Chapter 2
2
I wiped off a smudge of grease from the hood of the deep green Bronco before standing back and cleaning my hands with the old rag.
“You straight,” I spoke up as I tore my eyes from the truck and peered over at my boy Savon.
He adjusted his gold wired frames and took in his ride. “Yeah? I’m not gon’ be drivin’ and my brakes won’t work, right?”
His joke failed to humor me. I took my work seriously when I was customizing or fixing a car. “Like I said, you straight.”
“Are we , though?” Savon questioned next, studying me with a look of seriousness.
I folded my arms, unsure what he was getting at. He’d been my boy since we were kids. Truth be told, we were like brothers, same mother different father type shit. “Whatchu mean?”
Savon lifted his chin at me. “Ain’t seen you in a minute. Dude gotta get his brakes fixed just to see if you still around.”
Here we go .
Brushing a hand over my head, I took a breath. I peered around my uncle Rod’s garage, at anything but Savon just then. We were the only two inside. Business was slow on this Sunday evening, which wasn’t surprising since it usually was.
If it was anybody else, I wouldn’t say a thing. But like I said, Von was like a brother. “Things just been kinda different for me after…Leila.”
Understanding had Savon making an O shape with his mouth as he nodded. Everybody knew my ex; she was glued to my side like a conjoined twin at most functions. Or up under me at my place if I wasn’t at hers. “Got you.”
Just like everyone knew of our relationship, I was sure those closest to me knew of our split, too. It had been a year and some change and I still was collecting what was left of myself.
“I wasn’t really fuckin’ with no one,” I explained further of my self-exile.
“No, really?” Savon responded sarcastically.
I shook my head. “I was in a pit, man. She had me twisted up.”
“Shit, remind me never to fall like you did.” Savon’s pity was another reason I hadn’t shown my face around the city much. My grandmother once took a look at me and said I looked like a dog who’d lost his bone.
It was more than the love, though. It was everything. Ego. Self-esteem. Heartbreak. All in one fell swoop.
I still remembered what she’d said to me that day she broke up with me. Leila had come over, as she so often did, but to my surprise she had an empty box with her. She started grabbing things she’d left over the two years we were together around my spot. She fought against me when I’d tried to get ahold of her to see what was wrong.
“We just moving at different speeds, Keith,” she’d sighed, sounding exhausted. “We want different things.”
I managed to get her, taking her face in my palms and making her see into my eyes. That’s when I saw it. No light. No joy to see me. No spark. A pair of dull brown eyes stared back at me and something told me there was no getting through to her.
But I still tried. “Where’s this coming from?”
“Nowhere.”
“ Nowhere ?” I’d repeated, even more confused.
Leila shrugged out of my grasp, throwing her hands up and gesturing around us. “You not goin’ nowhere. I want bigger and better things. You not enough for me.”
Her words had hit me hard in the chest, piercing beneath my skin. I’d frozen, saying nothing more as she gathered the rest of her things and left, tossing her copy of my key on the table by the door and walking out.
A few months later I was scrolling through Instagram and noticed she’d become an IG girl, an influencer who went out more and wore less, and all that other shit Drake was whinin’ about. She’d done a complete one-eighty, turning into someone I didn’t recognize. It wasn’t until I’d seen her under the arm of some hot up-and-coming rapper that I deleted my account all together.
Coming back to now, I went and leaned against a beam in the room, looking out across the spacious garage and shrugging my shoulders. I’d fallen into a dark place after that. In and out of depression and self-loathing. I couldn’t blame Leila. I was gonna be thirty in August, and ain’t have shit to show for it. My education was a GED. My look was intimidating from my face to my tattoos. I could never go corporate. And my past wasn’t the cleanest either.
At the time, when I’d first hooked up with Leila, she hadn’t cared about none of that. I wasn’t looking for love or nothing too serious, but then I’d gone and fallen hard. Consumed in hearts and feelings, until I felt bled dry when she walked out of my life.
In the minutes, hours, days, and so on since the split, I withdrew from nearly everyone in my life. I kept close to my fam, because I was who they counted on and I owed my mother and grandmother more than I could ever repay. But outside of those two, I was like that GIF of Squidward, a mundane existence of home, the garage, and home again.
Love. Love was for suckers.
I needed to snap out of it, and running into Savon was a welcome wakeup call.
“Remind me to never fall again,” I managed to joke for the first time in forever.
Savon shook his head, pushing his glasses up his nose. “See, you should come out tonight. Have a few drinks with the boys, get you some ass, and let this Leila shit go.”
I wasn’t one of those men that relied on pussy to solve all his problems. Maybe in my younger days when I was first gettin’ some skin. But now, the idea didn’t even make my dick twitch.
“Nah, as you can see, I gotta work,” I pointed out.
Savon smirked, calling bullshit. “Negro, ain’t nobody comin’ through here tonight.”
Uncle Rod’s auto repair shop was the only shop open and opened till late on Sundays. It made us a step ahead of the competition. It was going on six in the evening, and we closed at eight. Rod wouldn’t care if I did decide to close up early, being the only mechanic and employee on duty that night. But still, I wasn’t feeling like hitting the bar or a club. Even though a part of me needed to throw myself out there again.
“Yeah, but not tonight, Von,” I said.
“Not even for a drink?” he pressed on.
I did like to drink when I was out, but I wasn’t in the mood. My current vice was smoking, and I’d been trying to quit—unsuccessfully—for about a year now. Just talking about my split from Leila had me itching to light up a Marlboro.
“Nah, not tonight,” I said again.
Savon shook his head. “So what you getting into after this?”
I lifted and dropped my shoulder. “Probably see about that Lakers game.”
Savon sucked his teeth. “They ain’t doin’ too hot this season.”
They weren’t, but it still beat a loud club or packed bar. “Next time, Von.”
He made a face but didn’t push. Instead, he crossed over to me and pulled me into a hug as he patted my back and dapped me up. When he reeled back, he caught my eye. “Stay up, king. You too important to too many people. You ever just wanna vent, play ball, watch a flick or somethin’, let me know. We all go through it.”
My heart softened at his words, because I should’ve known he’d be there for me. “Thanks.”
“And don’t think we ain’t noticed you haven’t been around the center either,” Savon went on, getting on me for abandoning my work at the local community center.
I wasn’t a role model, far from it, but through my trials, wins, and losses in the streets, I’d taken it upon myself with Savon to volunteer at the center to help young guys out, to steer them in a better direction than what we’d chosen.
I rubbed at the back of my neck. “Yeah, I’ma get back on that. I definitely dropped the ball.”
Satisfied, Savon backed off. “A’ight then, stay safe and be careful.”
We lived in Bedford Heights, a city in Los Angeles County in southern California. Or LA, if you weren’t familiar with the area. From the time we were about twelve or maybe even younger, Savon and I stayed in the streets, and we knew the ins and outs of the havoc that lingered. I kept a piece in my house, so I wasn’t worried. I had too many battle scars to be na?ve when traveling alone at night as well. The Heights wasn’t an entirely bad place, especially in recent years, but there was still trouble if you weren’t watching your back.
I went and lifted one of the doors to the garage so Savon could ride out.
“You sure?” he asked me one final time as he drove on by to leave.
For a moment, I considered it, closing up the shop early and dipping out for the night. Breaking my depressing ass routine of home and work.
Glancing at the empty garage where only the sounds of the flat screen in the lobby could be heard if I left the back office door open awaited; I really wasn’t missing out on much if I cut out for the night.
Still, I wasn’t quite ready to make my return to a social life. “Next time, man.”
Savon sighed, shaking his head before driving off into the night.
Instead of going back inside, I hung back, giving into temptation. Succumbing to my nicotine cravings.
I really need to quit .
Recluse or not, these days, I wasn’t doing anything that was bad for me anyway. A cigarette was the least of my worries.