Chapter 22
The sensation of something shakes me, but it stops. Then I feel it again. I don’t want to wake up. I feel warm, like I’m on a sandy beach with a blue sky. I can hear her voice and the sound of her laughter. No sadness, guilt, or anyone telling me I’m not good enough. I want to stay in these moments and dream of her and how she smiles. The way she looks at me like I’m everything she’s wished for.
Aria.
When my eyes finally open, I squint at the harsh light from the window and see Javier nudging my shoulder.
He points toward my chest, giving me a disappointed look.
I tuck my chin to my chest and see Ari asleep over my bare chest. My eyes follow the lines of her waist to the T- shirt riding up, exposing the soft skin of her thigh, her leg entwined with mine. You can tell she is naked underneath, and the thought has my hands flying to the hem of the shirt, pulling it down from Javier’s view.
He shakes his head in response.
I close my eyes and kiss her forehead because it pains me to move from under her. I wish I had taken her to bed, but I didn’t want reality to sink in. I wanted her in my arms.
After I safely detach myself from her, Javier asks, "What the fuck? You have Julia in the other room." He pauses, takes a deep breath, and continues. "Tell Julia the truth about Ari. Tell Ari how you feel about her."
I give him a scornful laugh, letting him think I don't care.
He points at the loveseat, where my hoodie, sneakers, and beanie are.
“Get dressed, player,” he signs, but I see his lips move. “Stop it,” I sign.
“Stop being an asshole.”
“You invited her last night,” I sign.
“If I would have known about you and Ari, I wouldn’t have, but I’m not going to let you hurt them. It’s not right, Rey. Tell them.”
“I have.”
Julia knows how I feel about her. It's his fault for inviting her. I went out with her to make him happy.
“Tell Ari the truth,” he signs and then arches a brow, waiting for an answer.
“I can’t.”
I don’t want Julia, but I can’t have Ari. I can't build her a dream house or read to her. She doesn’t deserve to be with a man who can't hear. I can't hear her cry for help or know what her voice is like. She doesn’t deserve that.
“Why?”
“Because I don't love her, and I never will,” I lie.
“Then don't lead her on.”
“You're right,” I sign. “I can't be what she wants.”
“Then why were you with her last night?”
“Because I'm a man.” But I can tell he doesn't believe that is the reason.
“Are you falling for Ari, Rey?”
He wants me to bare my fucking heart. Wanting someone and loving them are two different things. Sex is easy and uncomplicated. Love is complicated and promises forever. I can’t give her forever when there is a huge barrier between us called silence. I have to do the right thing, even if it feels wrong. I’m tired of robbing people of the quality of life they should have had because of me.
“No. I'm not falling in love with Ari,” I sign, feeling my hands break when I see his expression turn to sadness, and I know she’s awake. I can feel her.
A sickening feeling pools in my stomach like I drank poison.
I turn around, watching her grab her phone and clothes, and hate myself when I see her run up the stairs.
I should run after her, but I’m afraid of seeing the disappointment on her beautiful face.
Last night, I saw the way men gave her appreciative glances. I hated that I didn’t have control. I hated the look on her face when Julia kissed me, and it tore me apart when she saw her on my shoulder.
I don’t want Ari to think I slept with Julia when she is the one I want.
When I turn around, Julia has a murderous look in her eyes. Her phone is in her hand, and she’s throwing her hands up. Thick, messy globs of last night’s mascara are under her eyes like a bad Halloween makeup job.
Javier looks at me and then at Julia as she rants. But all I can think about is Ari and what she must be thinking.
Did Ari understand what I said? She couldn’t have because Ari doesn’t know ASL.
Julia never bothered to learn in all the years I’ve known her. She said learning ASL is pointless when there are cell phones, and she covered up her reason by saying people would look. They would know the secret I kept from the world. I guess she was right, but sometimes it’s easier to sign than text.
Julia: I can’t believe you, Rey. It is all over social media. Have you seen the pictures of you with her? How you were holding her. Everyone thinks you two were together when you were there with me. How could you do this to me? I’m humiliated. I posted pictures of us to all my friends and on my page last night. It is always the same with you, Rey. I love you. I have loved you since I was in high school. I have waited for you. I have been there for you.
Julia: Are you sleeping with her? You didn’t sleep with me last night.
I look up, and tears stream heavily down her cheeks.
Her lips move, and she asks, “Did you?”
I grab my hoodie, annoyed with her for asking. I'm too busy tormented by the thought of Ari watching Julia kiss me last night and wondering if she understood the lie I spilled to Javier.
“I hate you,” she mouths as more tears cast down her face.
I look down at my phone and send her a text.
Rey: I’m sorry, Julia. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want and never will.
Julia: Do you love her?
I only saw her as a friend who liked to have casual sex.
Rey: Javier was wrong to invite you. I'm sorry, but I gotta go.
She shakes her head in disappointment. Javier tries to help her collect her things, but she shrugs him off and says something to him I can’t read from her lips .
We both watch her stomp through the house in her heels as she walks out the door.
Javier gives me a grim expression and signs, “I hate to be you right now, but I think you did the right thing.”
“What did she say when she left?”
“She said she hoped Ari would break your heart like you just broke hers.”
I have never been afraid of a fight in my entire life, but a sexy five-foot-four brunette with a gorgeous face and a sexy body scares the shit out of me.
When I’m with her, I forget that I’m the undefeated heavyweight champion of the world. Because to her, I’m just Rey. And to me, she is the perfect storm I never saw coming. She doesn’t need a picture with me to show off. She doesn’t care about social media or what other people think. She wants her Noah.
After Javier leaves for his run, I tell him I’ll meet him outside, but I find myself sitting on the couch scrolling through Jimmy’s social media page. Every picture he has posted is of himself playing hockey. Highlights and a few with Ari. I hate to admit that I stalked his IG for twenty minutes. I wanted to see what she saw in him. Why did they break up?
I swipe through his recent pictures and pause when I see him at a bar with several celebrity hockey players from his team. I notice a blond girl with her hand on his lap leaning close. She isn’t prettier than Ari. Not even close. Ari has thick, straight hair. Plump lips where the top is slightly bigger than the bottom, begging for a kiss. Her nose is small, with a little swoop on its bridge. An innocence you want to protect. A body you want to unravel.
He cheated on her.
She thinks I used her and would do the same .
After my run, I find Ari in the kitchen making something to eat.
She smiles at Javier, and my chest hurts because I can see the hurt pulsing in her eyes. I can feel the tension between us in the room.
When she turns around, Javier signs, “Stop staring at her.”
“I wasn’t,” I sign back.
He rolls his eyes and glances at Ari. She quirks her brow when she places three plates on the table. Javier gives her a white-toothed smile because the food smells delicious. She made one of our approved meals I left by the kitchen.
When she turns around, he signs, “You were staring at her ass.”
“Maybe, I like her ass. There are a lot of things I like about her. Her ass is one of them, and besides, she wasn’t complaining last night when my hands were all over her ass, and don’t let me catch you checking her out.”
He smirks. “Funny. I really do hope she busts your balls wide open. I hope she breaks your heart.”
“I don’t have a heart. I’m not you, Javier,” I sign, immediately wanting to take what I said back.
He glares at me and throws a spoon at me for mentioning that he had his heart broken when he was a senior in high school.
Ari comes to the breakfast table, places her hands on her hips, and stares down at me while I sip water.
She starts signing, and I almost choke. “I know you don’t want me, but Javier's right, stop staring at my ass. We need to discuss setting boundaries if you still want me to work for you. If you want me to leave, I can do that too. Let me know. The homeless shelter fills up quickly after two.”
Javier has his fork in the air, his mouth hanging open. He says something to her, and she nods and then moves her head from side to side .
When did she learn how to sign?
Javier looks up at me and answers, “She signed up for ASL class as an elective at the beginning of her last semester. She has been practicing and watching videos to learn how to communicate through sign language since her boss is deaf. She knows about two hundred and twenty-five words.”
She picks up her phone and sends me a voice message before she gets up and leaves the room.
Ari: Javier said you could hear some if it is loud enough.
I grab the headphones from the clinic and press play on my phone. Her voice is faint, but I hear it. I close my eyes so I don’t miss a word. The soft tone of her voice causes my heart to beat faster, like watching a baby take its first steps—memorable.
“Umm…if you can hear me, this is my voice. I did this after you fell asleep last night and hoped it works. I wanted you to hear what I sounded like. You gifted me the sound of your voice, and I wanted to give you mine. My last name is Jensen, but you already know that because I work for you. I will repeat your name so you can hear me say it, Rey Vicente. I know it means king in Spanish; hence, it’s your ring name, but I don’t think you're silent. I think you have a beautiful voice that matches a man I have come to admire. If you can tell, one that I like very much. I know things are complicated. I know a lot is going on in your life. You are losing something precious and will never get it back. Since some of it is still here, make the most of it. I don’t want to talk about serious relationships or want you to think I expect more from you.” She laughs nervously and continues. “So who’s a better kisser? Me or Julia?”
I don’t deserve her. Her voice is beautiful. “Oh, and for the record, the greatest love story is never written, Rey. It is lived. I hope you live yours with someone special someday. I want to tell you a little about myself. My father was born in Pennsylvania, and my mother is from Panama. I speak Spanish; I like dancing to all types of music. I also like pasta; my favorite color is black because it goes with everything. I don’t want to bore you, but I wanted to let you know that I like my job, and thank you for giving me a place to stay until I get back on my feet. Gracias, por todo.”
The recording ends. I open my eyes. A tear falls down my cheek. I got to hear her voice and her laughter. I got to listen to the way she said my name.
I’m terrified the day she leaves because I’ve said words I can’t take back.
Rey: You kiss better. It will always… be you. You can still be with me as long as you need.