Chapter 61 Ahnna #2
Lia strode to the edge of the cliff. She dumped the contents of one small jar into another, then threw it out over the water. It exploded with a loud bang, and Ahnna took a deep breath as her people began pushing the Amaridians off the deck of the ship.
Terrified screams merged with the roar of the surf hitting the cliff base below, and the guardians heard the call of Ithicana.
And came in numbers Ahnna had never before seen. Dozens and dozens of fins, sleek gray shapes shooting through the water with jaws open wide.
It was over quickly, the water soon dark with blood as the ship sank into the sea.
“It’s done,” Aren said, his eyes on bloody surf, but then a hand closed over hers.
Ahnna turned her head to find James at her side, his expression unreadable. Yet she knew what he was feeling, because she felt the same way. Not righteous justice over the deaths of those who’d aim to inflict such harm, but hollow.
Would it ever end? Would there ever come a day when this sort of carnage was nothing but a distant memory? Or would the villains who ruled forever paint the world red in their desire for more?
“We should head back to Midwatch,” Aren said, not looking at her as he headed into the trees. “We need to talk, Ahnna. Lia will get His Highness a place in the barracks until we figure out our next steps.”
Frustration filled the hollowness in her, because Aren had to have seen that James was more than just a travel companion and comrade. He knew, he just didn’t like it.
She’d been raised to obey Aren. He wasn’t simply her brother—he was her king and her commander. Ahnna had always been the rock at his back, never choosing anyone over him.
But not this time.
When she didn’t move, Aren frowned at her. “Ahnna, now.”
She stood her ground, ready to fight this fight because no one else would.
“Ahnna will remain with me, Your Grace. Her place is at my side, not yours.”
James’s voice filled her ears, his tone the cool, cultured accent of the Harendellian court, and Aren slid to an abrupt halt and turned. “What?”
“Did you not hear me, Your Grace? Or did you not understand?”
Aren’s hand went to his weapon. “You have a lot of fucking nerve, Ashford. Just because a shark decided you weren’t fit to eat doesn’t mean you have any power here.”
James slid an arm around Ahnna’s waist and pulled her back against him. She could feel the rapid beat of his heart and the tension singing through him, no part of him unaware of the risk he was taking. Yet he was taking it.
For her.
“Ahnna is going to be my wife. So unless she desires otherwise, where she goes, I follow.”
Machetes slithered out of scabbards and arrows were fitting to bowstrings, but Aren lifted a hand telling them all to hold. Lara stepped away from Aren, her arms crossed and expression unreadable. Not willing to intervene no matter what she thought, for which Ahnna didn’t blame her.
“Let me get this straight,” Aren said quietly. “You, the son of the king my sister was framed for murdering. You, the asshole who incarcerated my cousin and trussed up my wife’s sister like a hog. You, who pursued Ahnna across Harendell with dogs, are asking me if you can marry her?”
“No.” James’s voice was steady in her ear, his grip around her body tight. “I already asked Ahnna to be my wife, and she said yes. I’m only informing you out of courtesy.”
Aren drew his weapon. “You arrogant Harendellian prick.”
Every part of Ahnna wanted to intervene, but Lara gave the slightest shake of her head.
“If you wish to fight over her, I will oblige,” James replied. “But perhaps this time you’ll do the fighting yourself and not have your soldiers hold me down while you swing your punches.”
Aren’s cheeks flushed, the muscles in his jaw bulging as he ground his teeth. Slowly he turned in a circle, as though hunting for composure, but then he met Ahnna’s gaze. “This is what you want, then? Of all the men in the world, your choice is this asshole?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “Aren, I love him.”
Her brother scrubbed a hand through his dark hair, then let out a long sigh and sheathed his weapon. “I know I’ve done an awful job of showing it, Ahnna, but I want you to be happy. If marrying a pretentious Harendellian prince is the way that happens, I won’t stand in your way.”
“Thank you.” She had to fight back tears. “It means more to me than I can say to hear that from you.”
“Thank you, Your Grace,” James said. “I wasn’t looking forward to fighting you.”
Aren gave a soft snort. “Don’t thank me yet, Ashford. I know my twin better than you, and she will never give you a day of rest.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” James’s fingers tightened on her waist, and Ahnna looked down to cover her smile as her brother stomped down the path to the cove, bodyguard following, but Lara remained where she was.
The queen of Ithicana slowly approached them, strands of her long blond hair blowing in the rising wind. “He never once gave up on you, Ahnna,” she said quietly. “He refused to turn on you, no matter the cost.”
Ahnna’s composure cracked, but as twin tears ran down her cheeks, she saw that Lara’s eyes were also glistening.
“I’m sorry we left you alone in that nightmare.” Lara’s voice was choked. “I should have known…Should have suspected the full truth.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Stepping out of James’s arms, Ahnna closed the distance between her and Lara. “You and Keris both warned me of how dangerous Alexandra was, but she still fooled me. Fooled everyone. Besides, I’m the one who owes you an apology.”
Ahnna met Lara’s blue eyes, and though she’d planned what she intended to say to the other woman if ever given the chance, all those words abandoned her.
They stood in silence for a long moment, but finally she said, “There was a moment when I was right to be angry with you, but also a moment when I should have let it go. Instead, I clung to my anger and was awful to you. Awful to both of you, and it wasn’t even you I was so furious with. ”
“It was yourself.” Lara tilted her head. “I know. And I won’t lie and say it didn’t frustrate me at times, but I’ve understood for a long time that you blame yourself as much as you ever blamed me. Although I still don’t know why you feel that way.”
Shame built in her stomach, turning her mouth sour, but Ahnna forced herself to say, “Because the reason Southwatch fell so easily is me.” In clipped words, she explained what happened that night because of decisions fueled by wine, jealousy, and grief.
“I know I couldn’t have stopped the invasion, but Southwatch was my command.
My responsibility. Aren trusted me to protect it, and I failed him. ”
Lara’s eyes were filled with sympathy. “We all let down our guard that night, if for different reasons. Everyone on Midwatch was in their cups as well.”
Ahnna watched her queen bite her bottom lip, then sigh.
“I understand you, Ahnna, because I also struggle to forgive myself, and there are days when I think that it is the purest form of selfishness to do so. My guilt is not for writing those instructions to Serin and my father, but for hiding the act from Aren.”
The wind was rising higher, and Ahnna smelled the scent of a storm coming on. A charge in the air, as if the tempests of Ithicana had arrived to listen to their conversation even as the guardians feasted on their enemies.
“If I had just told Aren the whole truth, he’d have realized what was in the letter he’d sent and we could have defended Ithicana.
But those stupid pages felt like the culmination of everything horrible that I’d done.
They felt symbolic of my betrayal, and I didn’t want him to know.
Didn’t want to face that shame, and didn’t want to risk that being his breaking point that cost me his love.
I believed that I could destroy them and that my transgressions would disappear.
He’d never know, and there would be no consequences to me keeping this one secret. ”
Lara turned her face up, and the first drops of rain fell to splatter against her face. “Looking back, it seems so cowardly, so foolish, so fucking selfish.”
“So human,” Ahnna said quietly.
Lara made a humming noise, then shook her head.
“Maybe. But people died because of me being…human. Children died. And there are nights when I feel like I might drown in the hate I feel for myself. Keris says that to feel this way changes nothing. That punishing myself does no one any good. But I can’t fully forgive myself. ”
Sudden certainty filled Ahnna, and she caught hold of Lara’s hands with hers. “I forgive you.”
Lara’s eyes widened with surprise, then welled with tears. “Thank you, sister.”
They stood hand in hand in silence, the rain gaining intensity, and Ahnna finally said, “Can I ask you for one thing?”
“Anything.”
Ahnna smiled. “I’d like to meet my niece.”