Chapter 23 #2
We’d danced for a good hour on the floor before departing.
Cillian ushered me over to the bar for drinks, and we made small talk with dozens of casino owners and their dates for the night.
The sheer volume of people had doubled from when we’d first stepped in, and I’d long past hit my limit for socialization.
Yet I was also aware of Olivia and Thorin’s presence here the entire time.
I’d sipped enough expensive champagne to survive the night, though, even if I’d far rather be curled up in Cillian’s bed. I’d barely been in my own room except to grab clothes as of late.
“Are they behaving?” I asked Cillian, glancing over to where Thorin rubbed elbows with a few of the other casino owners at one of the tables. Olivia had taken to the dance floor, mingling with a few others there. At least those who could spend time in her presence without getting frostbite.
“They won’t try anything in public,” he said. “Not where everyone else can see them. There’s a reason he’s never been caught before.”
“Fuck, I hate that,” I murmured.
“Me too.” He slid his hand next to mine. “Want to go see the view of the gardens from the balcony?”
“You mean escape all the hellish superficial socialization? God, would I ever.”
Cillian let out a loud laugh that drew a few eyes in our direction. Right, I’d forgotten he normally didn’t show this side of himself around others. A thrill rose inside me again that I got to witness his amusement and laughs as freely as I did.
He gripped my hand and led me in the direction of the balcony, the double doors at the far end of the room more enticing than ever.
We were stopped a few times along the way, but Cillian gave his quick nods of acknowledgement with a few words and moved on with an ease I envied.
Since these people weren’t wanting to talk to me, I just tuned out, keeping my gaze on the two problems in our sphere.
For as much as I’d relaxed and enjoyed myself for parts of the night, I’d remained vigilant.
Cillian pushed the balcony door open, and the sweet nighttime breezes greeted me.
We’d gone to the garden below countless times during the day.
Once Cillian realized how cooped up I’d felt, he’d added the trip to our regular routine, a consideration I was well aware of.
Flickering globes that emulated flame shone on either side of us, and I stepped out to the edge of the balcony, the combination of stone and wrought iron creating a stunning platform.
I clutched onto the railing and stared out at the massive fountain down below, which was lit up.
The combination was similar to inside, the interplay of light and dark everywhere here.
Sort of like the man behind it all.
Cillian leaned against the side of the balcony and drew in a deep breath. He stared out into the distance, but instead of wonder, a heavy reticence lingered in his demeanor, which I’d been cataloging more and more as of late. Less lonely and cold, and more…melancholy.
“Do you like it here?” he asked, the question seeming to come out of nowhere. “Not asking as the person holding a ten-year sentence over you.”
I leaned against the railing too and drew in a slow breath. The heady perfume of the flowers combined with the crispness of the night air, and I let it swirl through me, lifting me higher.
“In the beginning, I hated it,” I said slowly, letting myself mull over my feelings. “Everything reminded me that I’d had my life stolen out from under me, all because my father owed you a debt.”
Cillian stayed silent. I half expected him to bring up the unknown details about my father as he’d attempted to do before, but the stone remained unturned.
I was aware my father sometimes gambled, and my guess was that he’d taken things too far, got in too deep. That wouldn’t have changed my decision.
“However, the more time I spent here, the more I realized how trapped I’d become out there. I’d cycled from work to home again and again, the brief interludes where I tried to connect with people barely scratching an itch. But the people you’ve surrounded yourself with here—they’re wonderful.”
“And…me?” he asked, his voice so low it was almost a whisper. “Do you think you could ever stay here with me?”
I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to give him an impulsive response, even though my heart screamed yes.
Because the truth was, when the ten years were up, I’d have my freedom, and I wasn’t sure what my life would be like once I had the choice.
“That’s hard to answer because I’m not free to choose.
Have I loved every night with you, though? I’ve never cherished anything more.”
Cillian heaved a soul-weary sigh, one that lingered in the air, and the pain in his golden eyes made my heart break. I reached up and ran my thumb across his jaw, over his lower lip. Gods, this man would ruin me a thousand times over.
And the truth was, I wanted to let him.
“We’ve got years to figure it out, though,” I murmured. “You’ll most likely get sick of me far before that.”
“I could never grow tired of you, pet,” Cillian said, the scrape of his voice resonating deep in my bones. “You’re sharper than anyone I’ve met, and around you, I’ve laughed more than I have in years.”
Those words burrowed deep into my heart.
“If only we had more time,” he murmured, the deep sorrow in those words pummeling me in the chest.
My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Cillian offered me a sad smile, one that made me heartsick. “Nothing to worry about. We’ve got tonight, pet, and that’s enough.”
Worry trickled through me like cold river water, the iciness spreading through my veins. The comments he’d made weren’t the first that had me wondering what the hell was going on here, but any time I pushed, I got tight-lipped responses and evasions.
“I’m glad you invited me here,” I said, pushing up on my toes to press my lips to his.
He let out a low groan and wrapped his hands around my waist as he claimed my mouth.
His tongue dipped in and caressed mine before he kissed me hard enough that my mind reeled.
The intoxicating taste of him, the silent thrill rising within me—I was addicted to him, and I never wanted to let him go.
This kiss melted away years, all the walls I’d built up over time until I was here with him, unguarded and whole.
The world was cruel, capable of beating the softness out of anyone, and I hadn’t realized how much I’d lost year after year.
Yet here with Cillian, those pieces of me were reclaimed, even if it was only while I was here with him.
And I wanted to fight for that with every ounce of my soul.
I surrendered to him, a soft moan escaping me as we kissed and kissed and kissed, until the stars fell, the moon succumbed to dawn, and the party beyond those doors faded away.
His question circled through my head on repeat.
Could I ever stay here with him of my own volition?
The truth was, deep down, if I had the choice, I’d say yes.