Chapter 19 #2
“…farted in my eye, Dunky. If I end up with pink eye, it’s going to be your fault,” I rambled to my donut who was on his way to being a bear claw, as we made our way down the staircase.
A red eye set in a dark face peeked up at me, and I gasped.
“Did you do it on purpose?” I asked him, referring to the way he had woken me up by passing gas with his butt inches from my face earlier. My whole eye felt funny now. And from that little side-look he’d just given me, I would have sworn he’d done it on purpose.
My boy didn’t say yes, but he didn’t say no either. It made me laugh before I reached down and tickled his neck as we kept going. He was taking the stairs so easily now.
“That’s rude, if you did it on purpose,” I kept on going as we approached the closed door where Agnes’s room was. “But your firepower was impressive.”
We hadn’t even gotten to it when the door opened and a blonde head of hair stuck out like she’d been waiting.
I slowed down and smiled. “Good morning, Agnes.”
Duncan trotted ahead to stick his face in the doorway, and I could see the little girl duck to give him a hug as she replied, “Hi.”
“Everything okay?”
There was a pause longer than it needed to be before she peered up at me, her face pretty much pinched. “Can you fix my hair?”
I couldn’t let myself blink.
Agnes hadn’t been acting differently during the day or at night when we met up in the hallway before going outside. She was still quiet. Still self-contained.
But now? She was asking me to help her. Me.
It had only taken two months.
“Love,” Duncan’s familiar voice had me flicking my eyes toward him.
My donut and his moral support. I puckered my lips and blew him a kiss. He knew me well enough to sense I was going through something, and he was telling me it was okay.
How in the world had I gotten so lucky?
“Sure,” I agreed, still trying to keep my features even. This had to be the equivalent of the popular boy in high school being interested in me. I had to play it cooler than I ever had before. “Pigtails again or would you like me to try something else?”
If she noticed that my voice came out pitchy, it didn’t reflect on her face. “Pigtails are okay,” she answered a little warily.
One day, she was going to let me braid her hair, I decided right then. That was my goal, which meant I should practice my braids, so I’d be ready when we got to that stage in our relationship. Because we would, even if it took ten years. I had never met another child like her before, and I still had no idea what had led to this, but as long as I was here, I was going to be there for her.
Agnes backed up and opened the door wide, and Duncan darted inside, his nose to the ground, smelling one way and then the other, drawn the most to the twin-sized bed closer to the window with a plain white comforter on it. It was where the women who took turns sleeping in her room stayed. I hadn’t made friends with either of them exactly—they were polite yet not what I would call friendly—but I wasn’t worried about it. All that mattered was that they were good to her, and so far, I hadn’t heard a single complaint.
While Duncan snooped around, I sat on the bed in the same spot as last time and the little girl backed up between my legs.
“Did you sleep okay?” I asked, taking the comb she handed me and drawing it through her thick but very straight hair.
“Sera snores a lot,” she answered, not sounding any grumpier than usual.
“You know…” Would it be too much too soon to…? Should I talk to Duncan about it first and see how he felt about it? I was overthinking it, I decided. “If you need anything in the middle of the night… or can’t sleep… or if you want to have a sleepover, Agnes, you can always come upstairs with us. We all fit that other day with Henri.”
“Yes,” the puppy on the other side of the room told me again, confirming my thought that I’d been overthinking my offer to the little girl. Red eyes were peeking at me from over the edge of the bed.
Oh, this donut knew exactly what he was doing and when he was doing it best. After holding him for a while, I’d eventually fallen asleep the same way we used to when he’d been a newborn. On his back with his butt tucked into my armpit, legs straight up in the air.
I winked at him before parting Agnes’s hair straight down the middle.
I’d just perfected the spot for her right pigtail and gotten the elastic around it when she whispered, “Henri said the man in the dream is looking for you.”
My hands stilled. I had a choice here, and I made my decision. I’d hoped for a miracle, that he hadn’t woken anybody up, but that was wishful thinking. “That’s what people tell me, but I don’t know for sure, Agnes. I’m sorry he’s waking you up.” I wrinkled my nose for a second. “I promise there’s nothing for you to be scared of.”
“I’m not scared,” she chuffed like I was dumb. I could’ve pointed out how she’d been shaking around the gnomes, but it was enough for me to know the truth.
“Good. Because you shouldn’t be,” I assured her. “None of us are going to let anything happen to any of you.” I would do whatever I had to to keep Duncan and the rest of the pups safe. I would even include Henri, Randall, Ani, and Maggie, too, on my list of people I was protective over here. There was Phoebe the satyr too. She was the one parent who talked to me the most. We had gone grocery shopping together the day before, and she was still quiet but very sweet. We’d made plans to go again.
Then there was Franklin, who might get there someday after he’d gotten bent out of shape on my behalf with the other elders, even though there was something still suspicious about him. Since getting back from Alaska, he’d been quiet when we shared meals together and also super tense. More than once, I’d caught him watching me discreetly, but I’d played it off like I didn’t see him. When we did talk, it was usually about the puppies at the nursery, and every once in a while, he might ask a personal question, like where I had grown up, where my parents lived, and where I’d lived before.
Everyone else here though? I’d think about it. It would probably be a case-by-case basis.
“Why’s he doing that?” Agnes asked, bringing me back to the present.
“Waking us up?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You have pretty hair, Agnes,” I told her, drawing the brush through it. “I don’t know why.”
“Who is he?”
Her own family situation went through my head, and I knew I had to be careful. “I’m not sure. Remember the gnomes? They told me it’s my dad, but I don’t know any of my family,” I admitted. This was the first time she’d asked me something personal about myself.
That got her to peek at me over her shoulder. She didn’t resemble Henri physically at all, but her expression couldn’t have been any more Fluffy if she’d tried. I wanted to tease her over it, but it was too soon .
“You don’t know your mom or your dad?” the little girl scoffed like she couldn’t believe it.
How did I explain this? “No.” I pressed my lips together. “When I was a baby, these two werewolves found me and decided I could be their daughter. They were my mom and dad, but I came out of other people’s bodies. I don’t really count my birth parents because my werewolf parents did everything for me. They raised me and took care of me and loved me. I was their baby, and they’re my family. I love them very much. Does that make sense?”
She faced forward again. “Uh-huh.”
I didn’t want to call my biological parents my “real” mom and dad because I didn’t think of them that way. “Real” parents were the ones who did the work and put in the effort and love, but that would be way too complicated to explain to a child, so I was going to have to go with it. “But my mom and dad, who are like me, I never met. Or anybody else, not my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, no one. All I’m trying to say is that I don’t know why that voice is waking us up. I am sorry that he’s bothering you, though.”
I managed to start her pigtail before she spoke up again, her own voice more careful than I ever would’ve expected. “So you have two dads?”
She still wanted to talk about me? “Sure, I guess,” I answered.
“And that’s okay?”
I had to pretend like I had no idea how she was relating this to her own life, because if I did, it would make me cry, and I could not cry in front of this land shark. “I don’t see why it wouldn’t be. One was in my life and the other wasn’t. One wanted to be my dad, and the other didn’t. There’s no law that says you can’t have two.”
Another long minute went by before, “So sometimes… dads don’t want to be dads?”
My tear ducts activated.
It took me a second to say, in a voice I thought was pretty even considering I was real close to weeping, “Sometimes, Agnes. I wish I could tell you why, but I have no idea.” I touched her hair. “But like with my parents that weren’t a part of my life, it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t anything I did for them to not be with me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I try not to let it hurt my feelings.” I swallowed. “Sometimes it does though. But I was lucky like you are; I had people who loved me and wanted to be in my life. They’re the ones who matter the most. Some words, like mom or dad, are just words. It’s how someone makes you feel that matters.”
The little girl didn’t say anything after that. And when we were done, Dunky strolled over, planting his chin on my leg, and I strained picking him up, and even though I knew she was going to say no, I held out my hand to Agnes.
“No, thank you,” she answered but opened the door for us.
She was a salty little peanut, but fortunately for her, I liked savory things just as much as I liked the sweet stuff.
And if anything else, she reminded me of what it was that mattered.
I hugged Duncan just that much tighter, relishing the feel of his frame and his weight because I was running out of time with moments like these. The good thing was, he didn’t mind as he licked my cheek.
“Yes,” he told me. “Love.”
My heart was going to burst one of these days, and I couldn’t think of a better way to go.
“What happened to your mom and dad?” Agnes asked suddenly, tipping her face up at me in the hallway. Her eyelashes were almost white, her eyebrows almost a light brown that made her cute face so striking.
This was the most we’d ever talked to each other at once. I loved it.
“My werewolf mom and dad?”
She started walking right alongside me. “Uh-huh.”
“They live in Mexico now.” I held Duncan tighter as the words came out of my mouth. “I still see them, but not a lot. I can’t drive to visit them anymore. They live somewhere without cell phones and internet, and calls are expensive. They’re older, and it’s harder for them to travel.” I would never blame Duncan, but his presence had put a stop to our easy visits.
Her eyebrows were at her hairline when she glanced up at me. “You miss them?”
“I miss them so much,” I told her gently, not sure where she was going with this.
I wasn’t sure she did either when she seemed to ponder that a while before asking, “But are they still your mom and dad? Even if you don’t see them?”
How could I explain such a difficult concept? And how in the world did I get myself into this position so much? “Some people are so important to you that nothing, not time, not being far, not life or… death, will ever take them away. I don’t see my best friends all the time either, but I still love them so much, and they love me, and they’re always going to be there for me.”
“But… how do you know you aren’t gonna forget them? Since you don’t see them?”
This was the last person in the world I ever would have expected to break my heart, and it took me a moment to get myself together. “Some things you just can’t forget. Think about Henri. He calls you Ladybug, right? So I bet, for the rest of your life, any time you see one, you’re going to think of him. There are probably a lot of things you two have talked about and been through that will make you think of him forever.”
She grumbled under her breath, but that was the best explanation I had. Fortunately for me, we made it to the kitchen, and I could see her pressing her lips together, that sharp mind racing with who knew how many thoughts. I hoped she’d ask me more about anything she wanted, even the difficult topics, even if I didn’t know how to answer them.
At the doorway though, I spotted a man leaning against the island, the rest of the kitchen empty.
There I went not paying attention again.
But it wasn’t Randall’s red head or Henri’s black color, much less Franklin’s more-salt-than-pepper hair.
It was a blond man.
And coming off him was werewolf magic.
It was Dominic, who looked up with a scowl from the phone he’d been focused on.
Honestly, I’d almost forgotten all about him. I hadn’t given him a single thought in a while. I considered it a blessing that he hadn’t been by again with his offer to mate with me.
I’d move to the South Pole before that ever happened.
And from the face he made, he didn’t exactly seem thrilled to see us either.
Not even his daughter , that rotten asshole.
As if the same thought hit her at the exact time it did me, Agnes set that stubborn chin, clenched those fists Maggie had mentioned she’d gotten into fights with in the past, and she marched right up to him, a freaking bone to pick written all over that small face. The eight-year-old girl went straight into intersecting a man that adults and children were intimidated by, like it was nothing to her. She was an army of one right then.
Pure pride went through my system, even though I had nothing to do with how tough she was.
I must’ve not been the only one surprised by her actions because even Dominic made a face like he didn’t get what was going on.
The girl I’d gotten to know, who was only scared of gnomes, steeled her titanium spine and said, in her snitch voice, “You’re not supposed to be here. Franklin said.”
I didn’t think my mouth had ever formed the shape of an O faster.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Duncan’s tail go straight up in the air, but he didn’t move an inch.
Dominic’s face contorted into a sneer. “What did you say to me?” he snapped in a way that had me taking a step forward.
Maybe he was her dad, but that didn’t mean shit to me.
But Agnes wasn’t even a little intimidated as she tipped that little chin up and said it again even louder. “You’re not supposed to be here. Franklin and Henri both said. I heard them.”
She tapped her right ear, and I almost howled.
Just like that, she got promoted from protector to badass.
But it was the wrong thing to say to a man with an anger problem.
Dom’s face went red. “Franklin and Henri are not the fucking boss of me.”
I moved around the island and slid in between her and the man who was supposed to take care of her and protect her.
But I knew better than anyone that sometimes biology failed in that aspect.
But you know what didn’t fail? Love. And for as prickly of a cactus as she could be, I did love Agnes, and so did Henri and all the other people who included her in their lives. She had her own chat in the app.
Maybe this asshole had gotten away with being mean to kids before, but that was over.
“You need to go,” I said in a flat voice as anger like I hadn’t experienced since the days those people had tried to take my donut flared inside my whole body, my ears ringing.
The asshole’s lip curled. “I’m not talking to you.”
I didn’t think it was possible to get angrier, but it was.
“You must be talking to me because I know you’re not talking to her like that,” I told him through gritted teeth, ready to shave his eyebrows off.
We were shocking him left and right tonight. He reared. “What?” Dom snarled.
Wasn’t used to someone talking back, was he? “You heard me,” I answered, refusing to tiptoe around him anymore. “It’s time for you to leave.” What was he doing here in the first place?
Angry pink streaks formed across his cheeks. “You don’t get to tell me shit.”
“When you talk to a child like that, then yeah, I do get to tell you when you need to go, and that’s right now.”
“Fuck you.”
“Okay?” I shrugged. “I’ll do that, but you still need to leave.”
A confused expression spread over his features at what I could only imagine was me not being devastated at his incredible comeback. It only lasted a second. “No. No . I don’t need to do shit ,” he claimed. “I don’t give a fuck who you are and who you’re banging. You’re fucking nobody .”
If he thought he was going to hurt my feelings, he was going to be in for a huge disappointment.
And how could he say “banging” in front of the kids?
Dominic’s eyes dropped to my side as Agnes leaned around me. Not peeking. Not even trying to be discreet, but literally clearly hanging out. And her DNA daddy didn’t like that.
His face turned even redder before he exploded. “Neither of you get to say shit to me. I don’t care if you’re under Henri’s protection or not. He’s a fucking spineless?—”
I’d heard enough. It was one thing to be rude to me, but Agnes? And much less Henri?
Not on my damn watch.
A sharp knife was only dangerous when you used it in the wrong way, after all.
At that moment, the magic in my stomach said, Here I am , and I said, There you are.
Use me as you need , it told me, and I welcomed it .
Maybe it was a gift I didn’t necessarily want, but it was there, and it was mine, and I would do what I could with it.
I leaned forward, my voice steel and night. The past and the future. Life and death. “Dominic?” I murmured.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Agnes’s face tip up to look at me.
Dom’s eyes slightly widened, and I wondered what he saw in mine. Probably exactly what I wanted him to.
A part of me I didn’t like sharing. But he’d forced me to come this far. Forced me to do this. And now we were all going to ride this out.
“Do you know what happened to the last person who threatened someone I care about?” I asked him.
His throat bobbed, and I watched goose bumps prickle along his neck, saw the way his mouth parted as those irises, very similar to Agnes’s, scanned my face.
He was seeing me again for the first time.
Seeing a part of me I’d only shared with a handful of people.
“Last time I checked, they were still in the ICU,” I explained, knowing it wasn’t low enough for Agnes to not overhear, but I couldn’t care at that point.
I clenched my magic tight. It was a warm, dark night with a full moon blazing down on it. It was powerful and timeless, and it was mine . And maybe I hadn’t wanted it for most of my life, but it wasn’t going anywhere, and now it was my time to use it for a good reason.
“You ever wondered what life looks like?” My chin went up another notch. “It looks like a spark, like the flame on Duncan’s tail. But inside. Beneath your skin and ribs and all the organs that keep a body functioning. It’s hidden right up in there .
“For most people, it’s the biggest and the brightest when they’re young. As they get older, it loses size and gets duller. It’s not everyone, but it’s most people. Nice people, happy people, are always bright and beautiful,” I explained, holding his searching gaze tight.
“It’s easier, the older someone is, to make that spark even smaller though, a little dimmer….” I dropped my voice even lower, but I didn’t doubt he could hear it. “To pinch it between magical fingers and extinguish it completely.”