Chapter 1 #2
“Alright, so …” Fermena begins. “Tonight’s full moon is in Libra, which is a good time to do work around love and relationships.
I was thinking …” she pauses, hesitant to finish.
“We can dress some candles and do a release ritual to clear any blockages that may be stopping us from finding true love. Whatchu think?”
“Mena ...” Saraia says, holding back a laugh. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” she smiles mischievously.
“Don’t play with me! You know Mickey and I have been together for a few years.” Saraia folds her arms in disappointment that her bestie would try to play in her face like that. “What’s this really about?”
“Girl, I’m just tryna help you out. You said she was on your nerves, anyway. I figured we can clear her ass out and get you a better woman,” she smirks.
“Oooo,” Saraia winces. “So you're throwing shade, huh?”
“No, but I want my sister to be happy. You can’t keep putting up with her shit, Rai,” Fermena pleads.
Fermena may be playing off her true intentions, but she isn’t wrong about what she wants for her best friend.
Mickey and Saraia have been on and off for the past two years.
Neither of them can get it together, which always leaves Saraia running to Fermena in tears.
She figures, why not kill two birds with one stone tonight?
“Anywayssss,” Saraia sings, switching the subject. “What about you, huh?”
“What about me?” Fermena tries to play things off.
“Why you so insistent on finding this one true love?”
“Look, it’s been lonely since Gemini left. I really miss her, but I have to let her go—not to forget her, but to allow my heart to open up to be loved again. I think there’s someone out there for me.” Fermena places her hand over her heart, “I can feel it.”
“She came to you again, didn’t she?”
“Yeah,” Fermena sighs, looking into her lap.
“I’ve been having a hard time sleeping these past few nights.
More and more visions of her have been appearing in my dreams, and they feel incredibly real.
When she came to me this time, she mentioned that I’d love again—and I can’t help but wonder. ” A tear rolls down her face.
Saraia reaches for Fermena’s chin, bringing Fermena’s gaze up to hers, as she wipes the single tear from her cheek. “Babygirl, you deserve the world,” she affirms. “Love will find you when you’re ready, but you can’t rush it. I know Gem was your heart, but a ritual isn’t going to heal your heart.”
Fermena sucks her teeth. “You sound like Nana.”
“‘Cause you know I’m right,” Saraia giggles. “When have you ever manifested anything by rushing it? It’s always in—”
“Divine timing,” they say together, Fermena's response in a mocking tone.
Saraia and Nana were always right. Fermena has been hurting since Gemini passed, and as much as she wants to let her go, she's not sure she is ready. Fermena has an abundance of love to give, but can she give it like she did with her late lover? Though Gemini will always be with her, she knows she can’t keep her too close to block the love that is for her.
Although there are nights when she grapples with loneliness, she doesn’t want it to be her driving force to find love.
Maybe it is time to open her heart and truly let love find her.
“You’re right,” Fermena pouts, leaning into Saraia’s hands, cupping her face.
Saraia pulls her into a heart-warming embrace. Orbs of light dance around them as they hold each other for a moment. As they pull away, Fermena looks up, taking in the orbs of light surrounding them.
“Wow,” she gazes up in awe. “What is that?”
“They look like fireflies,” Saraia mentions, following their every move. “I’ve never seen anything like it—there are so many.”
The orbs continue to flicker, dancing in a circular motion around them, then trail off into the distance as one remains, landing on Fermena’s shoulder.
“Mena, look,” Saraia whispers, leaning closer toward Fermena’s shoulder.
“I see it,” Fermena says just above a whisper, hoping not to scare whatever it is away. A warm sensation fills her heart as she slightly gazes down at her shoulder to see if she can make out the fullness of the orb. Before she can get a clear look, the orb disappears into the night sky.
“Those definitely weren’t fireflies,” Fermena says.
“I think you’re right. Whatever they are—they’re beautiful.”
They both lay back the blanket, taking in the whole night sky as the brightness of the full moon shines on their ebony skin. Fermena places her hands behind her head, adjusting herself to get comfortable as they gaze at the moon.
Fermena sighs. “I'm just gonna let love find me. Focus on healing me, and when I’m ready, it’ll come.”
“That’s my girl,” Saraia looks over at her and smiles. “And I’ll be here every step of the way.”
Fermena reaches over and grabs Saraia’s hand, squeezing it with love. Even if love never finds her, she knows she can never be lonely with her sister by her side.
After last night, Fermena’s perspective on love has shifted.
Although she doesn’t partake in her monthly ritual, there is a sense of burden she is no longer carrying.
She can’t help but thank Saraia for helping her shift her perspective on trusting the process and opening herself up to the new possibility of love.
Although she will never forget Gemini, she knows that holding on to that pain will prevent her from receiving the true love she desires.
Fermena starts her morning in her greenhouse with a teapot and a cup in hand—her happy place.
She walks over to the small round table in the center of the greenhouse, placing the pot and cup down to attend to her plants.
Inside, the glass walls are covered with plants from wall to wall; monstera, orchids, ferns, you name it, she grew it all.
Her ability to speak life into her plants goes beyond a green thumb; it is an inherent gift.
Fermena can communicate with the plants, and they telepathically convey to her what they need.
Tending to each plant with love, she ensures they are watered to perfection and speaks affirmations in their growth.
After making her rounds, she sits down at the table to enjoy her favorite lavender tea, providing her with the calmness necessary to enjoy her day. She takes the next few moments to reflect on last night and journal any emotions that come up.
Love … what does love mean to me? Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is everlasting and knows no bounds. It isn’t one-dimensional … it is limitless. Although I miss my first love … Gemini, my Gemini … I have to let her go.
She takes in a deep breath, and as she releases, her eyes well up with tears, not wanting to let go. Ready or not—it’s time. Placing her pen back on the paper, she continues to write, letting her emotions flow.
To heal, I must open my heart to receive what is meant for me.
Holding on to this pain will do nothing but weigh me down like sandbags tethering me to the bottom of the ocean.
I want to be free of this loneliness. I’m tired of sleepless nights.
I’m tired of waking up with dried tears.
I want to be happy. I want to be free. I want to be loved endlessly and fearlessly.
And that love has to start with me. Loving me will only lead to the true love that will find me.
She leans her elbow on the table while resting her chin in her hand.
Biting the cap of her pen, she rereads every word over and over until it sinks into her heart, mind, and spirit.
Though letting go is hard, it is possible, and she knows it will be for the better.
When the words feel right, she places her pen down and leans back in the chair, closing her eyes.
Taking in the air around, she repeatedly breathes in and exhales—until she feels a tickle on her nose.
Fermena’s eyes shoot open as a luminous orb meets her gaze.
A familiar warm sensation pulses through her heart as she feels the same energy of the orb that sat on her shoulder last night.
“What are you?” she whispers, reaching up to touch it—but it disappears.
Shortly after, more orbs surround her, filling the air. The glow of the orbs dance around her in a circular motion like before. This goes on for a minute before they all disappear.
“I’ve got to get Rai over here!” she shouts to no one. “What is going on?!” She pulls her cell phone out quickly to get her best friend on the phone.
Fermena hears the phone pick up, but before Saraia can answer, she shouts, “Girl, they’re back!”
“Who?!” Saraia asks frantically.
“Those things from last night. Come over, now!”
“Alright,” she can hear Saraia shuffling on the other side of the phone. “I’m on my way!”
If it is one person who can figure this out, it’s Saraia. Saraia is a clairvoyant who can see beyond the earthly realm. Whether it’s through a vision or a dream, she can tell what was going on in the past, present, and future, and Fermena wants answers now.
“Mena, where you at?!” Saraia asks, rushing through the side gate.
“Out here!” Fermena calls out. “In the greenhouse!”
Saraia bursts into the greenhouse, a tote bag pulled over her shoulder and a rifle under her arm. She pulls it out and cocks it, waiving it around the room.
“Girl!” Fermena says, standing to her feet. “What are you doing?!”
“Protecting your ass!” Saraia passes by her as she trails through the greenhouse using the end of her rifle to sort through the tall plants, ensuring no one is hiding out.
“Gimme that!” Fermena chuckles, snatching the rifle from Saraia’s grip. “Witcho country ass! Nobody’s in here!”
“You said those things were back,” Saraia says. “I don’t know what I’m up against!”
“And I’d call you to protect me?” Fermena laughed.
“Listen, you may be older, but I’m still your big little sister. Don’t get it twisted, because back in the day I was kickin’ them little girls’ asses on the playground behind you.”