Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Keeping Sparkle at a slow pace, hoofbeats interrupted Felix’s fence riding. He spotted a horse and rider galloping toward the spring. He hoped Joey didn't come to tell him he found his little filly. Discovering that Joey found someone else would crush him.
The rider stopped at the spring, spotted Felix, and trotted over. He recognized the rider. “Pa Sterling. Is everything okay? Did you find Joey?”
Pa shook his head. “Felix, we need to talk."
Felix tensed. Memories of his father slammed into his head. That’s the same thing his father used to say before he got in trouble for whatever he did that his father didn’t like. “Uh-oh. You sound like my father.”
Grover coughed. “My apologies, Felix. You're not in trouble; I’m not here to scold you. Mabel and I are concerned. You’ve been unhappy for two weeks, and we figured out today that your unhappiness began when the letter arrived from your father.”
Felix nodded. “Yes, sir. I’ve learned a great deal since moving to Sterling Ranch.
You and Ma Sterling treat me like a son, and I appreciate being treated that way, rather than like a possession.
You and Joey encouraged me to try new things.
You complimented me when I did well and helped me when I didn’t do so well.
Father didn’t like me trying new things and shouted at me when I attempted something he wanted me to do but didn’t do right the first time. ”
Grover pointed down the fence line. “Let’s ride and talk. Mabel is working on supper, but we have time to ride a bit more fence before we head back to the house.”
Felix nodded, still unsure what Pa Sterling wanted to talk about. “Have I done something wrong?”
“No, you've done everything right on the ranch, but something else is bothering you.”
Felix shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
Grover tugged the reins, and Patches stopped. “No, it’s not nothing. You and Joey became as close as any two people I’ve ever met, and suddenly, you stopped talking. Did your father’s letter bother you so much that you decided you don’t like it here?”
Felix gasped as he tugged Sparkle to a stop. Was Pa Sterling sending him home?
“Son, if you aren’t happy here, you don’t have to stay.”
Felix stammered. “Please don’t send me back to Blackfield, Pa Sterling. I am thrilled about learning to ranch, and I hope it makes my father like me a bit more. Besides, Father asked you to help me become a man. I haven’t finished yet.”
“Felix,” Grover chuckled. “I’m not asking you to leave. You're becoming an amazing rancher. I never saw a guy take to it as fast as you. But it doesn’t explain why you're not happy. Did Joey say something to upset you?”
Felix shrugged.
“Uh-huh. What did Joey say?”
Felix shrugged again.
Grover led Patches close to Sparkle and placed a hand on Felix’s shoulder. “What did Joey say to upset you?”
Felix shrugged a third time, hard to do with a firm hand on a guy’s shoulder.
“Tell me, Felix.”
“I can’t,” Felix whispered.
“Why not?”
Felix risked a glance at Grover, eyes brimming. “Because you will hate me like my father hates me.”
“What makes you think your father hates you?”
“He doesn’t treat me like you do. You treat me like I matter. He treats me like he owns me.”
Grover shook his head. One of the dangers of Felix coming to the ranch for the summer was his discovery of a real family. “Your father doesn’t hate you, Felix. His approach to family is just different.”
Felix shrugged yet again. “I guess.”
“What makes you think I would hate you?”
Tears fell from Felix’s cheeks. “Because of me, Joey changed.”
“What do you mean, Joey changed? He seemed happier up until two weeks ago when you stopped talking to each other. Aside from the depressed two young men you both became, how did Joey change?”
“He said he loved me,” Felix whispered, fearing an angry Grover.
Grover sighed. “Does all this have something to do with the little filly conversation you mentioned at lunch?”
Felix cleared his throat, unsure how to say what he needed.
But he wanted to be honest with Pa Sterling.
“Yes. On the ride back from the Bowden’s, Joey and me talked about our friendship and how close we were.
Then Joey said that a year from now, he'll go to college, and I'll work in my father’s store, and we'll both find a little filly to settle down with and have a family.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.”
Felix fisted the moisture from his cheeks with his free hand.
He could never have a conversation like this with his father.
But Pa Sterling would never do anything to hurt him.
“I think it hit me wrong. I like Joey and want to stay friends with him. But he sounded like we wouldn’t stay in touch after this summer, and it made me sad and hurt. ”
“There is nothing wrong with being sad, Felix, and I’m sorry if what Joey said hurt you. What else did Joey say to make you think he didn’t want to be your friend after this summer?”
Felix shrugged again. “Just the way Joey said it.”
“Did Joey tell you he loved you before or after that?”
“After the letter arrived from my father.”
“So, you decided to push Joey away so he'd find a girlfriend?”
Felix nodded. “When he said we would both find a little filly, it made me realize I liked him too much. He’s my first guy friend, and I enjoy his company. But I don’t know how friends work. I assumed a friend lasted for life.”
“Sometimes yes, and sometimes no,” Grover said.
“Some friends are friends because they do something together. Like sports, for example. When they stop doing sports together, they drift apart. Other friends are friends because they like the person, regardless of what they do. I think you and Joey fit into that second category. You two come from different backgrounds, but bonded like glued paper.”
Felix pondered. Yeah, he and Joey came from different backgrounds, but Joey eagerly showed him ranching, and he craved learning from Joey.
“Pa Sterling, Joey and I come from different lives, but I thought we got along well. The letter from Father made me realize that, at the end of summer, I will lose more than Joey. I will lose the Sterlings.”
“Felix, you will never lose us. Mabel and I both like you a lot. She called you our third son. Perhaps it made you feel weird, but you made Joey happier than we’ve seen him since before Jacob left. So you, son, are important to us.”
Was he wrong about this whole thing? “Pa Sterling, did I mess up by pushing Joey away?”
“You’re asking the wrong person, Felix. The person you need to ask is Joey. But if he loves you like he told you, then yes, pushing him away hurt him.”
Felix pondered his actions. He wanted Joey to feel free to pursue a little filly if he wished to, but he didn’t want to hurt him.
He thought Joey wanted to settle down and have kids, and if he made Joey hate him, Joey would get what he wanted.
It never occurred to him that Joey might not like that little filly.
“And Felix, you might want to apologize to Mabel. She’s been worried about you and Joey, and your silent treatment made her worry more.”
Felix sighed and risked a glance at Grover. “I need to apologize to you, too. I didn’t mean for you to think I don’t like it here, and I didn’t mean to worry Ma Sterling. I only wanted to give Joey what he said he needed.”
“I think he needs you, Felix.”
Felix nodded. He needed Joey and wanted to return to how things were before the ‘little filly’ conversation.
Regardless of whether they enjoyed only one summer together, pushing Joey away hurt them both.
And Joey told him he loved him, and again Felix pushed him away.
What a dope he'd been. “Do you have any idea where he is?”
Grover gigged Patches into a slow walk. “I hoped he said something to you, Felix. But at lunch, you said he didn’t. So, I have no idea where he went.”
Sparkle started with no urging from Felix, and they rode back to the barn in silence.
After they unsaddled and curried the horses, they strolled toward the house.
Grover pulled Felix into a hug. “Son, I bet your pa never hugged you or told you how much you meant to him. But Mabel and I, and Joey, love you and are glad you are here.”
Emotional tears pooled in Felix’s eyes as he buried his face in Grover’s neck and wrapped his arms around the gentle man who became his second father. “Thanks, Pa Sterling. Those words mean a lot to me.”
“Good.” Grover released the hug and put an arm around his shoulders. “Let's go eat supper.”
After washing up, Felix tapped Mabel on the shoulder. She turned, and he hugged her despite his unfamiliarity with the whole hugging thing. “I’m so sorry, Ma Sterling. I didn’t mean to be so quiet and moody the last couple of weeks. I promise to do better by you and Pa Sterling.”
She returned his hug. “I’m glad, Felix.”
He took his seat at the table. “I hope Joey comes back soon. I need to apologize to him, too.”
Later that night, Felix knelt at the open window in his room, staring out at the night sky. “Where are you, Joey? Please come home so I can apologize and tell you I love you, too.” He decided he couldn’t wait for Joey to come home. He needed to find Joey.