The Thorne at My Side

CHAPTER 18

Down Dog

MAGGIE

I'm sitting on the plane next to Sam as we fly back to D.C. by way of Chicago and Detroit. We added these stops as soon as the numbers from the debate came in.

Senator Quinn did really well which is the good news. The bad news, well for me at least, is the AI Media responses were her best received lines of the night.

Another blow to my ego? It was the responses Sam crafted that did the best out of the ones we wrote. Mine performed the worst.

I'm telling myself it's okay because the AIM responses were based off of the speeches I wrote over the last six months that got fed into the database. So really, it was my work plus a little computer magic that made them so good.

Sure Maggie, keep telling yourself that.

I feel like I’ve done a 180. Usually I am happy with my work life and grumbling about my dating life. After sex that rocked my world last night, and after I recovered from fleeing his room, I went back to mine and ran my hands over the body he used as he wanted to maximize both our pleasure.

Then today, I started my day with a text from DCFox asking to meet.

We're getting together next week at Lapis which is in my neighborhood. Could he live nearby? Could I have passed him on the sidewalk or at the bakery or the park before and not known it? Or is he just tuned into the dining scene and knows that it is one of the best restaurants to open in the last several years.

"So when we get to Chicago, Ben wants to have a meeting," Sam reports as she returns from the bathroom.

"Why can't we have it now?" I ask as I slide my legs to let her through. I lean into the aisle and see him sitting with the other top campaign people and realize, as Head Speech Writer, I should probably be in that conversation.

"They're working on the schedule for the next few days."

"Oh, I should tell them that I need to be back in D.C. Tuesday night, by like seven o'clock."

"Why? Hot date?" Sam asks jokingly but when she sees my smile grow and catches the tiny nod I give her she squeals. "Ohmigod really?"

"Shhh, yes really. Hold on."

I unfasten my seatbelt and make my way up to where Ben is sitting in a group of seats that face a table like on a train.

"Hey, Sam said you're working on the schedule?"

"Yeah, just mapping out the campaign stops and making sure our people on the ground have what they need."

"Okay, I umm, if it works out, I need to be back in D.C. Tuesday night. I've got plans that night I can't change."

"That should be fine. If anything you could skip the Monday-Tuesday swing, you might have to fly commercial out to meet us on Wednesday. I don't think she's going to have more than one night back in D.C. until after the election."

"Okay. "

Try not to read into it. This doesn’t mean you’re replaceable.

"Plus Sam can still travel with us right? That should be fine. With her and AI Media we should be able to cover anything that comes up."

"Okay." I reply again and mutter a "thanks" before turning and heading back to my seat. It isn’t sitting right that he was so willing to give me the time off. Maybe I should reschedule this date for after the election. The team needs me.

"So, what'd he say?"

"He said it was fine. If anything, I can skip Monday and Tuesday and then fly commercial to meet you on Wednesday. Wherever you'll be then. And between you and AI Media they'd be able to cover anything that comes up."

Sam waits a beat while that sinks in. "I'm sure they want you on the trip, they're just trying to respect your schedule, too." Or maybe she’s reading my mind.

"Yeah, sure, you're probably right."

"Okay, enough about that, tell me about this date! Can I help you pick out a dress?"

"I already decided what I'm going to wear, because I had to tell him how to find me. It's umm, a blind date, sort of."

"How can it be a blind date, sort of? Did you let someone set you up?" She sounds offended. "You know I've been wanting to do that for ages."

"No, well, yeah, maybe? I dunno." I take a deep breath and square my shoulders in her direction. "I’m meeting my SMS Connect guy."

"Wait, for real!?"

"Yes."

"When did this date get scheduled? Why am I only hearing about it now?" Sam asks, again sounding offended.

"Just this morning. Well, he asked me last night, I guess, but I said yes this morning.”

“Just like that? I mean, gosh this is so fascinating to me,” Sam mutters. She squares her shoulders in my direction, “What have you two been talking about lately?”

"Well, it has evolved into sharing about our days. I'd tell him about the challenges in mine, but not any details because you're not supposed to give away any identifying information. So I'd share the emotions behind the challenges and the wins."

I find it to be a really healthy way to discuss things I'm experiencing. The details of the matter don't really add much, it's how I feel about them. How I react to them that counts.

"You just drifted away," Sam says gently and I turn back towards her. "You really like him?"

"I really do."

"Are you scared to meet him?"

"Terrified!" I admit with a laugh. "I've told him things I haven't told anyone else. Probably because it was a faceless void. It's so scary to be open with someone to their face."

At that, my mind flashes to the morning in my apartment when I admitted the history of my orgasms to Austin. And how I felt safe telling him because of the way he honored my body. I think of the way he pushed me to new heights last night and the trust we shared.

Now that I've seen the AI Media data from the debate I'm not so sure I can trust him. If the Senator decides to rely on AIM more for the next week, I’ll be left editing for a computer. I said from the beginning I wouldn’t be able to do that. My reputation and pride are at stake.

Austin will essentially be in control of my job security. And after how I bolted from his room I'm not sure I can face him again. And, now that his company is poised to replace me I don’t think I want to.

I pick up my phone and force myself to feel brave.

MAGGIE: Hey.

Well, that’s not brave at all. You’re a professional writer. Do better.

AUSTIN: Hey yourself.

MAGGIE: I know we said the election was our end date but I’m calling this earlier.

AUSTIN: You sure?

MAGGIE: Yes. So, thanks, I guess.

AUSTIN: You’re welcome?

I can picture him laughing at me. The thought makes me laugh at myself.

MAGGIE: This is weird. I’ll see you around.

AUSTIN: Take care MC.

I exhale a deep breath. Okay, that’s done. Now I'll focus on meeting DCFox and put everything I have left into getting the senator elected.

◆◆◆

I thought the rule of threes only applied to celebrities dying. But it appears the rule of threes applies to the guy you've been having sex with but don't want to see anymore because you're about to meet the guy you've been texting with.

I ran into Austin on my run yesterday morning. Literally. I was coming up to a crosswalk and was looking down the one way street for any cars when I slammed into someone. It was Austin on freaking roller blades.

First the skateboard, then the yoga mat, and now roller blades. Why can't he do a normal workout like everyone else? Except, okay, his body is fit and it begs to be touched so when he swung around to get his balance by clinging to me I wrapped my arms around his torso and enjoyed the solid warmth of him. Clearly I need to pay better attention to my surroundings when running.

Yesterday afternoon I saw him at the deli near our office. I managed to keep myself hidden from view by ducking behind shelves stocked with artisanal candy and peeking through the items to keep track of him. Austin didn't see me but at one point I was so distracted watching him that I kicked over a corner display of gluten free mac n cheese boxes and then ducked for cover and watched his legs pass by through the lower shelves. Even the quick and distorted view of his gait immediately sent a volt of lust through my insides.

And now, as I make my way into a challenge-myself-to-try-something-new puppy yoga class with Sam, I see Austin leaning against the welcome desk talking to the, very pretty, receptionist.

"We can talk about this tonight," the receptionist says and I am seized with jealousy. The mere suggestion of Austin spending his night with someone else triples me. I only snap out of it when Sam elbows me in the side, hard.

"Oww!" I grumble.

"Look who it is!" She stage whispers so loud that Austin turns around and spots us immediately.

I smile sheepishly and walk up to the desk.

"Hi, I'm Maggie Collins," I say as I try to ignore Austin's form next to me. He is still leaning against the desk and I can sense how big his smile is. "I'm here for the puppy yoga at 9:00."

"Sam Gibson," Sam chimes in from behind me. Then I hear, "Austin, are you taking this class?"

"I wasn't going to, I just finished my power flow class, but now that I've got some friends here, maybe I will." He turns to the receptionist, "Can you fit me in, Elle?"

"Sure thing, Austin," then she turns back towards me. "Did you bring your own mat or do you need to borrow one?"

"I, uhh, need to borrow one."

"I brought mine!" Sam adds unhelpfully as she lifts her mat in the air behind me.

"No problem, Maggie, there are some in the back of the studio, grab one and pick a spot."

"Okay, thanks." I mutter and without looking back at Austin I turn and head to the studio. I hear Sam skip to catch up with me.

"Aren't you going to talk to him?"

"What would I say?” I adopt a dopey cartoon voice, “nice job inventing a software that is smarter than I am.”

Sam blows me off with a scoff. "No, but you could at least be friendly to the man. I mean, he is helping the senator get elected which is the ultimate goal of all this, right?"

"I'll talk to him after class," I ruefully agree as I pull a mat out of the bin. "Where should we set up?"

"By the mirrors," Sam says, "I saw a video of a puppy who was so confused by the mirror and was walking into it for five minutes trying to figure it out."

"Isn't the point of this to workout? "

Sam laughs, "No, the point is to do some light stretching while puppies run around the room. The cardio comes when a fine ass man is doing down dog in front of you and your heart rate spikes."

We roll out our mats out and sit facing each other to continue chatting. I glance at each person who walks in, mostly pairs and trios of girls who look like they're going out for mimosas after this. The room fills up in clusters of friend groups and no one is directly next to me and Sam so thankfully there will be no one to witness my lack of balance and flexibility.

I agreed to do this because I admitted to DCFox that I wanted to be braver about trying new things. And then Sam wouldn't shut up about wanting to try it. She’s been on a puppy kick since seeing them at the hockey game last week. It’s really just a matter of time before she’s trying to sneak a puppy onto the campaign bus.

At the very least, my experience with this class will make a good first date story for DCFox.

Austin walks in followed by, Elle from the front desk. She comes up to the front of the room and Austin whips open his mat right next to me.

Of course he does.

"Good morning my friends, I just need to share a few things before our puppies arrive. First of all, welcome! Raise your hand if this is your first puppy yoga class?"

I raise my hand and glance around the room, there are only a few of the twenty people here who aren't raising their hands. Austin is one of them.

"You've done puppy yoga before?" I challenge him quietly.

"Of course I have," he says as he keeps his attention on Elle and her long limbs and dark hair. Silly Maggie, obviously he’s taken this class before. He clearly has a connection with the adorable instructor so I bet he comes here often.

"Next, ladies, well and I guess gentleman too,” she gives a smile to Austin, “watch your ponytails. Our pups often like to bite them if they're hanging as they walk by. If this happens try not to pull because they'll think you’re playing tug-of-war. Raise your hand or have your neighbor get our attention and I’ll come over to help."

I turn around and see Sam putting her hair into a swirled bun instead of a ponytail and decide to do the same.

"And finally, if a puppy has an accident nearby let me know and I'll clean it up.” Elle claps her hands together and turns on some music. "Who's ready for puppy yoga?"

The class whoops and cheers as Elle walks to the door at the side of the room and opens it slowly.

Immediately three puppies come bounding out and trip over each other as they race into the waiting laps of the closest humans. The room fills with giggles and baby talk. A few people make little kissy noises. A few more pups make their way out slowly and finally a brown lab puppy with adorable droopy eyes meanders out into the room.

"We're going to start in child's pose so if you have a puppy in your lap please set them to the side and move into position. We'll be going through Sun A and Sun B flow today ending with a few hip openers and a delicious savasana at the end."

I look around the room and lament that I picked a spot at the front. I think I know what child's pose is but I don't know much about anything else she said.

I watch as Austin sits back on his heels and then folds forward to the floor. His body is stretched out and I see the way his muscles wrap around his bones. Of course he would do puppy yoga shirtless. I hope he gets scratched by tiny little puppy nails.

As soon as I turn my head over and press my forehead into the mat like Elle instructed, a puppy flops down on my neck. His belly is warm and squishy and it wiggles as his tail wags back and forth. I chuckle a little bit and turn my head to the side and see it's the chocolate lab that was the last to join the party.

"Awwww that's so cute, hold still," Sam coos and then I hear the shutter of her camera.

"You cannot post that picture!" I inform her as she settles back onto her mat.

"Why? Worried it would make you look soft?" Austin challenges and I roll my head towards him and narrow my eyes.

"No, I'm worried that my boss will be upset that I'm not working, and that I brought my direct report with me to this ridiculous class." Technically she brought me but that seems besides the point.

"You know, they say the puppies seek out people who are in the most emotional distress. To soothe them and comfort them." Austin says as Elle instructs people to move into down dog. I watch him plant his hands on his mat and unfold until he's in an upside down V position.

I go to move my arms and get into the next pose, thinking the puppy will just jump off. But as I start to move I realize the puppy isn't. Then I see Elle's perfectly manicured toes come into view.

"Looks like S'mores here has fallen asleep," she says gently. "Usually when our puppies do that they've made a strong connection with the human. They've put their trust in you because they can sense you're a safe place."

"That's great but what am I supposed to do, I can't move."

"Can you breathe?"

"Yes," I respond slowly, fearful of what she is getting at .

"Then you don't move. You sink into the pose, let the pressure of your companion release the tension in your shoulders. Enjoy the forced break. Drift off to sleep yourself if you'd like."

With that Elle rubs a hand down my spine and walks away. As she instructs the class through the next set of moves I watch Austin's body flow fluidly from one position to the next. There is power and strength in his movements. Control. He's making it look easy and now I'm very glad that S'mores has camped out on my neck. If not, I'd be trying to do yoga moves and embarrassing myself in front of him.

My canine heating pad doesn't stop me from keeping my head turned in his direction though. The first time through the routine he was facing away from me so I could admire the view without fear of him catching me.

The second round has him facing me and I blush deeply every time he flicks his gaze to mine. His eyes soften as he watches me lay here with a puppy across the back of my neck like a travel pillow.

"Do you want me to move him?" He asks as he sinks into a chair pose. It looks challenging based on how his abs are flexing and he keeps rolling his toes.

"Nah, I'm good, this is the best workout ever." I say with a laugh and when I do S'mores stirs and slides backwards onto his butt and off my neck. He flops to the side and looks startled to find himself there.

I laugh as I slowly sit up and reach out to give him a good pet and scratch behind his ears.

"Start with a down dog," Austin says. "It'll feel good to stretch out your legs."

I nod and push myself up into position. It does feel good along the backs of my legs. I close my eyes and slowly sway from side to side to feel the way my muscles stretch with the movement. I’m starting to appreciate the benefits of yoga.

Suddenly there are hands on my hips and my eyes fly open to see Austin's feet planted just outside of mine. He’s holding onto my hips and pulling my ass higher into the air. The stretch travels from my legs to my back and it feels so good I almost moan.

"How does that feel?" He asks.

"Mhm, good," I say even though my throat is tight. "Are you qualified to do this?"

He leans forward over me and my arms start to feel the burn from holding both of us up.

"I think we both know I'm qualified to do this."

And then he stands and returns to his mat. Cold rushes into fill the space he vacated. I spy Sam through my legs behind me and her eyes have doubled in size.

“Get a room!” She mouths to me as she points between us.

“Shut up!” I mouth back but break eye contact right away. I can’t afford for Sam to see the desire he’s stirred in me. I was the one to end it but try telling that to my vagina. She’s crying for Austin like a kid being pulled past the ice cream truck by an overtired parent.

I look around and focus on copying what my fellow yogis are doing as Elle talks through different transitions. S'mores makes his way back over and plops down at my side as I attempt something called pigeon but I think I look more like a dying swan.

I am able to roll him over so I can lay down on my mat for the final resting pose. Yeah, this is the kind of yoga I could get used to.

As soon as I close my eyes, the pup climbs onto my shins and snuggles in. I lift my head and peek one eye open and I find S’mores lying on his back, mimicking my pose with his head balanced perfectly between my knees.

I let out a little chuckle and rest my head on my mat.

I'm not sure how long we lay there but the forced stillness to keep the puppy comfortable is more relaxing than I'd thought it would be.

My mind slows down to almost blank. I focus on the soft sounds of the music in the background. I hear puppy feet shuffling throughout the room. I feel one come and sniff at my hair before moving on.

Then I hear a "oof" exhale and peek an eye open to see a puppy walking around on Austin's stomach. The pup turns a circle and plops down for a rest.

I smile and when Austin turns his head towards mine we share a moment.

There is undoubtedly a connection between us. An understanding of what we’ve been to each other. My mind smiles because I can sit back and appreciate him and I can be glad for what we shared. I can let go of Austin Thorne.

Elle gently calls us back to awareness and I watch Austin’s biceps fire as he picks up the puppy and holds him overhead like they’re playing airplane. My eyes drink in his chiseled chest, the dip above his hip bones, the hard planes of muscle that slant into his waistband.

My head might be, but I don’t know if my body will ever be ready to let go of Austin Thorne.

So how do you feel?” Austin asks as we file out of the room. Sam is busy cuddling with a puppy and pestering the handlers for adoption information.

“Oh, good, I mean it wasn’t much of a workout but I do feel more relaxed.”

“More relaxed than after an hour with me?” He asks quietly near my ear and my knees nearly give out as scenes from his hotel room replay in my mind.

Austin stays close as I gather my things. He holds my water bottle for me while I put my sweatshirt on. When I resurface I catch him watching me and a blush rushes in across my face and neck. I have shared the most intimate moments of my life with this man and the look in his eyes tells me there could be more if I ask for it.

The idea sends my nerve endings into a frenzy.

He holds open the door for me as we step out of the studio.

“I’ll, umm, see you around,” I rush the words as I hook my thumb over my shoulder. I wince when I realize I’m pointing in the wrong direction. Apparently all my mental energy is being diverted to tampering my desire for him.

Austin’s eyes dance with humor.

“I’ll walk with you,” he says as he indicates the correct way over his shoulder. He smirks and then pops an elbow out for me to take. It feels like the only option at that point is to latch on and hope for the best.

“So MC, what are your plans for the rest of the day?” Austin asks as we turn the corner.

“This was my excitement for the day. After this it’s laundry and tidying up my apartment.”

“Cleaning up the whiteboard?” He teases and I smile.

“Probably, Senator Quinn has a busy week ahead.”

He nods but doesn’t respond. We fall into a companionable quiet. Two blocks later the late morning sky gets darker as a storm rolls in. We agree to get coffee at Sunrise when we reach my block when suddenly the sky bursts with cold, heavy rain and Austin pulls me further down the block with him until we find a shop awning to shelter under.

He takes his phone out of his pocket and sends a quick text. “Greg will be here in a few minutes, I’ll take you home.”

“Oh, that’s okay, I’ll be alright,” I tell him because the wet waffle shirt version of Austin Thorne should be on the national security watch list. It’s a danger to women everywhere.

A shiver racks my body and Austin pulls me in closer. His cooled sweat scent blends with the rain and I want to open mouth kiss every inch of his skin to try and consume as much of it as I can. His hand slowly circles from the small of my back up my spine and I shiver again.

“Maggie,” Austin whispers and I look up at him. Droplets hang heavy on the lenses of his glasses and it’s like I’m looking at him through a window. I reach up and gently slide the frames from his face and watch his eyes slowly close and reopen to focus on me.

We study each other on the sidewalk, under an awning, in the frigid October rain. I’m searching for answers to questions no one can answer.

Can Austin be the man I need at my side?

Is my physical attraction to him tricking my brain into believing it could be more?

What do I do about DCFox?

It’s the last question and the sound of a car pulling up to the curb that has me blinking and stepping back. I put his glasses into his hand and he slides them on as he ushers me to the car. The cold raindrops hit my face and serve as little reminders that I need to stick to my initial plan to end whatever this is with Austin.

When he slides in behind me he tells his driver to go to my place and with a quick nod in the mirror we pull away from the curb and merge into traffic. The trip will be short. I only have to survive a few minutes without looking, touching, or kissing him.

Totally possible.

“Maggie,” Austin says and he slides his warm hand onto my thigh. I stare at the veins that create a complex topography along his knuckles and joints. The spot where our bodies connect warms like coals, not blazing and showy, but rather hot and intense.

My focus travels from his hand up his forearm, past his biceps and shoulders to his jawline and finally his eyes, the desire burning in them lights a fuse in me.

“Yes,” I whisper. I’m not asking. I’m giving permission.

Before I can register what is happening he pulls my leg over his lap and positions me across his thighs. Our mouths connect and open to each other. The taste of him is familiar and exhilarating. His hands travel up the inside of my sweatshirt and then back down to where he holds my hips. He feels steady and strong and I lean into him.

My hands sink into the hair at the back of his head and I hold on for dear life when Austin starts to roll my hips against him. The friction of his bulge through my leggings makes my toes curl inside my sneakers.

He pulls me against him and I throw my head back to inhale deeply. Austin’s lips find my neck and he presses kisses along the exposed skin.

“Fuck Maggie, you’re perfect,” he compliments as his fingers press into the flesh of my ass before he pulls my center onto his again.

I know time is running out. My hormones know it too because I am barreling towards an orgasm just from his hands on me. His mouth moves across my jaw and neck, peppering kisses along the way, charting a course on my skin.

“Austin,” I whine when he bites gently.

He lifts both hands and brackets my face in them and his smokey eyes are clouded with lust that he’s finding matched in mine.

The car slows and his eyes dart out the window for a split second but it is long enough to break the spell.

I cannot hook up with Austin when I’m meeting DCFox in a few days. This has to be our last moment. Responsibility prevails in the end.

When we come to a stop outside my building I don’t have any words to say. Austin doesn’t either. He lets me slide towards the door that is quickly opened for me.

I climb out with a hand from his driver who gives me a curt nod before saying, “Enjoy the rest of your day, Miss Collins,” and I smile sadly at him. I can’t look back.

The closing car door reverberates against my ear drums causing my shoulders to jump but my steps don’t falter and I get inside my building. The lobby is too quiet and the silence hurts my ears. I want to hear Austin. To hear his breath, his groans, his satisfaction. I want to hear my gasped inhales when I’ve forgotten to breathe because his hands are on me. I want to hear my muffled moans as he captures them with his mouth.

My fingers shake as I try to get my key in the lock. My feet feel heavy, like I’ve just run a marathon. As I push open the door, my body is sluggish and exhausted and my heart just feels sad.

Ending things with Austin is the right thing to do. It was never supposed to include feelings. And it’s gotten all the more confusing to message with DCFox. Austin doesn’t want to be in a relationship. It’s foolish to think that’s a possibility. Plus he needs some sort of society darling on his arm, not a speech writer from a small town with political ambitions. It’ll hurt more if I give in to my heart and then experience the rejection from Austin down the road. This is for the best.

I’ve managed to step into my apartment and close the door before the tears spill over. I slide down the wall and curl up on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest as the first wave racks my body.

The list of things I wouldn’t give to have Austin here to comfort me is short. And therein lies the problem. My body chills because I'm craving affection from someone who can’t give it to me.

I sniffle up my tears and take a deep breath. On a shaky exhale I tell myself I’ll be okay. That on Tuesday I get to meet DCFox. The person who could very well be The One. And I’m confident our emotional connection will lead to physical feelings. Or, maybe I’ll be lucky and he’ll walk in and be sex in a suit.

Which makes me think of Austin.

Tears roll slowly again as I roll my head along the wall. I push air out with my cheeks and decide that I either need to curl up in my chair, lie down in bed, or take a shower. My eyes dart around my space as I think through the options. Chair, bed, shower. Chair? Bed? Shower? Chair? Bed?

Knock. Knock.

The air in my lungs vaporizes as I look up over my shoulder at the door.

“Maggie,” Austin’s muffled voice sounds pained.

I slowly stand and open the door to find Austin leaning against the doorframe. His head snaps up from where it was hanging between his shoulders. He lunges forward and captures my face in his hands. He steps into me and uses his thumbs to catch the tears that have spilled over once again.

“Austin?” I whisper as the battle between my heart and my head erupts. My heart beats wildly in my chest as my mind reels to reign in the thoughts that are giving my heart hope.

It is so good between us, why stop a beautiful thing?

Maybe he’s here because he wants you, not just sex.

What if he's developing feelings too?

Austin closes his eyes and I wonder if he’s battling the same way I am. I mentally beg him to open his eyes again, to let me in.

“Please,” he whispers a moment before closing the distance between our lips.