Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
B rielle waited in the vehicle while Ryan took Sparky’s body inside. When the crew came back on Monday, they would cremate his body, and Brielle would be able to bury the ashes. She tried to focus on the positive side of the situation. After all, Sparky was no longer in pain, which had been a difficult thing to watch these last few months, but she couldn’t seem to shake the suffocating sense of loneliness that had settled over her.
Waking in Ryan’s arms this morning had been equal parts glorious and devastating, but his desire to talk about everything had her ready to throw up.
What was she supposed to tell him?
Hi! I’m Brielle. My mom and sister hate me and have made sure to spend my entire life letting me know I’m not enough, and when you threw me away in high school, I finally began to believe it.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove my worth, but the only creature who saw it was my dog, who’s now dead. I was comforted by the very man I can’t get out of my head, but who probably hates me because I keep pushing him away.
She snorted. “Yeah…that’ll go over well. ”
“What’ll go over well?”
Brielle jerked upright in the seat, pulling on the seatbelt. “I didn’t hear you get in.” She cleared her throat. Shoot. I need to keep my thoughts to myself.
“The door squeaked plenty loud,” he stated, pushing the button for the engine. “But you conveniently ignored my question.” He glanced at her sideways before putting his eyes back on the road.
Brielle sighed. “I…I don’t know what to tell you.”
He pursed his lips, then nodded. “I think better on a full stomach too. Breakfast, then talk.”
Brielle kept her thoughts to herself after that, which was good since her mind was swirling with so many arguments she couldn’t keep any of it straight. She wanted to defend herself by blaming everything on her sister, or maybe blame Ryan for how he treated her in high school. She also wanted to go home and curl up with ice cream and drown herself in grief and sugar.
But neither of those was going to help her do anything but push Ryan away further and add substantial weight to her thighs…plus, Brielle knew the problem didn’t really lie in other people.
All too soon, they were back at the townhouse. Brielle glanced suspiciously at the neighbor’s door. Thankfully, it was shut tight. The woman last night had been anything but understanding when Brielle had begun banging on Ryan’s door.
She winced as she thought of barging into his townhouse last night. She must have looked like a crazy person.
“Save that conversation for after breakfast,” Ryan said, opening his door. He grinned when Brielle frowned, reaching over to smooth out her forehead. “I need to hear what’s being said up here.” He gently tapped where he’d been rubbing. “It’s not fair carrying it on without me.”
Brielle rolled her eyes, but it was only so she could hide the flush creeping up her neck. This guy was killing her. She had no idea where they stood, and she didn’t want to let her hopes build that last night’s comfort was anything but that…comfort. She didn’t think her fragile heart could handle it.
“Come on, Brielle,” Ryan said after he opened her door.
She jumped. “I think my ears aren’t working today,” she grumbled. That was twice Ryan had opened a car door and she hadn’t heard him.
He held out a hand. “You’re distracted and probably still in shock. It’s understandable.”
Unable to help herself, she reached out and allowed him to help her down. When he kept a hold of her fingers as they walked inside, the cool morning air began to feel very good on her heated skin.
They got inside, and Ryan directed her to a kitchen stool. “I’m not a great cook, but I can handle pancakes…I think.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Brielle went to stand. “I can make omelets or something if you have the ingredients.”
Ryan shook his head and pushed down on her shoulders to put her in her place. “Nope. My treat.”
Brielle’s eyes once again filled with tears as he went into the kitchen and began working. “Thank you,” she whispered through her tight throat.
Ryan grinned over his shoulder. “I’m only guessing here, but I think it’s time someone got a chance to take care of you for a change.”
A single stray tear slid down her cheek, and Brielle was quick to wipe it away. She’d cried enough, and she didn’t need to break down again. But Ryan’s kindness was hitting her in all the right spots, and right now she was feeling particularly vulnerable.
It only took twenty minutes and a handful of swear words for them to be seated at the bar with two plates of dark but edible pancakes drowning in maple syrup. Picking up her fork, Brielle put the first bite into her mouth and grinned. “Not half bad, Thatcher.”
Ryan chuckled as he shoved food into his own mouth. “I’ve learned to stay alive.”
Brielle’s smile felt wide and genuine for the first time since her morning began, and she couldn’t find it within herself to fight it. Breakfast was a quiet affair, but comfortable, and after her blood sugar reached normal levels, Brielle found herself feeling much more capable of handling the conversation ahead.
Ryan stood and went to gather her plate, but Brielle stopped him. “Nope. You cooked. I’ll clean.” She took his back and walked to the sink.
“If that’s the rule, then I think maybe you should move in here.”
Brielle didn’t turn around, but she smiled. Don’t tempt me. “I don’t think you can afford me, Thatcher.”
Heat infused her back when Ryan stepped up behind her, caging Brielle against the sink. She froze, not wanting him to move, but terrified of turning around.
“My name’s Ryan,” he whispered, his lips brushing against her ear. “I’d really like you to use it again. I don’t like the space you’ve put between us.”
There’s none right now…
Thatcher was what she’d called him in high school. They’d been rivals and teammates, and their terms of endearment had reflected that. Now, however, unsure of where they stood with each other, it had been easier to revert and put a little space between them until she was sure where this was going. Hope could be an awfully painful burden, and Brielle was already struggling.
Slowly, she turned, their faces much closer than she would have expected, but Brielle locked her knees and forced herself not to dart under his arm and run away. You’re too strong for that. You don’t run from anyone.
“Alright,” she said carefully, keeping constant eye contact. “Ryan it is.”
One side of his mouth pulled up, and his eyes dropped to her lips before coming back up. The question might as well have been shouted from the rooftop, and Brielle’s answering heartbeat was likely just as loud.
It had been years since she’d been kissed, and she didn’t know how to encourage him or if she should encourage him .
“Brielle…” Ryan leaned down, hovering just over her. “Sweetheart, I’m dying to kiss you.”
She took a shuddering breath and got a lungful of Ryan’s freshly showered scent. Those darn knees almost couldn’t handle it.
“Please let me kiss you.”
“I’m scared.” Brielle squeezed her eyes shut, hating that those words had slipped out without permission. When his hand slid across her cheek and into her hair, she jolted, and her eyes opened, staring straight into his.
“I would never hurt you,” he promised.
“You can’t say that,” Brielle rasped.
“Just give me a chance.” His nose rubbed lightly against her, sending goosebumps down her back. “One chance. That’s all I’m asking.”
“I…” Brielle swallowed hard, her mind drawing a blank about why this was a bad idea. He was right there. So close! But she just couldn’t bring herself to close the distance. Her heart was already aching in so many ways, and she couldn’t seem to let go of the fear that Ryan would do exactly what he’d done in high school. Last night had already shown her it was possible. Aurora’s comments held too much truth in them for Brielle to forget and those words wouldn’t leave her brain. “I don’t know how.”
Ryan stepped back even though everything in him was screaming to just close the distance. Unfortunately, he was all too aware that it wasn’t a half inch between them, it was more like a canyon.
The pain from yesterday’s situation came roaring back with a vengeance, and Ryan wasn’t sure how to keep fighting. She’d walked away last night. She was walking away now…heck, she had walked away when they were teenagers.
How many times was he gonna be the pathetic guy on his knees begging for attention? He shook his head at his thoughts. What was wrong with him? Trina had walked into the arms of another man, but Brielle was just walking.
“Is this about Aurora?” He jumped a little at his own words, not really knowing where they came from, but the look on Brielle’s face said he’d hit on something important. His brows pulled together in confusion. “Why? What does Aurora have to do with us? I just…” He pushed his hands through his hair and paced. “I’m lost, Brielle. I thought, no…I know , you feel this too.” He waved a hand between them. “It’s only grown since we were kids, but every time I get close to you, you run away. So, please, explain to me why your sister has anything to do with it. I’ve never even thought twice about her, so I just can’t figure out why you won’t give this a chance.”
Brielle’s eyes had widened with every word he said, and she gripped the sink behind her as if to hold herself up. “You haven’t thought about her twice?”
Ryan shook his head. “No. Why would I?”
“Well, you…” Her mouth snapped shut. She paused, her eyes unfocusing as if she were thinking before she came back to him. “You didn’t…” Her mouth shut again before her shoulders finally drooped. “Ryan, I don’t seem to have a good explanation, but I was told that you’re interested in my sister.”
He jerked back. “Interested in her? I barely know her.” He took a risky step back in Brielle’s direction. “Even in high school I knew you better than I knew her.”
She scrunched up her face and shook her head. “That makes no sense. You dated her.”
He jerked back. “No, I didn’t!”
“Yes, you did!” Brielle threw her hands in the air. “Right after you kissed me! You dated her!”
Ryan had no words. He’d never dated Aurora. She was fine and she’d been part of the group of friends that he’d spent the most time with, but they’d never been a couple. He ought to know! It took two people to be a couple.
“Where the heck did you get that idea? ”
“Aurora told me.”
“But why?” Ryan pressed. “Why would she tell you something that wasn’t true?”
“Exactly,” Brielle said as if he wasn’t catching on. “Why would she tell me something that wasn’t true?”
Folding his arms over his chest, Ryan held his ground. “Did I ever come visit her at your house?”
“No. She said you liked your space better.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Just how long was I supposed to have been dating her?”
“I…” Brielle frowned. “I’m not sure, but it was several months.”
“And you never thought it was weird that I never came to your house? Not once?”
She paused before answering. “Yeah…that is kind of weird, you’re right.”
“What about school dances? Did I ever take her to a dance?” Ryan took another step closer. Maybe with this Aurora thing behind them, he could finally have his chance. If this was all one big misunderstanding, or if she’d been worried about him being Aurora’s “ex-boyfriend,” then Brielle’s running made a little more sense.
But he wasn’t Aurora’s ex and they were clearing up the misunderstanding now, so hopefully they could set this aside and give it a go.
“Hang on.” Brielle held out her hand. “Don’t come any closer.”
A slow smile crept across his face. “Why not?” He took another step.
“Because I’m trying to think, and I can’t do it very well when you’re too close.”
Taking one lunging step, Ryan caged her in against the counter again. “Maybe I don’t want you to think too hard.” Geez, she smelled good. Even with her wild hair and make-up free face, he just wanted to bury his nose in her neck and take it all in.
Her hands landed on his chest, curling slightly. “Ryan,” she whispered .
“Hm?” He nuzzled just under her jaw.
“We need to figure all this out.”
“We have.” One hand slipped around her waist.
Brielle laughed in a low husky tone, which almost buckled his knees. “No we haven’t.”
“I’m not Aurora’s ex,” he murmured against her skin. “You don’t have to worry about that, and there’s nothing wrong with us being together, right?” It took him a moment to notice that she hadn’t answered right away. “Right?” he asked again.
A long sigh escaped her. “Right.”
Ryan straightened. “Why did that sound more resigned than happy? Don’t you want to give this a try?”
Brielle gave him a sad smile. “I do, I just think there’s…” She trailed off and wouldn’t look at him for a moment. “I suppose what happened in the past really doesn’t matter, does it?”
Well, he certainly wasn’t holding it against her, so he wouldn’t complain if she just decided to move on. “It doesn’t have to, if we don’t want it to.”
Her smile trembled a little, but she nodded. “You’re right. We’ve said that before, and we make our choices. We don’t have to dwell on what other people say, and we don’t have to let things in the past define us now.”
“So you’re saying…?” he whispered, playing with the ends of her hair.
This time her breath was shuddering instead of depressed, and her brown eyes never left his. “I guess I’m saying, I’d like us to give this a try.”
Ryan didn’t move for a moment, other than to let his thumb rub along her cheekbone. Her skin was soft, and he was losing himself in her eyes. What would it be like to have no barriers between them? To let himself feel this, excitement, eagerness, whatever the right word was, every time he thought about her?
“So this is for real now?” His voice was husky without his permission, but he didn’t want to clear his throat, afraid it would break the moment thrumming between them.
She blinked a few times, then nodded slowly. “Yes.”
Ryan couldn’t contain his smile as he dropped his head to bring their mouths together. He’d waited for this for so long?—
Brielle jumped when his phone went off, knocking her forehead into his. “Ouch,” she muttered, rubbing her forehead.
Ryan had more choice words to share, but he bit them back, grabbing his phone out of his backpocket with the intent of throwing it across the room so it would never interrupt him again, but he realized quickly that it wasn’t a phone call that had caused the problem.
“Shoot.”
“What?” Brielle dropped her hand and looked at his phone screen.
“That was my reminder that we’ve got a trail run in a few minutes.”
Her eyes bugged and she looked at the clock over the oven. “Oh my gosh, how did I not realize what time it is?” She shifted sideways, stepping away from him and hurrying to the front door.
“No, wait! Don’t….” Ryan groaned, reaching after her.
Brielle stopped and turned around, her cheeks red, but Ryan knew the moment between them was gone. “Sorry,” she said with a grimace. “I think we have really, really bad timing.”
“You’re telling me.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “Any chance we can try to pick this up later?”
Her smile softened. “I think I’d like that.” Before his smile could get too big, she put up a hand. “But!” She raised an eyebrow. “This time I’ll meet you there. No interfering sisters.”
Ryan nodded. “No interfering sisters. Sounds good to me.” He made a silent vow to himself that if somehow, Aurora did manage to interrupt, he was just gonna pick her up by her tiny waist and throw her out the window. He was done with anything keeping him from Brielle, and he would prove it.