25. Travis
TRAVIS
D ax stared down at me, and I instantly regretted the words. “You don’t have to… I mean, if you’ve changed your mind, or…”
He stood, and I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking I’d really fucked things up. But he shocked me by lifting me in his arms bridal style and carrying me over to the window seat. We were quite a mess, but he had the presence of mind to grab a t-shirt and toss it over the cushioned bench.
Dax arranged us so I was in his lap. He ran his hands up and down my arms, then laid his hands against my cheeks and encouraged me to look at him. Before he spoke, he placed the gentlest of kisses on my forehead. “Travis, I love you too. You do know that, right?”
“I… I know you said it in front of Beau, but I… I was afraid to believe it.”
“I knew when I first saw you and brought you here. I’d seen it happen to my cousins, but I still didn’t believe I could fall in love so fast or at all.
Then there you were, and my instincts screamed at me to protect you.
At first, I told myself that was normal.
I’d wanted to make sure you were safe, to watch out for you when you were a kid, but I knew this was different.
When you put yourself in Jean-Charles’s line of fire to protect me, I couldn’t pretend anymore.
I have no doubt my family would fight for me in anyway necessary, but that’s the first time someone’s taken a risk just for me. ”
“But you told me not to ever do that again.”
“You shouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the significance of it. What did you think this was about if you didn’t think I was in love with you?”
“Sex? Fun? Protection? A really hot game?”
“I don’t play games like this. I would never say the things I’ve said to you to another man.”
I shifted position, straddling him. “That’s good because I don’t want anyone but you, and I want all of you.”
“I want all of you too. I don’t need to know everything about the ugliness in your past, but I want you to tell me all your dreams for the future and all the things that make you who you are.”
“It’s been a while since I’ve really thought about that. I’ve kind of just been existing.”
“You’re going to have so much more than that now.”
For the first time in a really long time, I thought that might actually be true.
I hoped to hell I wasn’t fooling myself.
Maybe I wasn’t. My instincts told me I was allowed to relax around Dax.
I realized the whole time we’d been at his house I hadn’t thought about anything but him—and the wonderful and terrible things he might do to me.
It had been ages since I’d gone that long without worrying about my safety, my future, and all the wrong things I’d done.
“I’d like to travel. I want to see more and experience more. I thought I would get to do that if I found a man who would take me away from Beau.”
“You found the wrong man. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I haven’t done enough traveling either. I told you how I ended up in the role I have in the family. Some of my work has taken me to Central and South America a few times, but mostly I’ve been right here. I love New Orleans, but there are lots of places I’d like to see too.”
“Remington won’t like that.”
Dax grinned. “Remington needs to get out more himself.”
“Isn’t he the big boss now?”
“More and more my uncle is resisting interfering, but if we’re not in the middle of a crisis, there’s no reason why Remy shouldn’t be able to take some time for himself with Henri. What’s the point of all this money if we don’t ever use it?”
“If you’ve really been thinking about taking time away…”
“I have. I was afraid I might have pushed myself too far. That I’d gotten so used to the violence, to hurting people, that maybe I wasn’t fit for normal society anymore.”
“But now you don’t feel that way?”
“You helped me change my mind. If I can love you, then the part of me I thought might be destroyed isn’t.”
“So where would you want to go?”
“Anywhere that you are.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s a little much.”
Dax laughed. “Spain. Italy. Maybe a Mediterranean cruise.”
“Wow. You think big.”
“I’m sitting on a fortune, babe. The only thing I’ve really spend money on is my house and my weapons, so you can think as big as you want.”
“That sounds wonderful. I never thought I would be able to see all those places. I was just hoping I might be able to drive out west and see the desert. I’d like to experience something really different from the swamp.”
“We can do that too. I like the thought of me and you in an RV.”
Heat filled my face as I imagined us snuggled together in a too-small bed. “We might get kicked out of the campgrounds.”
Dax laughed. “I could handle it. Are you hungry? Because I’m starving.”
I leaned back and looked him slowly up and down. “It must take a lot of fuel for you to keep that body going.”
“It does, and teaching you a lesson really wore me out.”
“It wore you out?”
Laughing, he picked me up again. This time he lowered me to my feet right away. “Let’s go see what we have.”
“Shouldn’t we get dressed first?”
I suppose so. It’s nice to have the windows open and let some light in, and we don’t want to scare my neighbors. You go ahead and shower and get dressed. I’ll get started in the kitchen.”
I came to the kitchen dressed in one of Dax’s t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants that were threatening to swallow me whole. He was at the stove, grilling ham and cheese sandwiches.
When he looked at me over his shoulder, he grinned. “Damn. I like you in my clothes.”
“Your clothes are a little ridiculous on me, but you didn’t exactly give me time to pack when you dragged me over here.”
“We’ll take care of that later. Sit down. These are almost ready. It’s nothing fancy, but?—”
“Remember, I’ve been living on Ramen noodles and boxed mac and cheese.”
Dax shook his head. “I still don’t understand how you lived in the middle of nowhere all that time and never learned how to cook.”
“Beau babied me. You know he didn’t trust me in the kitchen.”
“If you want to learn, I’m more than happy to teach you. I can think of all kinds of ways to make cooking together fun.”
I was suddenly desperate for him to teach me. “I bet you can.”
Dax served us sandwiches, chips, and cans of Coke.
“It’s okay if you drink around me. I don’t mind if you want a beer.”
“I don’t drink when I’m working. You’ve seen how hard it is for me to hold onto my control. Alcohol would push me over the edge.”
“But you’re not working now.”
“I’m your bodyguard, and I need all my wits about me. We have no idea when another attack might come, and I’m expecting Ambrose to check in soon so we can make plans for our next move.”
“I want to be a part of whatever you do.”
Dax shook his head. “Absolutely not.”
“If I’m not part of it, I won’t be able to stay by your side.”
Dax scowled. “One of my cousins will stay with you. I trust them.”
“But you don’t trust me to help?”
“I will not risk you. These assholes are after you. I will not put you in their sights.”
“I want to help put an end to this. I deserve that closure.”
Dax’s phone rang.
“It’s Ambrose. We’ll talk about this later.”