21. Dax
DAX
“ H as it really, though, or have we always been meant to be?”
Travis smiled. “Do you really believe that?”
Did I? “Yes. I sound crazy, don’t I?”
“Not to me.”
“I don’t really talk about feelings. This is all so fucking new, but I know what I feel. I know that you’re mine, and I know I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, but you have got to listen to me. You’ve got to do what I say.”
Travis studied me for a moment. “Do you really expect me to listen to you all the time?”
“Fuck yes. I already told you I like to be in charge.”
“And what happens if I disobey?”
My cock jumped at the thought. “Jesus, Travis, don’t even go there.”
“What would you do? Are you going to punish me?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Maybe.”
I would love to punish him, but I wanted him to enjoy it as much as I did. “I’ll give you what you want, what you need, but you don’t have to change anything about yourself for me to care. You please me because you’re you.”
Travis sucked in his breath, and I wished to God I wasn’t driving. I wanted to be able to look at him. I reached for his hand and tangled our fingers together. “Let’s wait till we get to my house to talk anymore.”
“I don’t… I don’t know if I’m ready for this…”
“For someone to care about you? For someone to be kind to you?”
Travis blew out a long breath. “All that.”
“It’s not easy. You have to trust a whole lot to let someone care for you and protect you.”
“It’s not you. It’s that I don’t trust myself. Shit. You said not to talk more now.”
I squeezed his hand. “It’s fine. Say what you need to say. I just wish I could see you and hold you.”
“If you were looking at me, I…” Travis cleared his throat before continuing. “I don’t think I could say any of this.”
“Then talk.”
“I thought Rob was going to give me what I wanted. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I wanted to be pampered and taken care of. I thought I wanted somebody to do my bidding. I was so tired of being ordered around by Beau and told that I was too young for whatever I wanted to do. I thought having money and power would fix everything. I was really fucking wrong.”
I wasn’t sure I’d ever hated anyone as much as I hated Rob. “With the right person, money and power can do a hell of a lot.”
He laughed. “You’ve made that very clear.”
“You can trust me. I’m not a good man, but I won’t hurt you.”
“Dax, I don’t think you’re like him. You didn’t even choose your position in the family business. You were born to it.”
“I can’t say I wouldn’t have ended up doing wet work anyway. I told you. I’m a natural.” We’d reached my house now. Travis didn’t say anything else as I pulled into the driveway.
But once we were inside, he spoke so softly I barely heard him. “How did you find out you were skilled in… um… torture?”
There were so many other things I’d rather talk about.
There were plans we needed to make. I needed to check in with Ambrose, but I walked Travis over to the couch, then slid to the floor, kneeling in front of him and holding his hands.
“I’ve never told anyone outside the family this, but I consider you family now, and I’m going to tell you.
If you change your mind about me afterward, I’ll understand. ”
Travis shook his head. “That’s not going to happen.”
“I got into plenty of fights growing up. By the time I was eight, I was getting in trouble at school. Ambrose was sneaky. He’d find a way to get revenge on people without using violence.
It wasn’t that he minded fighting, it was just that he had other methods.
I was always more straightforward. If you fucked me over, I was going to beat the shit out of you. ”
Travis smiled. “I don’t mind straightforward. I’ve learned that it’s really good to know where you stand with someone.”
“I’ll never hide shit from you. I’m exactly what you see.”
“I think you’re really so much more than that.”
“By the time Ambrose and I were fifteen, we were already doing work for the family.” I sighed and took a shaky breath.
I wasn’t sure he’d think that if I finished my story.
“Ambrose was tracking down people and information, and I was tagging along with Remy and his father, my Uncle Bébé, learning how to intimidate our enemies and show them the consequences of being uncooperative. One night, someone pushed me too far. They insulted my mother, and I lost it. My dad and Remy were both shouting my name, trying to get me to stop, but I kept beating the guy. I finally stopped because, like I told the asshole, I wasn’t going to let him die.
If I did, I wouldn’t be able to hurt him anymore. ”
Travis’s eyes were huge. He looked scared, and he damn well should be.
“After I’d stopped, Remy laid a hand on my shoulder, and I connected with the world around me for the first time since I’d lost it.”
All my uncle had to do was snap his fingers, and a guard stepped forward to deal with the bloody mess of a man who was barely breathing.
My uncle turned to me, and I thought I was in trouble. “We’ll talk more about your gifts later. Remy will take you home now.”
“After he left, Remy asked me if I was all right. I didn’t know how to answer him.”
Travis leaned forward and kissed the top of my head. I knew he was there, I felt his concern, but my mind was stuck in the past.
“Did you hear us calling your name?” Remy had asked.
I had to think for a moment. “Yeah, but it was like you were far away and there was a fog around me. God, what’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. Do you think that guy didn’t deserve what you did?”
“No, it’s not that. He did, and if Uncle Bébé didn’t approve, he would’ve had the guards pull me off him. It’s that…”
“Could you have stopped?” Remy asked. When I met his gaze, I saw fear in his eyes. That freaked me out more than what I’d done. Nothing frightened my cousin. Remy was good at everything and so fucking controlled. He would never lose his shit like I just had.
“I don’t know.”
“You did, though,” Travis said, bringing me back to the present. “You stopped before you killed him.”
I blew out a long breath. “Yeah, I did. The crazy thing was, my uncle wasn’t horrified or angry, he was pleased because he knew if I could step outside of myself to hurt people, that made me a weapon, a damn fine weapon.
From that night on, I was sent out whenever we needed to extract information from someone.
By the time I was eighteen, I was torturing men on my own. ”
Travis brushed my hair from my face. “Did being used like that make you angry?”
“I don’t think at that point I even knew to be angry.
I was proud to be praised by those in my parents’ generation.
They valued me, and that meant a hell of a lot in our business, and…
” I closed my eyes. No way could I look at Travis and say these words.
“I liked it. It was a release. All the anger and tension in me melted away when I used my skills. What does it say about me that I enjoy hurting people?”
“Would you enjoy hurting someone innocent? Have you ever had the urge to do that? Do you want to hurt me?”
I sucked in my breath and scooted back from him, but he reached for my hands and tried to pull me back. “It’s okay. I just want to know.”
“No. I… It’s not like that. I… I never want to hurt you, not unless you… want me to.”
Travis gave me a soft smile. “I trust you. Nothing you’ve told me changes that. And there are things, rougher things I’ve always wanted to try, but no matter how stupid I was to believe Rob’s bullshit, I knew better than to ask Rob or any of the other men I’ve been with to tie me up or…”
“God, Travis, don’t play with me.”
“I wouldn’t. I’m not. I want that. I want you completely in charge, and I want… I want you to punish me when I’m bad. I know you won’t truly hurt me.”
I had to shift the conversation, or I was going to drag him onto the floor and fuck him as thoroughly as I could.
“I wouldn’t hurt you, but LePlatt would without any hesitation. That’s why you have to listen to me.”
“I know. I learned that today. I was scared as shit. I didn’t know if I could fight that guy off. I just knew I had to try.”
“You put up a damn good fight. I just wish I’d been there.”
“I won’t go anywhere without you again. I promise. But I might not always listen when my life isn’t on the line.”
I stared at him, my heart pounding. “Do you want to know what I would do to punish you?”
“Y-yes.”
“You might be surprised. There are so many ways to torture people.”
“Jesus, Dax.” He leaned back and ran a hand over his cock, which was a hard ridge against his coveralls. I wanted to unzip him and suck him until he squirmed and whimpered and begged, but I wouldn’t let him come, not now, not for a long time.
He wanted me, even though he knew about the darkness inside me. There was no reason to deny either of us the pleasure or torment we needed.
I reached for his zipper and began dragging it down his body.
“Dax? What are you doing?”
“Whatever I want.”
“But you… I thought…”
“I thought you were going to show me you could obey. I thought you were going to be a good boy for me.”
He tilted his head to look at the window behind him. “The curtains are open. Someone could walk by and see us.”
“I don’t fucking care.” I unzipped his coveralls the rest of the way, pulled his cock through the slit in his boxer briefs, and drew it into my mouth.
He gasped, arching up, driving himself deeper.
I took hold of his hips and pinned them to the seat, making it clear I was in control.
If he wanted to know what I would do to him, then I would show him.
I’d see just how much torture he could take.
I sucked him harder, and he gripped the sides of my head, trying to hold me down to get more. “Please. God, Dax, please.”
Was he begging me to let him move, begging me to take him deeper, or begging me to stop? It didn’t matter because this wasn’t about his choices. This was about me doing what I wanted with his body.