Chapter 45 – Raelyn
Chapter Forty-Five
RAELYN
Kian shows up in our wing looking rather worse for wear. I can’t fight the draw to him, which I suppose makes sense, considering I did know him before he was taken from me . . . but is it wrong that I enjoyed waking with his arms around me? Is it wrong that I want him to hold and kiss me?
I blow out a breath, continuing to flip through the pages of a book I found in our room. He must be really interested in the gods. Every single book I pick up is filled with stories and fables . . . genealogies of demi-gods.
“How are you feeling?” Kian asks, dropping onto the settee next to me.
“Confused? But much the same as before.” I fiddle with the pages of the book. “Are you really into the gods or something?”
Kian chuckles. “Yes, but those are books you’ve been reading, actually.”
My brows rise. “That doesn’t sound like me at all.”
“Well, there are some things I’ve been meaning to tell you . . .”
I gulp. What new revelation is headed for me now? I pull my robe a little tighter, as if it could protect me. “Please just spit it out, Kian. I’m trying not to panic.”
“You were researching the gods because we discovered you have godsblood.”
“You’ve got to be joking.”
Kian reaches over, tugging on a tendril of hair that’s come out of my bun. “I’m not . . . and unfortunately, it is something we need to keep to ourselves.”
I frown, trying to put the pieces together. “Is it a crime to have godsblood? Doesn’t your family have it?”
Kian moves his hand to cradle my cheek, and I want to melt into him. He feels so good . . . so right, and it takes all of my self-control not to climb into his lap.
“Perhaps if it were severely diluted like ours, it wouldn’t be as big a deal . . .”
“Mine is not?”
“I spoke with your father today . . . and he confessed that he’s been drugging you to keep you from discovering your heritage.”
“Drugging me? What? How?” I sputter.
“Your daily tonic.”
“You’re kidding. I’ve been looking all over our suite for the damned tonic, and Sera got all dodgy when I asked her about it.” I shake my head, trying to wrap my mind around it, and the betrayal makes me want to vomit.
“I’m sorry, love. I wish I were kidding.”
“So what does this mean? If he’s not my father, who is?”
“Apparently, your actual father is a god . . . Kyros, the sun god, based on what Cary told me.”
“What in the world?” I gasp. I’m crushed with the hurt that something so vital has been kept from me for almost my entire life. That the man I knew as my father lied to me, poisoned me. I shake my head again. “How is that even possible? Haven’t the gods been gone?”
Kian shrugs, his hand moving from my cheek and down my throat before gently resting on my collarbone. “As far as I know, Cary loved your mother, your real mother, and he raised you to protect you.”
“So my mother wasn’t my mother either?” I ask, unable to hold back the shiver from Kian’s gentle touch. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of the emotional devastation. Is it selfish of me to enjoy this simple touch and escape from the life-altering revelations?
“Not according to Cary,” he says softly as his thumb rubs along my collarbone.
I can’t think, I almost can’t breathe, but I find myself leaning in.
“Do you want me to stop?” His voice comes out in a low rumble, sending even more chills down my arms and neck.
“I don’t think I can concentrate with you touching me,” I whisper. But please don’t stop. I wish I could say the words aloud, but something holds me back.
Kian lets go, and the sudden rush of cold air replacing the heat makes me want to cry.
“I’m sorry, Rae. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper, trying to shake myself out of the spell he captured me in. “So . . . my father is a god,” I repeat.
“Yes.”
“And that makes me . . .”
“A demi-god.”
“Fuck.”
Kian’s lips curl into a smile. “Such a foul word from such a pretty mouth.”
My hand darts to touch my lips, embarrassment creeping in, when I have a revelation. “So I’m not allergic to the sun?”
“No, love.”
I wrinkle my nose at my next question. “Does that mean I need to drink blood?”
Kian chuckles. “I don’t think it’s a requirement, but it can strengthen you. You seem to like it.”
“Beg your pardon?” He can’t be serious. I’ve consumed blood?
He scoots a little closer on the settee, offering his throat to me. “You’ve tasted me before. Would you like to again?”
I swallow, my mouth watering at the thought, which simultaneously thrills and disgusts me. “I . . . I don’t know . . .”
“Maybe it would help?” Kian says, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Or is that lust?
I tilt my head. “Do you really think so?”
He shrugs and goes to undo the top buttons of his shirt.
I’m hot and cold all over, my pulse racing in anticipation.
“What can it hurt, Rae? You wouldn’t have even thought to try it before . . .”
I take a breath and nod. “Perhaps you’re right. What can it hurt?” I touch my jaw. “I don’t think my teeth are sharp enough.”
Kian laughs. “Don’t you worry. I’ve got that covered.” He draws a dagger from his boot and holds it up to his throat.
A bolt of fear rushes through me at seeing him in such a vulnerable position, and I yelp, dragging the blade away. “What are you doing?”
Kian frowns. “Just a shallow cut, love. How else will I bleed for you?”
“I don’t know . . . Maybe this is a terrible idea.”
Kian tsks. “I am full of terrible ideas, but I’m certain this isn’t one. Now let go.”
I reluctantly release his hand, and he makes a small cut on his throat with his blade.
“Have at it, little goddess.” He smiles.
I’m completely and utterly out of my depth, but the scent from the slow trickle of blood has my mouth watering. “I . . . I don’t know how to start,” I admit shyly.
“Come here.” He beckons me closer, then pulls me to straddle his lap.
I gasp at the sudden contact, my hands landing on his shoulders.
My gaze darts to the small stream of blood, and I lunge forward, closing my mouth along the spot.
His blood bursts to life in my mouth, and I can’t contain the moan that comes out of me.
It’s as if I’m tasting the finest wine, and this tiny taste is not enough to quench my thirst. I latch on deeper, sucking harder, and Kian lets out a low rumble from his chest that vibrates through me.
Gods. I need more of him. I sink down onto him, immediately greeted by his hard length, which only causes me to moan again as it presses against my core. Kian’s hands grip my waist, pulling me impossibly closer, and I grind myself onto him as I continue to suck on his neck.
“Rae, love . . . You have no idea what you do to me.”
A whimper escapes my lips as my insides coil tighter and tighter. I rock against him, and he encourages it, one of his hands reaching around and gently squeezing my rear. My thin robe isn’t much of a barrier, but there is still too much between us.
A wave of pleasure builds and builds, and finally, I let go, crying out as my release hits, my entire body a quivering mess of pleasure.
With a final swipe of my tongue, I pull away from Kian’s throat and lean into him, resting my head on his chest while his heartbeat thunders beneath me.
Before I can even say a word or have a moment to feel mortified about essentially dry humping my husband, images start to flash before my eyes.
I stiffen, and while I can faintly hear Kian calling my name, I’m whisked away into memories.
Memories of a dark-haired boy with a joyous smile .
. . memories of splashing in a fountain.
The feeling of warmth, sunshine on my skin .
. . A royal wedding and meeting those smoky grey eyes across the room.
Familiar yet foreign. An ache grows in my chest as I realize what these are .
. . stolen memories . . . memories of falling in love and forgetting.
Memories of discovery being ripped away.
Then there’s that kiss . . . all-consuming, all-encompassing .
. . a kiss that rearranged my life, re-centered me in a way I can’t explain.
A sudden trepidation fills me, fear at what memory is coming. I’m helpless, staring up at Dylan, a monster who wants to take from me, steal from me, and I scream. I keep screaming, my body thrashing.
Distantly, I hear my name being called again, and I sob. I’m stuck in a memory I can’t get out of. Help! I want to scream, but it’s as if my vocal cords are frozen in an unending shriek.
“Rae! Come back to me.” Kian’s voice cuts through the haze, and I reach for it, I reach for him.
I blink.
Terrified eyes bore into mine.
I blink.
Hands cup my face.
I blink again.
He’s closer, pulling me closer, and then his mouth is on mine, silencing the scream, flooding me with peace and comfort.
Belonging.
Safety.
I gasp, and he kisses me deeper, claiming me, owning me, restoring me.
When he finally pulls away, I whisper, “Kian.”
“You scared the shit out of me,” he says, his arms shuddering around me.
Taking in my surroundings, I realize we are on the soft rug in front of the fireplace and Kian is cradling me in his lap.
“I . . . I remember,” I whisper. “I remember everything. The fountain, dancing with you and the fireflies . . . everything.”
Kian stills. “Everything?”
“Yes, Ki.”
He swallows, and tears glisten in his eyes. “Catching me in your father’s study? Our bonding?”
I nod, a smile splitting my face as my own eyes well up. “Everything.”
He squeezes his eyes shut, taking a deep breath before looking back at me, tears spilling over. “That’s amazing, Rae.” He smoothes a tendril of my hair back, his touch light, almost reverent. “Better than I could have ever hoped for.”
I smile up at him. He looks different somehow . . . Perhaps it’s the knowing . . . remembering the small moments we shared, the ones that were stolen from me.
“Why were you screaming?” He frowns, looking almost frightened to ask.
I shudder. “My last memory wasn’t exactly a pleasant one . . . Dylan—”
Kian’s gaze turns ruthless, and his body tenses. “I will see him hanged for this after I beat the ever-loving shit out of him again.”
“Kian, I’m okay,” I try to reassure him, reaching up and turning his face back to mine. “Stay with me. Vengeance later.”
He shudders, the tension melting out of him as he rests his head atop mine. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but that scream . . .”
“It’s okay . . . I’m okay. He barely touched me.”
“Doesn’t mean I won’t remove his hands from his body.”
I shake my head. “I’m here, Kian. I’m safe.”
He takes a deep breath and finally relaxes just a little more before pulling back to look at me.
“Why did you go with him?” he asks. “That’s the part I don’t understand.”
The hurt in his eyes takes me back to that moment, and as much as I’d rather forget it, I realize keeping it inside will only harm us . . . if there’s actually any chance at there being an us moving forward.
“When your father showed up in the garden . . . the way you reacted to him scared me. I started to worry that perhaps our kiss had been purely for show because you knew he was coming.”
Something fractures in Kian’s gaze, and I rein in the rest of my words.
“Rae . . . it breaks my heart that my actions would have ever caused you to feel that way. I am so sorry I wasn’t clear about my feelings for you. None of that was for show, I promise you.”
A weight falls off my chest, and I breathe deeply. “I’m so sorry I didn’t wait for you. I shouldn’t have run off the way I did.”
“Love, please promise me that you won’t blame yourself for Dylan’s and your stepmother’s actions, okay?” Kian brushes another stray hair behind my ear. “And promise me you’ll talk to me if you’re ever unsure about something?”
“Okay,” I agree. “Only if you do the same. No more secrets.”
“No more secrets,” he promises.
I look up at the ceiling when a realization hits me. “This whole time . . . you knew . . . You remembered it all, our history. Why didn’t you say something?”
He averts his eyes, staring at what must be a very important speck of dust on the floor. “I don’t know . . . I guess I just thought I was extremely forgettable.”
I scoff. “Surely you don’t mean that.”
He shrugs, meeting my gaze again. “I tried once to bring it up, but you looked painfully confused, and I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t understand why.”
“And you somehow thought it was a brilliant idea to marry me and live as, what? Friends? Acquaintances?” My brow furrows in confusion. “Why would you do that?”
“I tried to convince myself that it would be enough . . . just having you around. And maybe, if the gods were feeling generous, you wouldn’t forget me. Maybe, if I were lucky enough, over time, I could win your heart.”
My heart breaks at the words . . . but there’s a glimmer of amusement too. “You thought that if I saw you every day, I couldn’t possibly forget you again?”
He cracks a smile. “Well, it seemed to be working.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Can you blame me? I couldn’t let you go. Every time I met you again, I fell a little harder.”
My entire body heats under the intensity of his gaze. Memories of moments spent with him flicker in and out of my mind. I think I could easily love this man.
Kian helps me stand, and I lean into him; my legs are wobbly after the maelstrom of memories.
“I’m afraid I need to leave, Rae,” Kian says, his hand cupping my cheek. “I’ve got vigilante shit to do.”
I can’t deny the disappointment, especially when I remember what we did on the settee before the memories came back.
Kian’s eyes darken, like he’s somehow reading my mind. “Oh, love, if you look at me like that, I don’t know if I’ll be able to go.”
My cheeks heat, but I wrap my arms around him and squeeze. “Be safe,” I whisper. “Come back to me.”
“Always.”