Chapter 54 #2
Its heavy antlers made me think of a stag, but its clawed feet, iridescent coat, and four eyes it was unlike any creature I had ever seen. Samkiel whistled again, and the stag glanced toward me, lowering its head. Its massive size and beauty were overwhelming.
“It fears me?” I whispered, unable to hide the hurt in my voice. It made little sense that it would matter. I hadn’t even known this animal existed a moment ago.
“Come on,” Samkiel said sweetly. “She’s friendly. I promise.”
I glared at Samkiel’s back, but the stag obeyed, approaching me with its head held high. He had to be ancient with how his antlers branched, yet he feared me. Samkiel came to his other side, holding his hand out with the berries. The stag accepted his offering as Samkiel petted his smooth coat.
“Go on,” he said, nodding at me.
I didn’t know why I was suddenly so nervous, but I wanted the freaking animal to like me. I reached out slowly. It watched me, still feeding from Samkiel’s hand. My fingers touched his fur, and I smiled.
“He’s so soft. His fur feels like feathers.”
Samkiel watched me with a smile. “They are ancient. On Rashearim, they represented strength and power. The Lorveg stag was my mother’s symbol.”
My hand stilled as the stag raised its head. “Really?”
Samkiel nodded, his smile dropping. “Yes, and this is the last one left in the world.”
My chest felt tight. “How did you get him?”
He shrugged, wiping his now empty hands on his long shorts. “I saved what I could from Rashearim, but I also destroyed many in my grief. That is just one of many regrets I carry.”
Samkiel smiled, not at me this time, but toward the animal between us. I watched as he raised his hand, stroking down the side of the stag's neck. It chuffed, content as could be, but it was the distressed look filling Samkiel’s storm-clouded eyes that made me speak next.
“Oh, so you brought me out for a lesson, not to swim naked in a lake?”
I tried to lighten the mood, make a joke, anything to ease the hurt in his eyes. It was enough to make my own broken chest ache.
He nodded toward my hand, not rising to the bait. “Go ahead, feed him.”
I held my hand out, and the stag studied me. “What if he doesn’t like me?”
Samkiel continued to run his hand along the beast’s flank. “Only a fool would not.”
My small smile became a giggle as the stag’s bristled muzzle teased at my palm. “It tickles.”
Samkiel said nothing as he watched me. The stag ate all the berries and afterward grazed for the fallen ones as I petted him.
Silence grew but not uncomfortably. It never was between us.
I knew Samkiel brought me peace. I could spend hours just in his presence and never feel the need to break the silence.
It was something I hadn’t even admitted to myself, much less told him, but one reason among so many, why I’d left in the first place.
“You know, when Gabby and I were younger, she loved these stories and fairy tales about princesses who could talk to animals.”
Samkiel glanced up at me over the slope of the stags’ back. “Do you think I am a princess?”
“Absolutely. You’re spoiled like one.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “Well, I hate to ruin your illusion, but I do not talk to them, not really. It is more so an understanding, I suppose.”
I nodded slowly, even as my lips twitched. “Sure thing, princess.”
His eyes cut to mine, and I had a second to regret my decision before he flicked his wrist, and lake water splashed over me.
I gasped, and the stag made a displeased noise in its throat.
“You.” I huffed, my arms and face dripping. “Didn’t.”
He shrugged, utterly unfazed, as he continued to pet the stag that grazed between us. “I did.”
My rebellious scream scared the stag away, but I got my revenge.
* * *
We reached a dirt path that curved toward the palace, both of us dripping water and covered in mossy greens.
It took a lot of force, but I eventually pushed him into the lake.
I suspected he’d let me, but I still called it a win.
Surprisingly, it was quite challenging to drown a god.
I caught him glancing at me every so often, a smile on his lips, and I found myself smiling back, both of us giggling like fools at the complete and absolute ridiculousness that had transpired in the lake. For once, I didn’t get lost in my head.
The sun danced off the tips of the turrets where they pierced the forest’s canopy. I hadn’t realized how large the place was until we were outside.
I grabbed the end of my shirt and wrung it out, water spilling onto the stone bridge.
“You think I can catch an illness with no powers?”
He shook his head, smiling softly. “Doubtful. I’m afraid even illnesses would fear you.”
“Ass.” I swatted at him, but he dodged me effortlessly. “Do you fear me?”
His grin turned into a closed-lipped smile as he took a step toward me. I don’t know why I asked that question or why I was so desperate to know, but a part of me, behind lock and key, was curious.
“No.” His eyes scanned my face. “You’d have to do something truly terrifying to scare me, and I have not seen it yet.”
A part of me, made of scales, claws, and lethal bite, smoldered under those words.
Samkiel reached out and removed a small twisted branch from my hair, his fingers lingering along the ends, and I let them. “Do you want something to eat?” he asked hopefully.
“Maybe, but let me do it because your cooking sucks. That’s probably why I haven’t wanted to eat.”
He barked a laugh, and the ground shook. Samkiel was in front of me in the next breath, his powerful back blocking all from sight.
“You’re needed at the council.”
Logan.
I peered around Samkiel. Logan’s gaze bounced between us, taking in our disarray before a bright smile lit his features.
“Very well,” Samkiel said, turning toward me. “Let me walk Dianna back, and I will be there.”
Reality crashed back in, erasing the simple joy of the day.
I was doing it again. Pretending everything was fine, that we were…
. I swallowed. We weren’t having fun. This wasn’t a vacation or an escape.
I was still a monster who got her sister killed, had done terrible things in the name of vengeance, and Samkiel had a council who wanted my head.
My face blanched as I took a step back from him. He saw the change, and his expression turned stony as if he could sense the defenses I was currently rebuilding.
“I think I can survive a few feet without you,” I said.
Samkiel’s brows furrowed. “Dianna.”
I held my hand up. “Seriously, I’m fine. I doubt I will get kidnapped or trampled or anything else you could possibly worry over on the way.” He took a deep breath, but I cut him off. “Just go.”
Thick unspoken tension heavier than a stone wall slammed down between us.
“Very well,” he said, deciding not to argue for once.
With a snap of his fingers, the path to the palace turned to cobblestone. A railing of the same stone appeared, vines and blooms of various bright colors draping it.
I turned back, glaring at him.
“Just in case. I’d hate for you to get lost,” Samkiel said with a smile.
With another flick of his fingers, every ounce of sweat, dirt, and water disappeared from me, then him, his dirty clothes replaced by his silver and white council garbs, the split tail of his jacket flaring behind him. Regal and majestic, the total opposite of me.
“I’ll return when I can.”
“No.”
“No?”
I squared my shoulders, and that impenetrable wall fully formed between us, erecting itself around my bruised and damaged heart. Every brick he had cast down, I replaced in an instant.
“This isn’t helping either of us. Apparently, you are needed elsewhere, and all you’re doing is wasting your time coming back.
In the future, just send The Hand to check on me.
The quicker you handle the council, the quicker I can leave here.
Whatever you all decide to do with me, at least it will be over. ”
“Dianna—”
“They need you. I don’t.” My demons screamed at me. Lie. Hurt him. Push him away! “If worse comes to worst, I’ll call, yell your name, or whatever. Otherwise, just stay there.”
Samkiel’s jaw tightened, his lips pressed into a grim line as I erased every small bit of joy we had shared in the last few moments. “As you wish. I will await your call then, Dianna.”
Logan looked between us, his brow furrowing as he tried to decipher the undercurrents. Cerulean light encased him, a beautiful compliment to the silver that surrounded Samkiel.
I stayed there on the stone path Samkiel had made for me, watching as he and Logan took to the sky. As his silver light faded, the cold numbness crept back in. I remained until night fell, in no hurry to return to the empty palace, pretending not to search the sky for him.
* * *
A day passed, then another and another. I counted the sunrises from my bed, keeping myself cocooned inside.
The first day was fine. I was sore and needed the rest. I heard footsteps downstairs the following day, but they were too light to be his.
Xavier called my name, saying they were here to drop off food.
I covered my head just before he entered the room, faking sleep.
Whether he bought my act, I didn’t care. I only cared that they left.
Another day came, and night fell, but I barely moved. I lay in bed staring at the picture of Gabby and me. The air shifted, and I knew I wasn’t alone. I shot up, yanking the covers from my face as Roccurem formed.
He glanced around the room, reaching out to run his hand across the top of a tall dresser. “I have not seen fallen oak in centuries. It is rare.”
“Where the fuck have you been? I assumed Samkiel had you locked up somewhere.”
“Fortunately, I am more valuable than Camilla, who resides beneath the council hall,” he said.
I swallowed. “Why are you here now?”
“You sent the god king away. I wished to see if you had truly withdrawn back into yourself.”
“Why? Did he say something?” I heard the hitch in my voice.
Roccurem just glanced at me. Folding his hands in front of himself. “Guilt like grief is such a heavy burden to carry.”
“What?”
“Samkiel, unlike Kaden, respects your wishes and listens to your words. So, when you say you don’t need him and prefer he stays away, he listens. Even if you did not mean to be so cruel.”
“Leave.”
“He is different from Kaden, yes? I think that bothers you the most. You are not used to anyone caring for you without wishing for something in return.”
I said nothing, only turned my head away.
“Samkiel has not left the main hall and is still there, I would presume. He has been quietly sulking around the council hall with a side of tortured brooding.”
It was the first time I had heard Roccurem even attempt a joke, but I was in no mood. I laid back down, grabbing the covers and bunching them beneath my chin.
“It truly is marvelous what he has done here. The last time a god—”
“Yeah, yeah, I don’t care.” I raised my hand, cutting him off. “If you’ve come to gawk at the decor, just leave. I don’t want company.”
“No, it appears you crave that piece of your heart that is broken. Your sister.”
I shot up, grabbed the bedside lamp, and chucked it at him. It shattered against the wall where he’d stood.
“Why do you refuse his help?” he asked, appearing on the other side of the room. “I witnessed the days you two have spent together. I saw the spark flicker inside your chest, you burned, even if it was only for a moment.”
My brows furrowed, my lip curling. “Of course, fate is a nosy bitch.”
“I see all.”
“Creeper.”
“I felt that flicker of life return to both of you before you unregretfully snuffed it out in anger once more.”
“Why do you care so damned much?” I grimaced.
He didn’t answer. I wondered if what he saw could be worse than what I was already going through.
“Again, why do you refuse his help?”
I took a deep breath, clenching the sheets in my hands. “Go away.”
Roccurem stared at me, his six eyes opening and turning a deep white. “What have you buried so deeply that even I cannot see?”
If I still had my fangs, I would have bared them. “Get. Out,” I snarled at him.
He faded a second later, gone in a wave of mist and smoke. I sat waiting for him to reform and make another comment to rip my emotions to shreds, but the room fell quiet once more. I calmed my ragged breathing, and I lay back down. I curled up on my side and stared at the photo, my eyes burning.
I didn’t remember falling asleep, just waking to find the sun in a different place.
Gabby’s face still smiled back at me. After Roccurem’s visit, I had expected to see Samkiel’s silver light as he returned from the council, but it had been hours.
Maybe he finally listened to me, and he wasn’t coming back.
I forced myself to get out of bed, shower, brush my teeth, and eat a slice of fruit before I sat down to tie my running shoes.
A part of me hated to admit that even when we were fighting, Samkiel made existing easier just by being around.
I felt cold, and the emptiness inside me was an unyielding ache that threatened to swallow me whole.
I stood and walked out the door, telling myself I was just enjoying the day, not searching the sky.
“They need you. I don’t.”
That was the last thing I’d said to him. My traitorous heart twisted.
What a lie.