20. Deacon
“You gotta relax, brother. It’ll be fine. Isla’s going to be her normal, extroverted self. She’ll talk enough for everyone in the room. Even if Kennedy hates her new mommy, no one will notice.”
“Remind me why the fuck we’re friends?” I grumble and shove the meal I just had delivered into the warming drawer.
“Because if you hadn’t blown me off at O’Malley’s, you wouldn’t have met your banging new wife. Seriously, have you seen the pictures of her modeling her dad’s gym shirt and a green thong in some fashion show? Because brother, seriously, you outkicked your coverage. She’s a fucking knockout.”
“One more word and I’m going to kill you, Rip,” I growl because, yes, I have seen the pictures online from a fashion show for the local lingerie shop a few years ago. And yes, I certainly did outkick my coverage. My wife is unbelievably gorgeous. But the idea that my best friend has seen her ass makes me see fucking red.
“Listen, would you rather I lied and said Kennedy was going to love her? Because she’s not, and you know it. Brynlee is new, and Kennedy doesn’t do new. But your kid is moving in with you in one fucking week, Deacon. And your new wife is going to be what makes the whole machine keep running while you’re traveling with the team. She’ll keep Kennedy on a schedule. She won’t be some nanny you have to worry about leaving my goddaughter with. And if you’re lucky, she might let you touch her boobs when you get home.”
“Jesus, Rip. Seriously?”
“Buddy, you’re the one who married the girl last night. I wasn’t expecting that news this morning. But you went for it, and it’s actually genius. So warm up your food, stop your bitching, and make sure there’s a room for me because I’m stopping by before the season starts, and I’m contractually obligated to kick your team’s fucking ass.” Rip laughs like the idea of beating my team is his new favorite goal in life, and I groan—again.
“You can try, asshole,” I taunt. “See you in a few weeks.”
“Later, Kane.” Ripley ends the call, and I look around the empty house.
He’s not wrong. Isla’s going to be chattier than normal. It’s what she does when she’s nervous, and we’re all nervous. This is a ton of fucking change for Kennedy. And what the hell am I supposed to do if my kid hates Brynlee?
As all the possible ways tonight can go to shit race through my mind, I hear the doorbell ring before it cracks open. “Honey... I’m home.”
Guess I forgot to lock the door.
I make a mental note to get her a key.
Not sure when the sound of her voice started to fucking center me, but that’s exactly what it does. “I’m in the kitchen, dear,” I tease as a tiny tornado runs ahead of Brynn into the kitchen and right into my leg. The little white and brown puppy lays its head on my foot and snorts, kinda like a piglet.
“What the hell, Brynn?”
She laughs sweetly and places two pink bakery boxes on the counter, then lifts up on her toes and wraps her arms around my neck. “Deacon, meet Winnie.” Her citrusy scent is almost as mouthwatering as she is when she runs her lips over mine. “She’s not the most energetic thing in the world. But she’s a great bed buddy.”
“I’m the only bed buddy you need, wife.” I lift her up and sit her on the counter in front of me, then move between her legs and cup her face, forcing her eyes to mine. “How did this morning go with your mom?”
“You’re going to be gone half the season. Winnie will be right here, keeping me and Kennedy company.”
The fact she even thought to include my daughter in that sentence pulls at something deep in my fucking chest.
“And. . . my mom was her normal overbearing self. But that’s her, and she’s not going to change. Let’s focus on your family tonight, okay? We’ll have plenty of time to talk about my dysfunction later.”
“You okay?” I ask, just before pressing my lips to her forehead. “This isn’t one-way, you know? You’re helping me. Let me help you.”
She drops her hands to my chest and smiles. “Once I’m done with the Revolution and I tell my parents about you, there’ll be plenty for you to deal with. Just be thankful Max is the Revolution’s GM and not my mother.”
“Hello...” Isla calls out as my front door opens.
“Knocking isn’t optional, Mom,” Kennedy lectures, and I smile.
Winnie’s head lifts slowly from the floor, and she looks Brynlee’s way but doesn’t move. She’s a cute, roly-poly little thing.
“You ready for this?” I ask Brynn as she shakes her head no. “Too late now, wife.”
Kennedy is the first to walk into the kitchen, and she stops abruptly when she sees Brynn and me. Her body language is closed off. Lanky arms that she hasn’t quite grown into yet are crossed over her chest as she glares at us. “Mom says it’s rude to sit on the counter.”
“Kennedy—” Isla chastises as Brynlee hops down.
“No, it’s fine,” Brynn reassures. “Your mom is right,” she offers with a big beautiful smile. “Your dad is just so tall that it’s easier to see his eyes if I cheat and gain a few inches.”
Winnie picks that moment to realize new people have walked in the room, and she moves behind Brynn’s leg, probably scared of the new people.
My daughter tilts her head to watch the chubby puppy.
“Who’s that?” Kennedy questions, and I know she’s talking about the dog, but I see my chance, and I take it.
I put my arm around Brynn and glance around the room at Kennedy, Isla, and Shaun. “Guys, this is Brynlee... My wife.”
Brynlee
Well that was one way to share the news.
Deacon may be good at many, many things, but apparently tact isn’t one of them.
“She meant the dog,” I whisper, my eyes darting between Kennedy and Deacon.
Isla looks utterly shell-shocked, which is a complete one-eighty from the first time we met. “Oh my.” She walks forward to hug Deacon, then turns to me. “Well you two certainly move fast.”
Once she steps back, Shaun hands Deacon a case of beer and pats him on the back. “Congratulations, man. We’re happy for you.”
They both seem fine with our announcement. Kennedy, however, isn’t saying a word. She blinks rapidly, looking between Deacon and me as the blood drains from her face.
Deacon reaches out, but she shrugs him away, careful not to let him touch her. She looks around the kitchen with tears rapidly filling her eyes and makes a beeline for the first exit she sees, letting the French doors slam shut with a deafening thud as she escapes into the backyard.
“Shit,” Deacon murmurs as Winnie trots over to the glass door and watches Kennedy walk through the yard.
“Don’t worry. It’s just a lot for her right now,” Isla reassures him without any weight behind her words. “Us moving, her moving... she was going to struggle with Brynlee no matter what you did. I just don’t think any of us were expecting you two to get married quite so... quickly.”
“It made sense,” Deacon argues, and Isla takes a step back as if she’s been slapped.
Then she wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Hope you weren’t expecting romantic gestures and flowery words. That’s not Deacon’s way.”
I know this is his ex-wife.
I know they’re friends, and she’s the mother of his child.
Obviously, I expected her to have a level of intimacy with this man.
Myman . . .
But something about that statement just... I’m not sure I can pinpoint exactly what about it sets my hair on end, but it does. I’ve had enough people try to tell me what to expect today, and I’ve had my fill.
So I do what I do best.
I smile sweetly and remove myself from the situation but not before getting the last word. “I don’t need romantic words and flowers. There are plenty of other ways to express yourself, which Deacon happens to be very good at.”
I slip out of her hold and scoop Winnie up in my arms, then move in front of my husband, who’s cracked a small smile, thanks to my very loaded comment. “Would it be okay if I tried talking to her?”
“I’m not sure if that’s the best move, Brynn.” His smile vanishes, and tight lines take its place. “She usually needs time and space when she shuts down.”
“Could I try?” I ask gently, not wanting this to be what sets the tone of my relationship with his daughter. “I won’t push her. I promise.”
“I think that would be nice, Brynlee.” I turn to Isla, who surprises me with her answer. “Kennedy doesn’t do well with new people, but maybe if she realizes that yes, you’re new, but you’re also permanent, it will help her begin to adjust.”
Hesitantly, I lace my fingers through Deacon’s and squeeze his hand in time with my heavy heartbeat. “Are you okay with this?”
“Give it a shot, fearless girl.” He presses his lips to my forehead and runs his hand over Winnie’s head. The trust he’s showing warms me from the inside out. Even if he may never know just how full of fear I truly am.
The sun is shining, and the clouds have cleared when I make my way outside. A vast difference from this morning’s summer storm. Humidity clings to the damp air, and I set Winnie down by the edge of the lake and snicker when she runs away from the water and glues herself to my leg.
Kennedy sits on the edge of the still-drying dock, her long legs dangle above the lake as the sun reflects off her shiny, nearly black hair. She’s every bit her father’s mini-me, but with her mother’s striking golden-brown eyes, utterly beautiful, and in this moment, she looks painfully young and not at all prepared for the changes she’s expected to navigate.
Without looking up, sadness and anxiety radiate off her in waves as I approach. My sandals creak with each step on the worn wooden planks, followed by quick clicking of Winnie’s paws.
“Is this seat taken?” I ask as I carefully fold my sundress around my legs and sit down next to her. Close but careful not to get too close. Winnie plops between us, sandwiching herself halfway between each of our bodies, and I watch, somewhat in awe, as Kennedy digs her fingers into Winnie’s soft fur and relaxes a tiny bit.
It’s a tiny step, but I’ll take anything.
Sad eyes appraise me silently before looking back out over the lake. Her hand stays on Winnie as we settle into a heavy silence for a long while.
A million memories of this lake run through my mind like an old home video.
Summer. BBQs. Nights spent telling ghost stories in front of a bonfire at Lindy’s old house, and days spent at Uncle Jace’s house, trying to get the cool uncle to sneak us a beer. Not that he ever did, but we always tried. At least until I tried my first beer and realized how disgusting they are. Pretty sure that was my first and last beer.
I turn my head away from her and look at the homes I can just barely make out through the tall trees that line the property between Deacon’s and Jace’s. So many amazing moments I’ve gotten to experience. But even still, there isn’t enough money in the world to get me to go back and relive my tweens and teens.
All the self-doubt.
The wanting to fit in.
The fear of standing out.
And I had an entire army of family surrounding me.
A whole crew of cousins and siblings I knew were by my side through all of it.
I try to decide what I want to say to this little girl, who means everything to the man inside that house. The one who’s slowly starting to mean everything to me.
No pressure . . .
“You know...” I lean forward so I can see a little further down the lake. “I have a ton of family. Like more family than any one person should ever have.”
She doesn’t look at me. Her shoulders stay tight as she presses her palms harder into the dock, probably wishing it would swallow her whole, or that I’d stop talking.
But I refuse to give up yet.
There’s no turning back now.
“My mom is one of about a million brothers and sisters.” I laugh, hoping to break the ice, but that’s a fail. “Well, not really a million. But she is one of nine.”
That doesn’t seem to impress Kennedy, so I keep going, probably digging myself a bigger hole. “When you have that much family around you all the time, it can be a little... Let’s call it overwhelming. You’re never alone, even though, at times, you wish you could be. Everyone is always in your business, and the family gossip train is intense. But it had its good points too. Even if my mom was traveling for work with the team, or my dad was out of town with one of his fighters, there was always someone there for me. Someone besides my parents who I could trust to take care of me and my brother and sister. I always knew I was safe and loved. I always knew there would be someone there to listen and help.”
She pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them, closing herself off completely before slowly turning her head my way. “Are you and my dad gonna have more kids?”
“Oh, Kennedy...” I resist the urge to wrap her in a big hug. This kid would not appreciate that. “Your dad and I aren’t anywhere near ready to even think about that. The only thing we’re focused on right now is making sure you’re comfortable in this house. And once you are, maybe you and I can work on being friends.” I hold my breath, hoping that was the right answer.
“Does the puppy have a name?” she whispers.
I run a hand over Winnie’s back and offer up a silent thank-you for the way she just nudged Kennedy to drop her legs so she could lounge in her lap. “Her name is Winston Churchill. But I call her Winnie.”
“Does Winnie live here?” This time her question is a little less hesitant.
I nod my head gently. “She will. Your dad and I are still working everything out. But I’ll be living here very soon, and Winnie will be coming with me when I do.”
The puppy’s snores grow louder as she nuzzles her little head against Kennedy’s belly, and the little girl smiles softly for the first time since she walked through the door. “My dad travels a lot for work,” she murmurs.
“He does.” I nod as I carefully consider my next words. “Maybe you and I can come up with our own special routine when he’s out of town. Kind of a girls’ night thing.”
She doesn’t answer but doesn’t look away either, so I’ll take it as a bit more progress.
“Could Winnie sleep with me?” she whispers, and I couldn’t hide my smile if you told me my life depended on it.
“I bet she’d like that. In case you can’t tell, she’s a snuggler.”
“Mom never let me have a dog,” she says as much to herself as to me.
“Well, your dad doesn’t have a choice. Where I go, Winnie goes. We’re a package deal. She even comes to work with me.”
Kennedy’s little face lights up for a split-second before she hides her excitement. “That’s cool.”
Footsteps that aren’t Deacon’s fall behind us, and I catch Isla approaching from the corner of my eye.
“You two look deep in thought out here,” she tells us.
Kennedy glances up at her mom and shrugs her shoulders, still quiet.
I’m good at a lot of things. Silence isn’t one of them.
“I was just telling Kennedy how big my family is. One of my uncles actually lives next door. He’s going to be one of your dad’s assistant coaches. He has four kids, and the twins are Kennedy’s age.” A lightbulb goes off in my mind. “My cousin, Raven, lives on the other side of the lake, and she’s your age too. We’ll have to introduce you to them when you’re ready.”
I ignore the fact that my family doesn’t know anything at all about Deacon and push down my own rapidly growing anxiety to try to focus on the little girl sitting next to me and how I can help her.
There will be plenty of time to freak out about telling my family I’m married after tonight.
Isla clasps her hands in front of her, seemingly excited. “That sounds perfect, doesn’t it Kennedy? You’ll be able to have friends before you start your new school.”
Kennedy doesn’t look at either of us before she gets up, brushes off her shorts, and waits patiently to see if Winnie is going to follow her. Maybe sensing Kennedy needs it, Winnie takes her lead and trots after her back to the house.
Isla looks at me, letting her smile fall and her eyes, so similar to Kennedy’s, pool with unshed tears. “Please don’t judge her. She’s such a good kid with such a big heart. Please promise me you’ll try to learn to love her.”
My heart cracks and splinters into a million tiny pieces as I take Isla’s hand in mine. “She’s a kid facing a ton of big changes all at once. I can’t even begin to act like I know what that feels like for a nine-year-old. She’s allowed to process that any way she needs to without ever being judged by me. I just want to be here for her.”
Isla throws her arms around me and cries, “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to live so far away from my baby. Please take care of her. Her and Deacon. I may not love him the way you do, but he’s Kennedy’s dad, and I’ll always love him for giving me her. He deserves to be happy.”
In that moment, it becomes easy to look past Isla’s extroverted facade and see her for what she is right now. A heartbroken mother, trying to do what’s best for her daughter, even if it’s not what’s best for her. And as I hug her back, I wonder if that’s what my own mother has been going through.
Maybe Kennedy coming into my life was meant to be.
Maybe I need this little girl as much as she needs me.