-headed. My fingers brushed my lips, finding evidence of the kiss in the sensitive skin. “Does this change anything?” I asked, as he guided me to the front door.
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Wes said, as we reached the door. “Get her home safe,” he muttered to my sister.
Mel raised her eyebrows as she took us in. Our mussed hair, my shirt half off my shoulders, Wes’s swollen lips. I flushed and guarded myself against Mel’s inevitable comment. My sister, to her credit, said nothing. Instead she linked her hand in mine like I was a lost child and led me home.
Aside from feeling a little tired, the next morning was uneventful. My parents were none the wiser, since Mel knew all the tricks to come and go unobtrusively. Still, I was anxious, waiting for Wes to stop by before we left. My dad headed out at the crack of dawn and my mom was driving Mel and me in the afternoon. Every time there was a sound, I looked at the door, hoping it would be him. I delayed loading the car for as long as possible, pretending I had forgotten to pack and suggesting to my mom that we clean the kitchen one more time. We didn’t want to risk rodents while we were away, after all.
Finally I gave up when my mom told me to get a move on so we would be home before sunset. Worry solidified in my throat. Wes probably wanted to brush our kiss under the rug. Maybe he wouldn’t even be in touch during the rest of the year. How could everything be going so wrong?
My mom and Mel were playing Tetris trying to get all of the bags loaded into the cars when I finally spotted Wes loping across the lawn. He pressed a finger to his lips, and I silently followed him to his backyard where the willow tree would shield us from view. I leaned against the trunk. “Where were you this morning?” I asked.
“My mom needed me to run some errands,” he said, cheeks pink. “I’m sorry, I know you guys have to go.”
“Yeah, they’re finishing loading the car.” Our last discussion before I left for the rest of the year was going to be a mundane one. My heart sank as we stared silently at each other.
Finally Wes broke the air. “I wanted to talk to you before you left.”
“Okay,” I said. Even with the alcohol fogging last night, whenever I closed my eyes, I still felt his mouth pressed against mine.
He bit his lower lip, leaning over me as he pressed his hand up against the trunk. My pulse skittered at his closeness. He said, “I like you, Lia. You know that when we kiss it means something, right?” His throat bobbed, and I realized then that he was nervous, just as nervous as I was.
“It does?” I asked, frozen. His eyes were lightning as his hands fell to my waist and mine rose to his shoulders. The invisible string holding us together tightened. We were eye to eye, nose to nose.
“Can we?” he whispered, asking for permission, but for what, I wasn’t sure.
I nodded. His gaze was on my lips, his breath fast. I willed him to fall forward, to place his lips against mine and to tell me we were on the same page, finally.
“Lia?” my mother called faintly. “Where are you? We have to go.”
“I need to leave,” I told Wes, reluctantly pulling away. “We’ll see each other this year though. Soon.” Then, on impulse, I added, “I won’t kiss anyone else.”
“I won’t either,” he vowed.
My mother called again. Before she could find us under the willow tree and stop us before we began, I ran to the car. All the way home, I stared out the window as the trees became fields and fields became crowded highway, and I replayed our kiss. It felt like a promise.