Chapter 5 #2
“Cute,” Sebastian said with a quiet chuckle.
“I don’t mind telling you here. I just didn’t want to get into it with so many people around.
” He stared at the valley. “We had a big fight about my life choices three years ago. I took a break from college to pursue a career as a singer, as you might have guessed, thanks to Mila’s comments.
I had a record deal and everything. Thought it was going somewhere…
” He shrugged. “It didn’t. I was bummed, but there wasn’t much I could do about it.
So I came back here until I could go back to college and finish my degree.
You know, to move on. But Dad… he made it clear he’d never thought it would work out.
He said I’d wasted my time and should’ve known better.
Every conversation with him felt like he was looking for proof that I’d embarrassed myself.
And him.” He exhaled sharply. “That’s when I saw red.
I already felt like a failure. I didn’t need him rubbing it in. ”
“I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is.” Sebastian waved it off.
“I’d always kind of sensed I was a disappointment to him because I never saw myself growing old here in Seastone or taking over his company.
That’s also why I never told them I was gay.
He always wanted a perfect family. In his mind, that meant a wife and grandkids.
So, yeah…” He glanced at my phone. “It’s kind of a surprise that he agreed to do something like this. ”
“I know it’s no consolation, but he knows I’m gay and has never had a problem with it. Same goes for Nicholas and Jason, obviously.”
Sebastian wrapped his arms around his bent legs and rocked back and forth, shaking his head ever so slightly.
“Maybe. But you guys aren’t his son.”
“That’s… true.”
We sat in silence for a minute. The last sunbeam grazing the valley disappeared behind the horizon.
“Do you think my dad’s a good guy?” Sebastian asked. “Like, honestly?”
“Well, he gave me a roof over my head when I needed one. I’m closer to Laura than I am to him, mostly because it feels right for him and me to keep things professional.
From what I’ve seen, though, he always tries to help everyone do their best. But I get that family is complicated. I’m not speaking to mine either, so…”
“You don’t?”
“Yeah, but we don’t have to get into that now.”
“No, you listened to my shit, I can listen to yours.”
“There’s really not much to tell.”
A wave of heat welled up in my chest. No one here knew about my past—not Laura, not Dany, and not my friends—and for good reasons.
What would they think of me if they ever found out?
To the people of Seastone, I was just a guy who needed a job.
Laura once asked me, before my first Christmas here, why I didn’t want to go “home,” but I told her that Seastone is my home now, and we left it at that.
I side-eyed Sebastian. He moved his head in sync with mine and caught me looking right away. He breathed slowly and brought his ears closer, offering to listen.
“If I tell you, you can’t mention this to anyone. Your parents don’t know, and I don’t want them to pity me or anything.”
Our eyes met. His brows drew together, then he nodded. “Unlike Mila, I can keep a secret. Promise.”
I dropped my gaze to the ground, silently debating whether it was stupid to even talk about it. He’d be gone after tonight. Even if telling him didn’t change the way he looked at me, it wouldn’t mean anything.
After a minute, he shifted closer, his palm brushing lightly against my back. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything—”
“My stepdad found out I was gay,” I blurted out.
“He threw me out of the house and made my mom stop paying my tuition. I tried to reconnect with her a few times, but I don’t even know if she still has the same number.
Whenever I text or try to call her, she doesn’t answer. That’s it. That’s the whole story.”
I’d spoken so fast that my lungs burned when I finally inhaled. Now, it was out there. I couldn’t take it back if I wanted to. My back buckled as I stared at the ground.
“I try not to let it get to me,” I went on. “There are so many people here who like me for my music and everything—people I would’ve never met if that hadn’t happened. So that’s a silver lining, right?” I turned to him and let out a small laugh, like it was funny.
Sebastian pressed his lips together. “I’m so sorry,” he said quietly.
His brows knitted together, but then he seemed to actively force them apart again. He made a few faces, as if he was trying to find the right one, before he shook his head and looked straight at me.
“Sorry. I want to say something that doesn’t sound like pity, but that’s harder than it should be. It must’ve taken a lot to tell me that. So, thank you.”
He put on a soft smile that I copied.
“Promise me that if you ever have kids, you won’t throw them out just because they’re not who you expect them to be,” I said. “Unless you want them to end up like me.”
Sebastian let out a quiet breath. “Still gay and single over here, so kids aren’t exactly on the horizon. But yeah. I promise.”
We shared a laugh that eased the tension. Now that all the cards were on the table, it didn’t feel as bad as I thought it would.
“I’m glad you found a new home in Seastone,” Sebastian said. “And I’m glad we met.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Can I hug you?”
I chuckled because a hug felt so out of nowhere, but that didn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around me.
His slow breaths washed over my skin. Our clothes rustled together. The embrace caught me so off guard that I didn’t manage to return it before he leaned back.
Acting as if nothing had happened, he pulled his legs in and rested his head on his knees. “Now, let’s talk about something fun.”
The sky grew darker by the minute. We watched in silence, letting all the things we had confessed settle.
“So,” Sebastian eventually said. “Music, huh?”
We both chuckled.
“What about it?” I asked.
“Do you still compose stuff?”
“Do you still sing?”
He nudged his left foot toward me and pulled it back again. “Not publicly.”
“Just for family and friends?”
“Hell no. I’d rather die,” he laughed.
There went my hope of ever asking him if he’d be interested in recording some vocals for me. “That’s too bad.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Why?” His head, which had still been resting on his knees until now, lifted.
Shit. “Uh… because…” Damn it. I’ve already blown it anyway. “Because I really like your voice.”
“Well, let me tell you, my speaking and singing voices are not the same.”
“They’re both beautiful.”
“When have you heard me sing?”
“I heard you humming to yourself. That counts, right?”
“When did I…” He paused, thinking about it for a moment.“…when I walked up the driveway earlier! You heard that?”
“Guilty.”
“You must have pretty good hearing.”
“Painfully good, yeah.”
“So…” His pained expression shifted into a smirk. “You like my voice?”
“If you hadn’t just said that you don’t want to sing anymore, I’d have asked you if you’d be open to recording some lyrics for me. But I’ll spare myself the rejection.”
“Just based on some humming?”
I couldn’t tell him in full detail what his voice actually did to me. That would only creep him out. “Call me brave. Or stupid.”
“I’ll stick with Alex for now.” He stuck out his tongue, grinning. “Oh fuck it.” He rummaged around and pulled his phone from his pocket. “You’ll regret what you just said.”
He tapped the screen, and two seconds later, rough guitar chords spilled from the tiny speakers.
For a college rock song, the guitar was surprisingly soft.
Sebastian pulled in his lips, scrunching up his whole face.
Our eyes met for a split second before he squeezed them shut as if bracing for impact.
A male voice set in that didn’t sound like him at all.
It was flat, almost shy, with obvious pitch corrections layered over it.
The melody, the words, the whole arrangement went in one ear and straight out the other.
The song wasn’t terrible, but it was so forgettable that I zoned out until the very end.
“I’m so sorry you had to listen to that,” Sebastian said, fumbling his phone back into his pants pocket as if he wanted to make sure I knew he wasn’t going to force me to listen to it ever again. “Still think I’m a great singer?”
My chin dipped slightly. It wasn’t the worst song ever, but he was right—it wasn’t good either. Now, how was I supposed to tell him that without hurting his feelings?
“You can say it.” Sebastian yanked his arm up and slammed it on my shoulder. “I can see it all over your face.”
All I could focus on was the warmth radiating from his lingering hand. But when he pulled it back a second later and hid it in his lap, I knew I had to say something.
“Did you write that song?” I asked.
“Yeah. It’s shit, right?”
“Well. I wouldn’t go that far. It’s not even about the song. What I hate about it—”
“Hate? Oh, no.”
“What I hate about it is that it doesn’t sound like you at all.
I’ve only heard you talk and hum, but your voice is so distinct I can’t even put it into words.
And none of that was there. If you ask me, the problem is not you; it’s whoever tried to force you into a corset that was never meant for you. ”
“That’s what you think?” His chest rose as his breathing got heavier.
“That’s… Thank you so fucking much. That’s exactly what I thought, too!
Sure, the song is boring, but what they did to my voice was unforgivable.
” He stared at me, his breathing loud in the quiet air.
“Alex, I… Can I tell you a secret?” His eyes pierced me as if he were trying to see if he could trust me.
“My lips are sealed.”