Chapter 23
Kai wanted to vomit. He could feel the breakfast that Nolan had forced him to eat churning in his belly as they waited for Landon to show up.
Since Nolan had told him about this appointment, he’d been besieged by memories of his grandmother, her last months and the constant animosity he’d been subjected to by his aunt and uncle.
He’d always known his uncle hated him, but even after he’d stopped trying to make him like him, he’d been plagued with “why?” What was it about him that made him deserve that much hate?
He’d been able to put it out of his head for so long, but now, all of those memories, all of those insecurities, rushed back and Kai couldn’t help but dwell.
It was so frustrating. If he could just ask the question, he could fix it, preferably before anyone else found out. Like Nolan.
Since they had an early appointment, Kai had come to work with Nolan.
The shop was an enormous building wedged between Vaughan and North York.
Nolan had given him a brief tour and introduced him to a couple of the mechanics and one of the managers, but Kai had been far too distracted to take in much.
They sat side by side on the couch, and he had a death grip on Nolan’s hand. It was taking every inch of willpower he had not to crawl onto Nolan’s lap and bury his face in his neck.
I’m not going to congratulate you for being a survivor, baby, I want to go to war for you to make it right… What happened to you should never have happened at all..
Nolan’s words from the other night reverberated through his head, squeezed his chest until it ached and closed his throat.
He didn’t know what to make of it. He’d waited forever to hear someone say that what had happened to him shouldn’t have happened.
Now that Nolan had, he didn’t know if he believed it.
For so long, he’d felt locked in a fucked-up karmic circle where he earned and got exactly what he deserved over and over.
Losing his parents, his grandmother and his home had just felt like part of that circle.
The way his uncle treated him felt like part of that circle.
And then came Nolan. He didn’t fit. He didn’t align with how things were supposed to go for Kai. He treated Kai like he was precious and took care of him, even though Kai could give nothing back in return.
It was the only reason that Kai hadn’t bolted.
He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to talk to Landon about shit he would rather not think about.
But Nolan wanted this for him, so he would do it, even if he felt judged just sitting there waiting for this guy to arrive.
He’d been locked in his head since yesterday, not knowing what Landon was going to ask of him or how he was going to possibly make a lawyer believe him.
Worse was the horrible feeling that Nolan would stop believing him.
He had no proof. There was no reason for anyone to believe him over his uncle.
He’d seen his grandmother’s will only once because she’d wanted him to know how things were supposed to go.
He hadn’t asked what to do if things didn’t go according to her plan.
A knock at the door made Kai jump clear out of his skin before the handle turned and Myles and Landon came in. Nolan got to his feet, pulling Kai to his.
Landon greeted Nolan first, but Kai refused to let go of his hand so that they could do it properly.
“Hello, Kai. It’s nice to meet you.”
Kai couldn’t bring himself to look at Landon, so he looked at his hand as they shook. His grip was warm and his voice was… comforting? Or maybe Kai just didn’t hear the skepticism he’d expected.
“It’s nice to meet you. Thanks for, uh, trying to help,” Kai said awkwardly, finally dragging his gaze to the other man’s face.
Just like on Saturday, his bright blue eyes were piercing but not unkind.
Kai tried to focus on that, but he still half expected Landon to start berating him and calling him a liar before they even got started.
“I really hope I can. Why don’t we grab a seat and you can tell me what happened. Nolan mentioned that you were the beneficiary of your grandmother’s estate?”
They all sat, and Kai rubbed the sweaty palm of his free hand over his knee. He glanced over at Nolan, who smiled encouragingly.
“Yeah, my grandmother died about eight years ago. She was my guardian. When she got sick, she had her will done up. My uncle was supposed to take care of all of the stuff after she died, but it didn’t work out that way.”
“In what way? Do you remember what her will said?”
“I know she had a little bit of money and a pension and her house. She wanted me to have it after she died, but I was only sixteen. My uncle—” Kai’s voice broke, and he felt a sick tug in his gut jerking him back to that moment.
Coming home from school to find the locks changed.
Slamming his fist on the door until his uncle finally opened it, handing him a garbage bag of his things, two hundred dollars and telling him to fuck off.
“What am I supposed to do?” he’d screamed at him, fear and anger and panic bubbling up in him. Kai felt it like it was happening all over again. It made his skin crawl, the panic welling up inside him, tunnelling his vision and leaving him lightheaded.
“It’s not my problem,” his uncle had said, retreating back into the house that should have been Kai’s, the only constant his whole life. His chest was tightening, constricting his breathing again as he looked at the three men surrounding him with wild eyes.
It’s not my problem.
But they were looking at him like it was their problem.
It didn’t seem to matter that he didn’t have any proof.
Myles’ face was all concern; Landon had his arms resting on his knees, leaning forward like everything Kai said was of the utmost importance; and Nolan looked at him like he could see the memory replaying in Kai’s head as though he was right there with him.
His expression was fierce, like he was five seconds from hunting his uncle down and taking justice out on his ass.
Kai didn’t get it. He didn’t understand why they were bothering with this at all.
“What was your grandmother’s name?” Landon asked softly, like he could tell Kai wasn’t going to be able to get through this story.
“Uh, Edith Lussano.”
“Okay. I just want a few more pieces of information from you. The date your grandma passed, the name of your uncle and your grandma’s address.
If you can do that for me, I can try to see what I can find.
Normally, when someone passes, the will has to go through a process called probate, and when that happens, those records become public.
It’s a long shot, but it’s the place where we start.
I know Nolan is committed to seeing this made right, and so am I. ”
“Thank you.” Kai choked out the words, but they came out as barely a whisper.
“I won’t keep you, but you’ll hear from me soon.” Landon got to his feet, and the rest of them followed suit. At the door, Landon turned back.
“One last question. Would you know or remember the name of your grandmother’s lawyer?”
Kai jolted, because he did remember the name of the lawyer. It was the same as that weird purple dinosaur show from the nineties. He only remembered it because he used to watch it as a kid. It took a second for the name to come back to him.
“Yeah. It was Barney… something. I don’t remember his last name. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. Barney the lawyer shouldn’t be too hard to find.” Landon smiled reassuringly and then left with Myles.
Nolan finally released Kai’s hand to lock the door behind them.
When he came back, he wrapped his arms around Kai, holding him tight while his body shook.
For once, the tears didn’t come. He just leaned into Nolan’s warmth while Nolan whispered praise to him, telling him how proud he was and how Kai had been brave and what a good job he’d done even though he really hadn’t done much at all.
He hadn’t even really been able to tell them anything, but it was done.
It was done. And maybe they would fix it and maybe they wouldn’t, but after this Kai would never have to wonder “what if.”
When he had stopped shaking half as much, Nolan sat and pulled him onto his lap and Kai did the thing he’d wanted to from the time he’d got there.
He curled into a tight ball and buried his face into Nolan’s neck.
His scent was so soothing. His warmth was soothing as was the scratch of his beard where Nolan rubbed it against his cheek.
They didn’t speak. Nolan just held him for a long time.
It felt like it took forever for the fluttery, panicky feeling to melt out of his body and for his brain to clear, but eventually it did, and then it was just Kai and Nolan without the intrusion of the past.
Kai raised a hand to stroke Nolan’s bearded jaw, and Nolan turned into his touch to kiss his fingers.
“You did so good, baby,” Nolan whispered.
“You said that already,” Kai told him with no real feeling behind it.
“Well, I wanted to make sure you heard me.”
Kai uncurled enough to look up at him. “I’m tired.” It was true. His whole body felt drained, and heavy, like it was going to take a massive effort to move at all.
“You didn’t get much sleep last night. Why don’t we head home and take a nap?”
Kai shook his head.
“How about your treat? Did you decide what you wanted?”
Kai shook his head again.
“Alright. Keep thinking about it.”
“Can we go outside?” Kai asked.
“Of course.”
Kai stood but didn’t move, waiting for Nolan to stand so that he could take his hand again.
He let Nolan lead him through the shop, taking it in now that his head was slightly clearer.
It was loud. Someone was firing an impact wrench; a hydraulic lift gently raised a silver SUV into the air.
People were laughing, and music blared at the other end of the bay.
Lamar, Nolan’s manager, smiled and sent them an up-nod, but Nolan just waved and led them outside.
Kai tilted his face up as the sun hit it and his shoulders relaxed a little more.
He didn’t have a destination in mind, but walking had always cleared his head.
It was how he’d learned the city like the back of his hand.
Nolan kept stride beside him, never letting go of his hand until Kai realized he still had a death grip on it.
He forced himself to let go. Just a little.
The further they got from the shop, the quieter it was. The rush of traffic as they walked the sidewalk with the summer crowd didn’t bother him at all. The closer they got to the end of June, the closer they got to the days that would be too hot to be comfortable, but today was perfect.
“Do you travel a lot?” Kai eventually asked.
It felt like something he should have already known.
In a lot of ways, it felt like Nolan and Kai had been together forever.
It always felt strange when he did the math and it only came up in weeks and not months or years.
But maybe they had in a different life. Maybe that was why Nolan felt so much like home.
“More when I was younger. I usually go away for a week or two in the winter to somewhere warm.”
“I always wanted to travel when I was a kid. My grandma used to have this globe on a big wooden stand, and I used to spin it as fast as I could and say I was going to go wherever it stopped.”
“Did your grandma travel?”
“Nah. But her dad came from Italy during one of the wars, and he married my great-grandmother who was Japanese. My grandma never threw out anything, so she always had all of this cool stuff from when she was a kid. I thought it would be cool to go visit where they were from, both my great-grandparents. And I always wanted to go to Bora Bora. Just because I liked saying Bora Bora.”
Nolan barked out a laugh, and Kai grinned.
His face felt tight like he hadn’t used his smile muscles in a long time, but it felt good, like the tension from the morning had finally been cut.
They kept walking, and they kept talking.
They stopped for ice cream, and by the time they doubled back to the shop, Kai felt lighter than he had in ages.
Nolan drove him home, and when they got there, Kai dragged him upstairs to his room and begged Nolan to fuck him, his mouth never leaving his as he drugged him with long, slow kisses until they both came. And then he slept.