CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
On the third morning at the cabin, I was having breakfast outside in the sun when the thing I’d been dreading actually happened.
I heard a car in the far distance but as usual, I assumed it was miles away. Nothing to do with me. But then I realised that this time, the noise of the engine was growing louder.
Oh, hell.
I had company?.
My heart was in my mouth, wondering who it would be. I even thought of running into the trees and hiding. But then Rori’s little silver grey Citro?n appeared and I felt my entire body relax.
Rori I could cope with. In fact, it would be so good to see her.
‘How the hell did you know I was here?’ I demanded, hurrying over to her as she climbed out of the car.
She took my hand. ‘Are you okay, love? You must be absolutely shattered. In more ways than one.’
I smiled sheepishly. ‘I am a bit.’
With a sigh, she pulled me into a big hug.
‘But how did you find me?’ I asked when we drew apart.
‘Well... after I’d got over the seismic shock of being told the whole mind-bending thing about Skye being your mum, not Ada, I phoned Marina in London – I found her work number – hoping to speak to you, but she said she hadn’t seen you. So... then I thought about the cabin and how it would be the perfect place to go to get away from everyone.’
‘My instinct was to run away... to escape the whole horrible mess.’
‘I don’t blame you. I’d probably have done exactly the same myself. It must have been such a shock for you and so much to take in. You’ve needed time to yourself to process things.’
I nodded. ‘It feels right, being here. But at the same time, I’m realising there are so many questions I want answers to.’
‘Of course there are. If it helps, they’re both distraught about what’s happened. I don’t think Skye has slept a wink since that night – she looked terrible when I saw her yesterday – and Ada’s eczema has got so bad, she’s had to take medical advice, and you know how she prides herself on never having to see a doctor. They do love you, you know. Both of them. And I know it might not seem like it, but I really think they thought they were doing what was best for you.’
I snorted bitterly. ‘What? By lying to me my whole life, you mean?’
Rori sighed in sympathy. ‘Skye was just fifteen when she found she was pregnant, and I think Ada panicked, remembering how terrible her own teen pregnancy was... giving birth in a barn on a stranger’s farm. She knew Skye had a bright future ahead of her in acting and she didn’t want her to miss out by bringing up a child on her own. So Ada basically said she’d be mum to you, leaving Skye to pursue her dream of becoming an actor.’
‘Ada’s dream, you mean. She wanted to live vicariously through Skye’s success because her own acting ambitions had been thwarted when she found herself pregnant with Skye.’
Rori nodded. ‘That’s what Skye has always said. Ada was the pushy sort of parent and without her determination, Skye might never have had such success as an actor. But I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Skye, finding herself pregnant so young, and having to make such a life-changing decision. Even if she’d wanted to stay at home and bring you up herself, she’d have had to counter Ada’s determination that her plan was the right one.’
‘You talk as if it’s Ada’s fault, all this,’ I muttered. ‘But what about Skye? If she’d really loved me, she’d have wanted to stay and bring me up herself. She should have fought for me.’ I shook my head despairingly. ‘I know that if I had a baby, I could never just abandon the child like that. Whichever way you look at it, Skye chose her career over me. That’s the bottom line.’
‘But she was still a child and Ada was in charge. Imagine how scared and confused Skye must have been. I know she blames Ada for making the decision she did, sending her away to boarding school so that you and she wouldn’t get a chance to bond, mother and daughter.’
‘Well, that in itself was utterly despicable!’ I burst out.
‘It does seem harsh,’ Rori agreed. ‘But I still think she thought it was for the best. For you and for Skye.’
I frowned, seeing the situation from a different perspective. I hadn’t realised this had largely been Ada’s plan, to make sure I was looked after and to ensure Skye fulfilled her potential in acting. ‘And was it best for Skye, do you think?’
‘Well, Skye doesn’t think so.’
‘Really?’
‘She was saying just yesterday that she wishes things had been different... that there was no reason why she couldn’t have been a mum to you and make a success of her career as well. I think she bitterly regrets letting Ada take charge the way she did.’ Rori shrugged. ‘But she was still –’
‘Just a child. I know,’ I snapped, more confused than ever now. Having thought I’d sorted it all out in my head – with Skye as the irresponsible mother abandoning her baby – I now had Rori’s view of the whole sad mess to think about. And it clearly wasn’t as straightforward as I’d thought.
Sinking down onto a chair, I sighed wearily. ‘The thing is, Rori, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive Skye for just leaving me with Ada like she did.’
Rori nodded. ‘Skye hated boarding school, though, and now we know why. She would have been missing you terribly.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘I know so. She actually said as much when the three of us were talking. She said she used to cry down the phone every night to Ada, begging to come home, but Ada wouldn’t let her.’
My heart lurched at this. ‘How could Ada have been so heartless?’
‘I know. It seems that way. But there’s a certain steeliness about Ada that I’ve always admired, and if she thought she was doing the right thing, nothing would have swayed her – even Skye’s tearful pleas.’
Reluctantly, I nodded.
She sighed. ‘It’s all so sad, though. For everyone. But you know, overarching everything would have been Ada’s memories of how terrible her own pregnancy had been at a similarly young age to Skye. Her own devastating experience would have influenced the actions she took.’
I pursed my lips doubtfully. ‘I just wish they’d confessed to me years ago. Then perhaps the news wouldn’t have hit me so hard. Let’s face it, would I ever have found out the truth if I hadn’t gone up to see Zo? in Edinburgh? Would either of them have come clean one day? Or would they have gone on keeping the circumstances of my birth a secret?’
Rori gave a helpless little shrug. ‘I suppose you’ll never know. But the important thing is that it’s all out in the open now. No secrets.’
‘I guess so.’
‘So when are you coming home? Everyone’s desperate to see you.’
I gave a long, shaky sigh. ‘Soon. I promise.’
Neither Rori nor I had broached the subject currently on my mind, but there was actually one vital reason why I needed to return home for answers.
I now knew that Skye was my birth mother. And she would surely be able to answer the big burning question that was now keeping me awake at night.
If she was my birth mother, who was my birth father?