Chapter 18 The Song of I Love You
EIGHTEEN
THE SONG OF I LOVE YOU
SEBASTIAN
The minute we got out of the pool, Alex went straight to his phone. While everyone else dried off and changed into their street clothes, he sat down, still dripping wet, hurriedly tapping on his screen.
I stalled, so he wouldn’t be the only one falling behind, but once the others told us they were going ahead, he looked up, set his phone on the bench, and reached for a towel.
Our eyes briefly met, and we exchanged smiles.
“Do you want to stay or go home?” I asked, glancing at his phone again. An app similar to the one he used on his laptop for our music was on the screen.
His eyes followed my gaze. “Sorry about that. We can stay. I just wanted to jot down a quick idea before I forgot it.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be the last one to stop you from writing new songs. After all, that’s what we planned to do today. If you need more time, just say so. I’ll happily wait.”
“Maybe another minute? Or two?”
He pursed his lips, and I took the opportunity to brush a quick peck on them.
“Let’s say five, so you don’t have to rush.”
Once we were dressed again, I waited while Alex put on his headphones and worked with focused concentration for exactly five minutes.
We then met the others on the second floor of the hotel, in the back area Nicholas had shown me earlier.
Three hours went by in a snap while we played billiards and ate pepperoni pizza Jason had prepared for the impromptu party.
I mingled with all four of Alex’s friends, while he, after half an hour, retreated back into the cocoon of his phone.
The others didn’t care. They kept talking to me, telling me how excited they were for us and offering their support if we ever needed it. They just as easily gave us space when I wrapped my arms around Alex and rested my head on his shoulder, watching him compose.
Shortly after ten, he put his phone down.
“Done?” I whispered to him.
“As much as I can do on the app. I’ll show it to you later.”
We joined the others again for another round of billiards. When Jack, Nicholas, and I won as a team, it seemed to settle things—everyone agreed it had been a fun evening, but it was time to call it a night.
We said our goodbyes, all six of us agreeing to do this again the next time I was in Seastone.
By the time we reached the car, Alex was already pulling out his phone again. “Do you mind driving?” he asked. “I want to show this to you so badly, but it needs some final adjustments.”
Seeing the eagerness in his eyes, I couldn’t deny him.
As I drove down the dark street into the valley, I listened to the engine. The extension cord we had used to play music on the way to the hotel was still plugged in, but I didn’t turn on anything because I didn’t want to distract him.
The stars lit up the sky. The moon caressed the mountaintops. The orange streetlights downtown bathed everything in a warm glow. Somehow, the whole scene filled me with a longing unlike anything I had ever felt while looking at Seastone.
About two miles from home, Alex sat up and grunted cheerfully. He pulled off his headphones.
“Are we done?” I asked.
“It’s so rough, but I think this is it.”
“Show me,” I said, pointing to the radio.
“But don’t be too harsh on it yet—”
As if I were the one who was always hypercritical.
But I wasn’t going to argue with him now.
The first stage of creating something was always the most vulnerable.
Any bit of criticism risked killing the euphoria, which was the best part of any creative endeavor.
That wasn’t something I ever wanted to put him through.
“I’m sure it’ll be good,” I said.
He hit play.
The car was instantly filled with a beat that pushed you forward through space. Usually, it takes his songs a second to build up and draw you into his universe, but this one started right in the middle.
Fifteen seconds in, a guitar mimicked the singing voice, as usual. The melody seemed familiar, though I couldn’t place it.
My body wanted to move to it. As the car rushed down the hill and the headlights lit up the pine trees on both sides of the road, I felt like I was already watching the music video.
The guitar carried the verse into the chorus.
“I don’t have all the words for it yet, but here’s what I thought of for the chorus,” Alex said.
As the beat switched and the tempo got faster, he sang:
“He was still breathing / my heart still beating / our skin still moving / the waves still folding / along the vast shore.”
“This is amazing,” I said, goosebumps prickling across my skin. “Why does it sound so familiar?”
“It’s the melody you hummed in the hot tub. And I think this is the hit we’ve been looking for.”
“But I was humming whatever…”
My body tingled. My lip trembled. This song was new and fresh—the kind of sound we could only produce together.
The demo ended rather abruptly, making it clear that it wasn’t finished yet.
“Can I hear it again?” I asked, and Alex quickly obliged. We listened to it twice more. The second time, I hummed along; the third time, I sang with all my might, improvising some terrible lyrics.
By the time the song reached its final climax for the third time, we rolled up the driveway to our house. The chickens in the coop to our left were lined up on a perch, their backs to us. I parked the car but left the engine running. My hands stayed on the wheel as I sank into the seat.
“So you like it?” Alex asked.
“Like is definitely the wrong word.” My voice dropped to almost a whisper. “I’m ecstatic.”
“It’s not that good. Not yet.”
“To me it is. Alex, I…” I turned to him. “Thank you.”
A smile appeared on his face, his lips parting slightly as if he couldn’t quite follow. “For what?”
“For making me enjoy life again.”
“What?”
“Alex, making music with you is the best fucking thing in the world. If I get to write song after song with you for the rest of my life without ever showing them to anyone else, I’ll die the happiest man in the world.”
I pulled him into a hug.
“I want to keep doing this with you, Alex—the music and everything else. I love watching you get completely lost in a project. I love spending time with your friends. I love sleeping with you, and sleeping next to you, too. I freaking love geeking out with you on the phone about guitar strings. Honestly, I even look forward to the next family reunion if I know you’ll be there. ”
My palms pressed into his back, pulling his chest as close to mine as possible.
“Thank you for all of that. And…” I loosened my grip so I could look at him again.
His eyes were just as shy as they were on the first day we met.
“I don’t like to throw the word ‘love’ around easily.
I’ve done that before, and… well, that’s a story for another day.
But I think what I feel for you is worthy of that word. ”
“You don’t have to say it—”
“I love you, Alex.”
His eyes settled on me and grew wetter by the second.
I squeezed his shoulders. “I know, nothing about our situation is ideal…”
He choked up a laugh that could have easily turned into a sob. “No, it truly isn’t.”
“But I’ll soon have my degree, and I want to be with you.
Maybe our music will make enough money for us to travel the world in a tour bus.
Or maybe I’ll end up working at the hotel here in Seastone and come home to you every evening.
Either way is fine with me. As long as I can be with you, I’ll be happy wherever I am. ”
Alex clung to my hands, resting his head against my shoulder. He sniffled. I lowered my chin onto his head, but just then, he slumped forward and burst into tears.
The joy I had felt vanished in an instant.
I opened my mouth to ask if what I had said was so far off base that I hadn’t even realized it—but I stopped when he buried his face in my chest. After all, these could be happy tears, or they could have nothing to do with me at all.
Maybe confessing my feelings had opened the door to something he had kept buried.
He had a troubled past with his family. Despite all my disagreements with my parents, I had never felt unloved.
He, on the other hand, had been thrown out of the house, disinherited and shunned, told never to contact them again.
He squeezed my hands and pulled himself closer. “You don’t… have to give up… your dream of traveling the world for me,” he sniffled. “I can move to Las Vegas, too, or wherever you end up. I’ll find a job anywhere.”
“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to turn your whole life upside down, either.
” I wrapped my arms around his back. “We’ve already taken a million steps in the last month.
From here on out, we can take it one step at a time.
I’ll finish my degree. You can visit me.
We’ll work on our music. We’ll talk on the phone every day.
It’s only six months. And after that, we’ll see.
I have to start looking for jobs anyway.
It could be in Seastone to make things easier. ”
“Even then, that doesn’t mean we have to stay here forever. I don’t want you to do things just for my sake.”
“But what if I want to do them for you? What if I want to live my life for your happiness?”
He lifted his head. “Then I’ll devote myself to doing the same for you.”
Our lips met in a brief kiss. I pulled him closer and buried my nose in his hair.
“I think we should go inside,” I said. “Because I already know you’ve gotten ideas for at least two more songs while we were talking.”
“That’s not true.”
“Only one?”
“Maybe three.” His chuckle turned into a sob. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t exploit our feelings like this.”
“That’s not exploitation.” I pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. “Music is how we work through them.”