Chapter 2
Looking back, Kai could mark the trajectory his life had taken by the people who had fucked him over.
His parents had been addicts who hadn’t been able to keep their shit together for longer than it took to spawn him into the world; his grandmother had died before he’d made his way through high school, and the streets had thrown him into the path of Liam fucking McCarthy, which was why Kai was spending his Friday night hunting for prey at Shade, the city’s hottest gay bar.
Kai hated everything about it. The noise, the strobe lights, the crowd constantly jostling him.
He hated why he was there and cursed Liam with every breath for putting him in this position.
His brain throbbed from overstimulation, and yet, nothing could bury the humiliation that lit up his skin when he thought about shooting his shot with Nolan Laurent only to be shot down.
Just remembering it made heat flare in his face, and he flagged Lourdes for another round of shots.
He saw her glance over his shoulder and knew she was looking at the VIP section, where he’d left Nolan sitting.
“Nah, you can have some water, bud,” she said, filling up a tall glass and shoving it across the bar to him.
Kai did not want water. Water was going to do the opposite of what he needed—which was to get black-out drunk and forget, not just the humiliation but those dark brown eyes that felt like they saw too much; the way Nolan’s hand had encased his.
Everything about him was so much bigger than Kai.
Kai knew he had specific preferences, but he’d never known how magnetic that pull would be. He’d wanted to sink into Nolan’s body and let it absorb him. Kai’s body was rigid with tension, from the strain of trying to keep it together.
“Come on, just one more,” he pleaded. He was drunk.
He knew he was. He’d been at the bar for a while and his words felt heavy on his tongue, his brain like slush, but he needed to escape the tightness in his chest that was screaming at him that he’d just fucked up something important.
He needed it to shut up for a second so he could think.
“No, my guy. You’re done. Where’s your friend? He coming back for you?”
Kai scoffed. No. Liam, letting him stew in the mess he made, had left…
who knew how long ago, stranding him there.
Kai hadn’t even acknowledged him when Liam had come to check on him.
Kai was in a trash mood and, as far as he was concerned, it was all Liam’s fault.
He hadn’t wanted to come, but Liam had bitched for so long that Kai had relented.
The plan had been for them to find an in with one of the six very serious VIP’s here tonight, Nolan being one of them, and he’d only agreed to come on the condition that Liam would take the lead.
He hadn’t been in the mood to run games tonight.
That had gone pretty well until he’d found himself right in Nolan’s personal space.
The attraction was instantaneous, completely disarming Kai of his favourite weapon: fake charm.
Kai pushed away from the bar. If Lourdes wasn’t going to serve him, there was no reason for him to be there.
He had to piss anyway. Kai stumbled in the direction of the bathrooms and turned the corner only to find a massive line-up.
Fuck. He took his place at the end of the line, leaning against the wall, letting his eyes close as the world started reeling.
He was way more drunk than he’d thought and still not drunk enough to escape all of his shitty feelings.
He slid down the wall when his legs got too tired to hold him up.
For one blissful second, everything dimmed and his head lolled forward.
He was ready to sink into that feeling, but a strong hand jostled him back to consciousness.
“Kai. Kai, wake up!” It was Nolan. He tried to force his eyes open to acknowledge him, but his face wouldn’t cooperate.
Then that hand was on his cheek, patting him awake.
Kai hated that. He leaned into Nolan’s hand, stroking against it, showing him the touch he liked and sighed when Nolan gave into him.
“Kai’s tired, Uncle Nolan,” he heard Katie say sympathetically.
“What are you going to do with him?” one of the guys asked.
“Put him in an Uber and send him home. What do you want to do with him?”
“We can’t do that. He got shit-faced on Nolan’s tab. What if something happens to him?”
“Both of you, shut up a second.”
“Open your eyes for me, baby,” Nolan murmured, stroking his thumb over Kai’s cheek.
Baby. The word sent a little thrill through him.
Maybe feelings weren’t so bad. Kai struggled against the heavy weights trying to keep his eyes closed, opening them to meet warm brown ones full of concern.
Kai reached out to stroke the black scruff on Nolan’s jaw before he remembered he wasn’t supposed to touch without permission. He let his hand fall away.
“’m sorry,” he mumbled, trying to focus as his eyes drooped again.
“S’posed to say sorry.” He slurred some more words together and ended with “permission.” He was sure that hadn’t come out right.
He knew better than to touch another person without their consent.
He hated when people did that shit to him and people always did that shit to him.
Putting up with it was the price you paid when your body was the only thing you had to sell.
Maybe that was why he’d forgotten. Not that it made it right.
He’d try to apologize again when his head was a bit clearer and his tongue worked again.
“Where’s your phone, Kai? Can we call Liam?” Nolan asked.
A weak laugh erupted from his throat, but his hand floated to his pocket where his phone was. Nolan reached into his pocket and fished it out.
“Fuck. It’s dead.”
Kai laughed again, wrapping his arms around himself and turning to rest his face against the wall, his eyes drifting closed again.
Of course his phone was dead. Had been for years after a mark had thrown it across the room in a fit of rage.
The screen was shattered and a chunk was even missing from the bottom corner, but Kai hadn’t been able to part with it.
It was the last thing that had ever meant anything to him.
Without his permission, that old wound opened up, oozing sadness like a pussy mess all over him.
Nolan cursed again, but the sound seemed far away, as quiet called out to him again.
“Bring the car around the back. He can come home with me.”
Someone laughed softly.
“Always adopting strays.”
That was Kai. A stray that never belonged anywhere.
He curled into himself, giving in to the dark and the sad and the silence.
The last shred of consciousness warned him letting himself be taken anywhere like this was a bad idea, but fuck it, if this was how he died, it was fine.
He’d put in all the time he had in him to give, and now, he was just done.