11. Chapter 11
Torin
Fanny
Translation: Vagina
Usage: To describe a foolish or contemptible person; generally vulgar
“It hurts,” I say with a wince, taking another bite of cottage cheese and chasing it down with a slice of apple. Beau has me on a strict meal plan, and I am not enjoying it.
“What hurts?” Freya asks over speakerphone. I’m alone in the flat, so I can be noisy.
“Everything,” I tell her. “Beau was not gentle with me.”
“I thought you liked it rough,” she says, and I can hear the smirk on her smug face.
“Not what I meant, Freya,” I say, though I’ll certainly save that mental image for later.
“I mean that he’s forgotten what it’s like to be a beginner in fitness.
” Beau and I have worked out together twice now, and I’m sore all over.
Every movement seems to wake up a new muscle that wants to complain about it.
“I’m sure you’re not the first virgin he’s broken in.”
“Freya!” I yell, cheeks heating.
“What?” she asks, cackling. “Are you saying he’s inexperienced?”
“Well, he’s never had a boyfriend before, so maybe?”
“Wait.” Her tone changes instantly. “I was just kidding. Did the two of you actually fuck, then?”
“No! He’s a colleague. I’m not doing that again,” I say. “And get your mind out of the gutter!”
“If my mind didn’t live in the gutter, it’d be homeless,” she quips.
“You’re ridiculous,” I tell her.
“And yet, you still love me.”
I smile. “I do.”
“And you want to date your colleague,” she says.
“Freya, no!” My voice shoots up an octave. “Even if he were interested in me—which he absolutely isn’t—I still wouldn’t date him. It would be too weird, and you know I need to focus on my research.”
“But you are interested in him.” It’s not a question.
“What are you on about, Freya?” I ask with a sigh.
“You said he’s not interested in you, but you didn’t say you weren’t interested in him. That makes me think you do like him, you just won’t pursue it.”
“Nah, he’s not the eejit I once thought, but he’s not my type,” I say, which is patently untrue, partly because I don’t have a type, but if I did, Beau would be it. He’s incredibly attractive. But also kind, smart, muscles, dimples… All good things. But I can’t date a classmate again.
“I’ll pretend I believe you,” she says. “For now, anyway.”
“Keep believing me,” I say, trying to sound assertive. “It’s not gonna happen.”
“Right,” she says skeptically. “Well, he’s taking you to the gym, but what are you doing for him? You said you’re supposed to learn from each other?”
I force more cottage cheese down my throat and grimace. “I’m going to take him to some historic sites,” I say. “I’m going to plan our first excursion in a bit. Some of the tourist sites in Edinburgh. He hasn’t even been to the castle.”
“You’ll be the best guide he could ask for,” she says, and for the first time in this conversation, I don’t detect any sarcasm.
“Are you actually being supportive right now?” I ask.
“Of course, ya daftie. I’m your big sister. I’m always cheering you on.”
“We’re twins, and I’m almost a foot taller than you.”
“Hey, respect your elders,” she commands. Even though the joke is overdone, she’ll never stop reminding me that she was born two minutes before I was.
“Fuck off,” I say.
“Love you, too.”
I end the call and stare down at my phone.
My fingers tremble as I text Beau. We’ve been getting along, despite how much I swear at him when we work out, but asking him to spend more time together has my thumbs struggling to type a message.
I take a breath and remind myself I’m just adhering to our action plan.
We’re also inviting our classmates to join us. It’s not a date. No need to be nervous.
Torin
Hey, what are you doing Saturday?
Beau
Howdy! I’m free as a bird. What’s up?
Torin
We need to visit some historic sites. The action plan.
Beau
I’m in. Should we invite the rest of the class?
Torin
Aye, I’ll message the group chat to see if anyone’s interested.
Beau
Great. Looking forward to it.
Torin
Me too.
I send a message to the class group chat, then immediately start second-guessing my plan. Is the Royal Mile too touristy? The answer is yes. But even though it’s often overrun with visitors, a lot of history did take place there, so it’s a worthwhile start to our excursions.
Maeve and Isla respond that they’ll join, but everyone else makes their excuses as the morning goes on, which is fine. A small group will be easier to keep together in the crowd.
I turn to the stack of PDFs on the table next to me.
The top one is already covered in yellow highlighter and sticky notes, and there are at least six more underneath it waiting their turn.
I take a reluctant bite of hard-boiled egg, chewing slowly while I scroll through the reading list on my laptop.
There is so much to get through. Between Beau’s gym sessions and this weekend excursion, I’m already losing study time, which isn’t ideal.
I rub the back of my neck and glance toward the clock.
I like spending time with Beau. He’s smart and fun.
Easy on the eyes. Very easy on the eyes, actually.
The memory of him spotting me on the bench press flashes through my mind—those big hands hovering just below the bar, ready to save me from being crushed to death, his voice low and encouraging, telling me when to breathe.
I shove the rest of the egg into my mouth.
I was going to stay home until class this afternoon, but maybe I’ll go to the shared office instead. I could bring these articles and work there. I pack up my things and tell myself I’m only going to be collegial. Not because I’m hoping Beau will be there.
But Freya’s words ring in my ears: I’ll pretend I believe you. For now, anyway.