Chapter 98 Give Sorrow Words
Give Sorrow Words
LYRA
Say it again. I know what Hades is asking.
“I love you,” I say, then giggle.
Hades rolls us a little so he’s not crushing me and smiles, dimples in full view, although they disappear again as his face clouds. “I never thought I’d hear that sound again. I thought the end of us was Tartarus.”
I trace the white streak through his hair. “I’m sorry.”
He scowls. “I should be the one apologizing, Lyra. If I’d known, then I never would have—”
I put my finger to his lips. “That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”
His expression ripples with something I think might be pain. “How could you do that to yourself? Knowing what you would go through?”
“I was always only ever trying to get home to you,” I whisper.
Hades stares at me, searching my gaze long and hard, then kisses the tip of my finger. “You’re right. I should have trusted that you’d find a way. That you’d get out.” He offers a self-deprecating half smile. “I think we both always knew you’d be my undoing, my star.”
“I never wanted that.” I’m waiting for the other truths to drop. The brother he killed. The havoc he wrought.
“I know.” He drops a swift kiss on my lips. “But love isn’t always fair or reasonable. Since you’re in my arms now, I forgive you.”
I sigh. “I have so many questions for you now. Although I think I know the answers to most of them.”
With a smile, he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Like what?”
“Well…” I think. “The first time we made love, in the pool, you said that you couldn’t give me a future or care for me the way mortals need. But you also knew a future goddess-powered version of me had already visited you in the past, so…”
Hades groans, wincing a little. “You had me so twisted up, I had no idea what the right thing to do was. I had no idea how or when you would become a goddess. And the way future you was so careful to the point of fear about what you told me, I worried I’d fuck something up by telling you too much.
And I didn’t want to make you promises I didn’t know for certain I could keep. ”
“I thought that might be it,” I murmur as I melt a little. Because Hades has a reason for everything he does and says.
A frown slowly draws his brows together. “How in the hells did you get out?”
I blow out a long breath. I wish we could stay here forever, in the paradise that we create when we’re like this, but there are too many things that need to be done first. That need to be said. And he still doesn’t seem to remember what he did in his wrath.
“I’ll tell you the entire story later, but I’m afraid that first, I have to bring you…more pain.”
Hades goes eerily still, his face losing color so fast I gasp. “You… You’re not going to disappear again. You said—”
“No!” Oh gods, I’m a fool. I wrap my arms around him tight. “I won’t leave.”
Hades takes a deep, shuddering breath against me. “As long as you stay, then I can deal with any blow you land me.”
I wish that was true. I wish I could wait. Give him time to recover. But the Titans are waiting, and he won’t be able to understand unless I hurt him first.
I loosen my hold on him to look him in the face. “Do you remember when I said that someone was out there glamouring the gods?”
He scowls. “Hard to forget. It made me question every single moment with you. Was it a glamour? Was it a lie? Was it real?”
“I’m sorry.” I choke on the whisper.
He shakes his head. “No more apologies. Agreed?”
After a minute, I get a handle on my guilt and nod. “Agreed.”
“So…” He tucks my hair behind one ear again. “What about this mysterious glamourer?”
“They got to more people than we realized at first.” I swallow. “I need you to trust me.”
His lips tilt. “As long as you don’t put me through the hell of thinking I’d got you trapped in Tartarus again…” He trails off at the sight of my face. “Too soon?”
I swallow again. “I’m sorry.”
Then I pull the veil of the glamour off his face and throw it behind me, its dying hiss filling my ears.
Hades’ grip on me tightens to the point of pain as he stares at my face. I can practically see the race of real memories replacing the fake ones, of the dawning realization of who the Titans truly are and how they were wronged…as well as his part in that.
Then he inhales sharply. “What have I done?”
To his parents? To his siblings and gods of death in trying to protect me? Or both?
I don’t have time to ask before he buries his face in my hair…and sobs.
It’s a thousand times worse than when I held him after he leveled Olympus.
To know that this god who is the strongest, best man I know, who can take the emotional beating of caring for dead souls for ages without turning numb or hard-hearted or cynical…
to know he hurts this badly burns my heart to ashes.
When he cried last time, it was silent, but this time, it’s like he can’t swallow the depth of the pain. I feel every sob like a dagger, and every heave of his shoulders slays me.
All I can do is hold him through it.
“Lyra?” He has to take two short breaths. “My father is dead…”
My own grief sideswipes me.
I didn’t even see it coming. But I haven’t had time to grieve for Cronos myself.
I think of giving him Cronos’ butterfly—the one Hades carved for his father long ago. It sits in my pocket. But it’s too soon. After the worst of his grief has passed, maybe.
Instead, I just hold him through it. We hold each other.