Chapter 9
9
I decided to be brave.
There was a reason beyond my anger I wasn’t facing my father. I was scared . When my father first began experiencing symptoms of ALS, I felt powerless. For my whole life we’d had enough money to throw at our problems and make them disappear. This wasn’t one of those times.
One minute he was this big, powerful man standing at six-three. A man who went on jogs, hunting trips, and ran his business with a kindness you didn’t see often in the world of money and capitalism. And the next, he started losing coordination, having issues with the muscles in his legs, and tripping over himself.
It took nine long agonizing months for them to reach their diagnosis of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS. That was three months ago.
My father was faring as best as he could—or as well he could compose himself around us. My mother had loved him for her whole life. This was a shock to her entire system. She wasn’t ready to face the outcome of a life without my father.
And neither was I.
I was rightfully angry about my forced engagement and marriage, but I loved my father and couldn’t stomach never speaking to him during what remained of his time here. Because there was a clock ticking away. No one survived ALS. There wasn’t a cure. Some lived three to five years, others ten, and some even twenty. My fingers were crossed for twenty.
Friday afternoon a courier had arrived at my suite with a bouquet of white roses and a card from Cain. A very short note of Go see him. – C. Carter was all that was written. I wasn’t too sure how I felt about Cain, but it wasn’t lost on me that he was right in my needing to see my father.
So, Saturday morning I got myself together and drove over to my parents’ house. The groundskeeper was tending to the lawn outside. The smooth buzzing of a lawnmower could be heard as soon as I got out of my Lexus. The scent of fresh-cut grass filled the air, mixing well with the fragrance of my father’s nearby tulip garden.
Inside, I caught my family’s housekeeper, Priscilla, heading down the hall with a basket of laundry.
Everyone was moving, going here and there as they’d always done, making the scene of the Nichols estate appear so normal.
It was when I found myself outside of my father’s bedroom that it all came crashing down on my shoulders. The conjoined weight of my anger and fear. The uncertainty of my future hung in the balance and I hated having no control over any of this.
With a deep breath, I knocked a couple of times on the door before inviting myself in. Lying back as comfortably as possible in his four-poster bed, my father was wearing silk pajamas. Something so out of the ordinary for a man of his position. Usually, he was up by five on the dot to start his day.
The curtains were drawn, allowing light into the room as he laid back watching something on the large TV mounted on the wall across the room. There was an empty chair beside his bed, probably belonging to my mother.
My father turned from his program, glancing at me momentarily before doing a double take. At once, a broad smile curled onto his mouth, stopping and starting my heart violently.
He was happy to see me.
Breathe, Kennedy, breathe .
I coached myself to walk over to his bed. To approach him. To be civil.
As much as I loved my father, I hated him for putting me in this awful position to feel so conflicted.
My father had always been so big and powerful to me, but now here he was, so fragile and small it seemed, before my very eyes.
I wanted to touch him, but I didn’t know how.
Instead, I found myself sitting in the vacant chair beside his bed, stealing a peek at the TV before turning back to him.
“Hi, Daddy,” I spoke softly, my trembling voice giving way to how broken I was at the state of affairs taking place.
My father chuckled, hearty and strong. He was still here. Grounded with me. “Neddy.”
The sound of my childhood nickname warmed my heart and stilled all my trepidation. “Long time, no see.”
He nodded, appearing thoughtful. “I assume you’re angry.”
“You’re damn right I am,” I said through gritted teeth. “It’s not fair!”
My father blinked and faced me, sympathy tugging on his features. “I understand.”
“Do you? You put me in a shitty position. And I can’t even be really mad because…” I stopped myself, trying to stay strong, trying not to break, trying not to let him see me crack. Now wasn’t the time for weakness. He was already suffering enough.
“It…won’t hurt my feelings if you say I’m dying,” he said.
My eyes hurt as I squeezed them shut to stop the tears. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t face this.
There was no time to be upset or feel betrayed with his insidious illness plaguing our family. It felt selfish. Selfish for him to put the burden on me to help his company. And selfish for me to feel anything but supportive and caring as he battled his disease.
“He’s a cunning bastard,” my father admitted. Oddly, though, he seemed to smile at the fact. “He must like you. A lot.”
Or he was a control freak who didn’t like taking “no” for an answer. “I’m touched.”
“Give it three years. Please,” my father seemed to beg.
Confusion took over me as I leaned over, resting my arms on his duvet. “Three years?”
My father nodded. “The marriage isn’t contractual. There isn’t exactly a legal way to rope your daughter into a binding marriage for a joint business venture. There isn’t a divorce clause. Cain simply insisted on my end I state in my will you won’t receive your inheritance unless you see three full years of marriage.” A frown marred his face as he eyed me. “He wanted five, I said two, and we met in the middle on three.”
Divorce. It was still a possibility as long as I suffered through three years of being with Cain. This was news to me.
“I think he believes he can win you over,” my father went on. “He’s a bastard, Neddy, but he knows what he wants.”
Or what he thinks he wants.
I wasn’t sure what Cain saw in me outside of my looks. I wasn’t “wife” material.Beyond my age, I simply wasn’t interested in having children. My car was a two-door for God’s sake!
Or maybe I was a romantic and wanted to be swept off my feet by the right man. Not some devil in Zegna.
“You put me in a terrible situation,” I spoke up, blinking back tears. “And I feel forced to forgive you because of what you’re going through, and that’s not fair.”
My father’s gaze shifted elsewhere. “I don’t want to leave this earth with you hating me, but I’m thinking of your future.”
“You don’t think I can take care of myself?” I challenged.
I hadn’t a college degree or skill to my name. Even if I would’ve lived off my inheritance, I would’ve been fine on my own, or choosing a man of my own taste or caliber.
“Nichols humor gone from his face. “Hungry?”
While I admired his hospitality, I wasn’t thinking about food. “No.”
He took a step closer. “Thirsty?”
I didn’t need liquid courage to see this through, I was ready. “No.”
Keith looked past me and back. “What do you want to see first?”
He was giving me what I wanted, a proper tour, but suddenly I couldn’t have cared less about making it to the bedroom, I was so ready to jump his bones.
“Your room,” I answered softly.
He took my hand and the lead, going and taking us through the house toward the back where his master bedroom was. The few glimpses I got of the other rooms said he was the basic man, lacking true eye for decorations.
His bedroom held a little personality and color as I admired his large bed with navy blue bedding. The cool theme of wood and blue stuck out as I noted the blue furry rug on the floor by his gray ottoman. The room led out into a private patio, and I thought I saw a?—
“You have a hot tub?” I asked as I trailed my eyes from the corner of the tub to Keith.
He nodded, appearing confused. “Don’t you?”
“The hotel does. I don’t in my penthouse,” I admitted. At my parents’ estate, there was an outdoor pool and a hot tub set up. I envied not having access to my own pool and tub.
Keith removed his cap and ran his hand over his waves. “Got it for a good little deal and set it up a summer ago.”
“Cool.” I tugged on Keith’s gray T-shirt. “Maybe we can put it to use.”
He smirked, taking a step back. “In a little bit. First, we gotta settle something.”
He sounded like he was talking business and I didn’t get it. “Huh?”
“The last time we were together, I did you a favor, and I’d like for you to return it,” Keith explained.
It took me a minute to get what he was saying. What he was after. It was the way his eyes traveled to the apex of my thighs before coming back to mine that clarified it. Oral sex.
“I don’t do that,” I let him know.
He furrowed his brows and shook his head. “Good luck with that marriage.”
“Fuck you,” I shot back.
“We’ll get to that.” He grinned. “After you do me a favor.”
I scoffed. “I don’t get on my knees for anyone.”
Keith shrugged and chanced a step closer. “Doesn’t gotta be on your knees, you can do it on your stomach lying down. I’m not picky.”
“I do not do that.”
He leaned close, stopping at my ear, the grin on his face evident as he spoke. “You will for me.”
This wasn’t going how I’d intended.
Keith reeled back. He read my face and sighed. “Or maybe we’ll keep oral off the table.”
“Completely?” I asked.
“Completely,” he agreed. “I won’t touch you, and you won’t touch me.”
Okay, that wasn’t what I expected to hear.
“But you’re good at it.” I pouted.
There was that devilish grin again. “I know.”
I just wasn’t a fan of giving oral. Gaius let me get away with a few times a year, but he’d always gone down on me, even when I didn’t return the favor.
It was clear Keith wasn’t about to go without an even exchange.
“Fine,” I gave in, going and setting my clutch on the dresser behind him.
Keith watched me carefully. “It’s fine if it’s not your thing, Kennedy.”
I glared at him. “But if I don’t do it, you won’t do it.”
“Because it’s fair,” he stated.
He was a man with needs, and he wouldn’t oblige mine unless he got his.
If I wasn’t familiar with his skilled mouth and tongue, I would’ve turned and walked out the door. He was giving me an ultimatum without giving me an ultimatum.
Keith Avery was an asshole, but he had a sweet, considerate side. The worst kind of man. Toxic.
And I wanted to bring him to his knees.
“Okay, take off your shirt,” I instructed as I stepped out of my heels.
Keith didn’t budge. “You don’t have to do this.”
I cut him a fierce look. “But I want you to do it to me, so here we are.”
I got down on my knees in front of him, and to my surprise, he sank down with me to where we were eye to eye.
“I’ll know if you’re doing a lousy job on purpose,” he said.
I was going to make his toes curl.
“Anything else?” I perked a brow, showing my annoyance.
Once more, Keith shook his head, rising to his full height above me. He pulled his tee over his head and flung it to the side.
Angry or not, he did look good enough to eat.
My fingers curled around the waistband of his joggers. Keeping my eyes on his, I pulled them and his boxer briefs down until he was free.
Keith was already erect and well endowed, but I didn’t let his size scare me as I went and stroked him for good measure.
He stood watching me, making the act hot. Suddenly, I wanted to please him, to make him feel good and…
“You’ll tell me when you’re close, right?” I wanted to know, unsure if I was prepared to go all the way with this.
Keith shook his head.
Oh.
Gently, his rough hand caressed my jaw, lifting my head to meet his eyes. “Won’t you be a good girl and swallow for me?”
His thumb rolled over my bottom lip and I felt myself nod as I looked into his dark eyes, pressing my thighs together. My sex was throbbing at his tender touch and his attention.
Keith released me and I leaned forward and took his erect member into my mouth. It was too big to fit all the way, proving to be a challenge on my end on how I would break him.
I used my hands to assist my mouth, bobbing up and down, all the while keeping my eyes on his.
His skin was smooth, velvet on my tongue, and the more I tasted him, the more I liked it. He closed his eyes and his hands found my head, his fingers grazing my scalp. He liked it too.
I took him out of my mouth and flicked my tongue along the tip, catching his salty early release, seeing how he’d react.
“Oh, shit,” he let out.
Grinning, I gave myself a mental pat on the back.
I put him back in my mouth, taking him as deep as I could, until I felt my eyes water. I took him out. Out and in. In and out. Sucking long and hard, warm and wet. Keith’s breathing was becoming jagged and he was groaning as his hands tugged on my hair.
“Kennedy.” His voice was light, vulnerable, weak.
Yes . Not so big and bad now, are you ?
He came without warning. First a trickle, and then he was full-on unloading down my throat. He held on to me until he’d finished, and I had never felt so dirty, so used, so turned on in my life. There in some strange man’s house, being a good girl for him, on my knees in my Alexander McQueen pants while my fiancé was God knows where.
Keith stepped back and stepped out of his joggers completely before pulling me up to my feet.
I grinned pompously up at him. “Not so lousy, was it?”
He narrowed his eyes. “My turn.”
In record timing he helped me out of my clothing, leaving them in a pile on the floor. Keith laid me down, covering my nude body with his. Skin on skin, soft to hard, it felt intimate this time. He stared down into my eyes and I feared he’d kiss me. Steal my soul right from under me. Sensing my rules, his eyes trailed to my body instead as he began his descent.
His pressed a gentle kiss to my jaw, my neck, my chest. He took my left nipple into his mouth and sucked tenderly as he took my right nipple between his finger and thumb and tugged.
“Oh,” I whined at the sensation. My hips bucked up, ready and needy for attention.
Keith looked down between our bodies, chuckling. “In time.”
“Please,” I begged.
He moved on to my right nipple. “No.” He took my nub into his mouth and mimicked what he’d done to my left.
I bit down on my lip, trying to contain myself. It all felt so good. The anticipation. The feel of his weight on me. The way his smart mouth was also delicate.
Two fingers threatened to enter me and I moved to meet them, only to have them disappear.
“You liked it,” Keith noted of my arousal at what I’d done to him.
I refused to respond. Yes, I’d liked going down on him, seeing his handsome face contort in ecstasy, seeing him weaken at my will.
“Say it,” Keith urged, plunging his fingers inside of me. They didn’t compare to him , but I was greedy and would take what he would give me.
“I liked it!” I called out.
“Good.”
Keith planted kisses down my stomach until he reached his goal. The moment his tongue touched my clit I moaned loudly and uncontrollably.
“Keith!” I whimpered.
He stopped, peeking up at me. “What’s my name?”
“Keith,” I answered him.
“Remember that,” he ordered.
He returned to me, to kissing, to nibbling, to tasting me without abandon. My fingers fisted his comforter as I arched my back and became undone.
For all the things he couldn’t do to my mouth with his, he kissed me intensely, passionately, deeply between my thighs. My eyes crossed and my mouth remained open, and my soul slipped through.
A wave of molten pleasure overtook me and I rode it out as a peaceful bliss brought me back to shore.
“How do you like it?”
I opened my eyes and angled my head, catching Keith licking his lips and watching me.
“Missionary,” I said.
He studied me for a beat more before going and kissing my inner thigh. “Turn over.”
He got up to collect a condom and I sat up on my haunches. I liked it on my back, but perhaps it was better this way, from behind, less intimate. Less close.
“Don’t pull my hair,” I warned as he came back to the bed and climbed on with me.
He tore open the condom and rolled it on. There was something about the look on his face I didn’t like. As if he would do exactly that when caught up in the moment. I narrowed my eyes and got on all fours, staring ahead at his plush gray headboard.
In another moment he seized my waist and gradually entered me. He didn’t stop until he was all the way inside of me.
“Shit.” I closed my eyes and fisted the comforter. I’d forgotten how big he was. How consuming.
The first stroke sent me forward until I was face down into a pillow. There was no time to adjust and prepare for the second.
Keith wasn’t using his hands, but his wonderful hips to control and dominate me. And it felt so fucking good.He was hitting all the right spots. Branding me with his sex and leaving me unglued at the seams.
He was very big. Too much. So overwhelming. I had never felt this level of pleasure. This level of delicious pressure.
I tapped out.
“I can’t! I can’t!” I whined into the pillow.
Keith gripped my hips possessively. “You can.”
His deep thrusts had me clinging to my sanity as I cursed his name loudly.
I couldn’t take any more as my body let loose an orgasm that sent me seeing stars until total blackness drenched over me.
The echoes of birds chirping startled me awake some time later. I was alone in the bed, but a chill on my skin and a glance over my shoulder found the patio door open. The smell of cigarette smoke wafted into the house and I knew where Keith was.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been out, but I felt well rested. I needed to get up and dressed, or I’d do the stupid thing like stay over.
Beside Keith’s bed, on the nightstand, was a copy of a brand-new book. New, I could tell by the receipt he was using as a bookmark. The spine held the title, Night Changes . The cover was an image of a young-looking Black couple in an embrace.
Oh.
I didn’t peg Keith as the romance-reading type.
Curiosity got the best of me as I grabbed the book and flipped it open to its first chapter, wondering what he was reading.
There was something about summer that made me delirious. Made me needy. I thought it was the heat, the unrelenting rays sending me into a starved frenzy.
It was June. The luminous sun burned over my bare legs as I lay out on my bedroom balcony, and I was aching. And that’s when it started.
The voice of the female character called to me, almost making me want to lay and read more. But I had to get a move on.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.
Whoa.
My limbs were mush, nearly going out beneath me.
How could any woman get used to Keith’s size and aggression?
I stumbled around the bed and picked up his discarded T-shirt. It felt like I was walking for the first time as I made it outside completely unsteady on my feet. Keith was leaning against the railing, smoking a cigarette in nothing but his low-slung joggers.
I slid up beside him and stole the source of nicotine right from his hand and brought it to my lips. With his gaze on me, on my mouth, I took a pull and blew out a stream of smoke.
Terrible .
I passed the cigarette back and leaned against the railing.
Keith brought the cigarette to his lips and hesitated for a second before taking a drag.
It was the closest we’d ever get to kissing.
“Why ask me how I like it if you’re just going to take it from the back?” I wondered out loud.
Keith made a face as he regarded me. “I’m supposed to look down at your pretty ass face while I’m deep inside you and not kiss you?” He shook his head and looked off at his backyard beyond us. “I was tryin’ to respect your boundaries.”
Ah.
Keith observed me silently as he came back to me. “How’s your father?”
I shook my head. “Don’t make this personal, Keith.”
“Well excuse the fuck out of me for being compassionate.” He took a pull from his cigarette and I noticed the way his shoulders tensed up.
He was only being nice. A decent human being who’d remembered my father’s illness. It was thoughtful to ask. To care. But that wasn’t what this was about. Keith and I couldn’t cross that line. He couldn’t worry about me, and I couldn’t fall for him. It would end badly.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked next.
Keith came back to me. “About how naked you are under my shirt.”
The comment made me smile as my face heated up. I was naked. Just for him.
I chanced a step closer, nudging him in his ribs. “I had a good time. I’ve been kinda down this past week. I needed that release.”
Keith was concerned again as he turned, facing me fully. “Are you still engaged?”
I peered down at my naked ring finger. “He’s not letting me go.”
Keith arched a thick brow. “How does that work?”
“He’s not exactly a gentleman.” Cain just dressed like one. Evil in disguise.
Keith shook his head. “And your father cool with this?”
I lifted and dropped my shoulder. “He hasn’t seen the mask come off.” Really, Cain didn’t need to show his true colors for my father to know and do better. But that was another rant. Now wasn’t about that. “Guess this is my rebellion.”
Keith snorted, stubbing out his cigarette and bracing his arms against the railing. “I didn’t think this would ever be serious no way.”
We lived in two different worlds. A fleeting fling was the only thing we could have, and despite the risk, despite the red flags, I was interested.
I felt Keith’s bicep, admiring his brawn and ink and how small it made my hand appear. “That works for me. I had a few no-strings-attached hookups in college. I know how this works.”
“College girl,” Keith quipped with a small smile.
I dipped my head. “I dropped out, actually.”
Keith was quiet, drawing my attention back up. He wasn’t judging me. “I didn’t…finish high school. At least you made it that far.”
“Can…can I ask why you didn’t finish?”’ I asked cautiously.
Keith stared at me for the longest time, and I could tell this was a big issue for him.
“If it’s too?—”
“I was in a gang,” he confessed. “It was real bad. My mom pulled me out of school.” His back was stiff as he looked off into the distance. “She saved my life.” Once more he observed me. “Kinda personal, ain’t it?”
“If you think I’m about to judge you, you’re mistaken,” I let him know. No one was perfect, but as long as Keith was trying that was all that mattered.
Still, it wasn’t fair to shut him out and ask for more about him.
“I’m sorry I won’t let you in,” I said as I wrung my hands together. “I’d like to see you again, but only like…”
“ This ,” Keith finished for me. “You want an escape from all the bullshit of obligation, suit and ties so you come here and climb into my bed, huh?”
“I’m here for you too if you ever want to just hook up and it not mean anything. No dinner. No movies. Just sex,” I said, laying it out for him.
Keith was back studying me skeptically. “And you can handle all’at?”
As long as we kept it surface level, we were safe. “Yes.”
Keith didn’t seem convinced. “Are you with him like that?”
Even though my fiancé was attractive, I gagged at the idea of participating in any sort of sexual activity. “God no.”
“So what’s with the whole ‘no kissing’ thing?” Keith wanted to know.
I loved kissing. If I wasn’t otherwise engaged, perhaps I would’ve gotten lost in Keith’s nice-looking lips and engulfed in his strong arms. The idea, and want, was dangerous.
“It’s stupid, I know, but maybe it’s a little more anonymous without the kissing,” I reasoned pitifully.
I didn’t miss Keith rolling his eyes at that lousy excuse.
“If you want to kiss me, you can,” I gave in. I gestured between the two of us for emphasis. “But this is all I can offer.”
“Take it or leave it, right?”
“Unfortunately.”
Keith scratched at his head, thinking over my offer. I could tell he was conflicted, not too eager to agree to a semi-friends-with-benefits setup. He blew out a breath and rested more against the railing. “I mean, there’d be some stipulations, but I’m not sure I’m ready for something real right now either.”
“I get it,” I said, accepting his need to lay out ground rules. “Let’s hear it.”
“Whatever you’re not comfortable with sexually we can talk about, and vice versa,” Keith reasoned.
“Agreed. Anything else?”
His sharp gaze cut to me. “If I’m fuckin’ you, it’s mine,” he said with finality.
I forced myself to laugh, not wanting to give in to the tension, because it was clear he was deadly serious. “That’s nice, but I belong to me. For now anyway.”
Keith wasn’t playing. He came close, picking me up and setting me on the railing. With his eyes on me, he repeated himself adamantly. “If I’m fuckin’ you, it’s. Mine.”
Heat rushed between my thighs and I felt an ache so deep, it hurt.“A committed no-strings relationship?”
Keith wasn’t amused by my sense of humor. “I’m an only child. I don’t share well.”
“Same,” I admitted breathlessly. His determination to have me all to himself was a heady temptation I wasn’t sure I could resist.
“This arrangement would work perfectly for a lot of men, but not me,” Keith let me know. “I’m loyal to the soil. And I expect that in return. The moment you start feelin’ ol’ dude and givin’ in, it’s done— I’m done.”
“I can only offer you sex. I can’t love you, Keith,” I insisted. “I won’t.”
He nodded. “Understood. But my point still stands.”
Honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better agreement. He wasn’t going to be out doing him while I was in Hampton Hills. He was free to date other people, but he wouldn’t. To ask for my loyalty in return wasn’t much. I kinda liked that he was willing to be faithful to me despite our not building anything real.
“Okay,” I agreed. “No one touches me, but you.”
“Only me,” he repeated.
“Yes,” I breathed out. The moment was soaked in a tension I couldn’t wade from. All of my focus was locked on Keith. The feel of his hands on my body. His dark eyes staring back at me. The commanding tone of voice he was hypnotizing me under.
Keith came close, his eyes locked on my lips before gazing into mine and back. When I thought he’d kiss me, he didn’t. Softly, he pressed his lips to my jaw and I felt my hands grip the railing.
Shit .
His hands gripped me harder, keeping me steady, keeping me sane.
“This is a terrible idea,” he whispered in my ear. “We too grown for this.”
I tipped my head back, loving his closeness, but knowing I should’ve moved away. “I know.”
“So now what?” Keith asked as he reared back and stared at me, quirking a brow.
It was Sunday evening. My fiancé was out of town and I had no other responsibilities as far as I knew.
“I want you to take me back to bed,” I told him.
Keith stared at me for half a beat before shaking his head and pulling me down to him. “Fuck it.”