Chapter 12 #2
“Not really! It’s like you putting a picture of your sexy lower back dimples on Grindr, LumberjackLuvr. Not a lie, just picking your best angle.” I paused and leered at him a little. “One of your best, anyway.”
He laughed again and spontaneously reached for my hand, threading our fingers together atop the console.
This… wasn’t a thing casual lovers were supposed to do, but then we’d sucked at keeping things casual since the first day.
We’d shared a bed all night every night and celebrated the mornings with blow jobs.
We’d watched movies on my laptop late in the evening while eating “Second Dessert” which, Goodman was right, was the meal the world hadn’t known it was missing.
We’d taken long walks around the orchard at lunchtime when the weather was nice and everyone else was out doing their own thing, and I’d told him stories I hadn’t even known I remembered about the history of the place and my childhood there.
Each time we’d ended up at the Pond Orchard so we could make out while admiring the view.
I didn’t know if all that rule breaking was because Gage had never had a friends-with-benefits relationship before and didn’t know how weird it was, or because he figured boundaries didn’t matter since we had a big red countdown clock ticking down our time together until this job took him to New York.
Either way, I was trying not to overthink things.
There’d be plenty of time to get lost in my feelings—or not, please Jesus—when he was gone.
And honestly, it wasn’t hard to be happy when Gage was around. In fact, it was almost impossible to be broody. The man was so damn excited by the simplest things in life that he made everyone around him feel excited, too.
It was a goddamn excitement plague, and I wasn’t even trying to fight it anymore.
“Okay, next question,” I said, interrupting Gage’s quiet singing along to the Avett Brothers. “What’s been the defining moment of your life so far?”
He turned to me in concern. “Oh, God. Are they gonna ask me deep shit like that? For real?”
They almost definitely wouldn’t, but I wanted to know.
“You never know,” I hedged. “Better to be prepared so they don’t trip you up.”
“Okay,” he sighed. His thumb stroked the back of my hand absently. “Hmm. There are a few. My mom died of cancer almost five years ago.”
I nodded solemnly.
“That doesn’t really have much to do with work, though, I guess.
” He rubbed his jaw with his free hand. “There was the time back in eighth grade when I was in a movie theater with my girlfriend watching Twilight, and the big lumberjack vampire came on the screen, and I confirmed for myself that I was one hundred percent gay—”
I laughed. “Why am I not surprised?”
“—but that’s also not safe for work.” Gage grinned.
“I’m gonna need to hear more about that later, though.”
“I will tell you in great detail,” he promised.
Then he cleared his throat and got serious.
“I’ve always been into computers and technology, maybe partly because the island where I grew up had shitty internet and was so disconnected from the mainland.
I saw technology as this cool thing that can connect people, and I loved that.
But then a year and a half ago, I really refined my dream about what I want my role to be—not just working on other people’s ideas and making money, ultimately, but making technology accessible to people and using it to solve problems. Even tiny problems, like dispensing dog treats.
And what changed for me was…” He cleared his throat. “My family found a buried treasure.”
He said the last bit so quickly, all the words ran together, and I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right. “A… treasure?”
“Yeah. I’ll tell you the story another time. I wasn’t even there, but my family gave me a cut just the same. And… yeah.”
Gage’s fingers tightened on mine, and he darted a sideways look up at me, checking my reaction. I wasn’t sure what he expected me to say or what the “right” reaction was, but I got the feeling a lot of people had responded the wrong way in the past.
“That’s probably part of what drives you to want to get a job at a solid company and learn as much as you can from them,” I said slowly. “The money is a huge gift, but I bet it can feel like a huge responsibility, too.”
“Yessss,” he sighed with something like relief and relaxed back in his seat. “You know, Kanye West once said, ‘Having money’s not everything, not having it is’ or something like that, and it’s true. I want to start my own company and give people a leg up. Identify needs and fill ’em.”
In my entire life, I’d never had anyone quote Kanye West at me. Was it any wonder I was so enthralled with Gage Goodman?
“That’s why the Rubicon job sounds so perfect, right?”
Gage nodded. “Yeah. I don’t care about having a corner office or a fancy title or being indispensable to them, though. Ultimately, it’s just a means to an end. A way to learn. I mostly just want to do my own thing and be happy.”
“Mmm. Don’t we all?” I mused.
“You?” Gage grinned, but his eyes were serious. “Sometimes I don’t know. I think you’re as afraid of happiness as I am of cows, and it makes about as much sense.”
I scowled. “That’s not remotely true. I’m happy. I’ve been happy.” I took my hand away from his under the pretense of switching lanes, and I kept it firmly planted on the steering wheel.
Goodman was quiet for a moment. “You know, sometimes right before breakfast or dinner, you walk in the back door of the kitchen and just stand there for a second, watching your family. I’ve seen you do it a bunch.
At first, I thought you were just standing there appreciating them or something, but then I started to wonder if you’re scared to get too close. ”
“To my own family?” I scoffed. “No. Jesus.”
“And then there was the whole thing of you not sleeping with me for all these contrived reasons…”
“They weren’t contrived. And besides, I got over that pretty thoroughly, so your theory doesn’t hold water.”
“You did get over it.” Goodman shifted in his seat so he could lean over the console and press a kiss to my cheek. Funnily enough, I couldn’t remember anyone ever kissing me like that before, with such sweet, simple affection. “Have I told you recently how glad I am that you did?”
He moved back to his own seat but grabbed my hand in his again, and I let him.
“I’m gonna give you remedial happiness lessons, Knox Sunday,” he said like a warning. “There’s hope for you yet.”
“Nonsense,” I told him.
But deep down, I thought if there were anyone in the world who could teach me something like that, it was him.
“Really?” I lifted an eyebrow. “A whole city at your feet, chock full of experiences and excitement, and this is what you want to do tonight?”
Gage poked his head and one naked shoulder out of the blanket pile he’d made on my living room couch and cracked one eye open.
“This is exactly what I want to do. I’m tired.
As you very impolitely pointed out earlier, I was up early today communing with a baby heifer.
And you made me go shopping with you, which was traumatizing.
” He scooted over and patted the couch beside him. “Come and comfort me.”
The simple command made me warm inside, and I couldn’t muster even the pretense of a complaint as I sat beside him, especially when he plastered his naked chest to my equally naked side and pulled the blanket over both of us.
I was comfortable in the extreme—which wasn’t really a thought I’d ever had while sitting in my apartment before.