Chapter Thirty #2
“Because it’s not your grandchild,” Anne said haughtily.
Phoebe mouthed to Aasia, “Please help.”
Aasia stepped closer. The monsters were awake. “Why are you two arguing? This isn’t the way to handle this situation.”
Anne turned and settled her fiery gaze on Aasia. “I suppose you’re on Pedora’s side, as always.”
“I’m on Phoebe’s side. She will make the right choice for herself and her child,” Aasia said confidently which earned her a semi-smile from her sister.
However, Anne didn’t like that Aasia didn’t take her side. “How can she even think about adoption? It’s her child.”
“I haven’t decided yet.” Phoebe laid a hand against her still flat stomach. “I only said that I need time to think things through. This is all so scary for me. I shouldn’t have told you, but I had hoped you might offer good advice.”
Pedora nodded, understanding brightening her wrinkled and weathered complexion. “I remember that feeling. The feeling of your body not belonging to you anymore. This little peanut growing inside of you that dictates your body. Like a hostile takeover.”
Asia absorbed what Pedora was saying. “You have a child?”
She nodded. “I do. Did, I guess. I gave her up for adoption because I knew it was best for her, and for me. I was only sixteen, scared that my parents would kick me out. How would I raise a child?”
“For God’s sake!” Anne whined. “You were a teenager. Phoebe is not. She’s an adult.”
Anger drove through Aasia. “What do you have to gain?” Her question was directed at her shocked mother.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…why are you invested in Phoebe’s pregnancy? I know you and you don’t want grandkids any more than you wanted your children. Same goes for this party. What are you wanting?” Aasia had reached her limits. She was no longer that child who feared going back to foster care.
“How dare you accuse me that I have something to gain. I’m your mother.”
“Are you really?” Aasia asked bitterly.
“I carried you in my womb, didn’t I?” she slurred, the glass of cocktail splashed precariously.
“That doesn’t make a mother. Being a mother means sacrifices. Being there when the baby cries. Nurturing them. Protecting them. Did you do those things?’
Anne slid her narrowed gaze to Phoebe, looking for support. “Well? Are you not going to defend me?”
“Aasia has a valid question,” Phoebe said softly.
Anne’s gasp could have broken the sound barrier. “I have never…”
“No, you have not,” Aasia said in a clipped tone. “So, you don’t have a right to tell Phoebe what she should do with her own body—or her child.”
“You ungrateful—”
“Stop right there!” Bear had stepped forward. “I think this will be enough for one night. Tempers are flared and alcohol has intensified the affect. I think we could all take a breather.”
“And who do you think you are?” Anne’s expression twisted. Her earlier obvious attraction for Bear had disappeared.
“He’s my boyfriend. That’s who he is, and he has every right to voice his opinion,” Aasia said smartly.
Harvey, who had been a wallflower up until now, stepped forward. His back was straight. “Anne, it’s time for us to go.”
Swiping her heated gaze from each of them, she realized she was outnumbered. “Obviously I’m not welcome here. I’ll go then. I’m sure there’s a room at that BNB.” She took a step.
“There are no rooms available. They’re all taken,” Bear said. “But here,” he slid his hand into his pocket and withdrew a key. “I’ll let the owner, Blanche, know your taking my room for the night.”
Anne stared a good three heartbeats. She was dumbfounded. But in the end, she knew she had no other choice. She took the key and few seconds later the front door slammed with her departure.
Aasia offered Bear a smile of appreciation then heard a sniffle.
Phoebe was sitting on the couch, her shoulders shaking and tears falling down her cheeks.
“I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure.
It’s overwhelming. There’s a crushing anxiety that I’m not going to be a good mom.
I mean, look at our role model. What if I don’t have that instant connection?
What if I don’t bond with my baby? What if I’m lousy at this? It could be in my genes.”
“The motherhood bonding is a myth. It doesn’t just happen immediately.” Pedroa sighed. “We can instantly love our children, but the bond happens in time. All first-time mothers are terrified to bring a child into the world. It’s overwhelming for every woman.”
“What if I turn out like her,” Phoebe looked toward the hallway. “What if I become a statistic?”
Aasia sat down next to her and wrapped her arm around her shoulders.
“What I know is that you are not our mother. And you have me and Pedora who will be here with you, for you, every step of your journey, no matter what you choose. If you choose adoption then we will help get you through that, or if you decide to keep the child we will help. You will never be alone. Don’t hide the fear, talk about it.
This experience can be beautiful and profound.
Obviously, you need to time to consider all your options. ”
Phoebe looked up, a small, tired smile breaking through her sad expression. “Thank you, Aasia. I thought you might hate me if I said the words aloud.”
“Why would I hate you for being honest?”
Phoebe hesitated. “Because when and if you ever have children you’ll be the best mom.
You’ll have no doubts because you were a surrogate mom from the time I was brought home.
I know you think I don’t remember all those times you were there for me.
Protecting me through storms. Through Mom getting drunk and high.
All the boyfriends she brought home. You supporting me helps me know that I can get through this. ”
Aasia looked through the moisture in her eyes. “We’ll do this together.”
“That’s right. We will,” Pedora chimed in.
The atmosphere lightened.
And when an hour later she and Bear were lying in her bed, she was tucked up next to him with her head lying on his comforting chest listening to his heartbeat, casually playing with a button on his shirt. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“For what?” he asked in a tired voice.
“It would be easier for me to list what I’m not grateful for. But for starters, sticking up for me. I’ve never had anyone do that. Bentley always allowed his mother to speak to me so crudely. And, for giving Mom your room.”
“I will always protect you. And about the room, don’t be so quick to thank me. I had selfish reasons. I was hoping you’d invite me to stay here with you,” he admitted.
She lifted her chin, looking up at him. “I would have asked anyway.”
The rain pelted against the window, offering a symphony of music. There was a calm in the air as if tonight she’d slayed some past demons.
“I don’t hate my mother. Although I might have good reason to, I couldn’t hate her,” she said quietly.
Bear threaded his fingers throughs hers. “I understand.”
“I’ll speak with her tomorrow, but she must realize I don’t need her like I once did. We need to establish an adult mother and daughter relationship. I do feel like she could be wanting Phoebe to have this baby so she can release some of the guilt she feels for how lousy of a mother she was to us.”
He’d been caressing her finger with his thumb and he stopped.
“I’m going to throw this out there and hope you don’t get mad.
There were a couple times tonight that I caught her watching you.
Her smile, everything appeared genuine. Like she was tickled that she had done the party for you.
Maybe she feels left out but doesn’t know how to communicate. ”
“Parties are easy,” Aasia muttered.
“Hey, I’m not saying a party or a sign of affection makes the past disappear, but you said one time yourself that she had a rough childhood. There are a lot of parents that it takes years to be a parent. I guess you just need to ask if there’s any benefit she could add to your life.”
“You’re always so clever.” She smiled.
“Not always. Anyway, that’s my two cents. And you know, Phoebe’s right. You’d make a damn good mother.”
“How do you know? How does anyone know that?”
“Because you’re kind. I watched how you defended Phoebe and comforted her. You’ve got that maternal instinct, and she isn’t even your kid.”