Chapter 22
Kazz couldn’t decide whether she was exhausted or relieved. A bit of both, probably. She was exhausted because the shop had experienced its busiest week since it had opened, and she was relieved because it was finally Christmas Eve and she had three glorious, wonderful days off to look forward to.
Like most of the other shop owners in Tanglewood, Kazz had decided to close at three p.m. today, and shutting the shop earlier than normal made her feel as though she was a teenager skipping school.
Hurrying back to the flat, she planned on having a long soak in the bath, with plenty of bubbles, both the foaming kind and the variety that came in a bottle with a cork, and after that she would dig out her sparkliest dress, style her hair and put some slap on.
She was meeting Saul and loads of others outside the Hen and Duck for a carolling session around the village, before piling into the pub for some festive cheer. But before any of that took place, there was something Kazz had to do. She did open the wine, though, because she had a feeling she might need a drink.
‘Kazz, my gorgeous girl! How lovely! I thought you were going to call me tomorrow. Is everything OK?’
‘Hi, Mum, everything is great.’
‘Are you at work? I suppose it’s going to be a busy couple of days for you.’ Her mother’s tone was sympathetic.
‘I’ve just finished work and I’ve got the next three days off.’
Silence.
‘Mum, are you still there?’
‘Sorry, I’m gobsmacked. Freddie never gives you time off over Christmas – the miserable sod. When did he tell you? Too late to get a flight to Spain, I’ll wager. One day that man will get his comeuppance.’
‘He already has. Have you got time for a chat? I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘Is it bad news? Oh, please tell me it isn’t.’
‘It’s not. But you might want to sit down.’
‘Hang on, let me go into the kitchen. I think I might need a gin.’
Kazz heard a fridge opening, a bottle cap being twisted off, the chink of ice in a glass and then the unmissable sound of a bottle of tonic being opened.
‘There, that’s better. I’m all ears.’
Kazz slugged her wine, then plunged right in. ‘Freddie has been arrested for fraud, and the restaurant is shut for the foreseeable future.’
‘ What! Oh, my poor girl. Just before Christmas, too. That’s heartless, that is. I’ll catch the next available flight—’
‘Mum—’
‘I doubt if I’ll get one before Boxing Day, but you never know.’
‘Mum!’
‘Get off the phone and I’ll check and let you know. Don’t worry, you’ll—’
‘ Mum! Can you listen for a second?’
‘Don’t tell me there’s more.’
‘You won’t believe how much more there is.’ Kazz drank another mouthful of wine. ‘You know you wanted me to clear Grandad’s house? I kind of did, but not in the way you meant. I moved to Tanglewood and opened a bookshop.’
There was silence for a moment, then her mother said, ‘Sorry, love, this line is dreadful, I could have sworn you said you’ve moved to Tanglewood.’
‘I have. And I’ve opened a bookshop.’
‘But what about your job? What about the restaurant? I’m sure all this nonsense about Freddie will be sorted once Christmas is out of the way. It’s probably some silly mistake.’
‘He was arrested at the beginning of November. It’s no flash in the pan.’
‘I don’t understand. Did you try to get another job? A talented chef like you shouldn’t have had any trouble. Oh!’ There was a gasp. ‘You’ve not been implicated, have you?’
‘No, Mum, I haven’t.’ This conversation was going as badly as Kazz had feared.
‘What on earth made you decide to move halfway across the country and open a bookshop?’
‘I was about to be made homeless and—’
‘ What?! ’
Kazz winced as her mum screeched down the phone.
‘Homeless? When? Was this in November too? Why didn’t you say anything? I would never have gone to Spain if I’d known.’
‘That’s exactly why I didn’t say anything,’ Kazz replied with a sigh. ‘Anyway, when I found out, it was too late; you’d already given up Grandad’s house. We were all given notice on the day you told me you were going to live in Spain.’
Her mother was quiet for so long that Kazz wondered whether she’d been cut off. ‘Mum? Are you there?’
‘I’m still here. I’m trying to process it, that’s all.’ Her voice was small. ‘You found out I was abandoning you and that you were being thrown out of your flat on the same day?’
And that I no longer had a job , she thought, but there was no point in adding to the guilt her mum was feeling. See, this is why she hadn’t told her before now, because she knew what her reaction would be.
‘You didn’t abandon me. It’s not like I’m seventeen. I had a decision to make and when Betty suggested I open a bookshop—’
‘Who is Betty?’ her mother interrupted.
‘She’s an old lady who works for Stevie.’
‘Why would she tell you to open a bookshop? I’m confused.’
‘It doesn’t matter who suggested it,’ Kazz said hastily. ‘The idea was a good one.’
‘Was it?’ Diana’s doubt was plain.
‘It was. The shop is doing brilliantly, Mum. Much better than I expected. It was only going to be for a couple of months, until I had got rid of most of the books, but I’ve decided to keep it on. I’m going to stay in Tanglewood.’ There, she’d said it.
‘I think I need another gin. I’ve drunk this one.’
Kazz listened as her mother made another.
‘My goodness,’ Diana said, picking up her phone again. ‘It’s such a lot to take in. Are you living above the bookshop?’
‘No, I’m staying in Stevie’s flat, but if I’m going to stay here permanently, I’ll have to find somewhere else. A nice little cottage perhaps.’
It was going to cost her, but she couldn’t rely on Stevie’s generosity forever. Stevie would need her flat back come the spring, because she let it out to holidaymakers. It was very convenient, though, being opposite the shop, so maybe Kazz could negotiate a rent that would suit her and Stevie. She had grown quite fond of the little flat.
‘It sounds like you’ve got it all worked out,’ her mother said. Her voice sounded lifeless and weary.
‘I have, Mum.’ Kazz was keen to assure her. But her mother could be a little more enthusiastic. She sounded as though she couldn’t care less. Then Kazz found out why.
With a hitch in her voice, Diana said, ‘I can’t believe you kept all this to yourself. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ She sounded hurt and close to tears.
‘I didn’t want to worry you. You had only just gone to Spain, and if I’d told you, you would have been on the next flight back.’
‘Bloody right I would have!’
‘There was nothing you could have done, Mum.’
‘I could have helped you find another job and I could have begged Grandad’s landlord to let me keep the house on, and you could have moved in with me.’
‘What about Vince? What about your new life in Spain?’
‘Vince would have understood.’
‘I’m sure he would. But you were so happy, Mum. I couldn’t take that away from you. And everything has worked out fine in the end.’
‘But you’ve had to carry all that worry by yourself.’
‘Not all of it. I’ve had loads of support.’
‘Stevie’s a good friend,’ Diana said.
Kazz hadn’t been referring to Stevie. Her thoughts were on Saul. ‘She is.’
‘We’ll have to come visit you in the New Year,’ her mum said. ‘I can’t wait to see it.’
‘Tanglewood is lovely – so quaint, and the people are so friendly. And you’ll love the bookshop. I hope you don’t mind but I brought some of Grandad’s furniture with me to use in the shop. I’m using the sideboard as a counter.’
‘That old thing? However did you get it out of the house?’
‘With a lot of swearing and a great deal of help. I’ve also got Grandad’s side table and chair, and the lamp from the sitting room. Oh, and his rug. And the bookcases.’
‘It sounds like you’ve recreated his living room.’
Kazz replied softly, ‘I’ve recreated his bookshop.’
She heard her mum sniffle down the phone. ‘He’d have been thrilled. And so proud of you. I’m dying to see it.’
‘You will,’ Kazz promised.
‘I’m dying to see you, too. I can’t wait to give you a cuddle.’
Kazz’s eyes prickled and her chin began to wobble. She was also desperate for a cuddle.
‘Oh, no!’ Diana cried. ‘Your Christmas present! I sent it to your flat in London.’
Kazz laughed, her cheeks damp. ‘It arrived a couple of days ago. I arranged to have my post redirected for a few months.’
At that, Diana burst into tears. ‘I’m so bloody proud of you and I love you so much.’
‘Love you too, Mum,’ Kazz sobbed, relieved that her mother had taken it so well.
She had been dreading telling her, but she was right to have waited until now. Everything had worked out for the best.
Saul let out a low whistle. ‘You look stunning.’
Kazz did a twirl. ‘I’m glad you approve.’
He more than approved. He wanted to unzip that gorgeous dress and carry her off to bed. The stilettos could stay on. For a while, at least.
‘Let me grab my coat and we can get going,’ she said.
‘We could have a night in, instead?’
The pub didn’t seem half as appealing as it had a couple of minutes ago. He had been looking forward to a lively evening in the Hen and Duck, but after seeing how gorgeous Kazz looked…
‘Behave,’ she told him. ‘There’ll be plenty of time for that later.’
‘Promise?’
‘Oh, yes.’ She gave him a coquettish look, and he groaned.
‘Stop being such a tease.’
‘That’s not teasing.’ She moved closer and trailed her fingers along the waistband of his jeans. ‘ This is teasing.’ The hand dropped lower for a second before she snatched it away.
Saul groaned again. The woman was driving him wild and she knew it. How was he supposed to get through an evening of carousing when all he wanted to do was make love to her?
She put her coat on and picked up her bag, saying casually, ‘I phoned my mum earlier. I told her about the bookshop.’
Knowing how worried she had been, he studied Kazz’s face for clues. She was beaming, so he guessed it had gone well. ‘What did she say?’
‘She can’t wait to see it. She said Grandad would be proud of me. She is, too. You wouldn’t believe how many times I almost gave in and told her, but I’m glad I waited, otherwise there would be two of us living in this flat, and I’m not talking about you.’
‘I don’t live here,’ Saul pointed out.
‘You practically do. You’re here almost as much as me.’
It was true. He’d only spent one night in his own bed this week.
‘I’m beginning to think you may as well move in,’ she said, walking towards the door. Then she halted and turned a horrified face towards him. ‘I didn’t mean— I’m not suggesting—’ she stammered.
He took her in his arms, not sure how to handle this. He supposed it depended on whether it had been a slip of the tongue on Kazz’s part – that is, she would like him to move in but didn’t think he would go for it – or whether it had been a turn of phrase and she was mortified in case he thought she was serious.
‘I know what you meant,’ he said, not knowing at all.
‘Thank goodness for that. I thought you’d think…’ She trailed off and laughed nervously, leaving him none the wiser.
As she locked up the flat and they negotiated the spiral staircase, Saul wondered whether it would be such a bad thing if he did move in. He loved being with her. He couldn’t think of anything nicer than waking up next to her, or cuddling together on the sofa in the evening, knowing he didn’t have to leave when the film ended. But it would be a commitment, one he wasn’t sure either of them was ready for yet.
Now wasn’t the time to be considering such momentous and potentially life-changing things. It was Christmas Eve and he wanted to celebrate the festive season with the woman he loved.
Saul’s shoe slipped on the bottom step and he had to grab the handrail to prevent himself from falling backwards.
‘Are you OK?’ Kazz asked. ‘Those stairs can be lethal if you’re not careful.’
‘I’m fine.’ He slipped a hand into hers. ‘That’ll teach me to pay attention.’
‘Ogling my bum again?’ she teased. ‘I’m surprised you can see it with this coat on.’
Saul didn’t like to tell her that the reason he hadn’t been paying attention was because the notion had popped into his head that he was in love with her.
Admittedly, he liked her one hell of a lot. But love ? Was it possible to fall in love without realising it? And was it possible to fall in love with someone after just a few weeks?
Might he just be in lust?
As they strolled up the high street, Kazz chatting about her day, Saul tried to analyse his feelings, asking himself what his reaction would be if she was to end it now.
The resulting bolt of pain in his heart at the mere thought of such a thing was all the answer he needed. He would be heartbroken.
‘Hmm, that’s nice,’ he murmured absently, in response to something she said.
Kazz huffed. ‘You’re not listening, are you?’
‘What?’ He forced himself to concentrate. ‘Sorry, I was thinking about what I’d like to do to you later.’ He gave her what he hoped was a sexy, suggestive smile.
‘Your mind is only ever on one thing,’ she grumbled good-naturedly. ‘Don’t you ever think of anything else?’
‘Food?’
‘Typical! Food and sex. You’re such a bloke!’
‘Guilty as charged.’
‘I suppose you’re into football as well.’
‘Rugby.’
‘Same difference.’
‘It most definitely is not!’ Saul objected. ‘Would you like me to explain?’
‘God, no!’ Kazz shuddered.
Saul was happy that she hadn’t delved any deeper into why he hadn’t been paying attention and the conversation had moved on. He wanted to keep the knowledge that he had fallen in love with her to himself for a while. Maybe forever. He’d have to see how it went. He couldn’t assume she loved him in return, and there was no way he would tell her, not without some certainty that Kazz felt the same.
Then again, Joelle had professed to love him, and look how that had turned out. He still couldn’t believe she’d wanted to have lunch with him for old times’ sake. He guessed she didn’t have the slightest inkling how badly she had hurt him.
It was a good thing he had messaged her to tell her that he couldn’t meet her for lunch after all. He’d said he was too busy right now. Her reaction had been a sad face emoji, but as she had left it at that, he was hopeful it was the end of the matter.
There was one thing he was grateful for, however: seeing her again had made him realise he was over her. And falling in love with someone else had confirmed it.
Determined to enjoy this evening, Saul shoved all thoughts of love and relationships to the back of his mind. There would be time enough to decide what he was going to do about this new complication in his life. For now, he was going to enjoy Christmas.