Chapter 17 Aurora
AURORA
I am feeling something for Mabel Rossi.
I’m not sure what it is. It might be anger. It might be more. I can’t tell, but I’m definitely feeling something, and I don’t like it.
He kissed her.
I watched him kiss her.
This big, stupid ape of a man kissed her right on her neck as his hand grazed the underside of her freaking boob.
He practically had to bend in half to do it, and he looked completely ridiculous, too.
Like a humpback whale. Like a...like a snail.
The invasive kind. The kind you’re supposed to stomp on sight, or they’ll destroy your garden and spread disease to your animals.
Or, you know, like an idiot Australian underwear model who will probably be having sex with Mabel tonight. I scowl.
“Are you okay?”
I blink out of my haze and dart my eyes to Sav. She and Claire are both staring at me with furrowed brows. Awesome. I’m a spectacle again. They must think I’m so strange.
“Yep. Great. I just...I have to pee. Bye.”
I stand quickly and walk in the direction of the bathroom before either of them can say anything else, but instead of turning down the hall to the bathrooms, I take the stairs that lead to the lower level. I don’t consciously make the decision. I’m running on autopilot and adrenaline.
As soon as my ballet flats hit the floor, I point them toward the spot where I last saw Mabel. The spot where that massive giant of a man was feeling her up. With his hands and his mouth and probably other appendages as well.
I clench my fists and weave through bodies, bumping and being bumped. Thankfully, I don’t have to go far before the catalyst for my surging emotions pops up in front of me.
Ugh. And she’s all sparkling with sweat and her hair is mussed and her face is flushed and she’s just...hot. The thought brings on a jolt of confusion, but I can’t focus on it through the haze of other feelings. I’m a mess, and she’s so damn hot, and I hate all of it. It’s dumb.
I check behind Mabel, but there’s no attractive behemoth Australian. There’s probably a security guard trailing her, but I don’t bother trying to pick him out. I don’t care about him. Just ol’ Mr. Handsy Hands with the suction snail lips.
“Hey! Did you come back to dance?”
Her question is shouted over the music, drawing my attention back to her face. When my gaze locks with hers, she must see something in my expression because her smile drops, and she steps closer.
“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
“I thought you liked women.”
Her eyes widen, and she blinks a few times. I should apologize, but for the life of me, I can’t remember how at the moment.
“What?”
“That giant man was feeling you up and kissed you on your neck, and you let him, and I thought you liked women. Right? But he’s not a woman. He’s very much a man.”
My nose scrunches on the last sentence, and Mabel’s lips twitch like she’s trying not to laugh. Then she grabs my wrist and leads me to a back wall, away from the crowd, where the music seems less loud and the lights less bright.
“Okay, this is better.” She folds her arms over her chest and leans casually on the wall. “What was your question?”
I huff, the dim lighting making me bolder. More confident. Reckless.
“I thought you liked women.”
She smirks. “That’s not a question.”
My eyes narrow. “Why would you let that man kiss you if you like women?”
She arches a brow. “I do like women. Unfortunately for me, I am also attracted to men.”
“And you were attracted to him?”
“Sure, he was attractive, but you don’t have to be attracted to someone to enjoy dancing with them.”
“But he kissed you!”
“He did.”
“And you let him.”
Mabel’s head tilts just slightly. “I didn’t, actually. He just did it.”
“You didn’t stop him.”
“I didn’t stop that one, no. But I left, didn’t I?”
I pause, my mouth popping open just slightly. “You left?”
“You ran right into me as I was heading back upstairs.”
“Oh.” I clasp my hands in front of me, my eyes falling to the floor between us. “Oh, right. Right. Well...I’m sor—”
Mabel presses her finger to my mouth, silencing the apology before I can finish speaking.
“Don’t do it, Roar.”
I purse my lips against her skin and bring my narrowed eyes back to meet hers. I’m sure mine look wild, unhinged, yet hers are sparkling with humor. I bristle and move my hands to my hips, but I don’t speak, and I don’t remove her hand. She smirks.
“Jealousy is a completely normal emotion.”
My jaw drops, and her hand falls away. “I am not jealous!”
When her smirk widens but she doesn’t speak, I start to ramble. My inability to shut the hell up around her is my fatal flaw. I’ll die in this hallway, mid-run-on sentence, from lack of oxygen.
“I was just worried, is all. Because of Kat, of course, and I didn’t want you to make any rash decisions because I thought you were, like, attracted to tall, skinny, sexy celebrities, and I didn’t want you to bring that giant Australian underwear model back to the suite and bang him on the bed next to mine and then regret it in the morning.
That’s all. I was just looking out for you, is all. That’s all. I’m not jealous. I’m not.”
I’m nearly out of breath when I finish, and the intensity of Mabel’s gaze makes my ears burn.
“What?” I ask aggressively.
Too aggressively. I almost apologize, but I bite my tongue. Mabel sighs.
“Well, that’s a lot to unpack. First, thank you for looking out for me.”
“You’re welcome,” I say curtly.
She smirks again. “Second, I broke up with Kat, so you don’t have to worry about her. I’m not worried about her. Neither of us has to consider her feelings at all. Okay?”
My eyes flare before I can stop them.
She broke up with Kat.
She broke up with her.
Mabel isn’t dating Kat anymore, and the revelation makes me want to smile right before I force myself to frown.
I am not happy.
I mean, I am happy. But for Mabel. I’m happy for Mabel. Good for her. I saw those pictures. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. That’s why I’m happy. That’s all.
I flatten my hand over my stomach and attempt a nonchalant shrug. “Okay.”
“And I would never bring someone back to the suite we’re sharing. It’s disrespectful. I wouldn’t do it.”
I shrug again. “I wouldn’t care. It’s fine.”
It’s a terrible, obvious lie. I drop my attention back to the floor, but then Mabel crooks her fingers under my chin and tilts my face back to hers so we’re eye to eye once more.
“I wouldn’t do it,” she insists. “I don’t want to do it.”
My swallow is rough, and I lick my lips to wet them. Her eyes follow the movement, then slowly drag back up. Her next words are low, carried on an exhale that I feel more than hear.
“And I’m not only attracted to sexy celebrities.”
“You’re not?” I whisper, and her gaze is pulled back to my lips. “Who else are you attracted to?”
She forces her eyes to mine once more.
“I’m attracted to sexy normal people, too. I’m attracted to people who are full of energy and light. Creativity and confidence. To the passion I can see and feel in another person. It’s not just physical for me, Aurora. It’s deeper.”
My face falls. It’s stupid, I know it’s stupid, but her admission fills me with disappointment. Sexy? Creativity and confidence? Passion? I don’t know what I was hoping she’d say, not really, but it wasn’t that.
It wasn’t the exact opposite of me.
It shouldn’t matter. None of this should matter. But God, it does, and I don’t understand why. None of this makes sense. I am such an idiot.
My eyes start to sting, so I pull away from her. I don’t want her to see me cry. Not over this. It’s all just so stupid and ridiculous, and I am such an idiot.
“Hey. Hey.” Mabel steps forward and grabs my shoulders, holding me in place. “What just happened?”
I blink away the threat of tears and clear my throat.
“Nothing. Nothing. I swear, nothing. I just...I’m just tired. I’m not used to being out this late. I’m not used to drinking. I’m just...I’m just feeling really raw right now, and I think I need to leave.”
Her eyes scan my face, and I watch her own expression change from one of concern to one of anger.
“God, what has he done to you?”
“What?” I shake my head. “Who?”
She huffs, then runs her hand through her hair. Her jaw pops and her nostrils flare.
I don’t know why she’s agitated. I don’t know what I did wrong, but it must have been bad. I never should have said anything. I never should have come downstairs after her or asked her any questions. I never should have even come tonight. I should have just gone back to the lodge.
Now I’ve made her angry. She’s mad at me, and I don’t want her to be mad at me. What if she never forgives me? If I’ve ruined this friendship, this one thing that’s been giving me joy...
I shake my head again and wring my hands.
“Mabel, I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s none of my business. It’s not—”
She cups my face in her hands, and my words evaporate between us.
I can’t move. I can scarcely breathe as her amber eyes—eyes so full of emotion that it physically hurts—hold me in place.
She opens her mouth twice without speaking as if warring with herself over something, and then her expression softens with resignation.
“You are light, Aurora Jade. You are energy. You’re creative and passionate, and I know there is confidence here. I’ve seen it. It’s been beaten back too fucking far, but it’s not lost. Do you understand? It’s not gone.”
Her words decimate me. I hear them. I feel them. I want to believe them. I want to so badly that I grow dizzy. When tears begin to roll down my cheeks, her thumb brushes them away, but she never lets me go.
“You’re not gone, Roar.”
She whispers the words, and they serve as a tether. A tug right at my chest that pulls me through the last of the thick fog and right off a cliff.