Chapter 24 Mabel
MABEL
My eyes flutter open and the room, lit by the faint glow of the television, comes into focus slowly.
With it, comes Aurora.
Our gazes lock. We’re so close that I could count the freckles on her cheeks. I can see each eyelash. Each fleck of gold and green in her eyes. Waking up to her fills me with warmth and sets my blood racing.
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep. I don’t know how long she’s been awake. But we’re here, facing each other with our heads on the soft white pillows, and I wish I could stop time so we never have to leave this bed.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Her whispered words fan softly over my lips, and I nod.
“Anything.”
“Why did you come to me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Earlier. Why did you come here? Why not go to Sav or Callie or Claire? Why me?”
I don’t miss the hint of nerves in her voice, and for a moment, I swear I can read her thoughts. Did I come to her because she was the closest, because she was convenient, or was it something more?
With Aurora, I’m learning, it will always be more.
I consider my answer, rolling her question over in my head. Why did I come here? I don’t know if I can explain it. Coming to her wasn’t exactly a conscious decision. It was more visceral. Instinctual. Need-driven and immediate.
What do I even say to her? I came here because my body brought me to you? Because I needed you? Because I was desperate for the type of calm I’ve only ever found in you?
Each answer is more jarring than the last, and the more I think about it, the more it scares me.
I’ve promised her honesty, but the truth is becoming dangerous.
I should be careful. I should lie. It would be easier for both of us if I did.
But as I stare into her eyes, wide and hopeful, I can’t bring myself to do it.
I sigh and shrug. “I just went where my body led me, I guess.”
The understanding I see pass over her face gives me chills, and she releases a small puff of laughter.
“Yeah. Yeah, I get that.”
My pulse speeds up as something like hope thrums through my veins. “You do?”
“Yeah. You know how I said I could find you in any crowd?”
I nod, but I can’t bring myself to speak.
“Well, it’s because I feel you.” Aurora brings her hand to her chest and taps twice. “I feel you here.”
Her words wrap around my heart and squeeze until time slows to a crawl.
I don’t understand the emotions that flood me.
I can barely breathe through the wave of longing that threatens to pull me under.
I have no thoughts except her. Except Aurora.
And when she leans toward me, I close the distance without hesitation.
Her lips are just as soft as I remember, just as warm and plush, and they vibrate on a whimper that I feel all the way to my toes.
I wrap my hand around her neck and pull her closer.
She fists my shirt at my waist and tugs.
Our bodies meet in the middle of the bed, and still, it’s not close enough.
Her tongue traces the seam of my lips, and I open for her on a groan.
Our kiss in Adelaide was hungry. Desperate and rushed. But this kiss...
This one is reverent.
It’s just as eager, but it’s slow. Savored.
Like every swipe of her tongue is painting a memory.
Every taste, every touch, is being stored away for future worship.
I hold her closer. Kiss her deeper. I let myself feel her, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m ruined.
This kiss, this woman, has ruined me for all the rest, and there’s no undoing it.
Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice is telling me to stop. It’s whispering warnings, but I can’t hear them over the pounding of my heart. Nothing matters outside of this moment. Outside of this kiss. Outside of her.
When her lips start to slow, my heart falls. I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to open my eyes and plummet back into reality, but I follow her lead. I move my hand from her neck to her shoulder and I shift my weight backward, so my body is no longer pressed up against hers.
She kisses me twice more, then rests her forehead against mine. Our breath comes in pants as we lie tangled in each other, and my mind starts to swirl with what she might say next.
It was a mistake.
It meant nothing.
We should pretend it didn’t happen.
Anxiety creeps up my throat with each possibility, but then she giggles. It’s a light, joyful sound that makes me smile, and I pull back so I can see her face.
“What?” I ask on my own laugh. “What are you giggling about?”
Her cute little nose scrunches up on a grin before she shakes her head and gives me a shrug.
“I don’t know. I just...I’ve never felt like this. Kind of bubbly. Excited. I feel like I need to giggle.”
I trace her cheeks with my fingertips, then run my thumb lightly over her glowing smile.
“You mean happy?” I tease. “You’ve never felt happy before?”
Her smile falters and sadness flashes in her eyes as she shrugs, then shakes her head.
“Not like this, Mabel. Not like with you.”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to tell her everything that I’m feeling when I can’t make sense of it myself.
I understand her, and it’s not fair. She makes me happy, too.
It’s not fair. None of it is. How can it feel so right with her if everything about it is wrong?
I can’t find the right words to say any of it, so I say nothing.
Instead, I kiss her.
I kiss her, and I don’t stop until the sun rises.
“Are you even listening to me?”
I tear my attention away from Aurora’s French doors and look toward Sav. She’s got her sunglasses perched on top of her head and a towel wrapped around her waist. I didn’t even realize she’d gotten out of the pool.
“What?”
She narrows her eyes. “Who is it?”
“Who is who?”
“Who are you going all dopey over?” She waves her finger in a circle around my face. “I know this look. This hazy, brain fog, first crush look. Who is it? Do I know them?”
I push up from the lounge chair and make my way to the mini fridge.
I hope like hell she doesn’t see the blush heating my neck and chest. This fucking bikini hides nothing.
I can’t lie to her—Sav’s like a bloodhound when it comes to sniffing out dishonesty—but I can’t tell her the truth either. I go for something in the middle.
“I don’t want to jinx it.”
“Are you going to tell me who it is?”
“Nope.”
I keep my back to her as I pull a mineral water from the fridge, uncap it and take a long drink while she groans. When I turn to face her again, she’s got her hands on her hips and her head tilted to the side.
“I know it’s not Kat.”
“That’s correct.”
“I know it’s a woman, though.”
My eyes flare. Thank God I’m wearing sunglasses. “Why?”
“You’ve never caught feelings for a guy.”
“Who says I’ve caught feelings?”
Sav arches a brow, and I bark out a laugh to throw her off.
“Whatever. It could be a guy. There’s a first time for everything.”
“There is, but it’s not. It’s definitely a woman.”
I don’t respond. Instead, I roll my eyes, grab my towel from the lounge chair, and head toward the house. I have every intention of escaping further conversation, but Sav keeps talking.
“How long?”
“What?”
“How long have you been talking to this mystery woman? It must have been building for a while if you already look like this, which means it started during your relationship with Kat. Is that why you finally broke it off with her? Someone else wanted to and actually did?”
I stop in my tracks and drop my eyes to the stone pavers as her barrage of questions pelts the back of my head.
I don’t keep secrets from Sav. I never have, but now I’ve got two big things I’m hiding from her, and it just feels wrong. I don’t even know why I haven’t told her about my birth mom, but this thing with Aurora, it could be bad for all of us.
Still, I have to actively fight the urge to give Sav an answer.
I have to force myself not to turn around and tell her everything about everything.
The desire to analyze my feelings with my best friend is strong.
I want to know what she sees and what she thinks.
I want to hear her opinion. I want her to tell me I’m not fucking crazy for getting tangled up in this. ..this...whatever this is.
I want so badly to confess it all, but I don’t.
I can’t. Not just out of respect for Aurora, but also out of fear.
I’m scared that Sav will give me the same unfiltered honesty she always does.
Scared that she’ll remind me of the reality that I’m willfully ignoring, and this hazy, brain fog, first crush feeling will disappear.
I’m still floating on the high of my night with Aurora days ago. I’m still replaying every look and subtle touch that’s happened since. When I’m with her, I’m trying my best not to stare. When I’m not with her, I’m thinking about her.
Even now, she went to lunch with Ham, and I’ve been buzzing with anticipation for the moment she returns. For two hours, I’ve been stealing glances at our terrace, willing her to come out. Hoping for her to come join us at the pool.
Aurora Hammond has consumed my every thought. She’s taken over my brain and body, and I can’t take back control. I don’t want to take back control. I just want to enjoy the excitement of the freefall. It’s such a welcome change.
I spent the last three years in an unhealthy, one-sided relationship with a person who was always half out the door. Kat made me question my worth. She made me feel like loving me was something to be ashamed of. Like I would never be enough for her.