Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
WEBB
I was not marrying Luke Williams. For many, many reasons.
I brought my ax down on an unsuspecting log—whack—and the bisected halves fell into the snow—thud.
First and foremost, I was not gay.
I picked up half of a log and put it back on the chopping block.
Whack. Thud.
I was pretty sure I wasn’t even bisexual.
Whack. Thud.
It wasn’t that I would mind being bi, if I was. Not even a little.
Whack. Thud.
Or okay, maybe a little, but only because it would prove Van and certain other busybodies in town right, and that would be annoying.
Whack. Thud.
But not because I thought there was anything wrong with liking guys.
I mean, once Knox finally stopped dicking around and asked Gage to marry him, I was gonna groomsman the hell out of one or both of them.
And if Aiden came to me tomorrow and said he was marrying a man, I’d…
well, okay, I’d tell him he was seven and to go do his fucking homework before he considered matrimony, but I’d be supportive.
Whack. Thud.
It was just that I would know if I were into guys, the same way I knew I had brown hair and loved ice cream and hated talking about my feelings.
The same way I knew I was a Capricorn… or a Cancer, whichever was the January one.
Because a person could hide a lot of things from himself, sure, but not something this enormous and monumental.
Not if he already had three gay brothers and one bisexual one, for fuck’s sake, and a gay uncle and had grown up in an environment where lube preferences were sometimes discussed at the dinner table.
Whack. Thud.
And of all the guys in the world who could possibly unlock my latent bisexuality, was it really likely to be shy, slightly nerdy, golly-gosh-darn Luke Williams, with his Pollyanna manners, baggy khaki pants, and sweater vests, when I hadn’t even liked the guy until our paths happened to collide at the Bugle the night before?
I tightened my grip on the ax and firmly did not think about his deep blue eyes or his swirling freckles, the way his smile got caught on his incisor sometimes when he laughed or the way my stomach writhed and dropped every time I caught sight of him.
Whack. Thud.
I did not think about where he was, right at that moment, or what he might be doing.
Whack. Thud.
I also did not think about the way my cock had responded to the woodsmoke smell of him since that was entirely due to being drunk. Drunk and confused.
Some people’s dicks stopped working when they were drunk, but clearly mine was the opposite.
Whack. Thud.
And, okay, even if I was bisexual—which the jury was still out on—and attracted to Luke Williams—which I super was not—it didn’t matter at all, practically speaking, because I was not going to act on any of it.
Fuck no. Me and Luke Williams? Pfft. That was a complicated disaster waiting to happen.
We couldn’t even get drunk without getting accidentally handfasted, for God’s sake. Plus, he was my son’s teacher, which seemed… weird.
And, most importantly, a guy like Luke Williams practically had the word relationship stamped on his forehead, which was a hard limit for me.
My previous relationship had drained me dry emotionally and financially three years ago when Amanda left me and our son to go off and chase rainbows.
And then, just when I’d started to think things might be okay, Amanda had reappeared and decided she wanted back in Aiden’s life, first by freakin’ kidnapping him after school one day—an incident she dismissed as an “oversight” but which still gave me nightmares—and then by taking me to court to challenge our previous custody agreement so she could see him more often.
And the trickiest part of all that was, I was going to have to set my fears aside and work with her, because even if it killed me, I would do what I had to for Aiden—
“I think it’s learned its lesson.”
“What?” I whirled around to face the house and found Knox leaning back against the pony-rail fence, booted feet crossed at the ankles, barn coat open, shading his eyes with his hand against the afternoon sunlight.
I’d been so lost in my head, I hadn’t heard him leave the house or walk across the gravel driveway.
“The wood.” He nodded at the chopping block. “It’s safe to say you’ve asserted your dominance.”
I turned back and surveyed my work.
Shit. I’d been chopping the same half log over and over without even noticing, and now it was nothing but wood chips in the snow.
“Doesn’t really matter.” I set the ax down and pulled my gloves on more firmly. “I already have three cords of firewood laid by. This was just…”
“Clearing your head like Dad used to do?” Knox guessed.
I nodded. “Olin’s mom’s bringing Aiden home in a little while. I need to get my head on straight by then.” I picked up a new log and laid it on the block. “You need something?”
“No. Not really.” Knox rubbed his lips together. He glanced back at the house, then at the sky, then at the tree line. He cleared his throat. “You, ah… you wanna talk about it?”
I shot him a deeply questioning look, and he shrugged. “Dude. You started it. I seem to remember someone forcing me to talk about my feelings more than once last fall.”
Whack. Thud.
“That was different. When you were being an idiot with Gage, talking helped. But my shit…” I huffed out a half laugh. “No.”
Whack. Thud.
“This is about Luke Williams, isn’t it?”
Whack. CRUNCH. I overshot the log and impaled the ax into the chopping block. The shock of it reverberated up my arms.
“Fuck.” I dropped the ax to the ground and rubbed at my biceps. “Why would you say that?”
“Webb, you ran out of the town meeting last night ready to declare war on the man—”
“Exaggeration. Besides, once he and I talked, I figured out it was all a misunderstanding. Luke said he didn’t know what his lawyer was working on.”
“And you believe him?”
“I…” I remembered him bursting into tears and felt my muscles tense in shame.
“Yeah. I do. Although, I don’t trust his attorney in the slightest, so I asked Curt to check into things, too.
” I picked up the ax once again. “And I decided I’d try to be friendlier.
Set a good example for Aiden, you know?”
Knox hooted. “I found the two of you staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, and blowing a bugle. If you were any friendlier, you’d’ve been arrested for indecent exposure.”
“That’s not funny,” I warned.
“Oh, I beg to differ.” Knox grinned, the fucker. “I was there, and it was hilarious. In fact, I think Neil Diamond sang it best. Hands… touching hands…”
“You suck. And it’s not funny, because the mayor’s pretending that we’re fucking engaged, and he’s getting the whole town in on the act.” I set another log on the block.
“Uh-huh. The way they were telling it at the Bugle today, you and Luke are already married. Apparently, handfasting means different things in some parts of the world than it does in the Hollow. And Chandra North and Joyce Chan were arguing over your ship name. Joyce says Williday.”
“Christ.” Just what I needed. “Awful.”
“Right? I know. Gage and I much prefer Lubbe.”
I gritted my teeth.
Whack. Thud.
“I also got an earful from Emma—who was outraged, by the by—that you were an asshole to your intended at breakfast.” Knox poked his tongue into his cheek. “Tell me again how that newfound friendliness is going?”
A tendril of guilt coiled in my stomach as the memory of the hurt on Luke’s face before he’d managed to blank his expression at the diner this morning, collided with the memory from last night, of Luke in tears saying no one liked him.
Whack. Thud.
“He’s not my intended. Don’t start with that stuff.”
Knox cocked his head and studied me. “Wait, this handfasting is really bugging you, isn’t it?
Why?” He acted like of all the fucked-up aspects of this situation, it was my attitude that concerned him most. “It’s just…
the Hollow being the Hollow. They care about you and wanna see you happy.
And you know they love matchmaking. This…
it’s matchmaking on steroids. Matchmaking as a spectator sport.
But they can’t actually make you marry the guy. ”
“I know!”
“So why do you care if they think you’re handfasted? You know the truth, and so does Luke. You know you’re not attracted to him—”
Whack. Thud.
“Wait, are you attracted to him?” Knox asked, sounding mildly shocked. “Because if you are, I—”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I… That’s… not the point.”
“Oh my God, you can’t lie for shit, and that was not a denial. You know, it’s okay to be attracted to him. It’s even okay to act on it and enjoy yourself. Sexuality is fluid, and you’d be setting a good example for—”
I set my jaw. “Knox, I know all that, okay? And none of that is relevant. I just feel bad for Luke, having to deal with people gossiping about us, that’s all. Because they are, and that sucks when he already felt like people around here don’t accept him. He’s a good guy.”
“Well, at least you’ll cop to that.”
“I knew it all along, I think,” I admitted, blowing out a breath. “He gets under my skin, and I don’t like that. I don’t understand it—”
“I think I might.”
“—but it’s not his fault. And after talking to him last night, I know that my… unfairness was hurtful. So I’m trying to do better.”
“Hmm. You might recall, I took an instant, irrational dislike to someone who got under my skin, once upon a time. And now I’m madly in love with him, except he stole my damn sweatshirt months ago and he won’t give it—”
“Knox.” I held up a hand. “I get that you’re trying to be helpful or distracting or something, but I’ve got a lot on my mind. I met with my attorney about Aiden’s custody right after breakfast—”
“Oh, shit.” Knox straightened and got serious immediately. “I forgot that was today. Jesus, you did have a hell of a morning. No wonder you were cranky at the diner. What’d Curt say? How’d it go? Is the handfasting going to interfere with the custody situation?”
I set down the ax, grabbed the water bottle I’d left on top of the snow, and chugged it down.
“It went okay, I guess? He said the best way to handle the handfasting is to just let it expire without completing the tasks. It’s a random town bylaw with no legal significance as long as the terms aren’t met, so it shouldn’t affect the custody dispute.
” I took a deep breath. “But I decided to let Amanda start having additional visitation anyway.”
“Wait, what? But Webb, you said…”
“She’s flighty as fuck? She makes promises and flakes?
She’s always after the next shiny thing?
She hurts Aiden’s feelings again and again?
Yeah.” I took off one of my gloves to rub the back of my neck.
“But she’s stuck around a lot longer than I expected this time.
She’s been dating Roberta Oliver’s brother for a few months.
And Aiden… he loves his mom. No matter how flaky she is, he wants to see her.
I feel like I’m hurting him just as much by keeping them apart as she does by disappointing him. ”
“Shit,” Knox said with feeling. “So… what? She just… gets to visit him whenever? That doesn’t sound right.”
“No. Noo-ho-ho. No. We’re starting out slowly. Curt and I drafted an agreement where she’d start out by taking him to hockey practice and helping out with Nature Scouts. Those are some of Aiden’s favorite activities anyway, and he’d like to have her there. And I—”
“You’ll feel better because there’ll be supervision,” he surmised.
“Exactly. If they don’t show up to practice, his coach will let me know, and if he’s not at Scouts, Maryanne will call me.
But assuming Amanda sticks—which is kind of a big assumption—then in a few weeks, she’ll take him for overnights.
” I shook my head. “I don’t know why that makes me nervous when he spends half his nights at Olin’s, and Olin spends the rest of the nights here, but it does. ”
“Yeah, it does,” Knox said with feeling, and it helped to know he understood.
“Anyway. The judge signed off on it. I think it made a good impression on her that I offered to try this. And if Amanda doesn’t follow the terms of the agreement—”
“Meaning, if she disappears with Aiden again?”
I nodded grimly, my hands tightening into fists. “That would be an end to it. The judge didn’t look too favorably on Amanda’s conduct last fall, and it made me feel better to know she took it seriously.”
“No shit. So… you’re good, then?”
“Yeah.” I hesitated. “Or I will be. Eventually. Once I wrap my head around some things.”
“Uh-huh. And you’ll process your feelings by… chopping a block of wood into tiny splinters?”
“In the time-honored tradition of our ancestors, Knox.” I rolled my eyes. “You know, the one that doesn’t involve freakin’… apple tithes and bugle blowing.”
He laughed. “Is the chopping working yet?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Kinda, yeah. I do feel better.” It might have had as much to do with my brother’s presence as it did with the wood chopping, but I wasn’t going to tell him so. He’d only get more annoying.
“And how’s Luke feeling about things?” Knox prompted.
I sighed. If I knew Luke—which I didn’t… but was kinda starting to—he was probably at home, alone, wearing a sweater vest and thinking cheerful thoughts… and feeling unliked—again—for something that wasn’t his fault.
God, I was such an asshole.
Knox lifted an eyebrow at me like he knew what I was thinking and agreed.
I grimaced. “Fuck. I should, ah… probably go apologize, huh?” I said fake-reluctantly, like I hadn’t been waiting for an excuse to go find Luke and make sure he was okay.
As a friend. Clearly.
“Oh yeah,” Knox advised. “Bring gifts.”