Chapter 27
27
“Are you sure that’s what you want to wear?” Keith asked me for the third time since I’d gotten dressed after my shower.
I took in my six-inch gladiator heels and my little white dress that was off the shoulder. Maybe to many it wasn’t ideal to shop in, but it was all that I had packed.
Besides, I wanted to look cute.
“Yeah,” I said as I turned away from my reflection. Keith was standing in the doorway as I finished prepping in the master bath.
“That’s a lot of walking in heels,” Keith pointed out.
It would be, but I could endure it. “I’m sure if I get tired someone will offer me a piggyback ride.”
Keith stroked his jaw. “ Someone , huh?”
“Mm-hmm, we’ll be in public, so I’m sure there’ll be some nice man willing to?—”
Keith was on me, cornering me against the bathroom counter. A giggle escaped my lips as he lifted me up and set me on the counter.
He nipped my bottom lip and I released a pathetic moan. God, I was weak for this man.
“Before I’m through with you I’m going to fuck you all over this house,” he swore.
I hoped he was never through.
I braced myself by grabbing onto his arms. If we got carried away, he’d have me all over his counter and mirror.
Keith grinned against the corner of my mouth. “Let’s go.”
He stepped back and helped me down from the counter.
We didn’t have sex. We went out to his Tahoe and went to the grocery store.
I sat beside him giddy as ever as he drove comfortably with one hand on the wheel. His hip-hop was playing throughout the truck. Jadakiss and Styles P were rapping about “making it.”
I was enjoying the song when Keith lowered the volume.
“Question,” he began as he glanced my way. “Have you ever paid a bill?”
Instantly, I shrank. He wanted to talk about this now ?
“Why?” I asked.
“I just wanna know, I’m curious,” Keith said.
Still. “You’ll just laugh.”
Keith scrunched his face up. “I’m not gon’ judge you. It’s just us.”
Us .
Such a simple word, yet it left behind a strong sense of yearning. We were only supposed to be strictly physical, but I liked the time we spent together not having sex. I liked the idea of us .
“The first and only bill I was responsible for is my cell phone bill,” I confessed. My Lexus had been a sweet sixteen present, and by the time I went to college, I’d been gifted a newer model. “My family’s accountant handles their affairs, and mine.”
Keith appeared thoughtful as he kept his gaze on the road ahead. It was a nice March morning, making me think of the fact that spring was quickly approaching. “So, do you have your own bank account?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Have you ever earned your own money?” he went on.
The money I made from my brand deals weren’t much to write home about. They certainly couldn’t keep me up with my lifestyle if my father ever cut me off. “I’ve done some campaigns for makeup and lingerie before.”
“Lingerie?” Keith’s brows shot up as he snuck me a surprised look. I loved the expression on his face. He didn’t seem like the type of person who ever got taken by surprise. Really, I was intrigued whenever something would break that angry scowl of his and he’d light up, even if only a little.
“Nothing too risqué, but I was offered a nice chunk of change for a year’s worth of shots. It made dropping out of school at the time less shameful for me,” I said.
Keith hummed, bobbing his head. “So, you have some money saved up in your account?”
“Yes.”
“And if you wanted to, you could empty it out and buy you a nice little spot somewhere modest and start over?”
He was just asking a few questions, but the ability to breathe suddenly became a challenge as my lungs began to feel as if they were being squeezed.
I could empty out my bank account and take off, and start over when the money ran dry. But why did that feel so overwhelming? So huge of a step?
“You can always come down from that tower and live amongst us common folk,” Keith teased, easing me away from my panic attack. “Just an idea.”
The Tahoe came to a stop as he found a parking space in the parking lot in front of Finnegan’s Supermarket.
I didn’t rush to unbuckle myself as I fought to keep my anxiety at bay. “It’s not so easy.”
His rough hand slid onto my thigh and squeezed gently, sending a jolt of tranquility to my chest. “I know.”
“I’ve always listened to my dad, Keith. He’s always had a say, and looked out for me.” I shook my head as I peered out the window, catching a woman ushering two kids to a van a few spots in front of us. “But this whole marriage thing…it’s the first time I’ve seen him be selfish with me .”
“Kenny…” Keith paused, completely stopping whatever train of thought he’d had. He patted my thigh and let the idea go. “Let’s just focus on shopping, okay?”
“Okay,” I said softly.
We got out of the truck and when we met at the trunk, Keith immediately took my hand. I liked that about him. How he was such a man. He walked a few inches in front of me with me tucked close to him to keep me safe.
That’s how I felt with Keith. Safe. Physically, and mentally. Deep down, I knew if I let go, I’d be emotionally sated as well.
“Hey, Keith,” a man shouted as he was walking out on the other end of the store exit.
Keith recognized the man and lifted his chin in the man’s direction.
Just as we were entering the store we spotted Dominique across the lot pushing carts. He tipped his head our way and we waved back. This morning when I stepped out of the bedroom and found him rummaging in Keith’s cupboard, I wasn’t sure how to react. But Dom had been polite, even if he was totally scamming me during our session playing that video game.
Once inside Keith grabbed a grocery cart and led the way onto the sales floor.
The first department we came across was the floral department. A wall of various bouquets greeted us and I marveled at the displays.
Keith abandoned me to go and pick up a white bundle of roses.
“For you,” he said.
I set the roses in the seat of the cart and quickly kissed Keith’s cheek.
He held me close against him, peering down at me with so much joy and light in his eyes it felt like my heart would burst from the attention. I loved that it was aimed at me. I loved that I got to see him this happy. This attentive. This wrapped up in me .
“I’ve been wanting to buy you flowers for a minute,” he said. He glanced at where the bunch sat in the cart and came back to me. “I know I’m not supposed to make this personal, but fuck it, you know?”
I did. I really did.
We continued on, and just as we passed the checkout counter for the floral department, I spotted a now hiring sign.
Keith noticed it too and nudged me. “Not a bad idea.”
If I ever got a job, I knew I didn’t want to work in the food industry. That was a level of patience I wasn’t built for. I wholly commended those who managed to do their jobs with grace no matter how awful their clientele were.
But flowers? I loved them, they reminded me of my father, of his gentler side, of his garden and how I truly wanted one of my own someday. I could work with flowers. I could help men or women pick out the perfect arrangement for those they loved and cared about.
“It isn’t,” I agreed.
Directly across from floral was the produce department.
“Now, most people have jobs,” Keith joked, flashing me a small smile. “So, they cut corners when they cook. Since you have time, you can work with making everything from scratch if you want.”
“Is that how you cook?” I wondered. I didn’t know his exact hours at the garage, but I was curious if Keith preferred everything homemade or if he was lenient with skipped steps.
He shrugged. “I love homemade mashed potatoes whenever my mom or Betty Jean cooks, but when it’s just me at the crib I do cheat and buy a container of Bob Evans precooked mashed potatoes. I was apprehensive at first, but that shit’s amazing.”
Precooked mashed potatoes? “Frozen French fries or homemade?”
“I’ve never tried making homemade French fries,” Keith admitted. “I guess that’s my one cheat: potatoes.”
I chuckled, finding the bashful expression on his face adorable. “So why am I going to you to learn how to cook again?”
Keith popped a brow before surveying our surroundings. “Okay.”
The subtle threat made me clench my thighs together. Relax . “So, you cut corners on potatoes, anything else?”
“I prefer fresh vegetables.” Keith showed a hand toward a wall housing bagged pre-cut vegetables. “Especially green beans, growing up I thought I hated them, but then I realized I didn’t like them canned.”
We went over to the pre-cut section and Keith grabbed a family-size bag of green beans and tossed them in the cart. He then grabbed a bag of broccoli florets and tossed them in next. He eyed the wall of bagged leafy greens and settled on a large bag of spinach to place in the cart.
I toyed the edge of that fine line between us and grabbed a bundle of asparagus and placed them in the cart as well.
Keith angled his head and nodded. “Asparagus is good.”
Going even further, I pushed the cart over to the fruit section. Keith was fit and decadent, but he already had a nasty smoking habit. We couldn’t let all of his health suffer. “Fruit is an important part of nutrition, Keith.”
He didn’t fight me as he came over and eyed the bags of apples, oranges, and mixed fruit. “Yeah? What’s your favorite thing to munch on?”
I looked around and found the shelf of grapes and quickly made my way over. “Cotton candy grapes.”
Keith made a face. “I don’t like cotton candy.”
“Me neither, but I love the grapes.”
No one was watching. The produce worker was up front talking to the floral employee. I reached into the bag of cotton candy grapes and plucked one free. Along the wall of lettuce, the automatic mist was going off and I made sure to rinse the grape before going and shoving it in Keith’s mouth.
With his eyes cast down at me, he sucked on my thumb slowly as I pulled it free, scraping his teeth across my skin.
He chewed on the grape and soon was bobbing his head. “Yeah, that’s potent and works.”
Happy, I grabbed the bag I’d stolen from and placed it in the cart. I added in a pack of blueberries, strawberries, and a bunch of bananas for good measure.
“Can I make your lunch for tomorrow?” I asked as we got ready to leave the produce section.
Keith’s hands came down on either side of mine on the cart and he leaned in close to my ear to speak. “If you must.”
I shivered, his proximity killing me.
“What up, Keith?” Another man spotted Keith as we were rounding the produce aisle and passing the beer and wine section of the store.
Keith broke away from me to go and greet the man. It wasn’t just a simple dap, though, Keith full-on hugged the man. “Nice to know you’re still around, Dre.”
The man snorted. “Speak for yourself, I heard you was ghost for a minute.”
Keith stepped back and frowned a little. “I was down for a little. Von definitely been on my ass about that. So, what you been on?”
Dre held his arms out, waving the pack of Pampers he was holding. “You already know. Charéal got us all wrapped around her finger. Louise sent me out to get some stuff.” He looked at me and tossed Keith a knowing smile. “So, who is this?”
Not missing a beat, Keith wrapped an arm around my waist and tugged me close. “This is my girl, Kennedy. Kennedy, this is my friend, DreSean.”
DreSean extended his hand and I was quick to shake it. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” he responded.
I didn’t miss the impressive look he gave Keith.
They spoke some more while I stood back and reeled over five simple words. This is my girl, Kennedy .
It was the second time he’d called me “his girl.” I didn’t mind. It was far more appropriate than explaining to Dominique or anyone else that I was the woman he was casually sleeping with. I thought I’d be offended if he called me his friend as well.
Looking up at Keith as he laughed at something DreSean had said, I decided no matter what, I did not want to be his friend. If I couldn’t have him at all, I didn’t want to settle for friends. I was too selfish to ever stomach him being content with someone else.
“Actually, I just linked with Savon and them not too long ago. We definitely gotta make a routine of it. It’s too easy to get caught up and lose track of people.”
“Heard you,” DreSean agreed. His phone began ringing loudly and he made a show to roll his eyes. “Listen, hit me up the next time y’all about to hit the Room, and I’ll come through.”
“Got you.” Keith hugged him again and DreSean waved at me as he answered his call and took off.
“He got married and had a baby, so you know how that go,” Keith said, by way of explanation.
Perhaps if I were a normal bride-to-be, I’d anticipate being so wrapped up in my future husband I’d miss out on spending time with my friends.
But the thought of spending uninterrupted time alone with Cain for days on end made me nauseous.
Three years . I’d only have to submit and be with him for three years minimum if we got married. He hadn’t mentioned it, but hopefully my father hadn’t stretched the truth on that little slip.
Still, that was a long time to be married to a man I didn’t love.
I let it go and advanced forward as Keith pushed the cart onward.
We were near the bakery and the seafood section. An odd neighboring, which left the sweet smells of the cookies and cakes competing with the fishy scent of the nearby filets.
There was a cold wall with sheets of cakes and slices of what looked like cheesecake and cakes with filling. I’d never had much of a sweet tooth, but the baked goods called to me and I had to go browse with Keith in tow.
“Oh, so according to my nutritionist, we can have snacks?” Keith teased.
Being playful, I tugged on his tee. “You are a snack.”
Keith smirked and I stuck my tongue out to taunt him further. One minute he was standing in front of me, and the next he was seizing my waist, leaning down and licking my tongue with his.
I snapped to attention and blinked rapidly.
Him .
I could taste him on my tongue. A novel flavor that had me in a daze. The small dose of him sent a violent shock to my system.
As if he wasn’t fazed, Keith went on by me and grabbed a cold wedge of cheesecake with a cherry drizzle. “My one weakness.”
I came to. “Love cheesecake.” Though, I was a glutton for brownies. Finnegan’s served a variety of options: fudge frosted, cream cheese frosted, German chocolate, and peanut butter iced. I relied on old faithful and grabbed the fudge frosted kind.
“Okay, time for fish. One of the recipes I looked up that I really want to try making is lobster mac and cheese—actually, mac and cheese is a dish I’d love to master regardless. Jadyn’s great aunt makes the best soul food macaroni and cheese I’ve ever had,” I said.
A tiny smile washed across Keith’s face. “We can definitely teach you that.”
There was a small line in front of the seafood counter. The right side of the case offered shrimp, from raw to cooked, as well as lobster tails, mussels, clams, and oysters. The middle of the case offered marinated filets of salmon, tilapia, as well as stuffed salmon and stuffed cod. And the left side of the case had all the filets Finnegan offered. Some of the fish was wild caught, and the rest was farm raised.
I went over to the lobster tails, noting that they were thirty-four ninety-nine a pound for four to five ounces, versus forty-nine ninety-nine for ten ounces. I tried to do quick mental math to see how much I’d need to make a pan of lobster mac and cheese and came up clueless.
“That’s pretty pricey,” Keith noted as he came up beside me. He went over to the freezer beside the case and opened the door and grabbed a bag of something and held it out. “That way is probably good, but why not try using langostinos since they’re already bite-size?”
“Think I need three or four bags?” I asked.
Keith glanced at the price and appeared thoughtful. “Maybe three since they’re only a pound each.”
I stepped out of the way of the customers who were next in line and went over to the freezer. The langostinos were seventeen dollars a bag. “Geez, this stuff really adds up, huh?”
Keith nodded. “Rule one of grocery shopping: never do it when you’re hungry.”
Because my stuff was purely experimental, I went and tried to separate them in the cart. “I’ll pay for mine.”
“It’s cool,” Keith insisted.
“Your chivalry isn’t going ignored, trust me, but I’m paying for my own food,” I said.
He eyed the frozen lobster meat. “So, what’s your game plan? You’re going to drive all this back to Hampton Hills?”
He had a point, depending on traffic, it was a good forty-minute drive at least back home. That was a long time to be driving with frozen and fresh fish.
“Fifty bucks, and you can keep this at my house,” Keith said in the end.
“A hundred bucks and deal,” I agreed.
“Fine.”
I returned my attention to the seafood case and another idea popped into my head. “You know what I really want to try? Catfish. I’ve never had it before.”
Keith eyed the case as well. “Hmm. Okay, change of plans. We will definitely teach you how to cook, but that’ll have to be for another day.”
I pouted. “Why?”
“You in Bedford Heights talking about you’ve never had catfish before. It’s mandatory for you go to Yvette’s Kitchen. Best soul food in the city. You can get you some fried catfish, macaroni and cheese, and whatever else sound good to you.”
Fried catfish sounded mouthwatering.
I put up no fight and agreed to cut our shopping for fish short. Keith gathered a few items from the meat department along with other household needs he held. When we got to the register, he was good on his word and we split the payment with my chipping in a hundred bucks and him paying for the rest. He pushed the cart out of the store and when we made it to his Tahoe, Dominique was around to help him stow the bags in the trunk.
Everything about the experience was so normal and homely, and I liked it. Discussing recipes as we shopped, giving each other ideas on what to buy, and feeling like a real couple.
This was more than just sex, and as bad as that was, I loved it.
Through the windshield, I could see two men leaning underneath a Toyota’s hood, trying to see what was wrong with the vehicle.
“Are you going to teach me how to fix cars?” I asked as Keith got back into the driver’s seat.
Keith spotted the men as well and shook his head. “No.”
“No?” I teased.
Keith flashed me a smile. “That’s my job.”
I bit my lip, if only to smother the urge to kiss him.
Feeling overwhelmed by the moment, I reached up and unclasped my necklace. It was rose gold with a diamond-encrusted jasmine pendant. I held it out before Keith. “This is the first thing I bought with my own money. I know it’s silly to buy jewelry instead of ‘saving’ money, but I was proud of myself. This necklace has always meant a lot to me, and I want you to have it.”
Keith’s thumb tapped against the steering wheel as his eyes focused on me. “Why?”
“No matter what happens, I want you to know that you mean a lot to me, Keith,” I said.
Keith accepted my necklace and placed it on. When it was clasped together and hanging on his chest, he reached over, taking my face into his rough palm and stroking my cheek with his thumb. “Thank you.” Leaning over, he whispered in my ear. “You mean a lot to me, too.”
I kissed his palm and peered into his eyes as he reeled back.
This could end in the morning, and no matter what, I knew I would always look back on my time with Keith and know that I was happy.
Keith took us to Yvette’s Kitchen. Almost as soon as we were out of the truck someone recognized Keith and shouted a greeting over to him.
Everyone knew Keith, and I liked that he wasn’t bigheaded about it or walked around like he was the Man. His humbleness made me lean into him and smile.
When we stepped inside the restaurant Keith was quick to take me into his arms as we stood back from the other people waiting ahead of us. I rested into Keith and peered up at the menu, already planning on trying damn near the whole thing. It all sounded so good, especially the macaroni and cheese.
“Your eyes are bigger than your stomach,” Keith warned me gently.
I didn’t listen. When I went and ordered the catfish and fries snack, small catfish nugget, along with a small side of macaroni and cheese, greens, and coleslaw, Keith only chuckled at me. He’d kept it simple with his fried chicken, okra, and mashed potatoes.
The whole way back to his house the smell of the food sitting on my lap was too tempting.
“You can go in and eat,” Keith told me as we got out of the car and he went to open the trunk of his truck. “I’ll unload the groceries.”
It was the best invitation, but I knew better. After he unlocked his front door I set the food inside on the dining room table and then I went out to help him with the rest of the stuff. We worked like a team, with Keith taking most of the load. As hungry as I was, I stayed with him and watched his process of putting away his groceries. When he was done, he saved all the blue bags by stuffing them into one and storing them in a cabinet under his sink.
Through my own exploring I knew a lot about Keith’s kitchen. Where he stored his bread, where he kept his lunch bags, and where he kept his snacks. He’d bought fresh lunchmeat before we’d left Finnegan’s and I was already planning on making him a ham sandwich for his lunch for Monday.
With the groceries all put away, and my flowers set in a vase with water and plant food, we washed our hands and settled in the dining room to finally dig into the food.
My first taste of catfish had me sitting back, closing my eyes, and moaning. God . I’d been missing out.
Keith’s husky chuckle sent a blanket of warmth through me. “Glad you like it.”
“ Like is such a small word, Keith William. I am in love,” I declared.
“Oh, we usin’ middle names, Kennedy Elizabeth ?” he taunted.
He’d remembered. A part of me wondered if when the time came and we went our separate ways, if he’d ever forget about me. This was the furthest thing from casual, from anonymous. Like a tattoo, he’d embedded himself within my skin and I hated the idea of letting him go.
“This food is so good. Why learn to cook when I can just eat this?” Realistically, I was only kidding. As delicious as it all was, I was going to hate myself for pigging out two days in a row come my workout routine Monday.
“Because eating out adds up,” Keith remarked. “If you get good enough, you can make your own food that’s better than this.”
I doubted it, but I was hopeful. “When are you off next?”
“Wednesday,” Keith answered as he grabbed his glass of water and took a sip. “Think about what you want to cook and we’ll do it then.”
I wanted to cook, and I wanted to do it with him, but hogging up all his free time? “You sure it won’t be an inconvenience?”
Keith shrugged. “I’ma stop by the community center in the afternoon, but I’ll have time to come and cook with you. I mean, I gotta eat, so it’s whatever. I want to help you.”
He wanted to help me. That was all I needed to hear.
I ate more of my food, and I hated to admit that Keith was right, that I’d been so hungry I’d overordered.
“So, what were you up to while I was on lockdown?” I joked.
Keith frowned in distaste at that statement. “Come on, you had to do more than that.”
“Well, outside of sulking, I went to a cake testing with my parents and Cain. It was almost, kinda, nice? It was the first time my dad’s been in public in a year, and we all just sorta had a decent time eating cake. We both liked the white almond cake with raspberry filling, so I guess that’ll be ‘the cake,’?” I said. “And I also found my dress, which isn’t my dream dress, but it’ll do. My mom and the girls liked it.”
Keith wasn’t eating as he sat listening to me ramble. Gone was his earlier humor, replaced with a blank mask I couldn’t decipher.
“So, how was your time?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation back to him.
“I slept with someone else,” he said. There wasn’t a hint of a joke or remorse on his face.
A lump got caught in my throat and I struggled to swallow and concentrate as those ugly words circled my brain.
He’d slept with someone else.
A burning stab pierced my heart as tears pooled in my eyes. I shot up from my chair and went for the door.
“Kennedy.” Keith was behind me, but I wasn’t interested in hearing any more that he had to say. He’d said enough.
Only, when I went to open the front door, his hand shot out and shut it.
“Stop.” My voice was weak and I refused to cry over this.
“No,” he said firmly. “How are you even goin’ to get home when your car is at Jadyn’s?”
“I’ll walk,” I said as I held my head up high.
“Kennedy.” It was a plea.
Whirling around, I faced him, unable to look at him long without the fresh hurt surfacing. “What?”
“I lied,” he admitted. “All I did in the past few weeks was some work around the house. I did some custom work for a guy, and I was lookin’ out for Dominique. That’s it.”
I didn’t understand. “Why would you lie like that?”
“Because it fucking hurts me to hear about your little perfect family, and how you and your boy found the perfect wedding cake,” Keith snapped as he gestured to me. “That pain you feel in your chest right now is how it felt in there listenin’ to you go on about cakes and dresses.”
Relief and anger coalesced into one, and it gripped me fiercely.
“Fuck you and your ego!” I yelled at him before I turned and attempted to leave again.
“I think about you.” Those four simple words halted my desire to leave, turning me around and allowing Keith to walk up on me until the tips of his boots brushed my heels. “When you not here, you’re on my mind. I hate that you’re gearing up to marry another man. I hate that this feels like it should be real and just us. I hate that this is bigger than me fucking you.”
It was a confession, one that didn’t excuse his rudeness, but explained the root of it.
“Don’t treat me like shit because you’re mad I’m stuck.” I folded my arms and started to go back to the dining room. “I’m only staying because I like the food.”
Keith seized me before I could get too far. His hands ran down my arms, setting my skin ablaze. “I’m sorry. I’m an asshole with an ego.”
A smile threatened to disrupt my frown, but I kept my face in line. “You were acting like an asshole. You’re not one.”
“Your parents liked that NFL dude because he was a baller no doubt, and this new one is set for life too if he’s got his own business and linkin’ with your dad,” Keith went on. “I can’t compete with that. If I fuck up for some reason, I can’t just hand you a credit card and let you go wild to make it up to you.”
It was like he’d struck me. “Wow, is that how I come off? If I actually marry this guy, that’s going to be his solution to any problem. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be bought. I want to be respected. Cain doesn’t like me , he likes the idea of me.”
Keith came closer until my back met the wall. “I know you’re not like that, but that’s how your parents want you set up.”
He wasn’t wrong. To my parents, my dislike for my marriage was easily dismissed when it came to the pros outweighing the cons.
“I’m sorry,” Keith said gently. “It wasn’t right to lash out.”
It wasn’t, not when the thought left me sick.
The realization of this drove my gaze up to his.
“This feels like more than just sex. The idea of you sleeping with someone else hurts . You’re not mine, and I’m not yours, but I don’t like the idea of someone else touching you,” I said as I looked into his eyes.
Keith reached out and grabbed my arm, going and placing my hand to his chest, over his beating heart. “Now you see where I’m coming from?”
We’d crossed the line and hadn’t looked back. Emotions were involved and there was no escaping this without being hurt. Hearts were going to break, whether we planned it or not.
“You want me,” I said.
Keith nodded and caressed my face. “I do.”
“Then why don’t you kiss me?” I had to know.
He came forward, resting his forehead to mine. “Because at least when you walk away, I can’t say I had every piece of you.”
It was settled. Keith Avery would be my undoing.
I went with him back to the table, where we had lunch, and then when I was too full to eat any more, we settled on the couch where I fell asleep in his arms. I had spent the night and next day with Keith, and we hadn’t had sex, and yet I’d never felt more content.