Chapter Ten
ashes, ashes….
Iwake up to the sound of sniffling, and feel something fuzzy nudging my face.
When I don’t move, I hear a bark and jolt awake.
“Pudding, jesus.”
I open my eyes, and there he is, just staring at me wagging his tail with his leash hanging from his mouth.
“I don't speak dog, but I’m assuming this means you want to go for a walk?”
He barks at me, as if he's answering me.
“See, I knew dogs were loud.”
I slowly roll out of bed and go to the bathroom. I don't bother changing, I won't be out long because I have to come right back in and get ready to go open my shop, so I just slip on my slippers, and head outside.
I walk Pudding up and down the street, letting him pee on everything he possibly can and sniff around.
My phone dings with a text.
Charlie! Are you at the shop?? Call me!- Cassie
I put my phone back in my pocket and take Pudding back into my apartment. I’ll call her in just a minute.
Once I’m in, I grab clean clothes for the day, and go to my room to start changing.
But before I can, my phone rings.
Looking at the caller ID, I see that it’s Cassie. Typical of her not to give me a minute to reply.
“Cass, I was about to call you. I was walking Pudding.”
“What? Who the fuck is Pudding?” she says, then continues, “Charlie you need to get to the store. Something has happened.”
My heart sinks at her words, and without a second thought, I'm putting Pudding in his cage and heading out the door, still dressed in my pajamas.
“What happened? Are you there?” I ask her.
“I’m on my way there..” her words are clipped, voice tense, and I'm terrified of what I’m going to find.
I hang up, running down the street as fast as I can.
Did someone rob my store?
Did a pipe break and flood the place?
Did a car crash through the front?
All these different scenarios play through my head, and it takes everything in me not to break down.
Not until I actually know what happened.
“Charlie?” I faintly hear Logan as I run through our town square, but I dont stop, I can't.
My feet feel like there's a million bricks strapped to them as I approach my store. No matter how fast I move them, it’s just not fast enough.
Cassie is there, along with a fire truck, and so many people standing around watching.
I fall to the ground, watching flames devour my shop, and everything in it.
This can't be happening.
This can't be happening.
“Charlie!” I hear Cassie yell, but I dont move. I just sit and watch as my whole life disintegrates.
“Charlie!” she says again, and in an instant she's at my side with her arms around me.
“Hey, it’s ok. The people building next door were able to grab some things out before it got too bad, and no one was hurt.”
I understand she’s trying to explain a silver lining here, but I’m in complete shock.
I can feel the heat over here, and that just adds to the pain of watching the flames.
“How?” I finally manage to get out, my voice cracking.
“They don't know. They won't know until they get the flames under control, and can inspect inside.”
“My store.” I cry. And Cassie hugs me.
“I know, babe. It’ll be alright.”
“That's my store though! What do I do now?”
“Don't worry about that right now, ok? We’ll figure it out.”
I nod, knowing she's right but I just can't see how I can come back from this.
There's a loud pop, and the front window just under my sign shatters.
“Everyone back!” one of the firemen yells, and Cassie helps me to my feet so we can move.
I watch as my sign falls from one corner, barely hanging on.
“Here, sweetie, have a seat.” an older lady says, pulling a chair up for me.
I have no idea where she even got a chair from, I‘m just grateful for it.
I sit down, my feet unable to hold myself upright right now.
Charlie’s Antiques.
It's gone.
There’s no saving the structure of the building, let alone the merchandise inside.
I sit, and just cry. Not even bothering hiding it from everyone watching. There's so many people, but I don't care.
I just sit, and watch as Charlie’s Antiques burns.
Two hours pass, and I’m still sitting in the same chair, feeling completely numb.
“Miss?” a man says, and I look up.
“We put the fire out, but the building is unsafe to go in. I suggest leaving it how it is for a few days while we inspect, but it doesn't look like there's a good chance of saving it.”.
I just nod, unable to form words.
“Thank you, for everything.” I hear a deep voice from behind me say, and turn to see Logan sitting next to Cassie.
When did he get here?
The firemen nod, and head to their trucks.
That's it. There's nothing else to be done. They put the fire out, they did their job. Now they leave me with the broken pieces..
“Char, sweetie. Are you ok?’ Cassie asks, and I turn to look at her.
Her eyes are red and puffy, and there's streaks where tears have been running down her face.
“No.” I whisper, “I’m not.” I shake my head, and look back at my store.
My Charlie’s Antiques sign is now burnt, and half hanging off of the wall.
The windows are shattered.
I feel like I can physically feel my heart break more than it already was.
“This was the last piece of him that I had.” I cry. “This was it, and now it's gone.”
Cassie lets a tear slide down her face before wiping it away, and looks at Logan, whose eyes are glistening.
“I don’t have anything left of him, Cassie. Do you know how bad that hurts?”
She stands up, and comes over to me, giving me a big hug. She lets me cry until my eyes dry up, and there's nothing left.
“Hey. You might have lost the last thing you two shared,” she starts, “but he will always , always be with you, in here, where it matters most.” she places a hand on my chest, and a sob escapes me.
God I miss him. I miss him so bad. I miss him every single day, but right now it hurts exceptionally bad.
This is unfair.
Logan watches us, his face somber and eyes glistening. I hate that I’m breaking down in front of him, but at the same time I know it's ok. I know he is the last person on the earth who would judge me.
“I just..If I don't have this shop, I’m scared I wont feel him.”
“Grief is ugly,” Logan starts, “You feel like the world is empty, and like a chunk of you is missing. I can't even begin to imagine the type of pain losing someone you love in that way feels, but I do know loss. And the only thing I can tell you is that everyday will hurt, but the person you love is always with you.”
“And we’re here to help on the days when it sucks. Like today.” Cassie says.
Logan nods his head, and it makes my heart hurt even more that he understands on some level what I’m going through, and he’s willing to help me.
He leans in, grabs my hand and squeezes. My eyes meet his, and my breath catches.
“I’m here. I’ll help in any way I can. We can rebuild your store, or help you find a new one. But we will make this better, it’s not the end.”
I nod, keeping my eyes on his, and a tear slips free. Before I can react, his hand comes up and brushes it away.
Instinctively, I close my eyes and lean into his hand, the warmth of his skin comforting me.
A minute passes by, then Cassie rubs my shoulder.
“Come on, you can come back to my place if you want for the night?”
“Ok. That would be great, thanks.”
Logan moves his hand, and I watch as he flexes his fingers, then puts his hands in his pockets and stands.
“I’ll stay here, see if there's anything I can do to help, or clean up.” he says.
“But they said not to go in there?” I tell him.
“I survived multiple bomb attacks and being shot at, I’ll be ok to get your stuff out of there.”
Oh. Ok then. I nod at him, not having words to say to that, then Cassie and I head to her apartment.
Walking into Cassie’s place, I kick off my shoes and walk over to her couch.
I plop down, exhaling a shaky breath. These last few days have been a test to my emotional state, and I’m barely hanging on.
“Here, I think you could use this.” Cassie says, handing me a glass of wine.
“Thanks.” I say as I grab the glass and take a sip.
“Are you ok babe?”
“No. I don't know. What am I supposed to do from here?” I ask her.
She just shakes her head. “I don't know, but we’ll figure it out together.” she pauses, then adds, “And Logan seems like he’s willing to do whatever you need him to to help you.”
“I know..” I trail off, thinking about how incredibly great he’s been.
Cassie looks at me, “I know this is probably bad timing, but what's going on there with him?”
“Nothing’s going on there. He’s a friend.” I tell her, but in all honesty, it feels like a lie.
It’s not though. We are friends. But I'm so incredibly attracted to him, it's hard to fight it sometimes.
“Char, the way that man looks at you is not just a friend's look. He’s smitten.”
“Stop. Please. My shop that I bought and got running with Sam just burned down. I can’t be thinking about another man." I rush out at her, and instantly feel guilty for my tone.
“I’m sorry. This is just a weird situation for me.” I add after a minute.
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.” she says.
We both sip on our wine, and take the rest of the day to just rest. All of the emotions from today took all of my energy, and I just want to sleep.
We sit down to eat the tacos she ordered in, when she says, “Tomorrow you'll need to call the insurance company, since it's so late now.”
I check my phone and see that it's after 8 p.m now.
“Oh my god! Pudding!” I yell.
“Huh?” Cassie asks, confused.
“Pudding is at home in his cage. He needs to be walked and fed. I completely forgot about him with everything going on.”
“Pudding is…?”
“My dog.” I say, then add, “I’m going to have to eat and go. I can't leave him in there all night.”
“First, when did you get a dog? Second, I’ll call you a taxi. I don't want you walking by yourself at night.”
“Ok. Thank you. And I got him yesterday. It was a sad impulsive moment, don't ask.”
I hop in the taxi, and we are almost to my apartment, when we pass my shop.
I see Logan inside, filling boxes with things.
“Stop the car!” I snap. “Oh, sorry. I’m sorry I didn't mean to yell. But could you let me out here?”
“Sure thing miss.” the taxi guy says.
I jump out, and walk over to my store, standing there a minute watching him.
He’s covered in soot and sweat, and looks completely exhausted.
“Have you been here all night?” I ask him, making him jump.
A giggle escapes me.
“Shit Charlie, you scared me.” he says and laughs, then adds, “Yeah, once I was in here I saw a bunch of stuff that looked like it could be salvaged, and didn’t want to leave it here overnight. Why are you out here?”
I wave a hand in the direction of Cassie's place, “I was on my way home when I saw you in here, so I stopped.”
He nods his head, and looks around, then back at me.
“I just couldn't leave it how it was. Not after knowing..” he trails off.
I look down at my feet, kicking a loose rock on the sidewalk.
“Thank you, for this.” I say.
“You don't have to thank me. It was the decent thing to do.” he says, looking up at me.
I nod my head, “Come on, it’s late. This can wait till tomorrow.”
He nods in agreement, then sets some things down.
“First let me load these boxes into my truck, and I can bring them to your apartment for you. It’s supposed to rain tonight.”
“Your truck?”
“Yeah, I dont drive it much, but figured I’d need it for boxes and stuff.”
“Oh. Ok. Here let me help.” I walk in and start grabbing some boxes.
He managed to save a lot of stuff, which helps me feel a little better.
Logan goes and grabs his truck, pulling it to the front of the shop.
I watch as he puts it in park. It’s an old Ford, and looks like it's been completely restored.
I smile to myself when I notice it’s a pretty brown color.
After we get things loaded, he opens the passenger door for me.
“Come on, I’ll give you a ride back to your place and unload these for you.”
“Thank you.” I tell him, hopping up into his truck.
The scent of him floods my nostrils and soothes my nerves. He climbs in next to me on the bench seat, and for the first time today, I feel my soul relax.