Chapter 3 #4
“Nonsense.” Drew pushed himself off the fence and got his crutches under him.
“I’m going up to the house, so I’ll check on Aiden.
Marco would’ve fireman-carried me back to the house ten minutes ago if I wouldn’t flatten him like a pancake.
Everything’s going just fine, Webb, even though you weren’t there to oversee it.
You have help now that Knox is home, remember?
” He patted Knox on the arm, and Knox smiled back, but it seemed forced to me.
I mean, not that I’d know. Not that I’d made a whole mental catalog of his smiles.
Damn it. Had I?
“I, ah… I can stay out here and keep you company, if you want,” Knox offered. “I’m not tired.”
“Neither of you guys have to. I’ll watch over Stella,” Em said.
Both of her brothers looked at her dubiously, and she rolled her eyes.
“I promise, I’m a fully functional human capable of exercising good judgment, despite my ovaries and lack of beard.
And there’s no school tomorrow, remember?
And how old were you the first time you were expected to help with chores around here, Knox? Webb?”
Knox and Webb exchanged a look. Knox shrugged, and Webb sighed, “Alright, then.”
“So what are you naming it… uh. I mean, her,” I wondered, gesturing at the calf.
Em straightened and gave me that brilliant smile of hers—the one I’d started to fear. “I think you should name her, Gage.”
“Me?” I shook my head. “Heck no. I’d give her a ridiculous name. Like Stanky. Or Monster. Or Kow-tnee Kardashian.”
“All of those are cute,” Em shot back, calling my bluff. “So which will it be?”
“I…” I blinked down at the calf, whose legs were like matchsticks and whose body was shaking like a leaf. Her eyes were the same brown as mine. Like maybe we shared some ancestors way, way back.
I cleared my throat. “Not Monster,” I said grudgingly.
“Right,” she said brightly. “Well, you think about it and tell us in the morning, then. I’m gonna go grab a sweatshirt. Back in a second.”
“I… feel like I’m being managed by a teenager?” I said to no one in particular after Em ran toward the house. “Why is she so diabolical?”
“After nearly eighteen years of living with this many stubborn, grumpy, know-it-all Sunday men?” Marco pursed his lips and shook his head sadly. “A person’s got to adapt to fit their environment, son. You know, once upon a time, folks called me charming. Then I moved next door.”
Knox’s lips twitched.
“Folks said that? What folks?” Drew demanded, managing to sound stubborn, grumpy, and know-it-all all at once.
“See?” Marco demanded.
I snort-laughed, but he wasn’t wrong. Not at all. After two weeks, I’d found myself in the same boat. And clearly, I didn’t want to be saved very badly since I still hadn’t gotten on Grindr.
“And on that note, I think I’m going to bed.” I swung around so I could jump down on the safe, cow-free side of the railing. “See you in the morning, folks. Oh, Webb, I might need to borrow your truck sometime this week to fetch the equipment I need for the irrigation system.”
“Sure,” Webb agreed. “Let’s talk tomorrow.”
I nodded, and after exchanging waves with everyone, I pulled out my phone as I walked across the chilly yard to the gift shop barn. It wasn’t late, technically. I could still get on Grindr, and in twenty minutes I could…
“Hey.” Knox jogged a couple of paces to catch up, then walked alongside me. “So, your first calf birth and you hardly fainted at all, Goodman.”
“Was this your plan?” I demanded. “Were you hoping it would get me over my fear? Or make me faint and decide to leave Vermont for good?”
“Yes,” he said blandly.
I rolled my eyes and walked a bit faster. “Well, joke’s on you, because I’m not doing either,” I bit out.
“Shit. Wait. Goodman, wait. I was kidding.” Knox jogged to catch up to me again, and I couldn’t imagine why he was hurrying since we were going to the same place.
“That wasn’t the reason at all. Webb was leaning on me pretty hard over the Jack thing earlier today, and I wanted him to get a taste of what it was like to be a victim of someone else’s hard sell, so I didn’t want to give him an excuse to cut out of the dance early.
And I brought you with me because… because I needed to talk to you. ”
I blew out a breath and stopped short. “Fine, then. What is it this time? Did I hang the toilet paper over when it should have been under?”
“No.” Knox ran both hands through his hair and looked uncharacteristically uncertain. “Fuck. Look, I… Look. It’s come to my attention that I might inadvertently have been… less kind to you than I could have been.”
“Inadvertently.” I slowed my steps and folded my arms over my chest. “That came to your attention.”
He narrowed his eyes on the light illuminating the stairs to the barn-apartment. “Hawk said I was being a dick.”
Hawk had defended me? He was so cute.
“Yeah, well.” I folded my arms over my chest. “That’s ’cause you have been.”
“Okay. So, then, I’m sorry. About that happening. Inadvertently.”
I shook my head. “But… why? What did I do that pissed you off?”
“I don’t…” He darted a look at me and sighed.
“It’s about me and my reactions, not anything you did, okay?
I’m not used to being in Little Pippin Hollow anymore.
I’m not used to sharing a space. I’m feeling like there’s a lot of stuff in my life I can’t control, and I don’t know what to do about it,” he concluded with unmistakable honesty.
“And all of that sort of… coalesced. And I took it out on you since you were handy… and maybe also because it feels like you have a lot more freedom than I have.”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a beat. Well, so much for Toby’s theory that Knox wanted me, eh? But I’d known all along that was a long shot. I opened them again.
“You know, we actually have a lot in common,” I said wryly.
“I’m also not used to being in the Hollow, and my life is also completely up in the air.
I need to look for another job, but first I have to finish this job, and I don’t really know what I’m looking for or where.
Being in my midtwenties means I’ve gotten fat off a diet of possibilities for two decades, and now people are telling me to pick a tiny box to shove myself into and acting shocked when I tell them I don’t fit.
I have so much freedom, I’ve got decision fatigue.
” I shot him a teasing look, like I hadn’t just tossed all my very real fears into the evening air. “Also, I’m perpetually horny.”
Knox choked on air. “Horny?”
“Er… yes. That emotion you feel when you wish to have sex but have not had any,” I explained.
Knox hip-checked me, then cut around me to jog up the stairs. “Yes, thank you, I know what the word means.”
“Do they call it something different when you get older?” I called, following him. Then a thought occurred to me. “Because my brother’s boyfriend is thirty-seven, and he and Beale go at it like a pair of gay bunnies, so I know they still feel it.”
“It’s still called horny no matter how old you are.” Knox opened the door and placed his keys precisely on the hook hanging beside it. “And of course you still feel it. But after a certain age, you stop throwing your horniness around willy-nilly.”
“Oh, I don’t think that’s true.” I stepped in behind him and flipped on the overhead light so it glinted off the hardwood floor and the countertops in the open kitchen area.
“Or else someone should inform the truly concerning number of Crypt Keeper leather daddies down in Florida who are ready to stick their willies in any old nilly at the slightest provocation.”
Knox snorted and unlaced his boots before placing them precisely by the door. “I meant, now that I’m older, I don’t just hook up with any old meat sack with a dick. The guys I hook up with have similar goals. Similar interests. They’re educated and ambitious.”
“Ahhh, I see what you’re saying. You want your meat sacks to calculate torque while you’re railing them, and you want their dirty talk in the form of a haiku. Welp, far be it from me to yuck your yum—”
“Oh my God, you’re infuriating,” he said, though he seemed close to laughter. “The men I pick to hook up with don’t call the next day whining for attention or expect a repeat.”
“Okay, that makes sense.” I set my hands on my hips. “So, you want a meat sack with no self-esteem.”
“The exact opposite. I want someone who lives their own life and lets me live mine. Someone who understands the rules at the outset and doesn’t expect more than I can give.”
I nodded slowly. “So you don’t date anyone.”
“Correct.”