27. Ambrose
AMbrOSE
W e gave Dax and Lance a ride back to where they had left their vehicle.
On the way, they explained to us that Carlotti had apparently threatened some of my neighbors, demanding they tell him how to get to the cabin.
He probably wouldn’t have found us if we hadn’t left, but then we might not have found him either.
He would’ve died eventually, lost out there in the bayou, but I’d needed to know for certain that he was dead.
In the end, I hadn’t been sure I could actually watch, but as horrible as it was, it had brought closure.
I looked at Eric and hoped that closure would let us figure out how to move forward from here. My stomach knotted at the thought of Eric leaving, but I also knew I didn’t have much to offer. What if he wanted to close everything about this chapter of his life?
“Remington is going to want to talk to you,” Lance said when we dropped them off.
“Not today.”
“I think you can put him off until tomorrow. His only other option is to come all the way out here, and I don’t think he’s going to want to do that, so you better call him first thing.”
“I will.”
“First thing does not mean five a.m.,” Dax said.
“It would do him good to wake up then.”
Dax huffed. “It’s on you if you try it.”
“Thank you,” Eric said, extending his hand to my twin.
Lance clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re family now. We always protect family.”
He and Eric hugged, then he headed toward his SUV.
“Don’t fuck this up,” Dax said, holding my gaze.
I remembered saying the same to him about Travis. Was this wonderful yet horrible feeling that I thought might destroy everything inside me what Dax had felt for Travis? The desperation to be with someone I thought might reject me?
“How did you do it?” I asked him.
“Follow your instincts, your real, deep-down gut instincts.”
I nodded and waved him on.
The silence between Eric and me felt heavy and awkward as we drove back to the cabin, but I couldn’t make myself say anything. Adrenaline still pumped through me from how close to death we’d both come. Carlotti could have shot us both.
As if he knew where my thoughts were headed, Eric reached for my hand. “We’re safe now.”
We were safe from Carlotti, but I wasn’t safe, not loving Eric the way I did, not feeling dependent on him being around when I had no actual control over him. I could subdue him and tie him to my bed, but I didn’t want that. I wanted him with me because it was where he wanted to be.
I debated whether to go to the cabin where I felt safest or the house where Eric would be more comfortable.
I chose the house. I could always retreat to the cabin when I needed to, but the house was where I wanted to make a new start with Eric. Could I really do something like that for myself after years of thinking I didn’t deserve it?
I pulled up in front of the house, but when I got out of the truck, I stood there staring at the door. I couldn’t make my feet move.
Eric came around the front of the vehicle and stood close but didn’t touch me. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here with you.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“Ambrose? That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” The word came out strangled. “Yes, so much.”
Eric pulled me into his arms then. I clung to him, fisting my hands in the back of his t-shirt. He was solid and real, and I needed that. I’d pretended for too long that I didn’t need anyone, that I didn’t need to be held or comforted. Now that I’d admitted it, I couldn’t seem to get enough.
I needed Eric. I needed him to hold me, kiss me, show me just how alive he was. I needed him inside me. I was ready.
I kissed his neck, then brought my lips to his ear. “I need you.”
“God, yes, me too.”
“I want you to fuck me.”
Eric pulled back and looked at me. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Yes. I… I’m sure.”
“Come on.” He pulled me toward the house.
“Eager?”
“Fuck yes.”
But with every step I took, I grew more hesitant. I knew what I wanted, but I also knew how hard it would be for me to relax and let him have me.
As soon as we were inside, Eric pushed me up against the door and kissed me. He took hold of my wrists and dragged them up over my head. I fought the urge to struggle.
“I thought I was going to lose you.” His voice was rough, and the intensity of his gaze made me want to look away, but I didn’t.
“I knew Gerard would take care of him.”
“But he had his gun. He could still shoot even with the gator’s teeth in him. If his finger had been on the trigger…”
“I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
“Neither was I.”
I pressed himself against him as he spoke, grinding my hips against his. He groaned when he felt me already hard for him.
I was a mess—nervous, afraid, desperate—but I knew I wanted him. I wanted him today and always. “Is this real?”
He slipped a hand between us and palmed my dick. “I’ve never felt anything more real than this.”
I glared at him. “You know that’s not what I mean.” Even as I said it, I couldn’t keep my hips still. I needed to feel him against me.
“That’s not what I meant either. You—this thing between us—I fell so hard and fast for you. I would never have expected it, never have guessed you would be the one for me, but here we are. I’m going to take you tonight and show you just how good I can make you feel.”
His gaze dropped down as I licked my lips. “I can think of other things you could be using that mouth for right now.”
“Like what? Why don’t you tell me?”
“I can show you. Get on your knees.”
I nearly choked on my own spit. “I…”
“You heard me.”
“I don’t take orders, not easily.”
“But you’re going to take them from me now, aren’t you? Kneel down and lean back against the wall. Spread your hands, press them into the wall to brace yourself, and open your mouth for me.”
My heart thundered in my chest. I stared at him, but even before my mind consented, my body obeyed.
I dropped to the floor and positioned myself like Eric had ordered.
I liked looking up at him, seeing the lust in his eyes, knowing he would get as much pleasure from this as I would.
Could I give him control? Would I love that as much as I thought I might?
Eric held my gaze as he undid his pants and pulled out his cock.
I started to reach for it, but he shook his head. “No hands. You won’t need them.”
Everything he said was so fucking hot. I wondered if I might come from nothing but him talking to me, ordering me around. Why was that hot?
“Has anyone ever dared to tell you what to do before?”
“People have tried.”
He rolled his eyes. “How did you get through boot camp without being kicked out?”
“By the skin of my teeth. If I hadn’t been so fucking good at everything I did, I don’t think I would’ve made it.”
“Show me how good you are at sucking cock.”
He slid his hands into my hair and tilted my head back. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to prepare myself for his invasion.
“Open your eyes. I want you watching me.”
I felt way too exposed like that, but I kept my eyes open anyway. He was challenging me, and I wasn’t about to disappoint him. I could do whatever he said.
Eric pressed his thumb to my chin and pushed down. I opened my mouth like he wanted me to. “That’s it. You like this, don’t you, kneeling for me, knowing you have to do what I say?”
I groaned, and he took his cock in his hand and slid it along my tongue before pushing into my mouth. At first, he gave me shallow strokes I could handle easily. I pressed my fingers hard against the wall to keep from reaching for him and taking control.
He began to fuck my mouth deeper. I swallowed around him, doing everything I could to relax my throat. I was going to take everything he gave this time.
Eric pushed almost all the way in, and I fought my gag reflex. I could do this. I could show him I was able to do anything he could do. When he was in so deep I couldn’t breathe, I started to panic, but he pulled out before I shoved him away.
I sighed when he stroked both of my cheeks. “That was impressive. I’m very proud of you.”
I should be pissed at him for talking to me like that. I didn’t need his approval. At least, I didn’t want to need it, but his words warmed me like he’d wrapped a blanket around me.
After buttoning himself back up, he held out his hands.
I took them, and he yanked me to my feet.
It was easy to forget how strong he was, and I was definitely not at my best. My head was swimming, and my cock throbbed.
I could hardly think. Before I could register what he was doing, he bent and lifted me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.
I grabbed the back pockets of his jeans to steady myself.
This was insane. He was fucking manhandling me like I was his toy. And it was sexy as hell.
He dropped me onto the bed and grinned evilly at me. “This is good for you. You need to relax and let me tend to you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t… I don’t think I can do that.”
“I don’t think you have any choice.”
“I’d win in a fight,” I said.
“Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to fight me and then leave?”
The thought of walking out on him made me feel sick. “No.”
“Then you don’t have any choice. Why don’t you enjoy that for a while? You’ve been forced to make a lot of choices in your life, many you didn’t want to make. Relax and enjoy what I’m doing to you.”
It was my instinct to fight. I didn’t think I could just lie there and let him work me over. I was going to fight him. I was going to push him off. I was eventually going to break. “Use your cuffs on me.”
Eric stared down at me, shock clear on his face. “I don’t think that’s?—”
“I want you to. If you don’t, I’ll fight you. I won’t be able to help myself, but I want this. I want you inside me. I want to give myself to you. I… I love you.”
“I love you too, baby, so damn much. I don’t want to hurt you or scare you.”
“Gerard.”
“What?” He looked around like maybe the gator was there in the room with us.
“That’s what I’ll say if I need you to open the cuffs.”
He frowned. “But what if?—”
“Please. I need this.”
Eric held my gaze for a moment, then nodded. He could read me better than anyone besides Dax, and I was thankful for that. I wasn’t good at describing why I felt the way I did. I never had been, even before the horrors I’d experienced in the army.
“I want you naked before I restrain you,” Eric said.
I sat up and pulled my shirt over my head before I convinced myself I was insane—or even more insane than I already thought. I was willingly going to be naked and restrained in front of this man, and I wanted that. I wanted to be vulnerable. What was happening to me?
“You’re safe with me, okay?”
“I know.” I unfastened my pants and shoved them down, wanting to get naked as fast as I could. My cock was relieved not to be confined anymore. Eric ran a finger along it, a barely there caress that had me growling. “Don’t tease.”
“I’m in charge. I can do whatever I want.”
“Fuck. That’s… I…”
“Lie down.”
Eric extracted his cuffs from his bag along with a bottle of lube. When he closed the first one around my wrist, I was afraid I’d made a mistake.
You trust him. He’ll take them off if that’s what you want. You’re choosing this.
I was. I needed this. I needed the restraints so I could enjoy Eric being in charge.
I took slow, deep breaths as he threaded the cuffs through one of the slats in the headboard and closed the second cuff around my other wrist.
I pulled on them, testing their strength, feeling the metal press into my skin.
“How does that feel?” Eric asked.
“Fucking good but also horrible. I hate it, but I love it.”
Eric smiled. “I can live with that.”