Chapter 31
When I cracked my eyes open, I felt like I’d been bludgeoned by a billy club over and over again.
A heavy weight surrounded me, the scent of musk and plum and brimstone, and I recognized it as Cillian. I let myself bask for a moment there in the warmth, the comfort of having him draped around me.
Then the events I’d tried to shut out slammed back in.
Of my father’s betrayal.
His murder.
Cillian almost dying.
My throat tightened, and Cillian squeezed me a little harder.
“You’re awake,” he said, letting go of me and pushing upright in the bed.
I followed suit, even though my muscles were belligerent, and the scent of tomato and spice caught my attention. Two bowls filled with soup and plates of bread and butter lay on the nightstand, courtesy of Charles and Amelia.
“How long have we been out?” I asked, my stomach rumbling.
“Food first, then we can discuss further,” Cillian said, gesturing for a bowl.
I passed him one with the bread, then balanced my own in my lap.
It was lukewarm at this point, but I didn’t care as I took the first sip.
The rich tomato broth offset that gnawing hunger at once.
Damn, I was starving. I gulped down the soup as fast as humanly possible, then started tearing into the bread.
I barely had a second to savor it with how quickly I consumed the food.
Cillian did the same, the silence between us broken up by slurps and chewing.
When I finally polished it off, I placed the empty bowl on the nightstand and then sat back in the bed again. I heaved a huge, relieved sigh.
“Let’s head to the bathroom next,” he said as he leaned past me to place his bowl down too. “I’m sure after the day you had, you could use a shower.”
I grimaced. Based on the stiff spot on my cheeks, blood had probably dried there, and I hadn’t gotten a chance to clean it off. My father’s blood. My stomach rolled. “Please.”
I pushed up out of bed and headed into Cillian’s bathroom first to take a piss, my bladder aching.
The room was luxurious, a place I’d spent far too much time in over the last month.
He stepped in a few moments later, his presence looming and steady, as I tugged off my shirt, my pants and briefs, my socks, letting them fall to the ground. Part of me wanted to burn them.
Cillian had somehow stripped down even faster, and he bent over the tub, completely naked.
If I hadn’t been exhausted and heartsick, I’d be turned on, as his physique held a constant allure for me, a strength and sturdiness there that I craved.
Yet I let him turn the shower on and usher me into it.
He pulled the curtain to shut us in afterward.
The hot water cascaded down on me, offering absolution, and I basked in the steam that rose around me as it washed my body of the day, even if it couldn’t erase the memories. Cillian stepped behind me, and he wrapped his arms around my body, holding me tight.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured in my ear, the sound almost drowned out by the roar of the water. “About your father.”
A lump formed in my throat. Even after my father had betrayed me, even after he’d disappointed me beyond compare, my mind still tangled with the memories of what was. Of what we’d had before he’d sold me out to Thorin.
And what was worse? I was left with all these questions. Ones that would never get answered, because they required the man himself.
Of why he’d betrayed me. Of why he’d tried to scam the Spires. Of whatever had fueled him to keep so many secrets from me.
My heart ached, and the first sob erupted from my throat.
My whole body shook with them as Cillian held me steady in the shower, the water washing my tears down the drain.
There was no escaping that this event would color my entire existence from here on out, and yet… I still had something to hold onto.
The very person who clutched me tight like he was afraid I’d vanish.
My tears began to subside, and I turned around, encircled by Cillian’s arms. My mouth met his.
This wasn’t just a kiss—no, it was a reclamation. It was our souls meeting together again in a reunion that almost brought me to my knees. Cillian slipped his tongue into my mouth, claiming me hungrily with a desperation that reminded me of all we’d nearly lost.
I melted to his touch, to his hands on my hips, to his lips on mine. A deep, guttural groan escaped him, vibrating against my mouth, and I basked in the taste of him, the feel of his hard, muscular body against mine. In the safety I felt in this demon’s presence, which was unparalleled.
His kiss offered a balm to my soul when I needed it the most, and the water washed away the rest of my grief, my terror, if only in the moment. Right now, all that existed was the two of us.
His firm grip on my hips kept me upright as I kissed him with everything I had in me, trying to convey the depths of how he’d changed me. How his love had transformed my entire life.
Cillian let out a low growl and nipped at my lower lip. He pulled back to tip his forehead against mine. “Beau, I almost lost you.”
“I think that’s my line,” I responded. Water sluiced down our bodies, but I reveled in the heat and comfort it brought. “I can’t imagine a future without you.”
“You won’t have to,” he said. “But you’re no longer a prisoner here. You’re free to come and go as you please.”
I swallowed hard. “Like Charles, Theo, and Amelia? I can still live here?”
He clutched my hips a little tighter. “You’ll be lucky to escape this room most times, because I’m going to defile you daily. I want you with me, pet. In my bed, in my home, in my life.”
“Can I still work as your personal assistant?” I asked, unsure what lay ahead with our situation shifting.
“Yes, thank fuck,” he said, his fangs poking out with his grin. “I would never be able to find anyone as meticulous as you.” He poured some bodywash into his hand and began to rub me down with it. I surrendered to his callused, competent palms, his care not to nick me with his claws.
“I will miss being a librarian, though,” I said as I washed the suds off. “There’s something addictive in being able to curate all that knowledge.” I squeezed some bodywash into my own palm. “Your turn.”
Cillian let me coat him in suds, and I took my time enjoying the glide over his massive pecs, his thick thighs. God, he was magnificent. And he was all mine.
He let out a low hum that vibrated through the air. “What if you still had those responsibilities?”
“I’m listening.”
“The books I have…the collection continues to grow, and I need to expand it. I’m thinking one of the rooms down in the casino.
While most are here to gamble, having a library here where anyone can come and spend some time reading would add to the draw of the Spires.
” The sheer tenderness in those golden eyes would unmake me.
My heart squeezed tight. “I love you, Cillian.”
He brushed his thumb against my jawline. “And I love you, pet. You’re the best thing that’s ever walked into my casino, and I never want to let you go again. I don’t think I’d survive.”
“If I have any say in it, you won’t have to.” Gravity descended on me, a reminder we’d almost lost all this today.
“Let’s get out of the shower,” Cillian said as he reached over and turned the spray off. “Want to take a walk?”
My brows drew together as I stepped out of the tub, grabbing a towel to rub down. “Where are you thinking?”
“Just the garden,” he said. “We’ll catch it before nightfall.”
“Sure.” I headed over to his drawers and snagged a T-shirt and sweats I’d stowed in one of them.
I’d started to accumulate clothes in there throughout the weeks spent in his bed.
Even though I’d cleaned up and changed into new clothes, the bloodstains lingered in my mind, a slight tug at my psyche I couldn’t escape.
Cillian threw on a Henley and slacks, then slipped on his shoes. He extended a hand. “Come on.”
I slipped my hand into his, and we made quick strides down the hall.
Voices sounded from the dining hall, but we left them be. Tonight, we needed a moment together before we shared time with the others. Cillian had almost died. I hadn’t been sure I’d ever make it back here.
I wanted to bask in what we’d salvaged, and what we had to look forward to in the future.
When we stepped onto the elevator, I leaned in against him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I sagged into his hold. Even after he’d been drained, he still radiated a strength that drew me in. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough.
The elevator doors opened to the main floor, and we stepped out. While both of us were normally dressed in business attire, here, tonight, we were casual. We’d walked through brimstone and fire today.
Cillian rested his hand on my lower back and guided us through the floor. All the sounds of the machines and gamblers faded around me, my focus solely on our destination. I’d thought my father had a problem like many here, gambling his life away. That might have been forgivable.
However, no, he’d sold me out for opportunity. And that was far worse.
I concentrated on the heat of Cillian’s palm on my back. How it spread through me. How he gave me respite when I needed it most.
We strode through the corridor leading to the gardens, and Cillian pushed the door open before guiding us outside.
The soothing sound of moving water greeted me first, followed by the perfume of the sweet flowers that still bloomed in these manicured gardens. My heart’s heavy burden grew lighter for the first time today.
I would always remember my first visit here with Cillian, discovering a glimpse behind the mask. The first crack in my armor against him.
He led me to the same bench, and my heart careened all over again.
I sat down, and he joined me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, and I leaned my head against him, nestled in the crook of his arm. The steady rise and fall of his breaths soothed me as much as the sparkling fountain in front of us catching the fading light.
“Thank you,” Cillian murmured.
“For what?” My brows drew together.
“For saving me.”
A deeper resonance dwelled in those words, and I understood at once. Because Cillian had been suffering under the same loneliness I had. The weight had grown heavier and deadlier by the day.
“You saved me too.”
I interlaced my fingers through his and stared out at the horizon beyond.
The golds and reds and magentas streaked across the sky in a magnificent display.
A sweetness lingered in the air, intensified by the sharpness the burgeoning night brought.
The light and darkness intersected here, like a liminal space where all was possible, where the rules no longer existed.
I soaked in the glory of the colors bursting across the sky, and the way the slight chill of the breeze contrasted with the heat radiating between Cillian and me.
On the surface, we couldn’t have been more different, and when I’d first arrived at the Spires, I never could’ve imagined falling for “The Beast” here.
Yet Cillian had integrity imprinted on his bones, and he cared, truly cared in a way I thought people had forgotten. He was the protector I’d always wished for when I was a kid, the one who’d swoop in and keep me safe. Yet he inspired me to stand strong in turn. To defend him with everything I had.
And I’d continue doing so for the rest of my life.
The sun might be setting on this day, but we had the rest of our lives to chase this beautiful dream together.