Chapter 31 The Things We Break
THE THINGS WE brEAK
“Surprise!” the guests cried as Zoey and I entered the restaurant.
“What?” We both feigned surprise.
“Oh, shut up, you two.” Callie rushed forward and hugged us both.
“Happy birthday, beautiful.” Craig pulled me into his warm hug. It was hard to see him. But also still made me feel closer to Tristan. “Don’t let that fucker ruin your day.” He pulled away and kissed my forehead.
“Welcome back.” Tyler handed Zoey a bunch of flowers and kissed her quickly on the cheek. “And happy birthday, Evan.” He handed me a bottle of wine.
“Thank you, Tyler.” I hugged him quickly. Along with Callie, Craig, Tyler, and Zoey, Mara was there with a couple other staff to serve us. They sat down with us once the food was served. The conversation was light and happy. This was okay. Ian would come, and everything would be okay.
Then it wasn’t.
“Tris?” Craig stood.
I turned to see him standing there. Hair damp from the rain.
Remember what I said about the stages? This was the anger stage.
It’s the stage I hate. The one that ends with one final break.
The one that ends with me saying things I don’t mean.
“Where have you been?” I stood, not sure if I should run to him or throw my drink at him.
“Mara.” Zoey cleared her throat. “Tyler and I love to cook. Can you show us the kitchen?” Zoey stood, grabbing Tyler’s hand.
“Oh, me too.” Callie jumped up.
“Okay, sure?” Mara looked to Craig.
“Take the rest of the staff.” Craig nodded his head to the kitchen.
“Don’t you want to see too?” Callie asked.
“No. Because if she doesn’t kill him, I will.” Craig crossed his arms over his chest.
“On second thought, Callie, don’t you love to watch the rain? Maybe you should go watch for it.” Zoey nodded to the door.
“Oh yes. The rain. I’ll watch for it.” Callie stood up and rushed down the short hall to the front door.
The room emptied. I didn’t know what to say.
“Ev, can we talk?” Tristan said.
“Sure. What would you like to talk about? How long you’ve been gone? The fact you never called? Or is there something else you would like to tell me?”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get back.” He didn’t look at me. “I… um… I had some things I needed to take care of.”
“I know; Noah said you did.” I hated this. I hated him. I hated the feelings that rushed through my body. Feelings that didn’t belong. I had never hated Tristan before. Even in high school, I had been too hurt to hate him. But now…
He ran his hands through his hair. “I can explain.” He finally looked at me.
Tristan was still so good at being broken. It was in his DNA. It made his eyes so green I forgot he was a mortal man. Made his mouth turn down in a way that made my newly healed ribs crack. When God made me, he made sure that all Tristan’s broken pieces would fit into my hand.
“There’s nothing to explain. I saw the announcement.”
He looked surprised. “What announcement?” He looked at Craig, then back to me. “Fuck, Ev, it’s not what you think.”
“Then what is it?” I cried. “Because to me it looks like you’re engaged to another woman while you were fucking me.” I didn’t care who heard or who saw the tears. That was the messy part of this last stage.
“I wasn’t!” he yelled. “The wedding is off. That’s what took so long. There were vendors to pay. Things that needed to be taken care of. I told her I would help.”
I laughed at how stupid that sounded. “Oh, how fucking valiant of you, Tristan. A regular knight in shining armor. You lied to me. You said you loved me. That losing me was your biggest regret. And I fell for it. All of it,” I yelled at him. At myself.
“No.” He stepped closer. “That was not a lie.”
“Oh, fuck you. You’re engaged.” I stepped away from him. He was too close. I could see the dark circles under his eyes. The gauntness in his face. “You chose someone else. You always choose someone else.”
“Me?” he shouted. “What about you? You wanted me to leave. Leave my brother. Leave my mother. You saw what he was capable of. But that didn’t matter to you. You only wanted what was best for you!”
“No!” This time I stepped closer to him.
I took him all in. The sharp cheekbones.
The eyes. The full mouth. The dark hair.
All the pieces that made Tristan so perfect.
Pieces that didn’t belong to James Anderson.
“I wanted you to leave for you. You knew Noah was safe, that James would never hurt his only son. She knew that too. That’s why she never left after you did.
” There, I said the words I promised I would never say out loud.
Down some dark, forgotten hallway was a photo of a man. He had green eyes and a mouth made for kissing. He loved a girl, and they were going to marry until he broke. They made him a hero, and he made her a single mother.
“Admit it,” I cried. James never laid a hand on Noah or Laura.
But he did on his best friend’s son. The son who looked so much like his father.
They had fought together in a faraway war, and Tristan’s dad, River Hanson, came home broken.
And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put River back together again.
“No!” he yelled. “Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you.” I shoved him. “All this time. All this time I thought if I was better, if I tried harder, it would be enough. If I cut myself deep enough, it would prove to you how much I love you. I thought I could fill the spaces that James ripped out of you. But it wasn’t enough, was it? ” I shoved him again. “Was it?”
“Yes, it was. But I wasn’t enough. You always wanted me to be something I couldn’t be. That I can’t be. I was never good enough for you.”
“No,” I said between clenched teeth. “You don’t get to play the victim here.
I never once made you feel unworthy. That was James.
That was your mother. If you have issues with them, see a fucking therapist!
” I yelled. That was the thing about fighting with a therapist. We knew the truth, all the reasons why.
And shitty parenting was always the root of the problem.
“Okay, that’s enough.” Craig moved to stand between us.
“You’re right; it is enough. I am done. For your new wife’s sake, get some fucking help, Tristan.” I grabbed my coat and pushed by Tristan. Down the stairs, past Callie, and into the cold November air. And right into Ian.
“Evan.” He cupped my face. “What’s wrong?”
“I loved the wrong man.” I fought the tears. “Take me somewhere, Ian. Please.”
Ian pulled me into his arms. “Of course.”
I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat. This was my life. The life I deserved. The man I deserved.