Chapter 34 James #2
James considered the question, as well as his brother’s character.
“He’d take the knowledge poorly. It would rattle his confidence.
And there is no need for it given that Katarina and Carlo were supposed to get rid of me.
If Alexandra learns I am still alive…” He shrugged.
“Who can say for certain what she’d say or do? ”
“Would it turn William against you, if he knew?”
James rested his elbows on his knees, not wanting to dig too deeply because it would rip up old wounds, both his and William’s.
“You saw the way my father treated him, Ahnna. I never asked for his favoritism and did my best to discourage it, but my father was the way he was. I had the skills he valued and I was the son of the woman he loved, and it always felt like he hated William for being the legitimate one. But for all his mockery and cruelty, Will was heir, and my brother clung to that fact like driftwood in the open sea. It made him more than me, which made all the rest tolerable. To have that taken away…” He sighed.
“I don’t know how he’ll respond, but I do know he won’t take it in stride. ”
Silence stretched between them, the only sound the rush of the river, but then Ahnna said, “Do you want to be king of Harendell?”
“No!” The word tore out of him, and James gave his head a sharp shake.
“No, and I never have. That was my father’s dream, not mine, and I want no part of it.
No part of ruling any nation, just so we are being clear.
” He met her gaze. “When my father explained his vision of my future, it felt as though he didn’t even know me—or, perhaps more accurately, didn’t care what I wanted.
It was all about putting my mother’s son on the throne.
I think it has always been about her, because he could not let her go, no matter what it cost him. ”
Ahnna sighed. “My parents were like that. The sort of love they write songs about, but in its own way, it was as harmful as hate because they didn’t care who they hurt if it was done for the other’s sake.”
“All I wanted was peace with Cardiff,” he said quietly. “And you. I wanted you. I still want you, Ahnna.”
Her gaze broke from his, her eyes fixed on his knees. “That’s not possible.”
“Why?” James knew he shouldn’t push this.
For one, the Amaridians were on their heels and neither of them was paying an ounce of attention to their surroundings.
Two, he had no right to her after everything he’d done.
But he could not let her go. Could not give her up.
“Because of circumstances? Or because you don’t want to be mine? ”
Her breath caught, and he took hold of the sides of her face, her wet hair tangling in his fingers.
“You shouldn’t touch me,” she whispered. “I’m not yours to touch.”
“Then tell me to stop. Tell me that you’ll never be mine again.”
Ahnna made a soft noise of protest but didn’t answer. Didn’t pull out of his grip. James’s heart hammered in his chest, his pulse a loud roar, because there was only one power in this world that would keep him from making Ahnna his again, and that was Ahnna herself.
Reaching down, he retrieved a sword and pressed the pommel into her left hand. Then he angled the tip so that it dug into the muscle above his heart.
“James…”
He waited a breath for her to tell him to fuck off.
For her to shove the sharpened blade deep for his audacity, but when Ahnna did neither, James lowered his head to kiss her.
A soft brush of his lips against hers, but the feel of her turned his hardening cock rigid.
“You are so beautiful. The most exquisite woman to walk this world.”
She shook her head slightly in protest, not of the kiss but of his words, and it drove James to madness that she’d deny such an obvious truth.
Kissing her again, he trailed his tongue up the scar bisecting her face, the taste of her skin making his cock ache.
She shuddered in his grip, his name a whisper on her lips.
He kissed her again, sliding his tongue into her mouth and tightening his grip on her hair.
Her tongue stroked over his, and James fought the urge to knock the sword aside and pull her into his lap.
The urge to strip her naked and bury himself inside her over and over until his name was not a whisper but a scream of pleasure.
Instead, he kissed her jaw, catching the lobe of her ear between his teeth and relishing her moan.
“I love you.” The words escaped his lips, the truest thing he’d ever said, though he’d denied it for so long.
A sharp sting exploded across his chest, and Ahnna pulled away from him, dropping the sword with a clatter.
“Stop. What I want, what you want…it doesn’t fucking matter, James.
I’m going back to Ithicana and you know it will be war, one way or another.
A war we stand on opposite sides of, because I don’t believe for a heartbeat that you’ll fight for Ithicana. You never have.”
Blood ran in rivulets down his torso, but James barely felt the sting of the shallow wound. “Ahnna—”
“No!” she shouted at him. “I’m not allowing myself to fall into your arms knowing that there will come a moment when we part ways and fight each other.
I’m not going to allow you to break my heart twice.
We are allies in this escape. Allies in stopping Alexandra and Katarina.
But that is where it ends. Do you understand? ”
He desperately wanted to argue. To offer a path forward other than the conflict she foresaw, but it would only be spinning lies to satisfy his own desperate desire to have her back.
She was right not to invite hurt upon herself, but watching her wipe at her eyes from across the boat, it felt like the sword had sunk deep into his heart. “I understand.”
Picking up the oars, he started rowing. “We need to find a place with cover deep enough to hide us. Carlo will have made it to the village.”
“Agreed.”
They sped onward in silence down the river, Ahnna hunting for likely hiding places while James searched for signs of pursuit.
“Up ahead,” she finally said, and James looked over his shoulder at the copse of trees that had replaced the fields to either side. More than a copse, for the trees stretched on for as far as his eyes could see.
Ahnna stood up. “I think it will do, especially with the sun about to set. It will be fully dark by the time they get this far on horseback.”
He rowed to the bank and Ahnna jumped out, wading through hip-deep water with the mooring rope in her hand. She tied it off and then disappeared into the shadows while he stowed the oars and climbed out.
“There are lots of good spots to hide.” Ahnna reappeared and came down the bank, splashing softly to the boat. Before he could pick up the basket of supplies, she snatched them and carried them up the bank. Returning, she said, “Let’s get the boat hidden.”
“I’ll do it,” he said. “You take the oars.”
“You’ll need my help. If we leave drag marks on the banks, we might as well light a signal fire for Carlo. Same with damaging the branches. I suspect I’ve had a great deal more experience hiding boats than you have.”
He didn’t doubt that. “I don’t need to drag it. I can lift it on my own. You can guide me.”
“Are you trying to change my mind with manly acts?”
He could tell she was trying to break the tension with levity, but he’d heard the strain in her voice. Still, he kept up his end and said, “Are you trying to prove a point by rebreaking your arm?”
She huffed out a breath. “I suppose that’s valid.”
James moved the oars into the trees while Ahnna sat on a rock. She watched him in silence, yet the ease with which she’d conceded caused James to suspect this might not go as well as he liked.
Icy water filled his boots as he went to the back of the rowboat and struggled to overturn it. The old wood was waterlogged, the cursed thing heavier than he’d anticipated. The current caught the edge and James abruptly found himself sitting on his ass in the freezing river.
“I’d clap but my arm is broken,” Ahnna said. “So you’ll just have to imagine the sound of me celebrating this display.”
“Noted.” Standing, James heaved the back of the boat up, but the front dipped beneath the water and the current shoved him back.
Cursing silently so as not to give her the satisfaction of commenting on his profanity, James shuffled beneath the boat.
Every muscle in his body groaned under the weight of the waterlogged wood as he tried and failed to get the piece of shit up and out of the water.
And then the fore of the boat was lifting.
He raised his head to find Ahnna heaving it up with her good arm, and then resting it on her shoulder. “Chivalry and efficiency rarely walk hand in hand, James. Carlo isn’t far behind us. Let’s go.”
They climbed the bank together and eased carefully through the dense trees until Ahnna found a thicket that satisfied her.
While he went back to retrieve the oars, she set to hiding the boat with dirt, branches, and debris with shocking efficiency.
The oars joined it, and even in broad daylight, James suspected no one would see the old rowboat unless they tripped over it.
As the darkness of night fell, Ahnna set to curling up in a pile of leaves. Once she was settled, she muttered, “You take the first watch.”
James sighed and settled his back against a tree, trying not to think about what had happened on the boat. Trying to forget the taste of her skin and the feel of her tongue against his, but despite his heart feeling cut through, his desire surged at the memory.