Chapter Eleven
“Damn, you keep pitchin’ that same straw we’re never going to get done mucking these stalls,” Sin complained.
Bear shoveled a load into the wheelbarrow. “I’m working circles around you.”
“You seem distracted,” Sin said as he wiped the sweat from his brow. “Is it Aasia or did a horse kick the common sense out of you?”
“Yeah? I’m distracted? How can you tell when I’m shoveling horse shit?
” Bear grumbled. He hadn’t felt like talking much the last couple of days.
His thoughts were definitely on Aasia and thinking of reasons why he shouldn’t be near her.
He didn’t care to consider one. She’d become his lifeline and he had no control over his desire for her.
“You’re done for, buddy.” Sin shook his head. “Done for!” he crooned.
“Mind your own business.”
“Can’t. We’re in a barn. Same as laying on the therapist’s table. What happens in the stalls stays in the stalls.”
“Thanks, but I stopped therapy months ago and I won’t be going back.” Bear didn’t have anything against therapy, but he’d managed to get past all his guilt over the things he’d done across the pond. Now he needed to let the demons stay buried in their graves.
“We deserve happiness. I see how happy Sharp is and damn, I won’t lie, I start wondering if I’ll ever find a woman who can tolerate my bullshit.”
Leaning on the handle of the shovel, Bear cleared his throat. “Just when you least expect it it’ll find you.”
Sin was younger than Bear by at least ten years. He was a good guy and a bit of a romantic. “I’m hoping to find someone with eyes like storm glass. A laugh that melts my heart. And sees me as more than just a hired hand that mends fences and mucks stalls.”
“You are more than a hand. Don’t forget the Texas rangers creed, buddy.” Bear leaned his shovel against the planked wall and dragged off his gloves, shoving them into his back pocket.
“Are we though? There are some days I can’t figure out if I’m more of a hand or an agent.”
“Just don’t overthink it and you’ll be fine.” Bear saw that Sin was still staring as if it were his main goal in life to figure out what Bear’s problem could possibly be.
He’d worked up a few layers of sweat over the last few hours and he needed a break.
He stepped outside and heaved in fresh air on the bright and sunny afternoon.
He looked up at the sky and squinted. What the hell had he gotten himself into?
He should have never agreed to go to the gala event with Aasia.
He’d been uptight because tomorrow was coming fast.
He heard his buddy’s footsteps behind him and a second later his hand was on Bear’s shoulder, giving it a good thump. That was his way of opening the floor to let Bear speak if he needed to.
“Things between Aasia and I got pretty out of control the other night,” he said on one breath.
“The night she slept at the bunkhouse?” Sin said.
Bear shot his buddy a curious look. “You knew?”
“I think we all knew, buddy.” Sin shifted his worn Stetson. “We’re all pretty good at the whole investigating thing.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“It was only a matter of time before you two slept together.”
“We didn’t.” Bear snapped his brows together. “We kissed, that’s all.
“Shit. That’s why you’re distracted. You’re sexually frustrated.” Sin snorted.
Bear rubbed his eyes with his forefinger and thumbs in a futile attempt at reliving some of the tension in his head that had been slowly building all day.
“I’m not sexually frustrated.” Seeing the disbelief in Sin’s expression, Bear shrugged.
“Okay. Maybe I am, but that’s not what has me discombobulated. ”
“Spill it.”
“I agreed to go with Aasia to some uppity work function. Tux and the whole nine yards.”
Sin didn’t have a reaction at first. Then he ran his palm down his face. “That’s a bit close for comfort. What if someone you know sees you? Not to mention, Fletcher will see you and Aasia together.”
Bear stared at his dirty boots, debating the dilemma inside his head. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“Tell her you changed your mind. She’ll understand. Maybe.”
“Can’t do that.” Bear shoved his hands into his front pockets.
Sin looked confused. “I think there’s an unwritten rule that this is against protocol.”
“You agree with Grimes, huh?” Bear said in agitation.
“I didn’t say I did, did I?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s written somewhere that I’m crossing a line.” Bear relaxed some and shuffled his feet. Maybe he shouldn’t have said a word to anyone.
“I guess this is one way to surveil. Think anyone will recognize you there?”
“Nah, I don’t think there’s any chance.”
“Really?” Sin wasn’t buying it. “The beard can only hide so much.”
Because Bear couldn’t be really sure, he simply shrugged. “Maybe this is a good thing.”
“How so?”
“I’ll be at the event instead of sitting outside the event monitoring.”
“Hmm. You were going to be doing that? Let’s see, what did you tell me one time? Oh yeah. That any agent with emotions is a dead agent.”
“Sin, sheesh. I don’t have feelings for her…”
“Bullshit.” He swiped off his hat and smacked it against his thigh. “I’m not busting your balls, dude. I’m only saying it like I see it.”
Scrubbing the back of his neck, Bear looked out into the distance watching the wind pick up a pile of leaves and blow them across the dirt. “Can I ask a favor? I need you to be outside the event, just in case.”
“Just in case shit hits the fan? Damn, have you run this by Sharp?”
“Fuck no.”
“Because you know what he’ll ask.”
“Can I count on you or not?” Bear gritted his teeth.
Sin made a face. “Whatever you say.”
“I know that voice. Just spit it out.” Bear kicked a rock across the driveway.
“Maybe you should sit this one out. Tell Sharp and he will understand why. Hell, the entire team will. You have feelings for Aasia, which shows you’re human. We lost that, buddy, and it’s okay to have it return. I think being here, working our asses off, is helping us find our paths again.”
“I won’t sit this one out. She asked and I made a promise.” Bear leaned his shoulder against the barn.
“Don’t beat yourself up. Go with her and make the best of it.”
Sin was just being Sin. He’d always been a buffer. A devil’s advocate.
“I plan to.”
“I had a feeling you’d say that.” Sin smacked his palms together and shrugged.
“She doesn’t know anything on Fletcher,” Bear said though tight lips. “Just saying.”
“And you’d stake your life on that claim?”
“Yes,” Bear said without any hesitation. He watched his buddy’s face, looking for any signs of resistance.
“Can you keep yourself from telling her the facts?”
“I haven’t yet, have I?”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Sin said.
“Yeah, I can keep a secret.”
“Even if she decides to go back to Fletcher?”
“That won’t happen.” Bear didn’t have one doubt.
Sin’s features relaxed some. “You going to wear a wire at the event?”
“Yeah.”
“Watch yourself while you’re inside. There will be a lot of brass balls attending. If you’re recognized be ready to react.” Sin looked concerned.
“I can keep logic and feelings separated,” Bear said quietly. “You haven’t been around as long as I have. Once you learn you never forget.”
Sin looked disappointed or maybe confused. “Then you’re better at this than most of us would be. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to keep my emotions out of things.”
A throbbing pulse moved from his forehead and into his temples. “I want to catch the bastards who were behind the ambush. I know you don’t trust me, not after…”
Sin took a few backward steps. “You weren’t responsible for Echo getting shot, Bear.
No matter what Grimes says, or even what you think.
He chose to move in without backup. He chose to put himself in an unsafe situation.
You have a right to have a life, and he would agree.
You’re the reason why I’m not dead. You’ve been there more times than I can count.
You gave me a chance when no one else did.
I can’t put into words how much I respect you and trust you.
Because you got caught up that night with a woman, doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to care for someone again.
Stop letting the guilt punish you.” Sin walked away.
Bear stood there a long time, staring at an empty field.
He had no less than a dozen thoughts running through his mind, and another handful of choices. What if Sin was right? What if Bear carried around guilt that made him want to punish himself.
He reached for his phone from his pocket and dialed Aasia’s number. She answered.
“Can I meet you later?” he said
“Sure.”
“I’ll pick you up in an hour.” He clicked off.
When a man isn’t sure about something then he needed to be sure before he fucked up royally.