4. Travis
TRAVIS
I t had taken me a long time to admit to myself how badly Rob had treated me, and I’d never talked to anyone else about it. I was ashamed to have been so stupid, and I wasn’t sure anyone would actually care. I didn’t want to tell Dax now. I didn’t want him to think less of me than he already did.
“Travis, look at me.”
I took a shaky breath and did as he said.
I might not like how pushy he was, but I couldn’t resist the command in his voice.
It was nothing like the way Rob would talk to me.
Rob ordered me around, but he always twisted his commands, making them seem like reasonable requests.
He even used a soft, sickening voice. Rob didn’t take charge like Dax.
Rob had made me believe I was a brat or an ungrateful bitch for not wanting to do what he asked.
He tried to remind me of everything he’d done for me, but all Rob had done was take me away from Beau and make me his servant.
Dax took my hands in his much larger ones. He enveloped my hands completely, warming them instantly. I wanted to lean into him. I wanted a lot of things I couldn’t have.
“Travis, if Rob wasn’t dead, I’d be out hunting him down right now. I would use every one of the skills I’ve honed to make him suffer. This isn’t your fault. He hurt you. He manipulated you.”
“How do you know that? How do you know anything about it?”
Dax took a big breath. I knew he didn’t want to tell me, but I had a right to know, and the idea that others might know all about the humiliation of my past was freaking me out.
“Remington had our favorite hacker do some investigating.”
“Fuck. What did you think I was going to do? And how did you find all that out so fast?”
“He started gathering information weeks ago.”
“When Beau tracked me down?”
“When Beau found Rob’s body in the trunk of that car at the shop.”
I shuddered. I was so glad there was proof the man was dead, but thinking of him still gave me chills. At least he wasn’t ever going to come back into my life.
“What did your hacker find out?”
“That Rob was even more of an asshole than we’d realized. That he hurt you. I don’t know many details, but I know you didn’t stay with him by choice.”
I shook my head. “It’s complicated.”
“No, it’s not. Rob was a fucking bastard who hurt you. You really didn’t have a choice about setting Beau up, did you?”
“That’s not really true. I could have…”
Dax laid a hand on my shoulder. “Travis, be honest with yourself. You deserve that.”
“No, I don’t.”
“I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me, but I won’t listen to you put yourself down.”
“I fucked up. I’m not innocent.”
“Maybe you’ve made some bad choices in your life, but Rob lured you in and used you. He is responsible for that. How old were you when he first started making his interest known?”
Travis looked down at his lap. “Seventeen.”
“Much too young to defend yourself against his vileness. What did Beau say about that?”
“Beau didn’t know about it at first.”
“Why didn’t you tell him?” Beau and Travis had been close until Travis had moved in with Rob.
“Rob said not to. He said Beau wouldn’t want anyone dating me, that he wouldn’t understand, and it would ruin their friendship.”
“Fucking bastard.”
“I wanted Rob to myself, so I went along with him.”
“You were a kid, Travis. How old was Rob then?”
“Twenty-six, but I wasn’t like most seventeen-year-olds. I didn’t exactly have a normal childhood.”
“No, you didn’t. You went through a lot of shit. Beau and your grandmother made sure you were cared for. They also sheltered you.”
“No, that’s not…” I didn’t want to believe that. I’d thought I was so grown-up, so ready to have a man like Rob, a man who made plans for himself, who wanted to be rich and was ready to go after whatever he wanted.
“Rob took advantage of that, and he hurt you.”
“He…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I can’t… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Dax rubbed my arm. His touch was warm and soothing. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
I nodded, keeping my eyes closed.
“I’m sorry. I want to help you, but I’m fucking all this up,” Dax said. “I wanted you to know. I wanted to talk about it so you wouldn’t feel so… guilty, but I don’t know shit about talking about stuff like this. I try to ignore my feelings as much as I can.”
As upset as I was, he made me smile. “You don’t ignore them all the time or you wouldn’t be so kind to people.”
“Not many people see me that way.”
I met his gaze. No way in hell was I letting him get away with that. “If I can’t put myself down, you can’t either. “
“Travis, I torture people. That’s my job.”
“And I…”
Dax studied me for a moment. “What? Tell me.”
I didn’t finish my thought. Instead, unexpected words spilled out of me.
“Rob told me I could either set Beau up to go to prison, or he’d send someone to kill Beau.
I knew Rob had the kind of friends that could pull that off.
I chose the option that kept my brother alive, but if I’d just been stronger, if?—”
“What do you think would’ve happened to you if you’d refused to do what Rob said?”
“Maybe he would’ve killed me, maybe something worse, but I could’ve tried.”
I’d been holding back my tears, but they spilled over when Dax looked at me with deep sadness in his eyes.
I wanted to run, but I wasn’t sure I had the strength, and I thought I might pass out if I tried to stand up, so I curled into a ball.
Dax wrapped his strong arms around me and held me while I sobbed.
When the tears finally stopped flowing, I knew I was eventually going to have to uncurl myself and convince Dax to let me leave.
He released me as soon as I started to move, and I scooted back on the couch, wanting to put some distance between us.
It would be too easy to beg him to hold me again and to ask him to protect me from Rob’s former associates who wanted to take their anger out on me.
Now that Dax and his family—and probably Beau—knew about Rob, I couldn’t stay.
They would pity me, and that was worse than them thinking I was a selfish piece of shit.
“Tell me what I can do to help you,” Dax said.
“Let me go.”
“No, you’re in danger. That’s another thing Remington learned.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“Damn it!” I looked up when Dax yelled. “You know LePlatt is after you, and you were going to walk away?”
“Yes, because I don’t intend to bring any more trouble down on Beau or your family.”
“You think these enemies of Rob’s won’t know your connection to Beau? Do you think they won’t know that coming for him is another way to hurt you? You’re better off if you stay here and we handle this together.”
“I don’t…” I’d reached a point where I wasn’t beholden to anyone. Sure, my life was kind of shitty. I didn’t have much, and my job—former job—sucked, but I was handling things myself. “I don’t want to owe your family. I know how this works.”
“No, I don’t think you do. Beau is family now. He practically was before, but now that he and Corbin are together, he’s one of us, and that makes you one of us too.”
“No. That’s… You don’t owe me anything. I don’t want to be…”
“Like me?”
Was he serious? “I’d give anything to be as good as you.”
“Damn it, Travis. You aren’t bad. You were manipulated and abused.”
I sighed.
“Travis.”
His rough tone made me look up. When our eyes met, I sucked in my breath. The way he was looking at me with such intensity made me dizzy. I swayed, and he wrapped his hands around my upper arms.
“Are you all right?” Before I could answer, he laughed at himself. “That’s a stupid question. How could you be when I brought all this up?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will, but it would be a lot easier if you’d let your friends help you.”
“Are you my friend, Dax?”
“Always.”
“Then why don’t you let me?—”
He pressed a finger to my lips. “I want to protect you.”
“Why?”
“Because…”
My breath caught, and I swear my heart stopped. The way he was looking at me then, like he wanted me, not like a brother, not even like a friend… He looked hungry. Heat rushed over me, but I stayed completely still, waiting.
Dax ran his finger over my lower lip, and without thinking, I licked the tip of it. He groaned and cupped the back of my neck, pulling me toward him.