Chapter 11 #3
“Mmm… Nope.” I shrugged, though he couldn’t see me. “I think it’s probably because Knox said that I have it in the bag.”
“Knox.” I heard the crinkle of leather that meant Jay was getting comfortable on my dad’s living room couch, settling in for the hot gossip the same way my stepmother did. “Is that the lumberjacky guy Toby mentioned? The one who secretly wanted to bone you? Spill your guts.”
I laughed. “Yeah, he’s a lumberjack alright.
Gorgeous and beardy and frustrating. Remind me to send you a picture.
And the desire to bone’s not exactly a secret anymore.
Not to me, anyway. But it’s super casual between me and him.
Just fun, physical, sexy… casual. Because Knox has had some minor health stuff from last spring that’s weighing on him, and he’s thirty-nine, so he feels like he’s at this whole other place in his life than me, and I’m leaving town in a couple months anyway. That kind of casual.”
“Oh,” Jay said seriously. “That kind of casual. Oh, honey.”
“Huh? No. There’s no ‘oh, honey,’” I assured him. “It’s just…”
“If you say casual, I’m staging an intervention.”
“Well, it is,” I promised. “Casual, casual, casual. But that’s not the point of this call anyway, remember? I need to figure out how to get over whatever mental block I’m having that’s fucking with my mind about the job.”
Jay made a noise that sounded like he was laughing, but I couldn’t imagine what was funny about this.
“Can you help me or not?” I demanded. “Because I’ve gotta get back to work—I’ll be damned if I don’t finish this app before I pack up for some other job.
And after school, I promised Aiden—that’s my boss’s first grader—that I’d make Sunday Sundaes to celebrate his science fair win.
And then I have a rehearsal for the Santa singalong thing at seven, and if Lonnie Duncan bitches to me even one more time about me making a better elf than a Santa, we are going to have words, so I need to be emotionally prepared. ”
Jay was silent for a moment. “Lonnie Duncan?”
“Yeah. He runs the chicken farm down the street, on the other side of Norm Avery’s place, and rumor has it he rigged a pumpkin-carving contest last… You know what? Never mind. Also not the point.”
“Or maybe it is,” Jay said inexplicably. “Have you ever considered… staying in Little Apple Hollow?”
“Little Pippin Hollow,” I replied impatiently. Honestly, it wasn’t that difficult a name. But then I processed his words, and I snorted. “Stay here? Oh, hell no. Nope.”
I looked up and found that I’d walked almost to the Pond Orchard.
The fruit had been almost entirely harvested in that section of the property, and the perpetual apple scent in the air was overlaid with a tang of smoke, probably from the wood stove at the farmhouse.
It was fucking cold, too. The old guys who sat around the counter at Panini Jack’s predicted a monster storm before Thanksgiving.
It was still pretty, though. Now that the foliage had died back, I could see the shadowy mountains against the horizon. And the trees looked like dainty dancers who’d taken their final bow and were stretching out their long limbs toward the blue sky in preparation for a well-earned nap.
“This town is gorgeous,” I told Jay sincerely.
“Really. Even Whispering Key can’t hold a candle to it.
But man, there is nothing here for me. I mean, what would I do with myself?
There are zero tech companies around here.
Nary a skilled website designer in sight, let alone anyone doing cutting-edge shit.
That’s why Webb had to find an app developer all the way in Florida. ”
“Right, that’s true,” Jay agreed. “I mean, that could also be a sign that they need you there.”
That made me pause for a minute, remembering the conversation about Pipsy and Jack needing my help, before shaking my head. “They might need me, but only because I’m here, not because they really need me. If I weren’t here, they’d find another way to do stuff.”
“I see,” Jay said, in the same voice he’d used when he said, “Oh, honey.” It was not remotely comforting. “Okay, so you want my help?”
“Yes, please.”
“Remember that you are a brilliant star, Gage. You can shine anywhere.”
“Uh. Okay?” I hesitated. “Is… is that the advice? Because I thought Toby was a shit advice giver, but maybe he’s comparatively not bad at all. He told me I should fuck Knox, and that worked out delightfully… Eventually.”
“I’ll just bet,” Jay said wryly. “And no, that was just part one of the advice. The second part is, you need to not only decide exactly what you want from the job, but why you want it. We all have reasons for wanting what we want, and when you know why, you’ll know what.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus. Riddles you speak, Yoda. I don’t want philosophical whateveryoucallits. I want precise instructions. Preferably like the kind you get at IKEA, with that incredibly confused-looking blob-person who puzzles through each step one at a time.”
Jay snorted. “I miss you, Gage.” He sighed. “Right. Tiny baby step one, go to your interview. See what the interviewer says. Smart money says this guy is gonna get you so hyped, you’ll be all, ‘Where do I sign?’ and forget we even had this conversation.”
“Right. Okay. I like this. That Gage sounds very confident and badass. Step two?”
“Step two, follow your gut. If your gut says take the job, then take it. If your gut says caution, then pause and evaluate. Because if it’s really your dream job, you won’t have to talk yourself into it. And if it’s not… well, there are a lot of ways to be happy and successful, take it from me.”
“Mmhmm. I get you.” Sort of.
Ultimately, he was right, though. I’d come here with plans and goals, the dream to live in the city and get an exciting role making a difference in people’s lives through tech. Why was I hesitating? This was it—this was my chance at the big life I’d set out to find.
I would embrace it with both arms.
After I cried just a little.