Chapter 19
19
LEXI
L ater that day, Lexi found herself waiting again outside the office with the plaque that read “Dr. Josephine Mars, Head of Hospital.” She needed to catch up on the paperwork she’d missed that morning. But would she get the chance to share the secret that had been weighing her down?
As she waited, the office door opened and out came a little girl, about five years old, with reddish-blonde curls and freckles across her nose. Behind her was an older man. Lexi’s eyes drifted up to his face. He was wearing a dark, immaculate suit. As soon as Lexi saw his face, she felt like she was looking at a ghost.
It was him—Dr. Benjamin Mars, her father.
At the same time, Benjamin spotted her. His eyes focused on her face, and he looked once, twice, narrowing his gaze. Lexi knew what he was seeing. She looked like her mother, Rebecca. But with his eyes. Of course he’d recognize her.
Josephine followed him out of the office and scooped up the little girl, kissing her on the cheek. “Sweetheart, I love you so much. Have a lovely day with Grandpa. I’ll see you later. Give Mommy a kiss from me.”
“Of course I will, Mama! Can’t wait for mud pies later!” The charming little girl giggled and squeezed her mother’s hand.
Benjamin was still staring at Lexi. What would he do? He had a choice to make, and Lexi wasn’t sure whether she wanted him to make the right one.
Finally, he approached her and held out his hand. “Alexis?” he asked, looking into her eyes. His eyes were blue like hers and Josephine’s, but his other features were unfamiliar. Lexi looked so much like her mother in every other way, it was no wonder he’d recognized her so easily.
Lexi hadn’t planned for this. She hesitated, but eventually took his hand and shook it. It was warm, his skin showing the signs of age. These were the hands that had saved countless lives. Lexi wasn’t sure if he still practiced, but he’d achieved legendary status in his field, and that had always inspired her. He was the reason she’d chosen neurosurgery, but she’d never told anyone that except Catherine.
“It’s me,” Lexi said shyly. She released his hand.
“You look so very much like her,” he said quietly, and Lexi nodded.
Josephine joined them. “Dad? Have you already met Dr. Bond?”
Lexi wasn’t sure what would happen next. Would Benjamin say he was her father? Would Josephine tell him?
Benjamin cleared his throat. “Josephine, can we use your office for a moment?”
Josephine looked surprised, but quickly regained her composure. “Of course. Dr. Bond, Dad…please, come in.”
Josephine led them into her office and pulled out an extra chair so they could all sit around her big desk. Lexi noticed the family photos on Josephine’s desk—photos of her wife and the little girl. Josephine’s wife had the same red hair as their daughter.
“Well, what is it?” Josephine asked, clearly knowing what was coming but not wanting to say it out loud.
Benjamin took a deep breath and began to speak.
“Josephine, I don’t know exactly how to tell you this, but a long time ago…”
“Thirty-six years,” Lexi interrupted.
“Yes,” Benjamin agreed. “Thirty-six years ago, there were difficulties in my marriage with your mother. I traveled a lot, consulting on very challenging cases. I moved to New York for a time, and while I was there, I met someone. Her name was Rebecca, and she was…well, lovely. A beautiful soul in every way. I spent a summer with her, wandering around Central Park, going on dates to a little Italian restaurant. It was an escape, I guess. But I wasn’t honest with her, and I wasn’t honest with your mother. In the end, I came back home. I chose your mother, and I left Rebecca behind. She was heartbroken, and I was devastated by what I’d done to her. Not to your mom—she never knew—but to Rebecca.”
Benjamin paused, the weight of his words heavy in the air.
“When I found out later that Rebecca had a baby, I felt terribly guilty. A little girl, Alexis.”
He looked at Lexi, and she could see the pain on his face. This wasn’t the heartless man she’d imagined. This was a man who’d made a mistake, driven by love, and it had clearly haunted him.
Josephine’s eyes darted between Benjamin and Lexi. “So you really are her father too?” she asked.
“That’s right,” Benjamin said.
He turned to Lexi. “There hasn’t been a day since you were born that I haven’t thought about you. The guilt has torn me apart. I sent your mom money, of course, but I wanted to see you so badly. I wanted to be in your life, but I didn’t know how. There were enough secrets already. So I took the coward’s way out.”
Benjamin took Lexi’s hand again, and she felt a lump in her throat. He turned to Josephine and took her hand as well.
“My darling, I wish I’d been braver. I wish I’d done the right thing. But I didn’t want to break your heart. Well, here I am, and my mistakes have caught up with me. Not that Lexi was a mistake, not at all. I’ve followed your work from afar, Lexi. I’ve been so proud of you. Your research paper on dementia? It was brilliant. You have so much exciting work ahead of you, and I’d love to be part of your life, if you’ll have me.”
Benjamin’s face was etched with worry. Lexi didn’t know how to feel. She almost felt sorry for him. When he said he was proud of her, those were the words she’d waited her whole life to hear. Now, here they were. And here he was—her father, her sister, both legendary surgeons she’d admired from afar. Where would they go from here? Lexi didn’t know, but she was ready to find out.
Lexi’s fingers tightened around her father’s hand, but she didn’t pull away. There was a part of her that still couldn’t believe this moment was real. The man she’d spent years building up in her mind as the distant, absent figure who’d abandoned her and her mother was sitting in front of her now, admitting his faults and begging for forgiveness. The words he’d just spoken rang in her ears, a tangled mess of guilt, regret, and a strange, new hope.
Josephine’s eyes flickered from Lexi to their father, her face unreadable. She was the first to break the silence, her voice low and measured. “So you’ve known about Lexi all along, then? You’ve known about her, and you never told me?”
Benjamin nodded slowly, his face etched with sorrow. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Josephine. I thought it was best to keep it a secret. I thought I could stay away and protect you from the pain, but…I can see now that I’ve only caused more harm by not telling you the truth. I’m desperately sorry for what I have done. To both of you.”
Lexi’s breath caught in her throat as the hurt from her years of unanswered questions bubbled to the surface. She’d spent so much time trying to understand why he hadn’t been there for her. Why had he abandoned her and her mother? Why had he never even tried to reach out? The idea of him being proud of her, watching from afar, felt both comforting and bittersweet.
Josephine’s face softened slightly, though there was still an edge of disbelief in her eyes. “I don’t know how to process all of this. I had no idea.” She let out a shaky breath, her gaze now fixed on Lexi. “But I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you came.”
Lexi wasn’t sure how to respond. Her emotions were a mess of confusion, anger, relief, and something deeper—something she wasn’t ready to face. She’d imagined this moment a thousand times, but it had never played out like this. She’d expected confrontation, accusations, maybe even rejection. But here she was, sitting between the two people who were supposed to have been her family all along, and she felt was a gnawing emptiness laced with hope.
The quiet lingered until Benjamin’s voice broke through the stillness again. “Lexi, I know I can’t undo the past. But I want to try to make it right. I want to be part of your life, if you’ll let me. It may not be perfect, but…I’ll be here.”
Lexi’s throat tightened, and for the first time in a long while, tears threatened to spill. She’d wanted this. She’d longed for a father who would acknowledge her, who would see her as more than just the product of a mistake. But now that the moment had arrived, it felt impossible to accept him into her life.
“I…I don’t know if I can just let it go,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “All these years, I’ve had to learn to live without you. And now…I don’t know what to do with this.”
Benjamin’s face twisted in pain, but he nodded, as though he’d anticipated this. “I understand. It’s going to take time, Lexi. I won’t rush you. I’ve hurt you, and I can’t make that go away. But I’ll be here…whenever you’re ready. I’ll start making the efforts I should have been making all along.”
Josephine, who’d been silently watching her father and sister, finally spoke up. “I think…I think we need time to figure this out. All of us.” She paused and looked at her father, then back at Lexi. “But I’m glad you’re both here, in this moment, however messy it might be.”
The silence stretched, but this time it wasn’t as oppressive. It was a silence filled with possibility—awkward and uncertain, but there nonetheless.
“I think we should have dinner,” Josephine said. “It won’t fix everything, but…it might be a start. And, Lexi. I would like you to meet my wife Ember and my daughter, Natalie. I want you to be part of our lives.”
Lexi looked at her father again. His eyes were full of something she hadn’t expected—hope, maybe even a little fear. And as much as she wanted to retreat back to her familiar isolation, there was a part of her that wanted to believe him. She didn’t have to forgive him yet, but maybe, just maybe, she could begin to let him in. To let them both in.
“I’d like that,” Lexi said quietly. “Dinner sounds good.”
Benjamin smiled faintly, relief washing over his features. “Thank you, Lexi. That’s all I can ask for.”
Josephine nodded, her expression softening as she turned to both of them. “Okay then. Let’s start with that. Together.”
As they left her office and headed for the hospital’s cafeteria with Josephine’s daughter in tow, the weight of the moment pressed down on Lexi. It wasn’t perfect, far from it, but it was something. Something she hadn’t even dared to hope for. And maybe that was the first step toward healing.
But as they walked side by side, Lexi couldn’t shake the feeling that there was still a lot more to untangle. There were years of hurt to sift through, memories she wasn’t sure she wanted to revisit, and truths she still wasn’t ready to face. But for the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel quite as alone.