19. Ambrose
AMbrOSE
T he pressure of Eric’s lips against mine pulled me from the horrible memories and brought me to the present. I was there with a man who cared about me. I’d just told him about the worst day of my life, and instead of rejecting me, he was kissing me.
I clung to him, reveling in his kiss. He was gentle, which was what I needed right then.
When he pulled back, he brushed his fingers over my cheeks. “Thank you for trusting me with all that.”
“You aren’t afraid of me now? You don’t want to run knowing what I’m capable of?”
“That you’re capable of following orders. That you trusted your commanding officers instead of men you believed were trying to trick you.”
“I knew something was off. Nothing about the mission felt right. I could have called it off. The men there would have listened to me.”
“And what would have happened to you?”
I shrugged. “The consequence for disobeying orders would have been nothing compared to what I did to those men.”
“And if you’d been wrong? If they had been enemies.”
“Then I’d be dead.” There’d been moments when I wished I was right after the truth had been confirmed, but Dax and the bayou had saved me.
“Baby, you did what you were told. That doesn’t make you a monster. Have you hurt anyone you believed to be innocent since you came back? Did you do that before you joined the army?”
I shook my head.
“Was the order a mistake or…”
“I still don’t know. I’ll never know.”
He nodded. “What can I do to help you?”
It had been a while since anyone had asked me that. Dax had tried, but I’d rejected him so many times that it had taken me finally realizing how much it sucked to not be a regular part of his life for that to change.
“Talk about something else. I… That was good. I needed to tell someone. I think I have for a long time, but now I need to put it aside for a while, maybe forever. At least now you know why I had trouble trying to live a normal life after I came back.”
“I do, and I think you should tell Dax.”
“Maybe one day I will.”
“He’s never going to think you’re a monster. He knows you, the real you.”
I wasn’t even sure I’d known the real me until Dax and Eric had brought me out of hiding.
“How about I tell you my story? It’s nothing like that, but I’ve been hiding too. How much do you already know?”
I smiled, glad he wasn’t under any delusions about how I’d studied him before we met. “I know all about how you had to let a killer go. I know about the corruption and why you left.”
“But you don’t know about Dean.”
“Your partner.”
Eric closed his eyes and nodded.
“All I know is that he didn’t back you up.”
Eric’s bitter laugh surprised me. I’d seen him angry before, but his expression had never been that dark.
“He sure as hell didn’t. He told everyone I just wanted attention, the son of a bitch.
I guess you don’t know we were more than work partners, or at least I thought we were.
I should have known better because, no matter how many times we fucked, he still said he was straight, and I was stupid enough to think he would eventually accept what he felt for me.
I was wrong. All he felt for me was lust, and another guy easily filled that spot. ”
“The new hire? The one the chief brought in just for that investigation?”
Ambrose really had done his research. “You got it. I wasn’t useful anymore. Dean had been using me for sex and career advancement. When I decided to actually fight for justice instead of playing department politics, he dropped me and never looked back.”
“Fucking bastard. You want me to take him out?”
Eric shook his head, but I’d made him smile, which was the point.
“I appreciate the offer, but he’ll get himself killed soon enough. He pissed off some informants with important ties.”
“So you do keep up with things back home?”
“I’ve tried to stop, but…”
“You just can’t help yourself.”
He sighed. “Yeah. I never spoke to him again after I found out. I closed the case and left. Part of the deal I made to extract myself was immediate resignation with stellar recommendations. I left town, and I haven’t been back.”
“And you came here knowing nothing about the area?”
“I ran as far away as my sister would let me.”
I smiled. “Are you close to your family?”
“Yeah. Candace and I are especially close. I miss her.”
“And she would have come for you if I’d locked you up in my cabin?”
“She would have, and you wouldn’t want to deal with her.”
I imagined a woman with the same passion Eric had for justice. She would be a force to be reckoned with.
“She keeps telling me I have to try to connect with people again.”
“Did you tell her about me?”
“I did.”
“And what did she say?”
“To stay the hell away from you.”
“I’m not straight. I thought I was, but I’m not because you…” I waved my hand back and forth between us. “This isn’t a game for me. I’m not using you.”
I watched tension leave him on a long exhale. “I wanted to believe that, but I told myself not to get involved even when you looked at me like you wanted to devour me.’
“I did not. I’m never that transparent.” But I knew he was right. I hadn’t been able to conceal myself from Eric, not even the day we lured him into helping us.
“You were to me.”
I felt tears sting my eyes again. I wasn’t sure if they were tears of grief or longing or happiness, but I didn’t want to cry anymore.
I pulled Eric to me, hugging him tight. He wrapped his arms around me, and it felt like home.
I had no idea how the hell we were going to navigate our relationship, but I was done running.
When I finally let him go, I brushed my thumb across his full lips. “No more running. Promise me.”
“If you promise the same.”
“I do. I can run from my past and even my family but not from you.”
Eric smiled and wrapped his fingers around my wrist, moving my hand to cup his face. “I can’t run from you either.”
“Can you feed me?”
Eric grinned evilly. “I sure can.”
“Food. Sustenance.”
He sighed. “I can call for a pizza.”
“That works.”
“You’re not going to offer to go catch some swamp rats and grill them up for me?”
I glared at him.
“Tell me you were kidding when you threatened that before.”
“Hell no. Push it, and I’ll do just that, but I won’t share because if I have to wait that long, I’ll be starving.”
“Pizza sounds much better.” He rolled off the bed and took his phone from his duty belt.
I realized I hadn’t checked my phone since I’d turned it off when I went after him.
I had a gazillion messages and ten missed calls from various family members.
Fucking great. At least listening to their lectures lying in bed after fucking Eric was more pleasant than they would have been alone at home.
I froze, realizing the enormity of that.
I was happier with Eric than by myself. That didn’t mean I wasn’t still going to need solitude.
I was, and I was going to need to retreat to the bayou, but after finding Eric and confessing what I’d done and having him exonerate me, I felt renewed, different, almost like I had years ago before that horrible day.
Apparently, I’d missed a lot along with scaring the hell out of my family when they couldn’t get in touch with me.
I sent a quick text to Dax as proof of life, not that I thought for a moment either one of us could die without the other knowing it deep in their soul.
Then I figured I might as well go big and just fucking call Remy.
Eric disappeared into the kitchen for several minutes, but when he walked back into the bedroom, he raised his brows. I knew he could hear Remy yelling through the phone.
I’d had enough lecturing. “I’m sorry, okay?”
Remy stopped midsentence. “Wait. Did you just apologize?”
I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me. “Yes. I didn’t mean to scare you. Eric and I are both fine. He’s right here. Can I put you on speaker?”
“Hang up and do a video call. We all need to talk.”
“Everyone is there?”
“Yes.”
“What about Dax? Should I call him later?”
“He and Travis flew home this morning.”
I scowled. The bastard had already been back when we’d talked. “I told him not to.”
“Did you honestly think Dax was going to sit this out?”
“He didn’t need to come home. I’m handling this.”
Eric laid a hand on my arm, and his warmth eased my frustration. “Dax wants to be here for you,” he said in a low voice.
I was not ready to tell him everything about Eric, but he’d already acted like he’d known. Shit. I was going to catch so much hell for this. I glanced up at Eric. He smiled, and all I could think was that he’s worth it .
“I’m calling you back.” I ended the call and pulled Eric into a kiss that went from sweet to ravenous in less than half a second. “You think we have time for another round before I call him.”
My phone dinged with a text before he could even answer.
“Damn it. If we were still at my cabin, I’d ignore everyone and keep you in bed all day.”
“We wouldn’t be able to get pizza delivery out there.”
“Don’t be so sure.”
“You can’t tell me you?—”
“I have favors I can call in.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I thought you kept to yourself out there.”
“Sometimes we all need allies. I just don’t need them in my face every day or on my property without my permission.”
“Right. Call your cousin.”
“You ready to see what a family meeting is like?”
“I’m in too deep now to say no, aren’t I?”